Q&A for How to Talk to Someone Who Doesn't Carry the Conversation

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  • Question
    I'm always the one carrying the conversation with this one friend. I feel weird that she doesn't ask me any questions. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Try holding back slightly when speaking with her. Be polite and give her the opportunity to either carry the conversation or navigate the conversation to something she is more interested in.
  • Question
    How do I talk to someone I like, but don't talk to? And they seem really shy/uninterested?
    Community Answer
    Begin by saying "hi" or by greeting them in a polite manner, then ask them questions that reveal more things about them. This will make them open up to you. Do not sound really clingy or intrusive, make the conversation sound as if it is coming out naturally.
  • Question
    What can I say to a person who will not respond to me due to the fact that they are mad at me?
    Community Answer
    Sincerely apologize for your actions, and give that person time to process their feelings.
  • Question
    My boyfriend hardly ever starts or tries to carry on a conversation with me. I feel like I'm doing all the work. Sometimes I just wanna have a normal chat and do all of the above, but he just doesn't seem to do the same back. It makes me feel like he doesn't care and he's uninterested. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Confront him about it! Communication is key. If you two aren't talking to each other, it's not much of a relationship at all. If he doesn't care and makes no effort to improve this, he isn't worth it.
  • Question
    How do I have a conversation when both people involved are awkward?
    Community Answer
    Make the conversation more fun and interesting with jokes and stories.
  • Question
    I'm new in a relationship but I don't know how to get intimate with my girlfriend. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Just take small steps, and ask her she is okay with it. Go slowly and gauge her reactions.
  • Question
    I'm pretty awkward, and this one girl treats me like I'm dumb. We used to be friends. Any suggestions on how to become friends again?
    Meredith Barber
    Community Answer
    I have had experience with this. Go straight up to her and tell her how you're feeling. Make yourself vulnerable and put yourself out there. Make sure you two are alone, if her friends are there, she might try to show off to them by bullying you. Tell her that you would like to be friends again and that you value her, and ask if she could apologize for mistreating you. This usually works, but if it doesn't, just steer clear of her, because she's not worth your time.
  • Question
    I'm a soldier, and its hard for me to communicate with my partner. We just had our first child, and I just returned from a 6-month tour. It's been really hard communicating with her after being back. Tips?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Tell her you are experiencing a hard time communicating with her. It's OK to feel this way; these things happen, and if you don't have all the answers, that's OK too. Ask her if she has ideas how to reconnect. It will let her know what you're going through, and more importantly, that no matter what you're going through, you're still on the same team with her.
  • Question
    I have a coworker who always yells "No!" if I try talking to him. We only had one OK conversation ever, and I'm getting tired of him saying no or insulting me all the time. What should I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    This is a professional environment, and so it is governed by professional rules. This is wholly unacceptable, and you should take every action available to you to end this behavior. Start by addressing the issue directly to this person. "Listen, this is unprofessional. Either stay calm and polite, or I will file a complaint." Then, if that doesn't help, actually do file a complaint; that's exactly why these systems have been put into place. Work is a place where interpersonal interactions have been made subordinate to professional interactions to get work done.
  • Question
    I am intimate with a woman who is really shy. How to I learn more about her without it seeming like an interrogation?
    Community Answer
    First you have to get on her comfortable side: let her talk. If you need to break the silence, ask her to go on a walk with you and ask her out-of-the-box questions. Girls like talking about themselves, but they also like when guys have a passion. Talk about your family and friends, and try to find out if you have any mutual interests or experiences.
  • Question
    How do I propose to a girl?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    In the best case scenario, a girl with get just one proposal in her entire life. Moreover, most girls have dreamed about it their entire lives up to that point; they love the romantic idea of it, and have all sorts of wild fantasies about how it will be. It's up to you to fulfill these. First off, be on the same page. If she has only just memorized your last name, the time for a proposal is not now. Next, find out if she wants to get married at all; if not, don't propose. Finally, get to know your girl, ask yourself how she has imagined this would go, and make that dream come true. If she hates basketball, don't drag her to a game and do it at half-time.
  • Question
    I am new in a relationship with this guy. When we text, he only responds with 2 or 3 words. What should I do? I feel like I’m doing everything, but I don’t want to talk to him about this.
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Imagine he likes to text three times a week, but you like to text three times a day. He'll like the first three times you this week, but it'll only be Monday. Every text conversation after that will feel to him like it's just too much. The first thing you do is stop texting him, for a few days at least, to give his desire to text you some time to grow. Next, reduce the overall amount of times you text him, at the same time expecting that he increases the amount of times he texts you. And you should indeed just talk to him about this.
  • Question
    I showed my cuts to my friend, and instead of asking me about it, she just kept silent. I really want her to know why I did it without making her think I want her attention. What do I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    If you 'really want her to know', then you do indeed want her attention. This cutting business is complicated, and a little scary. It is very difficult for people to correctly respond to this complex psychological and physical interplay; people will often be afraid of saying the wrong things and making it worse. Usually, the way forward is to do a lot of little things in many different fields and directions.
  • Question
    What if someone is upset or needs help? How do I get them to talk about it?
    Community Answer
    Ask them how they would like to be helped, then list different ways you could do that. Do this in order to make sure that they feel like their needs are being met. For example: "How do you want me to help you? We could try to figure it out together, I can help get your mind off of it, I can give you my thoughts on the situation, I know some really funny videos we could watch together, etc.". Make it clear that you want to help them and ask how they would like to be aided.
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