How to Realize Your True Potential

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Every human being, regardless of race, sex, or any other characteristic, has the incredible capacity to realize their potential: to feel confident, joyful, and fulfilled. Though it will be no easy task, there are several concrete steps and changes you can make on your path to this realization.

Part 1
Part 1 of 5:

Thinking about Yourself

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  1. In order to realize your full potential, you must know and live according to your core values. These are the things that shape how you view yourself, others, and the world around you. Studies suggest that you will find your life more meaningful, and feel a deeper sense of well-being, if you live a life that is “value-congruent,” or in line with what’s most important to you. [1] Ask yourself some questions to get started:
    • Think of two people you really admire. What do you admire about them? What do you find inspiring? Why? How do you think these things could manifest in your own life?
    • Think about a moment in your life when you felt very satisfied or fulfilled. What was it? Why did you feel that way?
    • If you could change just one thing in your community, what would you change? Why?
    • If your house was on fire (and your family and pets were all safe), what three things would you try to rescue? Why?
  2. Once you’ve answered the above questions, examine your responses to see if any themes or patterns emerge. For example, perhaps you really admire your mother’s selflessness and empathy and your brother’s work ethic. Maybe you would save your family photos, your wedding dress, and a cherished family memento. These would suggest that one of your values is relationships, especially with your family.
    • Your values are yours, and no values are “superior” or “inferior” to any others. Some people may value Competitiveness while others value Collaboration more highly. There is nothing “wrong” with either of these values. [2]
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  3. If you don’t feel like you’re living up to your true potential, it could be because parts of your life are currently not value-congruent. For example, perhaps you were raised to be self-effacing and not take credit for your achievements, but a core value for you is Acknowledgement. You probably wouldn’t feel like you were realizing your true potential if you were not acknowledging your accomplishments, and if others didn’t occasionally acknowledge your work too. Think about areas in which your life doesn’t match up with your values, and see whether these are areas in which you’d like to change.
  4. Once you have a good idea of your core values and what areas of your life could use a little development, take some time to sketch what you envision as realizing your true potential. Is it personal improvement? More success in your career (or even changing careers)? Realizing your potential in your relationships? If you have identified areas of your life that are not currently value-congruent, this could be a good place to start.
    • For example, perhaps you really value family, but your job demands so much of your time that you aren’t getting the quality time with your loved ones that you really need. Realizing your full potential in this case could mean finding a less-demanding job so that you can become the spouse/parent/friend that you really want to be.
    • Or, perhaps you feel stuck in a mid-level job with no hope of advancement, even though ambition is a core value for you. If this is the case, realizing your true potential could mean changing careers to something that allows you to challenge yourself and grow in new ways.
  5. Reflect on what realizing your full potential means to you. Is it a way of being? Achieving a certain level of income? Mastering the violin? Most people will have different definitions of potential. It is important that you have some sense of what your potential means to you. The Best Possible Self exercise is a research-backed way to figure out what’s most important for you. [3]
    • Begin by imagining that you have been given the power to make your deepest hopes and dreams for your future come true. What does the life of future-you look like? What do you do? Who are you with? How do you feel? Imagine this in as much detail as possible. For example, if you see someone who has just opened her own bakery, think about where it is, how many employees you have, what people think of your business, and how you feel to be your own boss.
    • Examine the character strengths and skills that future-you has used to get to this place. For example, if you own your own bakery, you have some business savvy, you’re good with people, you’re self-motivated, you have a strong work ethic, you have baking skills, etc.
    • Think about which of these strengths and skills you already have, and which you need to further develop. For example, perhaps you are an excellent baker and willing to work hard, but don’t have a clue what it takes to start a small business .
    • Decide how you can develop the areas you identified. In this example, you could read some books on business, talk to other small business owners, and visit the U.S. Small Business Administration’s website for guidance.
    • It is OK to change your mind as you learn more about yourself. Take a step back and ask yourself why you are entertaining a particular version of your full potential and whether it is achievable in theory. If you do not at least consider this, you may be missing out on the chance to re-define your potential and all the joy and meaning that may come along with doing so.
  6. Achieving your true potential will take time and effort. More importantly, it will take self-compassion. Acknowledge your strengths and skills as well as the areas in which you need to grow. Honor the efforts you make each day toward realizing your true potential.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 5:

Challenging Common Thought Traps

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  1. Generalization happens when you take one experience and generalize it to the whole world. It can keep you from realizing your true potential because it totalizes you: when you generalize, you’re not a person who makes mistakes, you’re a “failure.” How could you feel motivated to realize your true potential when you feel that way?
    • For example, perhaps you are trying to invent the next great technology and it hasn’t worked yet. You’ve tried 7 experiments and all of them have failed. You could generalize from this instance and say, “I’ll never get this work because I’m such a loser.”
    • A better way to handle this would be to think, “This experiment didn’t work. That’s okay, now I have even more information on what doesn’t work, so I can try something else that might.” You are not a failure. You are a person who is learning from her mistakes so she can keep developing.
  2. This thought trap can hold you back by distorting your focus. When you filter, you focus only on the negative aspects of a situation, ignoring the positives. [4]
    • For example, you might get comments back on a school essay that are 70% positive, but you can only focus on the three things that your teacher said needed work and ignore the rest.
    • Challenge yourself to look at the situation as an outsider might. Try to list the facts of the situation as objectively as you can. In this case, you could remind yourself: “Out of the ten comments my teacher gave me, seven of them were complimentary. The three things that need work are things that I can work on. These negative comments don’t discount the positive ones.”
  3. All-or-nothing thinking often means death to achievement, because achievement usually isn’t perfect straight out of the gate. When you give in to all-or-nothing thinking, you don’t allow yourself any middle ground. Either your effort is perfect or it’s a failure. [5]
    • For example, if you want to master the violin, all-or-nothing thinking would accept nothing less than perfection. It doesn’t allow you room to celebrate your growth as you get better and better at playing a piece; it just judges you for all the mistakes you make along the way.
    • Instead, remind yourself that perfection is an unrealistic standard that no one can meet. A single negative experience or mistake doesn’t negate your progress. Extend this generosity to yourself and to others.
  4. Catastrophizing is another thought trap that can keep you from realizing your true potential. When we catastrophize, we allow our thoughts to spiral out of control. We expect that the absolute worst will happen.This can make us so afraid that it keeps us from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to truly succeed. [6]
    • For example, realizing your true potential might mean leaving an unhappy relationship. But, you think, what if I never find anyone else to love? I’ll wind up living alone. I’ll be unhappy the rest of my life. I’ll wind up getting eaten by my cats when I die alone in my apartment that nobody visits me in.
    • One way to challenge catastrophizing is to require yourself to find evidence for each “leap” you make. Is it really likely that you will never find anyone to love? No. There are billions of people in the world, so chances are there is more than one you could be happy with. Is it true that if you live alone you must end up lonely and eaten by cats? No. Plenty of people live by themselves and still have full, rewarding social lives.
  5. This thought trap makes you feel as though you have to live up to others’ standards. It can hold you back from your true potential because you’re basing your actions on what you feel you “should” do rather than what feels right for you to do.
    • For example, perhaps you have been told that you “should” have children by a certain age. You might feel like you’re a failure if you have passed that age and have not had children. But consider: do you actually want to have children, or have them right now? Or were you allowing that “should” to make you feel bad about yourself? As long as you are living according to your values, others’ “shoulds” don’t matter.
    • When you find yourself thinking things that involve should/must/ought, think about where that thought is coming from. If you find it coming from a fear or pressure from someone else, challenge that thought. [7] For example, if you think, “I shouldn’t have that cookie today because I should lose weight,” think: do you feel like you should lose weight because your doctor has told you it would be healthy? Or do you feel pressured by society’s standards? If it’s the former, reframe it as a positive goal: “I won’t have that cookie today because I’m working toward getting healthier.” If it’s the latter, show yourself kindness: “I will have that cookie because I love myself just as I am, and I don’t need to conform to anyone else’s expectations.”
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Part 3
Part 3 of 5:

Getting a Concrete Sense of Your Goals

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  1. Once you have visualized the type of person you want to be, it is time to figure out how to become that person. You will be greatly aided in achieving this giant task by breaking down into more digestible, manageable, and concrete parts. The trick to setting personal goals is to make sure they’re meaningful to you and to break them down into things you can actually accomplish.
    • For example, if realizing your full potential means mastering the violin, that’s an overall goal. You will need to further break this down into objectives (actions you can take) and tasks (specific, small things to do) to accomplish it.
    • So, if your goal is to master the violin, objectives could be learning vibrato, studying the works of various composers and taking lessons.
    • Breaking those down, you could set tasks for yourself. Breaking down “taking lessons” into tasks could include tasks such as locating a violin teacher in your area, determining how to afford lessons, buying a violin, etc.
  2. Figure out which of your goals are most important to you. Which goals would you be most excited to accomplish first? Which are attainable based on your current time, financial, and/or other resources? Do certain goals need to be accomplished before others? Focusing on improving one or two areas will keep you from feeling overwhelmed. When you feel overwhelmed, you may be tempted to abandon pursuing your goals because you think they can’t be achieved. [8]
    • For example, if for you mastering the violin meant accomplishing the goals of learning vibrato, learning all the Vivaldi songs, and learning how to tune the violin, you might place tuning the violin as the most important goal, followed by learning vibrato, then learning all the Vivaldi songs.
    • In some cases, some goals are necessary to learn before you can tackle the others. Since Vivaldi songs make use of the vibrato skill, you need to know vibrato before you can fully play Vivaldi.
    • As you get started, be sure to rank highly a goal that is somewhat easily attainable so you can have an early success that will help you to stay motivated.
    • For example, you could set learning how to tune the violin as the first goal you tackled, since this would be easier to tackle than learning a Vivaldi song, and it would help you to further learn and play the violin (since it would be properly tuned for when you practice).
  3. After you have organized your list of goals by importance, choose the first two or three most important goals and create a to-do list of daily tasks or objectives that will help you to accomplish, over time, these broader goals. [9] An example of an objective would be to practice vibrato exercises and learn Vivaldi pieces. [10]
    • Make sure not to pursue too many objectives at once, or your goals will come into conflict as they compete for your time, and you may end up being less productive. [11]
    • Break these objectives down into smaller tasks. A task is a small, specific thing that you can do to achieve your objective. [12] For example, a task could be to practice a vibrato exercise for 15 minutes a day, or to practice 10 bars of a Vivaldi piece for 30 minutes a day until you feel that you have it down and can move on to the next 10 bars.
    Beyoncé Knowles, Singer & Businesswoman

    Be willing to work hard and push yourself. "I can never be safe; I always try and go against the grain. As soon as I accomplish one thing, I just set a higher goal. That's how I've gotten to where I am."

  4. Keep a written list of your daily tasks and cross them off each day that you finish. [13] Repeat this process until you feel that you have mastered the objective, and replace it with another.
    • For example, each time you practice your song, cross the song off your list of daily tasks. When you've mastered that song, it's time to add a new one to the list.
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Part 4
Part 4 of 5:

Honing the Way You Think

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  1. Believe that you can work hard to improve your ability and skill level. Take mistakes and criticism and learn from them. Do not believe that abilities are fixed or unchangeable. Adopting a growth mindset leads to improved performance and motivation in a number of contexts. [14]
    • Reframe “failure” as a learning experience. You will undoubtedly make mistakes and experience setbacks on your quest to realize your full potential. However, thinking about these in terms of what you can learn from them to take into the future will keep them from holding you back from progress.
    • For example, if “become a writer” is how you want to achieve your full potential, you will need to realize that there are many challenges you’ll have to overcome to accomplish it. Don’t beat yourself up for these challenges. If, for example, a novel you submit is rejected, don’t take it as proof that you’re a failure and should stop pursuing your goal. Some of the 20th century’s biggest writers were rejected many times at first. Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind was rejected 38 times. Frank Herbert’s Dune was rejected 23 times. J.K. Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected 12 times. These authors finally succeeded because they had a growth mindset, and continually improved their work until it found a home.
  2. It’s important to realize that achieving your full potential will not happen overnight. Keep your expectations realistic. For example, if you want to eventually become President of the United States, it won’t happen in a few months or even a few years. You’ll probably need to run for a smaller public office, become a Senator or Representative for a few years, and raise a lot of funds to campaign before you even get to the election. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set your goals high; it means you have to keep your focus realistic and your expectations achievable as you work toward those goals. [15]
    • Focusing on your smaller objectives and tasks as you work toward your overall goals will help you keep yourself motivated and energized. You’ll be able to cross smaller things off your list as you work toward the biggest goal.
    • Think of it this way: if you decided that climbing Mt. Everest was what you needed to do in order to fulfill your potential, you wouldn’t just go there and try it the next day. (That would be a very quick recipe for disaster.) You’d get in shape, collect your gear, practice and train rigorously, and find a guide well before you ever set foot on the mountain.
  3. As you work hard toward your goals, think optimistically about your progress. Positive thinking will help you stay on track as you work toward realizing your potential.
    • Monitor the way you think. When you talk to yourself about your goal progress, take note of whether you are being optimistic or pessimistic.
    • If you catch yourself saying things about your goals like "this will never work," try thinking more positive and rational thoughts, such as (if this is true of your goal) "other people have accomplished this so maybe I can, too" or, "I will have fun giving this a try!" [16]
    • Studies have even showed that thinking positively affects your physical brain. Thinking positively stimulates parts of the brain associated with the imagination, motivation, empathy, and “big-picture” thinking. [17]
  4. Look to those who, in your eyes, have realized their full potential or are the kind of person that you want to be; study the way they behave and the way they think and adopt those aspects that you like. The inspiration they give will help you to realize your own potential. [18]
    • If you can, talk with your role models about how they’ve gotten where they are. For example, if your dream is to be a small business owner, talk with other people who own their own businesses. Ask them how they did it and what skills and strengths they used to accomplish their goals.
    • Try not to idealize role models. It’s especially easy to do this with people you’ve never met, such as celebrities and athletes. While their success may inspire you, remember that you usually don’t see the mistakes and setbacks that these people encounter. Don’t let them become so perfect in your imagination that you judge yourself for not being perfect yourself.
  5. You are in charge of whether you reach your potential or not. Rather than making excuses about why something was in your way, think productively about how you could overcome or circumvent that obstacle on your way to realizing your potential. [19]
    • How you interpret what happens in your life is called your locus of control. An external locus of control places responsibilities for things that happen on other people. [20] For example, if you fail a test, you would be relying on an external locus of control if you blamed the teacher for making the questions too hard. This way of thinking can hold you back from realizing your full potential because you’re always shifting responsibility onto someone or something else.
    • An internal locus of control is where you accept that things that happen are partially in your own control. While you cannot control the outcomes of your actions, you can control your actions. For example, if you fail a test and acknowledge that you could have studied more instead of going out with your friends, you would be using an internal locus of control. This way of thinking helps you move forward because you’re owning your decisions, both wise and less so.
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Part 5
Part 5 of 5:

Persevering in the Face of Adversity

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  1. Accomplishing your goals will not be easy. Maintain passion and commitment about your goals and continue to work toward them in times of challenge. [21] Gritty people are more likely to succeed because their passion fuels them and they do not give up or give in! [22]
    • If you are losing your passion, remind yourself why reaching your full potential is important to you and why you were initially passionate about accomplishing your goals. Ask yourself what positive effects realizing your potential will have on yourself and others.
  2. It takes many hours of practice at something to become an expert; realizing your full potential may take even longer than that. While the “10,000 hour rule” has been recently challenged by studies, it is true that you cannot accomplish mastery of something without consistent practice and work. [23] Instead of only thinking of your end goal, focus on the progress you make day to day or week to week. [24]
    • To avoid becoming discouraged, think about others, such as Henry Ford or Dr. Seuss, both of whom faced initial failures and hardship yet persisted and achieved their goals. [25] [26]
    • To have patience, remind yourself that realizing your full potential is a long process and that the end goal is not the only thing that matters. If you find yourself becoming too impatient or discouraged, try taking time off and resting up. In taking time off you may ultimately be more productive than if you had continued working at a lesser capacity while facing burnout. [27]
  3. Avoid worrying too much about failure. “Failure” assumes that a lack of success is permanent and says something about you as a person. This is not true. Instead embrace the idea that you can learn from your mistakes. Success often comes from a series of tries. That twentieth try or even your hundredth try could be the time when you achieve success. [28]
    • Consider the example of inventor Myshkin Ingawale, who wanted to develop technology to help reduce the maternal death rate in rural India. It took him 32 tries, and 32 failures, to accomplish his goal, but now his technology has cut the death rate of his target population in half. [29]
    • Ask yourself what is the worst thing that is likely to happen if you try but fail to accomplish a goal? Most likely the outcome of failure will not be that bad. So, what is there to be afraid of? In fact, people tend to overestimate how badly they will feel after failing to achieve a goal; keep that in mind if you are worried about trying but not succeeding. [30]
  4. You are working towards being a better person and you should be proud of that. When times get tough, take a moment to feel pride about your hard work and the progress you have made toward reaching your potential; in doing so you will be more likely to hold fast and persevere through any tough times you encounter on your journey. [31]
    • If you have trouble feeling proud of your own accomplishments, try writing yourself a letter as if you were writing to a friend. Imagine that your friend has been doing the work that you have. You would feel proud of her, right? You’d probably encourage her to keep going and tell her what great work she’s doing. Why would you treat yourself with any less kindness? [32]
  5. [33] By increasing your sense of belonging and well-being, family, friends, and others in your social network help to counteract against the stress that can arise from struggling to achieve your goals. [34] [35]
    • Humans can “catch” emotions just as we do colds. Surround yourself with people who are positive and working toward their own goals. Their ambition and positivity will “rub off” on you. [36]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you unlock your true potential?
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Sharon Lee is a Success Strategist and the Owner of Fearless Pursuits. With over seven years of experience, she specializes in helping others gain clarity on their goals, build confidence, and remain accountable towards their goals. Sharon offers advice to others through life coaching, career coaching, and small business coaching. Sharon holds a Strategic Intervention Coach Certification from Robbins-Madanes Training and has additional training from Erickson Coaching International.
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Expert Answer
    Your potential has everything to do with commitment—you have to find that mental strength within yourself to push through both the good and bad days. You also have to be committed to setting goals, writing those goals down, and knowing what the obstacles are.
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  • Question
    How do you plan for life?
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Sharon Lee is a Success Strategist and the Owner of Fearless Pursuits. With over seven years of experience, she specializes in helping others gain clarity on their goals, build confidence, and remain accountable towards their goals. Sharon offers advice to others through life coaching, career coaching, and small business coaching. Sharon holds a Strategic Intervention Coach Certification from Robbins-Madanes Training and has additional training from Erickson Coaching International.
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Expert Answer
    Make a 5-year, 3-year, and 1-year plan for yourself. Ask yourself who you want to be that many years from now, and what sorts of experiences you'd like to have. Then, think about the goals you need to set to reach those dreams, as well as the potential obstacles you might face along the way.
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  • Question
    How do you keep pushing forward?
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Sharon Lee is a Success Strategist and the Owner of Fearless Pursuits. With over seven years of experience, she specializes in helping others gain clarity on their goals, build confidence, and remain accountable towards their goals. Sharon offers advice to others through life coaching, career coaching, and small business coaching. Sharon holds a Strategic Intervention Coach Certification from Robbins-Madanes Training and has additional training from Erickson Coaching International.
    Sharon Lee
    Success Strategist
    Expert Answer
    Surround yourself with a great support system! Fill your life with people who are in alignment with your goals and who aren't going to bring you down.
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      Tips

      • Don't give up easily, but have the flexibility to change your goals as you learn more about yourself.
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      • Don't get discouraged too easily. Perseverance, patience, and keeping in mind incremental progress will keep discouragement at bay. Remember, the best things in life take time.
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      • Improve yourself step by step and set realistic goals.
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      Warnings

      • Never get too down if you think that you are struggling to realize your potential. Instead, take a breather and focus on other aspects of your life, such as enjoying some time being fully present in the moment.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://contextualscience.org/publications/value_congruence_importance_and_success_and_in_the
      2. ↑ https://ethicsunwrapped.utexas.edu/glossary/values
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-matters-most/201303/what-is-your-best-possible-self
      4. ↑ https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental-Health-Professionals/Unhelpful-Thinking-Styles/Unhelpful-Thinking-Styles---01---Mental-Filter.pdf
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/all-or-nothing-thinking-examples
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/catastrophizing
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201304/stop-shoulding-yourself-death-0
      8. ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/07/how-to-focus-on-whats-important-not-just-whats-urgent
      9. ↑ https://www.nsls.org/goal-setting-techniques
      1. ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/structure/strategic-planning/create-objectives/main
      2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/01/dont-bog-yourself-down-with-too-many-goals
      3. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/goal-setting-psychology/
      4. ↑ Sharon Lee. Success Strategist. Expert Interview. 2 December 2021.
      5. ↑ https://success.oregonstate.edu/learning/growth-mindset
      6. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/best_possible_self
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/challenging-negative-self-talk
      8. ↑ https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2015/08/positive-emotions-your-health
      9. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/behaviour/encouraging-good-behaviour/being-a-role-model
      10. ↑ https://www.cedarville.edu/-/media/Files/PDF/Student-Life-Programs/CU-Lead-301/CULEAD301TheImportanceofAccountabilityMrMarkBiddinger.pdf?la=en&hash=99E66A316C10B9D3C22757BA2F831462C3BC3B2D
      11. ↑ https://www.edglossary.org/locus-of-control/
      12. ↑ Sharon Lee. Success Strategist. Expert Interview. 2 December 2021.
      13. ↑ https://www.nspe.org/resources/students/student-chapters/organizational-goal-setting
      14. ↑ https://thethrivecenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/WAIT-A-Patience-Training-Guide.pdf
      15. ↑ https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins
      16. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/motivation.html
      17. ↑ https://lpsonline.sas.upenn.edu/features/7-tips-help-you-achieve-academic-success
      18. ↑ https://hbr.org/2009/10/making-time-off-predictable-and-required/ar/pr
      19. ↑ https://www.nhsinform.scot/healthy-living/mental-wellbeing/fears-and-phobias/ten-ways-to-fight-your-fears
      20. ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34455679/
      21. ↑ https://screening.mhanational.org/content/dealing-with-the-worst-case-scenario/
      22. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-path-to-passionate-happiness/202111/26-reasons-to-be-proud-of-yourself
      23. ↑ https://www.ed.ac.uk/reflection/reflectors-toolkit/self-awareness/writing-letters
      24. ↑ Sharon Lee. Success Strategist. Expert Interview. 2 December 2021.
      25. ↑ https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/wellness-module/wellness-module-3-social-support
      26. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lab-real-world/202106/6-tips-increasing-social-support
      27. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/when_are_you_most_likely_to_catch_other_peoples_emotions

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      Reaching your full potential is all about trying to make what you do in life correspond to your beliefs and values. That’s why you should decide what's most important to you. Perhaps you want to master the violin, earn a higher income, or embrace a particular lifestyle. Once you know your ultimate goal, create a series of objectives to get there. For example, if your goal is to earn more money, your objectives could be taking on new projects at work, attending extra training, or working overtime. As you work on your objectives, challenge common thought traps, like mental filtering, which is when you only see the negative parts of a situation. Instead, work with the idea that you can learn from your mistakes so that you become a better person. For tips from our co-author on how to keep your goals realistic, keep reading!

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        Feb 23, 2018

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