How to Identify Red Flags in a Situationship and When You Should Move On

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Signs you might be in relationship limbo (and what to do about it)
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It’s late Friday night and after 3 days of no communication, your partner texts you to come over. You think you’re in a relationship with them, but you can’t help but notice they avoid talking about labels and usually only want to hang out on their terms. If this has been going on for a while, you might actually be in a situationship, or casually dating with no real relationship commitment. To help you figure out whether you’re in a situationship or not, we’ve put together a list of red flags to watch out for, plus signs that it might be time to move on from the relationship.

Things You Should Know

  • You might be in a situationship where your partner doesn't want labels, rarely puts in the effort, and doesn't like to talk about the future.
  • Only wanting a physical relationship, not introducing you to friends and family, and continuing to date other people are all also signs you’re in a situationship.
  • Move on from the situation if you are unhappy and anxious or want a serious relationship that your partner can’t give you.
Section 1 of 2:

Signs You’re In a Situationship

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    Questioning your relationship status is a sign you’re in a situationship. If you and your partner have been consistently dating for several months and they haven’t broached the subject or avoided it when you’ve brought it up, they probably don’t want a true relationship. [1]
    • If you’ve only been dating for a few weeks or months, it might be too early to define the relationship.
    • If you want a serious relationship and the labels that come with it, tell your partner in person . While it can be uncomfortable, it’s important to be direct and let your partner know what your needs are. You don’t have to settle for relationship limbo. [2]
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    Pay attention to when your partner asks you to hang out. In a situationship, you might find that your partner only asks you on dates hours before or always texts you at night to come over. They might be treating you as a last option when they don’t have other plans and are bored. [3]
    • Let your partner know that this is a pattern of behavior with them. They might be unaware and work harder to make you a priority. However, if they continue to disrespect your time, it might be time to move on. [4]
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    It is a red flag if you’re initiating every conversation, planning all the dates, and feeling like you’re getting nothing in return. A real relationship is equal and your partner should be excited to plan romantic dates and deepen your connection. [5]
    • If your partner always flakes out or cancels your plans, that’s another red flag you’re in a situationship.
    • Communicate to your partner that you feel like the relationship is one-sided. If they start to make an effort, that’s a good sign that they don’t want to lose you.
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    It’s a red flag if you don’t know when you’ll hear from your partner. You’ll know you’re in a situationship if you go days without a text or call from them, and then they respond as if nothing happened. This inconsistent communication can mean they’re not interested or invested in the relationship. [6]
    • Don’t be afraid to let your partner know early on what your communication expectations are. This can help you avoid communication mishaps and will keep you on the same page.
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    In a relationship, you make space in your life for your partner and deepen your bond with shared long-term goals and activities. If they can’t commit to plans weeks into the future or refuse to talk about how you fit into their life long-term, they probably aren’t viewing the relationship seriously. [7]
    • If this is bothering you, have a conversation with your partner. They might explain that their schedule is too busy to make plans or confess that they’re not looking for anything serious.
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    A true relationship is a balance of emotional and physical intimacy. If your partner avoids being vulnerable and keeps you an arm's distance away, you’re probably in a situationship. It’s a red flag if they’re happy to call you for a hook-up but never start serious conversations that will take the relationship deeper. [8]
    • It’s normal for a new relationship to be more surface level, but over time you should start opening up to each other and progressing the relationship to something more.
    • If you and your partner have agreed to be friends with benefits and keep emotions out of the relationship, it’s completely fine to have a purely physical relationship.
    • Start a deep conversation with your partner the next time you're over at their place instead of falling into your old pattern.
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    It’s a pretty big sign that you’re heading to serious relationship territory when your partner asks you to meet their friends or takes you home to their parents. If your partner’s in no hurry to show you off and avoids a conversation when you bring it up, they’re probably not interested in making the relationship serious. [9]
    • Be honest with your partner and tell them that you want to meet their friends and family. It’s possible that your partner has family issues they’ve been keeping from you, or isn’t at the same point in the relationship where they feel comfortable introducing you. [10]
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    This could mean that he's not ready for commitment. Alternatively, his unwillingness to introduce you all could indicate deeper insecurities about relationships in general.

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    This might seem like an obvious red flag that you’re in a situationship, but you might have hope that they’ll change their mind. Whether they’re not ready for a serious relationship or never will be, believe them when they say this, and don’t expect to change their mind when they tell you what they want. [11]
    • It’s important for both you and your partner to want the same things out of the relationship. If you know they don’t want a serious relationship and you do, it might be time to move on.
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    You might have deleted your apps and expected your partner to do the same, only to find out they’re still meeting other people. It’s important to have a conversation that you only want to date each other to avoid being blindsided that they’re not taking the relationship as seriously as you. [12]
    • If you’ve communicated that your relationship is open or are in the early stages of dating, this probably isn’t a situationship red flag.
    • When you know that you want to be exclusive with your partner, tell them. It’s important that you are both clear about how you’re feeling and what you want out of the relationship. [13]
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Section 2 of 2:

Should You Move On?

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    While no relationship is perfect 100% of the time, you should be happy, satisfied, and excited to be with your partner. It’s not healthy to feel stressed, upset, or feel like you're in a relationship limbo without any clarity about what you are to your partner. [14]
    • Bring up your feelings with your partner to let them know their actions are bothering you.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1085 wikiHow readers what they would do if they found out a girl was using them, and only 5% of them said ignore it and continue the relationship as is. [Take Poll] So, if you feel like you're being used and decide to move on, you wouldn't be alone.
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    Communicate to your partner that you want something more. It can be scary, but be clear with your partner about your needs and what you want out of the relationship. If they can’t give you a serious relationship or meet you halfway, it’s time to let the situations go. [15]
    • Find a time to meet with your partner in person and end the relationship . Be honest and tell them they aren’t satisfying your needs so you need to move on.
    • If you weren’t dating your partner for long or if it was more of a fling, you can text them to let them know you’re ending the situationship.
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    Situationships aren’t inherently bad. If you’re happy without the pressures of a label and the seriousness of a relationship, it’s totally okay to be in a situationship. They can be a great way to date around and get to know other people. The bottom line is just to be open and upfront about your expectations with your partner. [16]
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  • Question
    Why is getting over a situationship so hard?
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    You're still experiencing a loss! That's why it's important to acknowledge what you're going through. The best thing you can do is evaluate what your values are after having had that experience. What do you value now? What do you want now? It might be different than what you wanted before having that experience.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/relationship-help
      3. ↑ ​​ https://www.mhainde.org/red-flags-in-relationships-what-to-look-out-for/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/peaceful-parenting/202302/how-to-predict-emotional-unavailability-in-a-new-partner
      5. ↑ https://www.thecouplescenter.org/what-are-red-flags-in-relationships/
      6. ↑ https://www.wagec.org.au/healthy-relationships-and-red-flags/
      7. ↑ https://www.rockfordsexualassaultcounseling.org/10-red-flags-of-a-relationship.html
      8. ↑ https://studentaffairs.okstate.edu/blog/healthy-relationships.html
      9. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags
      1. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
      2. ↑ https://netsafe.org.nz/children-and-young-people/relationship-red-flags
      3. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/why-do-people-cheat
      4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/cheating-and-breakups
      5. ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
      6. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
      7. ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/healthy-relationships/top-tips-building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships

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