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Signs you might be in relationship limbo (and what to do about it)
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It’s late Friday night and after 3 days of no communication, your partner texts you to come over. You think you’re in a relationship with them, but you can’t help but notice they avoid talking about labels and usually only want to hang out on their terms. If this has been going on for a while, you might actually be in a situationship, or casually dating with no real relationship commitment. To help you figure out whether you’re in a situationship or not, we’ve put together a list of red flags to watch out for, plus signs that it might be time to move on from the relationship.
Things You Should Know
- You might be in a situationship where your partner doesn't want labels, rarely puts in the effort, and doesn't like to talk about the future.
- Only wanting a physical relationship, not introducing you to friends and family, and continuing to date other people are all also signs you’re in a situationship.
- Move on from the situation if you are unhappy and anxious or want a serious relationship that your partner can’t give you.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
Signs You’re In a Situationship
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They won’t define the relationship. Questioning your relationship status is a sign you’re in a situationship. If you and your partner have been consistently dating for several months and they haven’t broached the subject or avoided it when you’ve brought it up, they probably don’t want a true relationship. [1] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source- If you’ve only been dating for a few weeks or months, it might be too early to define the relationship.
- If you want a serious relationship and the labels that come with it, tell your partner in person . While it can be uncomfortable, it’s important to be direct and let your partner know what your needs are. You don’t have to settle for relationship limbo. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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They only make plans last minute. Pay attention to when your partner asks you to hang out. In a situationship, you might find that your partner only asks you on dates hours before or always texts you at night to come over. They might be treating you as a last option when they don’t have other plans and are bored. [3] X Research source- Let your partner know that this is a pattern of behavior with them. They might be unaware and work harder to make you a priority. However, if they continue to disrespect your time, it might be time to move on. [4] X Research source
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They put in minimal effort in the relationship. It is a red flag if you’re initiating every conversation, planning all the dates, and feeling like you’re getting nothing in return. A real relationship is equal and your partner should be excited to plan romantic dates and deepen your connection. [5] X Research source- If your partner always flakes out or cancels your plans, that’s another red flag you’re in a situationship.
- Communicate to your partner that you feel like the relationship is one-sided. If they start to make an effort, that’s a good sign that they don’t want to lose you.
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Their communication is inconsistent. It’s a red flag if you don’t know when you’ll hear from your partner. You’ll know you’re in a situationship if you go days without a text or call from them, and then they respond as if nothing happened. This inconsistent communication can mean they’re not interested or invested in the relationship. [6] X Research source- Don’t be afraid to let your partner know early on what your communication expectations are. This can help you avoid communication mishaps and will keep you on the same page.
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They don’t talk about your future together. In a relationship, you make space in your life for your partner and deepen your bond with shared long-term goals and activities. If they can’t commit to plans weeks into the future or refuse to talk about how you fit into their life long-term, they probably aren’t viewing the relationship seriously. [7] X Research source- If this is bothering you, have a conversation with your partner. They might explain that their schedule is too busy to make plans or confess that they’re not looking for anything serious.
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They only want a physical relationship. A true relationship is a balance of emotional and physical intimacy. If your partner avoids being vulnerable and keeps you an arm's distance away, you’re probably in a situationship. It’s a red flag if they’re happy to call you for a hook-up but never start serious conversations that will take the relationship deeper. [8] X Research source- It’s normal for a new relationship to be more surface level, but over time you should start opening up to each other and progressing the relationship to something more.
- If you and your partner have agreed to be friends with benefits and keep emotions out of the relationship, it’s completely fine to have a purely physical relationship.
- Start a deep conversation with your partner the next time you're over at their place instead of falling into your old pattern.
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They haven’t introduced you to friends and family. It’s a pretty big sign that you’re heading to serious relationship territory when your partner asks you to meet their friends or takes you home to their parents. If your partner’s in no hurry to show you off and avoids a conversation when you bring it up, they’re probably not interested in making the relationship serious. [9] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source- Be honest with your partner and tell them that you want to meet their friends and family. It’s possible that your partner has family issues they’ve been keeping from you, or isn’t at the same point in the relationship where they feel comfortable introducing you. [10] X Research source
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.This could mean that he's not ready for commitment. Alternatively, his unwillingness to introduce you all could indicate deeper insecurities about relationships in general.
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They don’t want a serious relationship. This might seem like an obvious red flag that you’re in a situationship, but you might have hope that they’ll change their mind. Whether they’re not ready for a serious relationship or never will be, believe them when they say this, and don’t expect to change their mind when they tell you what they want. [11] X Research source- It’s important for both you and your partner to want the same things out of the relationship. If you know they don’t want a serious relationship and you do, it might be time to move on.
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They’re dating other people. You might have deleted your apps and expected your partner to do the same, only to find out they’re still meeting other people. It’s important to have a conversation that you only want to date each other to avoid being blindsided that they’re not taking the relationship as seriously as you. [12] X Research source- If you’ve communicated that your relationship is open or are in the early stages of dating, this probably isn’t a situationship red flag.
- When you know that you want to be exclusive with your partner, tell them. It’s important that you are both clear about how you’re feeling and what you want out of the relationship. [13] X Research source
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Join the Discussion...
I (19f) have been talking to this guy (22m) for the last few weeks, we've hooked up a couple of times and I'd like things to go further than that... Read More
It does technically sound like what you have going on is a situationship, which is, by definition, "a casual relationship that isn't committed or... Read More
If you find yourself being intimate with someone (emotionally and/or sexually) and consistently spending time with them without ever having label... Read More
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QuestionWhy is getting over a situationship so hard?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.You're still experiencing a loss! That's why it's important to acknowledge what you're going through. The best thing you can do is evaluate what your values are after having had that experience. What do you value now? What do you want now? It might be different than what you wanted before having that experience.
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References
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/relationship-help
- ↑ https://www.mhainde.org/red-flags-in-relationships-what-to-look-out-for/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/peaceful-parenting/202302/how-to-predict-emotional-unavailability-in-a-new-partner
- ↑ https://www.thecouplescenter.org/what-are-red-flags-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://www.wagec.org.au/healthy-relationships-and-red-flags/
- ↑ https://www.rockfordsexualassaultcounseling.org/10-red-flags-of-a-relationship.html
- ↑ https://studentaffairs.okstate.edu/blog/healthy-relationships.html
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/domestic-abuse-how-to-spot-relationship-red-flags
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
- ↑ https://netsafe.org.nz/children-and-young-people/relationship-red-flags
- ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/why-do-people-cheat
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/cheating-and-breakups
- ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/signs-your-relationship-is-over/
- ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/healthy-relationships/top-tips-building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships
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