10 Smooth Strategies to Start a Conversation with a Girl in a Club

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Clubs are a great place to meet people because most people who go there are expecting to be social. It can be a little challenging to get to know someone in such a loud, crowded environment, but it's definitely possible! If you meet a girl you want to get to know better, approach her in a casual, friendly way. Then, look for cues around you that you can use to spark up a conversation.

This article is based on an interview with our professional matchmaker & dating expert, Maria Avgitidis. Check out the full interview here.

1

Make eye contact before you approach her.

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    It can seem a little abrupt if you just pop up out of nowhere. Enjoy your time with the friends you came with, keep dancing, or sit at the bar and nurse your drink—whatever you have going on. Just keep glancing her way every so often. When she notices you looking, meet her eyes for a few seconds, smile, and then look away. [1]
    • As you're trying to catch her eye, notice whether she's paying extra attention to any one person she's with. That could be a sign she's into them, so she might not be as receptive to chatting with someone new.
    • If she smiles back when she sees you, that's a great sign that you should head over and say hi! [2]
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2

Greet the crowd she's with.

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    Smile and say something in the general direction of the group, like, "Hey, I'm James!" The girl you like will get your name, and you'll give the impression that you're open and friendly. [3] That's a plus, because if her friends get the impression you're rude, it could kill your chances of seeing her again.
    • You could also say something like, "It seems like this is the fun crowd to hang out with, so I just had to come and say hi! I'm Jessica!"
    • That doesn't mean you have to speak to each person individually, especially if it's a large crowd—but do at least smile and give a general hello to the whole group.
3

Lean closer to her when you talk.

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    That doesn't mean you can't chat with a girl, but it does mean you'll need to be a little closer than normal if you want her to hear you. That can be a good thing, though—all the noise around you can create a more intimate feeling if the two of you hit it off. [4]
    • Respect her personal space, though. Lean your head toward her ear, but keep your body off of hers, and don't touch her at all unless she seems comfortable talking to you.
    • If she leans in toward you when you're talking, or if she puts her hand on your arm while you're talking, it's a good sign she's interested in you!
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4

Mention something that's going on around you.

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    Don't worry about coming up with a 'witty' pick-up line that's probably going to fall flat anyway. You'll come across as more natural and confident if you talk about something that's happening in the club. If you can, try to build on your comment to turn it into more of a conversation. [5]
    • Try something like, "The crowd here is awesome tonight. Do you come here often?" You could also say, "This is my favorite song! Do you want to dance?"
    • You could also get a feel for the whole group by asking a question like, "How do you guys know each other?"
    • Just avoid saying anything negative—you won't make a good impression if you open with something like, "This beer is awful" or, "The music is way too loud."
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    The best conversations often start with something basic. Simple observations and compliments can be great conversation starters. From there, follow up with open-ended questions to show genuine interest and encourage further discussion.

5

Give her a compliment.

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    [6] What drew you to this girl in particular? Was it her awesome smile, her cool energy, or her amazing outfit? Let her know about it! That will make her feel like you saw something really special in her. [7]
    • It's okay to say she's pretty, but it's better if you can think of something that goes a little deeper, like, "You have amazing style!" or "You seem like a really chill person!" And stay away from comments about her body—that could make her feel uncomfortable.
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6

Offer to buy her a drink.

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    If she's already holding a drink, say something like, "Hey, do you want another margarita?" If she doesn't have anything, you could say, "Do you want a beer or something?" Even if she doesn't drink, she'll probably appreciate the offer. If she says no, just say something like "No problem!" and keep chatting. [8]
    • If accepts your offer to buy her a drink, walk with her to the bar and either pay for her drink or put it on your tab. Don't insist on bringing the drink to her—it might seem chivalrous, but most women prefer to get their drink directly from a bartender.
7

Ask about her upcoming plans.

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    This opens the door to learn a little more about her, but it doesn't feel invasive. If you're out on the weekend, you might say something like, "Are you coming to the live show tomorrow?" If it's a weeknight, you could say, "Do you have to work tomorrow?" [9]
    • This can be a subtle way to find out if she's single. For instance, if you ask about her weekend plans, she might say, "I'm hanging out with my boyfriend all day Saturday." On the other hand, if she says, "I don't have any plans yet," she might be open to hanging out.
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8

Build on the initial conversation.

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    Maybe she likes the same kind of music you do—you could talk about other artists you like or upcoming shows in your area. Or, if you're drinking the same type of craft beer you could chat about some of the breweries you like. Just let things flow naturally. [10]
    • Try to think up meaningful questions that show you're really interested in what she's saying. [11] For instance, if she mentions she's from another town, you might say something like, "What was your favorite part about growing up there?"
    • Don't just jump from question to question—that might feel like you're interrogating her. Instead, when you ask a question, let her answer, then share a little about yourself before going back to what she said.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1214 wikiHow readers, and only 3% thought that talking about your own achievements was a good way to make yourself seem more confident. [Take Poll] In fact, sometimes it can actually have the opposite effect!
9

Pay attention to what she's saying.

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    Nothing will kill the vibe faster than if she thinks you're only half-interested in what she's saying. True, a loud club might not be the best place for you to prove that you're hanging on to her every word, and you might have to ask her to repeat herself sometimes. Just do your best to remember the things she tells you. [12]
    • For instance, if she says she's in business school, you might bring it back up later by saying, "So, what do you want to do when you get your MBA?"
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10

Exchange phone numbers if things go well.

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    If it seems like you have a ton in common and there's some chemistry happening, pull out your phone and say something like, "Hey, can I get your number? Maybe we can grab lunch one day soon." From there, you can hang around and talk a little more, or you can head back to your friends and let her get back to hers, depending on what feels the most natural in the moment.
    • If the conversation fizzles out, no big deal! It's always good to get out and be social, and you might not hit it off with everyone you talk to. Keep trying—you'll get more comfortable and confident with more practice!

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      Tips

      • If the girl you're talking to looks bored, won't make eye contact, starts checking her phone, or gives you short answers, she might not be interested in talking. Say something like, "Nice meeting you!" and move on. [13]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      2. ↑ David Kornel Z. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      3. ↑ David Kornel Z. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5580611/
      5. ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      6. ↑ David Kornel Z. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evidence-based-living/202109/the-psychology-compliments-nice-word-goes-long-way
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/skinny-revisited/201212/why-you-date-someone-1
      9. ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201712/10-must-know-tips-making-better-conversations
      2. ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      3. ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201712/10-must-know-tips-making-better-conversations

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