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Psychology-backed tips to cut back on porn and re-establish healthy intimacy
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The urge to look at pornography is natural and can have positive effects when you use it in moderation, but a casual habit can turn into a problem when looking at porn affects your relationships, work, or self-esteem . If you’re trying to cut back or quit watching porn, you’re in the right place. In this article, we’ll share tried-and-true ways to kick porn to the curb, plus walk you through the possible signs and consequences of an excessive porn habit. Remember, you have the power to change your habits and improve your relationship with porn and sexuality!
Steps to Stop Looking at Porn
- Get rid of all of your pornographic material and porn subscriptions.
- Avoid triggers that cause you to want to watch porn.
- Use healthy distractions, like exercise or gaming.
- Get an accountability buddy.
- Install porn blockers on your computer.
- Try to fulfill your sexual needs with physical intimacy.
Steps
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you stop your partner from looking at porn?Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.Explain to your partner your feelings about them watching pornography and maybe ask them a little bit about why they enjoy it. You can open a conversation about your own personal sex life, fantasies, desires or things your partner would like to try, but maybe feels nervous to bring up. Discussing these things not only strengthens your communication, but can also open up a whole new world to intimacy with your partner. Trying to control your partner's pornography use may actually backfire and result in them hiding it from you, which can weaken trust within the relationship.
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QuestionHow do I stop looking at pornography?Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.I would recommend joining a support group, like Sex Love Addicts Annonymous. A support group is a good way to keep yourself accountable and prevent you from feeling isolated.
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QuestionHow do I control my feelings to stop looking at pornography?Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.Try to become aware of the feelings as they occur and the situations that trigger them. Be mindful of triggers and distract your mind with other activities. Also, consider joining a support group online or in person as a way to hold yourself accountable.
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Tips
- While you feel ashamed for watching too much porn, remember that you're not alone and it doesn't mean you're a bad person. [32] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.Thanks - Masturbation is a normal, healthy activity (physically and emotionally). You don’t have to stop masturbating when you stop looking at porn unless chronic masturbation is causing problems in your relationship. [33] X Research sourceThanks
- Christians are more likely to view themselves as porn addicts compared to nonreligious people for watching the same amount of porn. If you’re religious, consider taking advice from spiritual mentors as well as sex experts or therapists. [34] X Research sourceThanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Try doing something challenging in your free time and make a chart of your achievements. It can fire up your “reward center” and help take the place of porn.
- If the content of the porn is the problem, look for more “soft core” options, and limit yourself from watching the genres of porn you find damaging.
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References
- ↑ https://www.allprodad.com/10-ways-to-fight-pornography/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/pornography/negative-pornography-effects-studies-the-bad-in-marriage-and-on-the-brain/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2012/03/05/147192599/habits-how-they-form-and-how-to-break-them
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex-addiction/2013/07/overcoming-cravings-for-porn-and-addictive-sex#2
- ↑ https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/sex-addiction-understanding-triggers/
- ↑ https://www.addictioncenter.com/rehab-questions/how-handle-triggers/
- ↑ https://seekingintegrity.com/blog/finding-healthy-sexuality-after-sex-porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.developgoodhabits.com/stop-watching-porn/
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.developgoodhabits.com/stop-watching-porn/
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/pornography/negative-pornography-effects-studies-the-bad-in-marriage-and-on-the-brain/
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232493314_The_Effects_of_Marital_Therapy_on_Sexual_Satisfaction
- ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/substance-abuse-and-addiction/porn-addiction
- ↑ https://www.psychreg.org/watching-porn-affects-brain/
- ↑ https://www.mentalhelp.net/porn/
- ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/porn-addiction/
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.psychreg.org/watching-porn-affects-brain/
- ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.healthcentral.com/substance-abuse-and-addiction/porn-addiction
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201803/4-ways-porn-use-causes-problems
- ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.psychguides.com/behavioral-disorders/porn-addiction/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201803/4-ways-porn-use-causes-problems
- ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 21 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-pleasure-and-sexual-dysfunction/masturbation/masturbation-healthy
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/43362-religious-perceived-porn-addiction.html
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you’re trying to stop looking at pornography and you’re having a hard time, delete any racy pictures or videos from your computer and install anti-porn software to block your access to adult sites. Try exercising or participating in a new hobby with your friends to keep yourself distracted while you're breaking the habit. If you have family or friends who you can really trust, talk to them about what you're going through and ask them to help hold you accountable as you work on quitting. For advice from our reviewer on how to identify your triggers and find healthier alternatives, read on...
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Reader Success Stories
- "Thanks, this helped me a lot. It helped me realize that pornography is just a perverted way of sexual enjoyment and that no matter how much you watch it, it won't fill a void in your life. By the way, you guys who created this site really helped me with a lot, not just this. So thank you all again." ..." more
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"Thanks, this helped me a lot. It helped me realize that pornography is just a perverted way of sexual enjoyment and that no matter how much you watch it, it won't fill a void in your life. By the way, you guys who created this site really helped me with a lot, not just this. So thank you all again."
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"This has really helped me find ways to escape the temptation of pornography, especially when boredom has struck. Being alone or away from my spouse seems to be the trigger. Now I have my distractions, or anti-climaxers so to speak, so I can get along without succumbing to temptation. Many thanks."
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"I did it. When I wanted to watch porn, I just did something that was left for me to do, like chores, homework, chat, train kickboxing and do stuff I never did, like basketball and cooking. A porn-free life if awesome!"
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"It's very concise and straightforward. I love the step-by-step methods. Thanks for the website blocking idea. I'm a 25 year old Christian virgin addicted to porn and I want to stop. Now I don't feel so awkward."
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"It helped me because I had stopped and resumed again but then my mind was not just ready and I now don't watch it at any cost even though I wish sometimes but still ignore it."
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