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This article was co-authored by Charity Danker, LPC
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. Charity is a Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. She considers herself a Holistic Sex & Relationship Coach based in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. With over 11 years of professional experience, she specializes in many fields, including marriage and couples counseling, somatic sex education, and sexual dysfunction. She also practices as a certified orgasmic meditation trainer. Charity received her BA in Psychology from Oklahoma State University and her MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from Southern Nazarene University. She then went on to become AASECT certified in Sex Therapy.
There are 9 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 149,954 times.
When it comes to sharing their life with someone, men are looking for many of the same things women are—they want someone who's confident, caring, and has a great sense of humor. While looks can draw someone in, it's a woman's personality that will make a man want to stick by her side. Read on to find out how to attract the man of your dreams.
Things You Should Know
- Show your confidence by being friendly and open and standing up for yourself when necessary.
- Talk about your goals and successes to exude the ambition he wants to see in a woman.
- Start conversations with his friends so he knows that you're sociable and fun.
Steps
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Confidence is the #1 thing men find sexy in women. Men tend to find it particularly alluring when a woman knows who she is and what she brings to the table. They want a woman who has a strong sense of her own identity and worth as an individual.
- Demonstrate your confidence by smiling , making eye contact , and standing tall with good posture . Assert yourself and your interests clearly rather than shying away from speaking up.
- Avoid being clingy , which can turn some men off. If you need constant reassurance or are plagued with doubt over even the smallest decision, he might find that exhausting.
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Men are typically interested in a woman with her own goals. Men tend to want women who are goal-oriented—women who know what they want out of life and know what steps they need to take to get there. These are goals that are related to the woman as an individual, not necessarily the woman in relation to a man. [1] X Research source
- Make a 5- or 10-year plan for your life and talk about the outline with him. It shows him that you're not just winging it—you're taking active steps to go after what you want.
- Don't be afraid to talk about your career or other achievements. Men tend to be impressed by women who are reaching for the top and aren't afraid of success.
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A man wants a woman who gets along with others socially. While there's nothing wrong with being an introvert or a homebody, men tend to prefer women who can be open and sociable when they are out in group settings. A woman who isolates herself and doesn't talk very much likely won't attract a lot of attention. [2] X Research source
- Show him that you're friendly and sociable by introducing yourself and making conversation when you cross paths with people he knows. He'll be impressed if you make the first move.
- Ask people open-ended questions when you talk to them to show that you're interested in what they have to say. This also projects friendliness and will make him very interested in you.
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Men tend to prefer women who have their act together. It's great to be playful and fun when it's appropriate, but most men want to be with women who know how to act like adults. A mature woman isn't petty and doesn't start drama—rather, she's open and rational to everyone and tries to approach things with reason rather than impulse. [3] X Research source
- A big way to show him your maturity is to avoid gossiping around him. Even if you've heard the juiciest tidbit, keep it to yourself.
- Keep in mind that if you're constantly surrounded by drama or you have a lot of overly dramatic friends, any man you're interested in is likely to assume that you're a drama queen as well.
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A man usually wants to be with a woman who is emotionally stable. Many men consider this an essential characteristic. They will likely have a hard time being in a relationship with women whose emotional reactions are extreme or unpredictable. They like to be able to understand where women are coming from. [4] X Research source
- Keep your emotions in check rather than flying off the handle when something doesn't go your way. Look for what you can do to fix a problem rather than simply reacting to it.
- If you feel like you need to calm down, walk away from the situation for a few minutes and take some deep breaths . Once you've eased your nerves, you can return and find a resolution to the problem.
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Men tend to look for women who share the same sense of humor. While both men and women list humor as a key characteristic in a potential mate, their focuses are different. Women tend to want men who make them laugh, while men aren't necessarily interested in funny women. Rather, they want women who are receptive to their humor—women who think they are funny. [5] X Research source
- If you think about it, these two stances make sense! A woman wants a guy who makes her laugh and a guy wants to make a woman laugh. If your senses of humor happen to align, it's potentially a match made in heaven.
- Show him that you share his sense of humor by laughing at his jokes. Creating inside jokes between the two of you is another way to display a shared sense of humor.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1711 wikiHow readers what’s most attractive about a person, and 56% said sense of humor and charm. [Take Poll]
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A man typically wants a woman who is kind and considerate. For men who are interested in starting a family, this is an even higher-ranking quality they look for. Regardless, a man tends to look for a woman who is kind and caring to everyone because he knows she'll be kind and caring to him as well. [6] X Research source
- Show your kindness by being friendly and polite to anyone you come in contact with, especially clerks in shops or servers in restaurants.
- Have good manners to show that you're considerate even when someone is rude or disrespectful to you.
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Men typically look for women whose actions are predictable. A man wants to be able to predict how a woman will act in various situations—he doesn't necessarily like to be surprised by her reaction. When she acts consistently, it shows him that she's been authentic with him and wasn't hiding her true self. [7] X Research source
- Be yourself around a guy that you're interested in. If you try to hide how you really feel or react in a different way than you normally would, he'll get the wrong impression about who you really are.
- If something upsets or offends you, let him know how and why. He'll appreciate your honesty and it will help him avoid similar situations in the future.
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Men tend to look for women who have their own lives and interests. While most men want to feel needed in a relationship, they also want women who are capable of living on their own. When a woman isn't dependent on him, he feels like he can contribute to her well-being.
- Allow him to be free to go out and do his own thing or hang out with his friends without getting upset about it.
- If you have a lot going on in your life and aren't always available whenever he wants to go out with you, that also shows him that you're independent.
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A man wants a woman to display her love for him openly. It's true that everyone has a different tolerance level for PDA, but all men want to feel as though their partners act in a loving way toward them. That might not mean he wants a woman to be all over him, but it does mean he craves a soft touch here and there or a warm smile that lets him know she cares. [8] X Research source
- Rest your hand on his arm while you're having a conversation, or tuck your arm around him while you're standing together.
- Another way to show affection is to lightly run your fingers through his hair or squeeze his upper arm or shoulder as you walk past him.
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Men tend to prefer women who make their own decisions. It might be an unfair stereotype that women tend to hem and haw about making decisions, but a lot of men take it to heart. A man wants a woman who isn't afraid to speak up about what she would prefer for dinner or which movie she wants to watch. [9] X Research source
- For example, if he asks where you want to eat, you might suggest a restaurant you've always wanted to try. You could also mention the type of food you want, such as saying, "I could really go for Mexican tonight. What's your favorite Mexican restaurant?"
- If you genuinely have no preference about something, let him know that. For example, you might say, "I don't have a preference—I'm truly open to anything. Do you have a strong preference?"
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A man wants to know that any woman he's with won't lie to him. Neither men nor women like lying, and honesty is the cornerstone of the foundation of any healthy relationship. Even little white lies can destroy his belief that a woman will be honest with him in the future. [10] X Research source
- If you're worried that being honest is going to upset him or hurt his feelings, say something to cushion the blow. For example, you might say, "I don't want to upset you but I feel that I have to be honest. Can we sit down somewhere in private and talk this out?"
- Find a way to be tactful while still being honest in situations where you don't want to insult him or hurt his feelings. For example, you might say, "I love you in sweaters, but I don't know if that's the right color for you. Do you have something in navy blue?"
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Men typically look for women who they know will stand by them. When a man is in a relationship with a woman, he wants to know that she'll always be in his corner, no matter what. To that end, a man typically looks for a woman who will lift him up and support him , even if she doesn't entirely agree with what he's doing. [11] X Research source
- Show your support by cheering him on when he's engaging in activities he loves or when he's going through a hard time with work or with people in his life.
- Let him know that he can talk to you whenever he needs to and that you'll be there to listen and offer your advice or opinion if he wants it.
- If you have misgivings about something he's taking on, let him know how you feel while also conveying your support. For example, you might say, "I don't know if this is the right company for you, but if you want to apply I'm behind you 100%."
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A man feels secure in a relationship with a committed woman. Both men and women crave security in relationships, but they tend to value different types of security. For a man, he wants to feel as though the woman he's with is in it for the long haul and is devoted to him and to their relationship. The more he feels that she's committed and invested, the more willing he'll be to open up to her. [12] X Research source
- Show your commitment by including him when you talk about the future. For example, you might say, "I was thinking about what to do with my two weeks of paid time off next year. Would you rather go to the mountains or the beach?"
- You can also show your commitment by asking for his advice on things that will affect your life in the future or in the long term. For example, you might say, "What do you think about my taking that promotion at work? It would mean a lot of extra hours but the pay and benefits are great."
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Men want to know that they can rely on a woman when they need her. When the chips are down, a man wants to be with a woman who he knows will step up and do what's needed. If he needs help, he wants to feel as though he can depend on her to come through with whatever he needs—or find help if she can't do it herself. [13] X Research source
- Like many other qualities, the best way to show that you're dependable is simply to do what you say you're going to do.
- Keep your commitments to other people as well and he'll recognize that you're dependable to everyone, not just him.
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A man prefers a woman who is smart and interested in the world. Reality shows are a fun diversion, but most men look for women who also think about things on a slightly deeper level. Relationships have more staying power when the two of you can converse about things beyond the superficial. [14] X Research source
- Demonstrate your intelligence by talking about your career or college studies. You might also talk about a book you've read recently or a podcast you listened to.
- Intelligence is definitely relative. Most people tend to be attracted to people who are at least as intelligent as they are. For example, a CEO would be looking for someone who was on a similar track.
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Men typically need to be visually attracted to maintain interest. This isn't to say that every man out there is looking for a supermodel—but visual stimulation is much more important for men than it is for women. If a man doesn't find a woman physically attractive, he's not likely to have a lot of interest in pursuing a relationship with her. [15] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Take care of your own appearance to be more attractive to him. This doesn't mean you have to dress to the nines with full makeup every time you go out, but if you're always clean and presentable he'll recognize that you care for yourself.
- Before you write off guys as superficial, consider that positive personality traits can make a person more attractive—a phenomenon researchers have dubbed "the halo effect." [16] X Trustworthy Source Science Direct Online archive of peer-reviewed research on scientific, technical and medical topics Go to source
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Authenticity and confidence attract people who love you for who you are. Focus on building inner strength, self-love, and a unique personality. Feeling good about yourself creates the allure that will draw someone special in.
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A man wants a woman who will listen to his side of the story. Men want to be understood just as much as women do—this is a very human quality. When a woman makes an effort to understand a man, he feels as though she's interested in him as a whole person, not just a superficial idea of a person. [17] X Research source
- Show your understanding by asking him questions when he says or does something that doesn't make sense to you.
- Avoid making assumptions or dismissing something he says in a generic way without probing why. For example, you might say, "What you just said came off a little misogynistic. Can you elaborate on why you think that way so I can understand you better?"
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Men typically need to feel needed in a relationship. A woman who makes a man feel needed and capable is one who will let him know on a regular basis how much she appreciates his efforts. She thanks him when he does things for her, but also shows her appreciation in little ways.
- Say "thank you" whenever he does something for you, no matter how small. It also helps if you go out of your way to thank him just for being himself or being in your life.
- Let him know that you appreciate various aspects of his personality as well. For example, you might say, "Thank you for asking me how I felt about that movie. It made me feel like you were really making an effort to understand me better and I appreciate that."
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A man wants a woman who treats him with respect and decency. Here, a man is looking for a woman who treats him with the same respect she would accord any other person in her life whom she thinks highly of. He wants to know that she admires or even looks up to him. [18] X Research source
- Asking him for his opinion or advice on something—and then really listening to and taking in what he has to say—is a great way to show him that you respect him.
- Avoid making excessive demands on his time or attention. For example, if you pout or pitch a fit when he says he's having a guy's night, it might tell him that you don't respect his time or his relationships with his friends.
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about dating, check out our in-depth interview with Charity Danker, LPC .
References
- ↑ https://betterafter50.com/the-top-12-qualities-men-want-in-a-woman/
- ↑ https://betterafter50.com/the-top-12-qualities-men-want-in-a-woman/
- ↑ https://everydaypower.com/what-men-want/
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/3326-modern-men-women.html
- ↑ https://www.psychology.uwo.ca/pdfs/SONA/articles/1-martin.pdf
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
- ↑ https://betterafter50.com/the-top-12-qualities-men-want-in-a-woman/
- ↑ https://everydaypower.com/what-men-want/
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/12492/what-men-want-look-for-woman/
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/12492/what-men-want-look-for-woman/
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/7-things-men-want-in-a-relationship-jgc/
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
- ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8133465/
- ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886914003626
- ↑ https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/12492/what-men-want-look-for-woman/
- ↑ https://everydaypower.com/what-men-want/
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Charity Danker, LPC
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. Charity is a Licensed Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. She considers herself a Holistic Sex & Relationship Coach based in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. With over 11 years of professional experience, she specializes in many fields, including marriage and couples counseling, somatic sex education, and sexual dysfunction. She also practices as a certified orgasmic meditation trainer. Charity received her BA in Psychology from Oklahoma State University and her MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from Southern Nazarene University. She then went on to become AASECT certified in Sex Therapy. This article has been viewed 149,954 times.
48 votes - 51%
Co-authors: 4
Updated: August 9, 2024
Views: 149,954
Categories: Love
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 149,954 times.
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