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How to cope with rejection when she doesn’t feel the same way
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It can be hard to navigate the world of flirtation and dating and trying to determine if a girl is shy, playing hard to get, or just not interested can be pretty confusing. While it's important to remember that no two girls are the same, and they might express their interest in different ways, there are a few signs you can look out for to figure out if she's not feeling it. We’ve compiled a thorough list of these signs, complete with expert insights from dating coaches and psychologists. Keep reading for everything you need to know!
Signs She’s Not Into You
- Her body language is closed off or tense.
- She doesn’t make eye contact with you.
- She avoids touching you.
- She doesn’t smile or laugh at your jokes.
- She avoids spending one-on-one time with you.
- She gives dry responses when you talk to her.
- She doesn’t introduce you to her friends or family.
Steps
Section 1 of 2:
12 Signs That She’s Not Into You
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Her body language is closed off. “Generally speaking, a girl will stand closer to you and will have more relaxed body language if she feels comfortable around you, e.g., relaxed shoulders, and not crossing her arms,” explains marriage and family therapist Elvina Lui. [1] X Expert Source Elvina Lui, MFT
Marriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 29 May 2019. If she's doing the opposite of these things and seems closed off rather than open, this could be an indication that she’s just not into you. [2] X Research source Here are some specific body language cues to look out for:- She leans away from you when you try to move closer to her
- She consistently turns her head away from you
- She keeps a barrier between you (positions herself behind a chair or table or puts her purse or backpack between you, like a shield)
- She doesn’t smile often when interacting with you
- She is fidgeting often or seems tense
- She has a bored or disinterested facial expression [3] X Research source
- What to do if you see this sign: Back off and give her some space. Her closed-off body language could be her signal that she's uncomfortable, and you don't want to come on too strong or freak her out.
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She avoids making eye contact with you. Making eye contact can be quite intimate, so some girls may look down or away because they are shy. However, if you find that her eyes are always darting around when you talk to her as if she's looking for her friends or trying to find an escape route, this could be a sign that she’s not feeling the conversation, and you should politely excuse yourself.
- What to do if you see this sign: If this only happens once, it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't like you—she could just be having an off day. However, if she seems to avoid your gaze every time you try to talk to her, she’s most likely not into you, so it’s probably best to stop flirting with her.
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She goes out of her way to avoid touching you. When a girl is flirting with you, she may do things like reach out and touch your arm, grab your hand, or playfully push you, explains dating coach John Keegan. [4] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 10 June 2021. These casual touches are often hints that someone is attracted to you. On the other hand, if she actively avoids touching you, this may be a sign that she just isn’t feeling it.- For example, if she’s not into you, she may move away when you try to give her a hug, slide further from you when you’re sitting next to each other so your bodies don’t touch, or avoid walking too close to you so your hands don’t brush against each other.
- What to do if you see this sign: Give her physical space, and don't try to touch her. She might just not be into physical affection, but it could also be a sign she’s not interested. Either way, it's best to let her be the one to initiate physical contact if she feels like it.
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She doesn’t smile or laugh when you make jokes. Even if it's not that funny, a girl will usually laugh when a guy she likes makes a joke. In fact, research shows that humor is an important part of attraction. When a woman receives a man’s joke well, this is often read as a positive sign in the world of courtship. [5] X Research source If none of your jokes seem to land. If you just can’t get her to smile or laugh, this could be a sign that she’s not feeling a connection with you.
- What to do if you see this sign: If she doesn't crack a smile at your joke one time, it could be because she's having a bad day (or it was a terrible joke). It's more of a concern if your jokes are met with silence day after day. If that's the case, it could be time to move on.
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Your “dates” always turn into group hangouts. If you ask her to the movies and she shows up with three friends, it might be a miscommunication. But if this happens every time you invite her to do something, she may be inviting friends to tag along to make the vibe less romantic and avoid spending one-on-one time with you. In other words, it might be her way of letting you know she just wants to be your friend.
- What to do if you see this sign: The next time you ask her to hang out, make it clear that you’re asking her on a one-on-one date. This type of direct conversation can be scary, but at least you’ll know where you stand, and if she says she’s not interested, you can start the process of moving on.
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She only talks to you when she needs something. If you only hear from her when she needs help with a project or needs a ride somewhere but she doesn't have time to talk to or hang out with you otherwise, she might not be interested in you. She may just see you as a friend she can call on when she needs a favor, or she might even be using you (especially if she doesn’t seem thankful and never offers to help you with tasks in return). [6] X Research source
- What to do if you see this sign: In this case, you have two options. You can either distance yourself from her and stop saying “yes” to the favors she asks, or you can try to have an honest conversation with her about how this dynamic makes you feel. Either way, it’s important to stop going out of your way for her if you feel like the relationship is lopsided.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1392 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that the biggest red flag that a girl might be using you is if you feel like she is with you for your money . [Take Poll]
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She says you’re “like a brother” to her. While this means you two are close and she has genuine affection for you, it's unlikely she sees you as anything beyond a good friend. Saying you think of someone as a sibling is basically removing any romantic possibilities from the equation, and she probably wouldn’t say this if she was open to a relationship with you. [7] X Research source
- What to do if you see this sign: There’s likely not a chance for romance in this situation, but a girl who describes you this way definitely values your presence in her life. You may not be right for each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, but you can definitely have an awesome friendship!
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She doesn’t ask you about yourself or your life. Pay attention to how often she asks you questions about yourself and how much she talks about herself. If she only talks about her life and her issues when you’re hanging out, and she doesn’t show interest in what’s going on with you, this could be a sign that she’s just that into you. [8] X Research source
- If it doesn’t seem like she’s paying attention when you actually are talking, this is another bad sign.
- Dating coach Eddy Baller explains that, if a girl likes you, she’ll most likely listen attentively to the things you say, and she won’t seem bored or disinterested. [9]
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Expert Source
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. - “You can see this in a person's face and in their body language,” Baller says. “They’re not showing the signs of trying to run off, and they’re looking at you with kind of a strong focus.” [10]
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Expert Source
Eddy Baller
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 February 2020. - What to do if you see this sign: Try telling a story about something that happened to you recently. If she doesn’t seem to be paying attention, doesn’t ask any follow-up questions, and immediately starts talking about herself again when you’re done, it may be best to stop flirting with her and move on.
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She doesn’t try to keep the conversation going. If she gives you super dry responses when you’re trying to talk to her over text or in person, this isn't a good sign. When someone is attracted to you, they’ll usually give open-ended replies to keep the conversation going, and they’ll also ask you personal questions to take it to deeper places. [11] X Research source So, if she answers with short, one-word answers and avoids asking you follow-up questions, she might not be interested in you romantically.
- For example, if you ask her how her day was and she just says “Good” and then doesn’t ask you about how your day was in return, she’s likely not feeling it.
- What to do if you see this sign: This is a pretty clear sign that she’s not interested, so it’s likely best to back off and stop flirting with her.
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She doesn’t want to spend time with you. If she always seems to be busy whenever you ask her to hang out, or she often cancels plans with you at the last minute and then doesn’t ask to reschedule, these are pretty clear signs that she isn’t into you. True, some people do have really busy schedules, but if she liked you romantically, she would likely figure out ways to see you. [12] X Research source
- What to do if you see this sign: Try having a conversation with her about it. If she truly is just busy, the two of you can talk about finding a time that works in her schedule. She may say that she just doesn't want to hang out, which can be painful, but at least you’ll know where you stand.
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She doesn’t introduce you to her friends or family. When a girl is developing feelings for you, she'll usually want to introduce you to their friends and family to see whether or not you fit into her world. [13] X Research source On the other hand, if she never invites you to meet or hang out with her friends or family members, it may be a sign that she doesn’t see a future with you.
- What to do if you see this sign: Some people don’t have good relationships with their family, so it may not be a red flag if she isn’t eager to introduce you to them. However, if she seems to keep her entire personal life separate from her relationship with you, it could be time to let her go.
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The connection feels purely physical—not emotional. If she shows interest in hooking up with you but doesn’t ever want to go out on a real date or talk about feelings with you, this may be a sign that you’ve got a friends-with-benefits or situationship type of thing going. [14] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source She may be attracted to you physically, but she isn’t into you romantically.
- What to do if you see this sign: Have a conversation about how you’re feeling. It’s possible that she actually is into you, but she’s keeping things casual because she thinks that’s what you want. If she says she only wants a physical relationship, you can decide if you feel comfortable with that, or if you want to end things.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you know if a girl is not interested in you through text?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.It should be pretty easy to pick up on it. If she isn't really engaging with you and she keeps responding with one- or two-word answers, she isn't into it. Also, if you're always texting her first, that's a pretty big sign, too.
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QuestionWhat are some body language cues that she likes me?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.A lot of eye contact and smiling is usually a good sign. If she goes out of her way to touch you, that's usually a surefire sign she likes you. The old "hair twirl" move is also a pretty universal sign she thinks you're attractive.
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QuestionShould I cut contact with someone who rejects me?Community AnswerThat's really up to you. Is the relationship worth keeping, even if it's not romantic? Only you can make that call.
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References
- ↑ Elvina Lui, MFT. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 10 June 2021.
- ↑ https://news.ku.edu/news/article/2015/08/27/first-comes-laughter-then-love-study-finds-out-why-humor-important-romantic-attraction
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202402/how-to-tell-if-someone-is-using-you
- ↑ https://www.cbc.ca/life/wellness/5-ways-to-tell-if-you-re-in-the-friendzone-and-the-1-way-out-1.3840598
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-s-levine/shes-just-not-that-into-y_b_165609.html
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 7 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/article/10-signs-shes-just-not/
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
- ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-a-situationship
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 18 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/what-to-do-when-your-crush-doesnt-like-you-back/
- ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/what-to-do-when-your-crush-doesnt-like-you-back/
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
About This Article
Article Summary
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To know when she just isn’t interested in you, read her body language for clues about how she feels about you. For example, if she leans back whenever you get close to her, you may be making her uncomfortable. In addition to her body language, if she avoids making eye contact with you and always appears to be looking around for her friends, she may not be interested in being alone with you. You may need to give her some space if she doesn’t seem interested so you don’t annoy or possibly scare her. It’s also important that you be okay with being rejected so you’re able to accept it and move on if she isn’t interested in you. For tips about how to know when she just isn’t interested in you by watching her reaction when you tell a funny story, keep reading!
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- "Most of the females that I know from either high school or college have suddenly disappeared from my presence. I think that I should probably take that as a hint, but then again, if they just want to be friends, then that's fine. " ..." more
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"Most of the females that I know from either high school or college have suddenly disappeared from my presence. I think that I should probably take that as a hint, but then again, if they just want to be friends, then that's fine. "
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"Even though I am not a man, I am still taking notes because it's important to show my respect for other's space+autonomy."
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