20 Qualities Women Look for in Men According to Experts

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Here are the qualities that make men more attractive to women
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You might think that women are only after tall, attractive men who make a lot of money, but the truth is most women are more interested in a guy's personality and values than they are in superficial things. Confident men who show a willingness to be open and vulnerable are typically the most attractive. Read on to learn about the other characteristics that women prefer when they're looking for a life partner.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach, Cher Gopman, founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC. Check out the full interview here.

1

Confidence

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  1. Confidence is usually at the top of the list for a woman when she's looking for a man to share her life with. Most women just don't tend to enjoy spending time with men who are insecure or unsure of themselves.
    • Stand tall and maintain good posture to project confidence. When you're in a conversation, make appropriate eye contact .
    • Mirror her body language as another way to display confidence. For example, if she leans in, you lean in. It can feel unnatural at first, but with practice, it'll come more easily.
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2

Integrity

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  1. When a man has strong moral integrity, it means he knows what's right and what's wrong. He'll always strive to do right by others and he's not going to cut corners, even if he knows he could get away with it. [1]
    • When you do something wrong, be accountable for your own actions and behavior and take responsibility when you need to. This shows her you have integrity.
    • She wants to know that you share the same values as she does, so talk about these things early on to make sure you're both on the same page in terms of how you treat each other and other people. [2]
3

Honesty

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  1. She looks for a man who will always be honest with her. No one likes it when someone lies to them or tries to hide the truth from them. But with women, honesty is one of the most important traits they look for in a man they want to spend time with or start a family with. Honesty is often considered the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship. [3]
    • Women tend to rank honesty higher than men do in terms of its importance in a relationship or potential partner. [4]
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4

Emotional Availability

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  1. For women, emotional availability tends to be more important than sexual availability—seriously! A woman is more likely to break things off with a man who isn't emotionally available than she is to break up with a guy who won't have sex with her as often as she'd like. [5]
    • Express your emotions freely and openly to show that you are emotionally available .
    • Be open and willing to talk about your feelings about various things, not just your relationship with her. For example, you might talk about how a movie the two of you just watched made you feel.
5

Humor

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  1. Humor is a high-ranking trait in pretty much any study on women's preferences. It tends to win out over a lot of other traits, so a man's sense of humor could be even more important than how he looks or where he works.
    • Everyone has their own sense of humor, so when you're first getting to know her, feel her out to see if your senses of humor are compatible.
    • If you have a light and playful personality and outlook on life, making her laugh will come naturally to you. Remember: she just wants someone she knows she can have fun with!
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6

Respect

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  1. A woman looks for a man who will treat her with respect . Mutual respect is always important in a healthy relationship, but if she's going to respect her man, she needs to know that he's going to respect her also. Ideally, she's looking for a man who treats her with the same respect he treats other men. [6]
    • Be willing to support her when she needs it, both emotionally and physically. Let her know that you understand everybody needs a little help sometimes and it's not a weakness or anything to be embarrassed about.
    • Don't be afraid to ask her for help or support as well! This is an important way to show her that you respect her opinion and her skillset. For example, you might ask her for advice about a disagreement you have with a friend or coworker.
7

Kindness

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  1. This is especially important if she's thinking about eventually starting a family with him. She's going to look for traits that would make a good father, and kindness is up near the top of that list. But even if she's not interested in having kids, she'd still rather be with a partner who is kind than one who is cold or cruel. [7]
    • Treat servers at restaurants with kindness and always tip them well. She'll look to this as an indication of how kind you are in general.
    • If she wants to start a family, she's also going to pay close attention to how you act around children and animals. Always treat them with kindness.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 221 wikiHow readers and 47% of them agreed that the characteristic they value most in a potential partner is a kind and caring nature . [Take Poll] So those may be great qualities to hone and show off to women!
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8

Patience

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  1. A man who is patient will take the time needed to talk to her and really understand what's going on rather than rushing to a snap judgment. If he doesn't understand something, he'll give her the time and space she needs to explain it. [8]
    • To show you have patience, practice active listening when she's talking to you. Don't railroad her or talk over her.
    • Ask her what she would prefer in any situation rather than making assumptions. This also shows that you're willing to hear her out.
9

Stability

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  1. This doesn't necessarily mean that a man has to be wealthy to qualify—although it can for some women. Typically, though, it means that she wants a man who has figured out what he wants to do with his life and is taking steps to get there. He's goal-oriented and in control of himself.
    • If you haven't already, create a budget to get control of your finances. Make a 5- or 10-year plan for your life and put steps in place to make those plans happen.
    • Show that you're capable of providing for yourself and potentially a family without causing a lot of drama or confusion. She wants a man who has taken charge of his life and knows what he wants out of it.
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10

Dependability

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  1. In a serious relationship, women want to be able to depend on the man in their life. If he says he's going to do something, she knows he's going to do it. Beyond that, he'll go above and beyond to meet her needs so she always knows she can count on him to do what needs to be done, even if she doesn't come right out and ask him. [9]
    • When you tell her that you're going to do something, make sure you do it. Beyond that, look for little ways to go the extra mile.
    • For example, if she asks you to stop by the store and pick up an ingredient she forgot for dinner, you might pick up some flowers or chocolate as well.
    • As your relationship deepens, you'll start to understand what she needs on an intuitive level. Pay attention to her needs and do what you can to fulfill them in small ways without needing to be asked.
11

Intellect

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  1. Yes, she wants a man who's smart, but that doesn't mean every woman is holding out for a rocket scientist. Rather, she values a man who is a lifelong student and never stops learning about the world around him and things that fascinate him. [10]
    • Show your intellectual curiosity by asking questions about various topics or looking up information about something she's curious about.
    • Avoid pretending like you already know all there is to know about something or talking over her. When she has expertise about something, ask her questions to draw out her knowledge.
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12

Maturity

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  1. Sure, you can be silly and playful from time to time, and you might even go out and party once in a while. But a mature man keeps his home in order and pays his bills on time. He's rational and reasonable and knows what's most important. [11]
    • It's okay if you still enjoy playing video games or hanging with the boys from time to time, but show her that you're capable of adulting and aren't stuck in the teenager mentality.
    • Keep your cool in emotional situations and avoid flying off the handle over the smallest slight. This could worry her that you're emotionally immature. Walk away and take a few deep breaths if you feel yourself getting heated and need to calm down.
13

Assertiveness

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  1. Women typically favor a man who stands up for himself . Generally, women prefer when a man isn't afraid to stand up for himself or for what's right. He won't passively accept something that's wrong just because he doesn't want to make waves, but he also knows how to assert himself without upsetting or hurting people. [12]
    • When someone says or does something that you believe is wrong, say something in a calm manner. Let them know that what they did wasn't right.
    • Show your assertiveness by keeping your emotions in check. Avoid getting angry or flying off the handle when someone says or does something that upsets you.
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14

Passion

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  1. When she's looking for passion, she's not necessarily looking for sexual passion (although that might be important too)—she's looking for a man who is definitely the main character in his life, seeking out new experiences and always looking to expand his horizons. He may be ambitious or driven, but he's definitely not willing to sit around and let the world pass them by. [13]
    • Talk about your hobbies and other interests excitedly to show her your passion for them. When you share your interests, she'll see that you're really living life to the fullest.
    • Teaching her how to do something she doesn't know how to do is another way to show your passion. For example, if you're an avid pool player and she's never played, you might teach her how.
15

Vulnerability

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  1. The way to truly be in love with someone is to be vulnerable . If a woman is going to fall for a man, she wants to know that he's open to being vulnerable with her. If he can't do that, it's going to be hard for them to build a close relationship.
    • Tell her that while you recognize that you could get hurt, being open with her is more important than trying to protect yourself from potential emotional pain.
    • Let her know that you trust her and are willing to share your emotional life with her.
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16

Chemistry

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  1. It's hard to put that feeling into words, but without chemistry, most relationships aren't going to get off the ground. She may like a guy a lot and feel a strong connection to him, but without chemistry, she's not likely to take that next step into a serious relationship with him. [14]
    • This is why it's typically important to meet up for a face-to-face date as soon as possible when you match with a woman online. No matter how compatible you are, you want to make sure the chemistry is also there.
    • Remember that chemistry goes both ways—it's possible that she might be feeling it but you're not (or vice versa), and that's okay! The right woman is out there.
17

Trustworthiness

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  1. Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship and a woman typically isn't going to be interested in a man who seems shady or not on the up and up with her. If he's cagey about his past or makes excuses, she's likely to assume that he's just not trustworthy enough. [15]
    • Show her that you're trustworthy by doing what you say you're going to do and showing up on time for dates and other events.
    • Another way to show trustworthiness is to always be forthright when you answer a question, even if you think she might not like your answer.
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18

Curiosity

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  1. When a man is no longer curious about the world around him, he closes himself off to new experiences and new knowledge. A man who is innately curious, on the other hand, will always be interesting because he's always open to learning new things. [16]
    • Ask open-ended questions and listen actively when she's speaking to show that you're curious about her perspective.
    • Continue with related follow-up questions to get her to open up more and show her that you're interested.
19

Awareness

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  1. Part of respecting her means being aware that her life experience is different. A man who's aware will ask her questions and seek to better understand her experiences and what makes her perspective different from his. [17]
    • Validate her feelings and experiences, even if they're entirely different from your earn.
    • Make an effort to show sensitivity to different cultural experiences as a way to show her that you're aware of different perspectives and outlooks.
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20

Acceptance

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  1. It can be insulting when someone wants to change you or seems to believe you need to change to be worthy of them—and that really turns women off. Women tend to prefer men who are accepting of their flaws and love them as a whole person, rather than trying to make them into someone else.
    • Show her that you're willing to take her as she is. For example, if she has a more casual style, don't buy her formal clothes or insist on only taking her out on very dressy dates where she's likely to feel outside of her comfort zone.
    • Try to understand why she does the things she does by asking her, rather than immediately disagreeing with her or dismissing something she says or does.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      2. ↑ https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2019/1/30/men-and-women-want-mostly-the-same-thing-in-a-partner/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      4. ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
      5. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5961442/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      7. ↑ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-006-9151-2
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      9. ↑ https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2019/1/30/men-and-women-want-mostly-the-same-thing-in-a-partner/
      1. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103106000345
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      3. ↑ https://www.scu.edu/media/college-of-arts-and-sciences/psychology/documents/Burger-Cosby-JRP-1999.pdf
      4. ↑ https://www.ryananswers.com/blog/what-attracts-women-to-men-psychology/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives
      6. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167203262847
      7. ↑ https://www.ryananswers.com/blog/what-attracts-women-to-men-psychology/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201806/15-things-women-want-the-men-in-their-lives

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