What to Do if You Don't Have Close Friends

Co-authored by Paige Bowen, MA, EdM and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: January 20, 2024 Fact Checked

If you feel like you have a lot of casual friends or acquaintances but no one close, you’re not alone. Not having any close friends is surprisingly common, especially in your 20s and 30s. We'll help you examine the reasons why you might not have close friends, help you make new connections, and teach you how to deepen your existing relationships.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Reasons Why You Don’t Have Close Friends

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You might feel shy or nervous meeting new people. Lots of us feel that way, and it’s totally natural to be a little anxious when meeting someone new. Try to focus on the other person instead of yourself, and remember that they might be feeling nervous, too! The more you practice meeting new people and forming connections, the easier it will get. ^{[1]
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- A great way to do this is to ask people questions about themselves. Most people really enjoy talking about their life, and it can help take some of the pressure off you during the conversation.
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You may push people away instead of getting close to them. Sometimes we hold people at arm’s length accidentally. If you have a few friends but you wouldn't necessarily consider them close ones, you might be holding yourself back a bit. There are lots of reasons why you might be doing this, either on purpose or subconsciously, so try to give yourself permission to let people see the real you. ^{[2]
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- To get better at opening up to people, ask them questions about themselves, then reveal the same information about yourself. If you view it as a give and take relationship, it might be easier to share some of the more intimate details of your life.
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You might not make enough time for them. Good friendships will get much closer if you keep in contact, and they can fizzle out if you accidentally forget about them. Everyone’s busy, so don’t worry too much if you forget for a week or two, but try your best to talk to your friends often. ^{[3]
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- Even if you can’t hang out with them in person all the time, just sending them a text or calling them on the phone can be enough to keep up that relationship.
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You may have outgrown your past friendships. As we get older, we often enter new phases of life and leave some of our friends behind. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it just means you might have to look for friendships elsewhere with people you have more in common with. You can still keep in touch with old friends, but be open to making new friends, too. ^{[4]
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- For instance, if you and all your close friends from high school went to different colleges, you’ll probably find it a little tough to keep up with all of them.
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You could be a little unreliable. When you make plans, stick to them, and let your friends rely on you. Close friendships happen when people can trust each other, so you want to be the best friend that you can be. Do your best to stick to your word, and keep up with the plans that you make with your pals. Over time, you’ll grow closer because they know they can trust you. ^{[5]
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- Similarly, if someone opens up to you about personal details of their life, keep the info to yourself.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

How to Build Close Friendships

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Ask people about themselves. Get to know your friends more by seeing how they’re doing and what they’re up to. Try to dive a little deeper, too—instead of just saying, “What’s up?” try, “How are you feeling today?” The more you learn about their life, the closer you two will get, and you’ll be able to form tons of close connections this way. ^{[6]
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- Try to remember details about them and ask about them later, too. For instance, if your friend was stressed about a meeting at work, you might shoot them a text the next day that says, “Hey! How did your meeting go?”
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Say yes to social invitations. If someone invites you somewhere, try it out! It’s okay to feel a little nervous about going into a new social situation. However, saying yes to invitations is one of the easiest ways to strengthen your connection with someone. Plus, it shows that you’re open to making new friends, and you might even meet some cool, new people. ^{[7]
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- For instance, maybe your coworker invites you out for happy hour. If you say no, they might think you aren’t super interested in being friends with them. But if you say yes, you’ll probably get to know them on a deeper level.
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Reach out to acquaintances. Make the first move to strengthen your connection with others. You probably have people in your life that you’d consider acquaintances, but maybe not close friends. Start with those people, and ask them to hang out one-on-one. The more you can talk to the people in your life, the better you’ll be able to build close connections with them. ^{[9]
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- Even people you haven’t talked to in a while can be a good source of friendship! You never know who might be happy to hear from you.
4
Talk to old friends on social media. This is a great way to reconnect with people you lost touch with. It’s totally normal to stop keeping up with certain people, like friends from high school days. If you want to, you can look them up on Instagram, Facebook, or even Twitter and send them a message. Ask them what they’ve been up to and how they’re doing, then see if they want to hang out IRL (if they still live in the area). ^{[10]
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- You could say something like, “Hey Jess! Long time no talk! Just stumbled across your profile and wanted to reach out. How have things been going with you?”
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Meet new people in a club or hobby group. ^{[11]
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Research source} You can build almost instant connections with someone if you have the same hobby. If there’s an activity you really like to do, look on your local neighborhood pages to see if other people like it, too. Then, you can hang out with like-minded people and chat about your hobby or favorite activity. From there, you’ll probably make a close connection or two. ^{[12]
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- Try checking out local Facebook groups or NextDoor pages.
- Join your local gym to meet and connect with new people.
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Try volunteering to make new connections. You can meet tons of people in your community this way. Look online for local organizations that need volunteer help, then head over there on the weekends or after work. You can meet new people by asking them about why they’re volunteering, what they do for their day job, and how long they’ve lived in the area. Plus, you can bond over your love of the community and your willingness to volunteer for others. ^{[13]
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- Shelters, animal rescues, and nature conservatories are great places to start looking around for volunteer positions.

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