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Getting what you need from someone you don't know well
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We all need favors from time to time, and sometimes a complete stranger can best provide the help you need. Whether you will approach someone in person, write to them using email, or post your request on an online forum, there are some basic guidelines that can boost your success. We'll help you research your needs, think of what to say, and respectfully reach out to a stranger for help.
Things You Should Know
- Think about exactly what it is you need, and who can best provide it, ahead of time to increase your chances of success.
- Introduce yourself and say directly what you need. Communicate why you need it, and how it will help you. Offer to repay the favor, if necessary.
- Stay polite and patient, and express your gratitude for their time, even if they can't help you.
Steps
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Determine what you need. When you encounter a problem, stop and think about all possible solutions. Before you begin asking anyone for help, take some time to determine exactly what kind of help you need. A concise call for something specific will always garner better results than a general plea for assistance. [1] X Research source
- If you are seeking monetary donations, think very carefully about the specific amount you need, and exactly how it would be spent.
- If you are looking for professional advice, determine the precise question you need to ask.
- Rather than simply explaining your problem, try to devise a practical solution you can ask for.
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Conduct some research. People are much more likely to help if they feel like you’re doing some of the work. Use the internet or talk to people you know to learn more about your unique problem, as well as what could solve it. [2] X Research source
- For example, if you need help paying your mortgage, be sure you have investigated all refinancing options and state or federal programs that could help you.
- Begin with a simple internet search of your problem and read all you can about other people who have been in your shoes, as well as possible solutions to your problem.
- Reader Poll: We asked 266 wikiHow readers, and 66% of them agreed that the best way to seek help and information is by searching online or using search engines . [Take Poll]
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Determine the best mode of communication. Some requests are best made in person, others are better over email, and still others are best communicated en masse through social media or other online platforms (such as Facebook, Reddit, or Go Fund Me). Think about how your inquiry will work best. [3] X Trustworthy Source University of North Carolina Writing Center UNC's on-campus and online instructional service that provides assistance to students, faculty, and others during the writing process Go to source
- Do you need to speak to a specific person or would you rather speak to many people at once?
- Are you able to schedule a meeting and speak to someone?
- Are you comfortable blasting your situation on the internet?
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Find the best person (or people) to reach out to. Whether you intend to use the internet or approach someone in person, think about who your target audience is. Who is most likely to respond to your request? Furthermore, make sure you know why you are choosing to reach out to that person (or people). If you can express your motive for choosing them specifically, people are much more likely to help. [4] X Research source
- Is it a professional acquaintance, or someone whose work you admire?
- Is it a specific online community (such as a forum of mothers)?
- Is it friends of friends?
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Foreground your personal credibility. Researchers have concluded that there are three major factors that determine the outcome of requests for favors. These are (1) the asker’s credibility, (2) the demonstration of need, and (3) the offer of repayment. As you brainstorm what you will say in your inquiry, devise ways to foreground your ethos, or personal credibility. [5] X Research source
- Explain that you are a good, hard-working person. You might say, "I have been at the same job for 12 years," or "I volunteer at my local church."
- If you are communicating to a specific group, demonstrate your ongoing inclusion. Reddit users, for example, are far more likely to assist someone who has already been a member of their community over somebody who creates a new account and then asks for help.
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Demonstrate your need. The second, and arguably more powerful, factor has to with the demonstration of need. As you brainstorm what you will say, think of ways to express why you need this help. [6] X Research source
- Mention the other ways you have tried to solve this problem. You might say, "I have already spoken with a lawyer," or "I have been in touch with my local representatives," or "I have initiated a fundraiser through my church."
- Mention the other factors that contribute to this need. You might say, "I am also currently putting my daughter through college," or "My husband recently lost his job."
- Explain why this need is urgent. You could say, "If we do not solve this problem by next Monday, we could lose our house."
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Offer to repay the favor. Third, individuals are more likely to offer help if they feel you will work to repay the favor. You may not be able to repay money, or return the exact favor, but perhaps there is some other way you could “repay”? [7] X Research source
- Think about what you have to offer.
- What can you offer the person who helps you? A home-cooked meal? Free advertising on your website?
- Think of some way you could pay this favor forward. Rather than paying your benefactor back, consider promising that you will help someone else in the future.
- You might say, "I'm not able to repay this money. However, for every $10 I raise, I will spend a Saturday volunteering at my local soup kitchen."
- You might say, "Each donor will receive free advertising space on my personal website."
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Introduce yourself . Whether you approach someone in person, through email, or via a social media platform, always begin by introducing yourself. (This is a great place to communicate your personal credibility.) Talk a little about your background and tell your story, but keep this brief. Aim for 1-2 minutes or 200-250 words.
- Here is an example: “Hello everyone. My name is Rachel Addison. I am a hard-working, educated mother of 2. I am a professional decorator and avid social media user. Over the course of past six months, I have been working to solve a serious problem. I have determined that I cannot do this on my own, so I’m asking for your help.”
- Be sure to think about your audience. Adapt your language and tone to suit who you're talking to.
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Be direct. People do not like to feel manipulated. Although it is important to be polite, and to include some important rhetorical elements into your request, you do not want to load it down with compliments and pleasantries. Rather, people liked to be asked directly. Just come right out and ask for what you need. Remember to be specific. [8] X Research source
- You might say, “I need to raise $1,000 to pay for my dog’s surgery. The breakdown of how this money will be spent looks like this: [include budget or photograph of vet bill.] I am seeking donations ranging from $5 to $50. If you are not able to donate, please consider sharing this request with others.”
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Show gratitude. People respond best to requests if they feel the asker is “grateful.” Beyond a simple “thank you,” it can be helpful to express what their assistance can do. You may explain what a given dollar amount could accomplish, or what their advice could mean for your career. Additionally, including that thank you never hurts. [9] X Research source
- You could say, “Even a donation of $5 brings me closer to covering my mortgage for one more month. Each contribution lessens my stress and restores my hope.”
- You might say, “Thank you so much for taking the same to read my story.”
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/living-forward/201909/how-figure-out-what-you-want-in-life
- ↑ https://learningcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/studying-101-study-smarter-not-harder/
- ↑ https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/effective-e-mail-communication/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/tracking-wonder/202002/4-tips-effectively-ask-help-and-get-yes
- ↑ https://arxiv.org/abs/1405.3282
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/gratitude-practice.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201610/7-effective-ways-ask-help-and-get-it
- ↑ https://arxiv.org/abs/1405.3282
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