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Avoiding someone you love, whether you're avoiding them in person, online, or even just in your own thoughts, can be done by changing your mindset and staying focused. By staying away from places they frequent and hiding their posts on social media, you'll be much more successful in avoiding them. If you do run into them, it's best to give them space, avert your gaze, and stay calm and polite.
Steps
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Try to stay away from places they're likely to visit. You probably have a good idea of what the person you love likes to do and where they often go. Use this information to avoid spots where you're more likely to run into them, such as grocery stores near their house, their gym, or their favorite restaurants. [1] X Research source
- For example, if you know they visit Chinese restaurants often or study at the local library, try ordering your Chinese food or studying at a coffee shop instead.
- If there are places that you have to go where they might be, try to go at times where the person is less likely to be there too.
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Hide the person on social media so you don't see their posts. Even if you try to avoid the person in real life, it can be hard to truly get away from them with social media showing you what they're doing all the time. Hide their profile so you can't see it, or unfollow them to clear your feed of their posts. [2] X Research source
- Facebook lets you hide a person's post when they show up in your newsfeed, and you can also unfriend or block people.
- Try unfollowing the person on Instagram or Twitter so that their posts don't show up for you to read.
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Be upfront and tell the person you need space. Sometimes telling the person directly that you need to cut ties with them is the best way to go, and it reduces a lot of stress and anxiety related to avoiding someone. Tell the person politely that you need space and would prefer that they don't contact you in the foreseeable future. [3] X Research source
- For example, tell the person, "I'd really appreciate it if we could give each other some space and not interact for awhile while I work through some things."
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Block them so they can't contact you, if necessary. In extreme cases, it might be easier to block the person on your phone and social media so that they can't talk to you at all, and you can't talk to them. Your phone allows you to block phone numbers so that they can't call or text you, as do most social media sites. [4] X Research source
- This works well if you don't have the willpower not to try talking to them.
- You're usually able to unblock the person later on, if desired.
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Stay as far away from them as you can if you see them in person. If you see the person you're trying to avoid, it's best to put as much distance between the two of you as possible. If you're inside a room, like a restaurant or office, try going to the opposite end of the room.
- If you're outside, you have a lot more space to maneuver your way away from them.
- If you see the person at school, walk to a different end of the hallway or sit at a desk on the opposite side of the room.
- If you see the person while you're at work, walk to a different room if possible, or look down if you're sitting at your desk so they can't see you as well.
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Shift your gaze so you're not looking at them. While it's okay to glance at the person every now and then to see where they are, don't stare or make eye contact with them. By ensuring that you're never spotted looking their direction, you're less likely to have to interact with them. [5] X Research source
- Focus on what you're doing and try to avoid thinking about them so that you don't even have to worry about accidentally looking at them.
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Start up a conversation with someone around you. This not only helps distract you from the person you're trying to avoid, but it also makes you appear busy. If there's someone standing near you, try starting up a simple, polite conversation with them for a couple of minutes. [6] X Research source
- If you're talking with another person, the person you're trying to avoid is less likely to come interrupt you.
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Leave calmly if you notice the person walking over to you. If you see the person you're trying to avoid coming over to you and you really don't want to interact with them, walk across the room in the opposite direction or leave entirely. Do it calmly and without making a big deal out of it.
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Give a concise, neutral response if they talk to you. If you tried your best to avoid them but you just weren't successful, be polite. You don't need to start up a long, detailed conversation with them, but you can shut down the conversation quickly and politely by answering with 1-word answers or politely nodding your head. [7] X Research source
- If you want to continue talking to the person but know it's a bad idea, it's especially important to remind yourself to give neutral, short replies.
- For example, if the person asks you how you're doing, just say, "I'm doing well, thanks."
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Practice moving on and being in the present. Whenever you catch yourself reflecting on the past or thinking about the person you're trying to avoid, refocus and think about your present and future. This will help motivate you to move on and set new goals for yourself.
- Set goals such as getting in shape, learning a new skill, or advancing in your career.
- Think about the things that are currently going well in your life, such as your job, social life, academics, or personal health.
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Focus on the person's negative characteristics when you think about them. When you love someone, it's easy to only think about their positive attributes, or the qualities that you love about them. By reminding yourself that they have flaws, it'll help shift your outlook and make it easier for you to stay away from them. [8] X Research source
- For example, the person may be very kind, but maybe they also are always showing up late, have trouble keeping promises, or are a bit lazy.
- Reflecting on what you didn't like about the relationship can also help you avoid those things in the future. [9]
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Expert Source
Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
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Put yourself first. Put aside any thoughts you have about the person you love and are trying to avoid, and instead start focusing on yourself. Evaluate your own needs and spend some time reflecting on how you can make yourself happier, healthier, and more content.
- Set aside time each day just for you, whether it's through reading each morning, doing yoga, or reflecting in a journal.
- Try out a new activity like boxing, cooking, or swimming.
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Stay busy through distractions. Try to fill your time with activities and goals, no matter how big or small. The busier you are, the less time you'll have to think about the person you love, making it even easier to avoid them.
- For example, start a daily routine of going to the gym, reading, going to work, gardening, and then cooking a new recipe. [10] X Research source
- Try to choose distractions that get you out of the house and moving, such as going on bike rides, thrift shopping with friends, or volunteering.
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Tips
- If you're going through a breakup, try to avoid seeing your ex for at least 3 months so you have time to move on and heal. If you've been together for a long time, you might need more like 6 months to a year before you'll feel okay seeing them again. [11] X Expert Source Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.Thanks - If you're having trouble avoiding the person you love and think you need to talk to someone, reach out to friends, family, or a professional.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo7YCZk0qQQ
- ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a61852/why-to-delete-facebook-friends/
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo7YCZk0qQQ
- ↑ https://byrslf.co/the-generation-of-blocking-and-ghosting-people-5820094f05b0
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201403/the-neuroscience-making-eye-contact
- ↑ https://theundercoverrecruiter.com/how-start-conversations-complete-strangers-natural-way/
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/polite-way-to-end-a-conversation-2017-6
- ↑ https://io9.gizmodo.com/5983273/how-to-fall-out-of-love-with-somebody
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
- ↑ https://io9.gizmodo.com/5983273/how-to-fall-out-of-love-with-somebody
- ↑ Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Licensed Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 April 2019.
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