How to Comfort a Man

Download Article
Download Article

If a man in your life is having a tough time, it can be hard to know how to comfort him without being overbearing. No matter what he’s feeling, respecting his boundaries and listening when he talks are great ways to get him to open up to you. With these tips and tricks, you can help a man feel better by supporting him in the way that works best for him.

1

Know how men tend to respond to stress.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/09\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":325,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":514,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    A man may isolate or withdraw when he's stressed. For example, he may start watching TV more than usual, turn to alcohol, or visit the gym for hours at a time to relieve his stress. However he responds to stress, remember, every man is different. Some possible ways that a man may respond to stress are: [1]
    • Avoiding situations. He may try to stay away from places or people that trigger his stress.
    • Creating problems to mask stress. Although counterproductive, a man may create problems to avoid the real issue or to have a greater sense of control.
    • Being angry. Men tend to express anger more easily than other emotions since it is more socially accepted. He may become easily frustrated or start to yell.
    • Blaming others. Because men tend to externalize, a man may blame others for his problems to avoid the feelings of stress.
    • Increasing physical activity. A man may begin to exercise more, play sports, or engage in other physical activities to release tension.
    2. Advertisement
2

Tell him it’s okay not to feel okay.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Reassure him that he’s allowed to experience any emotions, even if it’s sadness or anger. There are no good or bad feelings, so he shouldn’t feel ashamed. [2]
    • Say something like, “Getting fired is really tough, and I don’t blame you for feeling scared and angry. I’m here for you no matter what.”
    • Or, “Losing a parent is really difficult. I hope you feel like you can let your emotions out around me.”
3

Offer your support.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/de\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/de\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You can simply say that you’re here if he needs to talk so he knows you’re available without pressuring him into anything. This will also assure him that he can count on you as a source of relief, even if he’s not ready to tell you what happened yet. [3]
    • You might say something like: “I’ve noticed you seem a little preoccupied lately. I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
    • Or, “You seem a little distracted tonight. Is there anything you want to talk about?”
    2. Advertisement
4

Listen carefully when he talks.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/5f\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/5f\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If he does, though, be sure you’re actively listening by making eye contact, nodding your head, and asking follow-up questions. Try to avoid offering solutions or giving advice, unless he asks you to. [4]
    • You can say something like, “I’m sorry your brother said that to you. How did that make you feel?” Or, “Have you talked to your boss about what happened?”
    • Try not to say things like “you’ll get over it” or “don’t worry about it,” since these can make him feel like you’re downplaying his feelings.
    • If he doesn’t want to talk, just sit with him quietly. A gentle question or two might help, but don’t push him to talk if he doesn’t want to.
5

Give him a hug.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If your boyfriend, husband, or close friend is crying, reach out and hug them tightly. If you don’t know the person very well (like a coworker or an acquaintance), you can simply reach out and touch their arm or ask if they’d like a hug. [5]
    • Not everyone is super into hugs, and that’s okay. If you know he isn’t a fan of physical affection, ask him if he'd be comfortable with a hug.
    2. Advertisement
6

Point out his strengths.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e5\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Giving him unconditional positive regard will reassure him that he can count on you even when he’s not feeling his best. Let him know that you admire him and appreciate all of the good in him.
    • You could say something like, “I know you’re not feeling great right now, so I just wanted to remind you how much I appreciate you and your handyman skills. You’re always so great at fixing things around the house.”
    • Or, “You’re such a supportive husband and a great father to our kids. Even when you’re not feeling your best, I know I can count on you.”
    • Or, “We’ve been friends for 10 years now, and I’ve really appreciated having you in my life. You’ve helped me through so much, so I hope I can do the same for you.”
    • Talk about past times he's been able to get through things or past times he's succeeded. [6]
7

Send him a nice text.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/82\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Send him a text that says “Thinking of you” or “Hope you’re doing well.” Even if he doesn’t respond, he’ll probably be thankful that you reached out. [7]
    • You could also say something like, “I know you’re having a hard time right now, and I just want you to know I’m here for you. Text or call me if you need anything.”
    • Or, “I heard about what was going on at work, that really sucks man. Let me know if you wanna talk.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Do an extra chore around the house.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fe\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fe\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If it’s his turn to do the dishes, offer to do them so he doesn’t have to. If he needs to run errands after work, see if you can take care of them. Little things like this will show him that he can lean on you for support. [8]
    • Letting him relax on his own can give him time to work through his emotions if he needs to.
9

Make him his favorite meal.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/98\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/98\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Pick up ingredients for his favorite dinner or dessert and take his mind off of his stresses. If you aren’t a huge fan of cooking, offer to pick up his favorite takeout from a nearby restaurant instead. [9]
    • If he’s feeling sick, make him some soup or a hot mug of tea.
    • While this won’t be a cure-all for everything he’s feeling right now, food can be a great distraction.
    2. Advertisement
10

Invite him to get active with you.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2a\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2a\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Without ignoring his problem, suggest going for a walk, game, or any other social activity. If he’s not feeling it, that’s okay too, but he might welcome the distraction. [10]
    • This is especially important if he is isolating himself or staying inside too much.
11

Keep in touch with him daily.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/89\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/89\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you two don’t live together, try to call or text him at least once a day. You can check in to see how he’s feeling, if he’d like to meet up, or if he simply wants to chat over the phone. [11]
    • Having someone check in on him can help him feel less alone, which might raise his spirits.
    2. Advertisement
12

Suggest professional help if he needs it.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f0\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-12-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-12-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f0\/Comfort-a-Man-Step-12-Version-2.jpg\/aid1512549-v4-728px-Comfort-a-Man-Step-12-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Offer to help him make an appointment with his doctor or a mental health professional so he can talk through his feelings in a healthy, nonjudgmental way. [12]
    • Many men are very opposed to seeking mental health help, even if they need it. Try to suggest it kindly and without judgment so you don’t make him feel pressured.
    • Say something like, “I’ve noticed that your mood has been pretty low for a while now. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a professional about how you’re feeling?”

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • If he threatens or attempts suicide, or is abusing alcohol or drugs, suggest that he seek psychiatric help immediately.
        Thanks
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Comfort a Crying Woman
      How to
      Get a Man to Marry You
      How to
      Make a Man Fall in Love with You
      How to
      Comfort a Friend Who Has Been Sexually Molested
      How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take to Work?
      33 Sweet & Romantic Apology Messages for Your Love
      How to
      Make a Cheating Boyfriend Feel Bad
      7 Ways to Get Revenge on Someone
      13 Ways to Annoy a Passive-Aggressive Person
      How to
      Apologise to Your Boyfriend Through Text
      How to
      Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
      How to Tell if a Married Man is Using You: 16 Red Flags
      How to Politely Remind Someone to Reply to You
      How to
      Make Your Boyfriend Happy when He Is Angry
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-men.htm
      2. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
      3. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
      4. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
      5. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/victorlipman/2018/07/01/how-to-react-if-someone-is-crying-at-work/?sh=79dc732b4cef
      6. ↑ Donna Novak, Psy.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 31 December 2020.
      7. ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
      8. ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
      9. ↑ https://mhanational.org/blog/10-ways-cheer-someone-right-now
      1. ↑ https://www.stress.org/how-to-tell-when-a-man-is-stressed
      2. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/for-friends-and-family/
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/depression-in-men.htm

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to comfort a man who is upset, try offering your support by asking if he wants to talk. For example, you could say something like "You've seemed stressed lately. Do you want to talk about it?" If he opens up, just listen without interrupting or asking a lot of questions. If he's not up for talking, try distracting him with a fun activity instead, like going for a walk or going to a movie. To learn some ways to cheer him up, keep reading.

      Did this summary help you?
      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 384,683 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Anonymous

        May 28, 2017

        "I had prepared his favorite meal, but wasn't too sure on going ahead to invite him over because I know he ..." more
      More reader stories Hide reader stories
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement