12 Simple Ways to Comfort a Man when He Is Stressed

Co-authored by Donna Novak, Psy.D

Last Updated: August 25, 2021 References

It can be hard to watch a man you care about feel stressed out. Luckily, there are a lot of things you can do to help comfort him. The key is to show him that you’re there for him for anything he needs.

Here are 12 simple things you can do to comfort a man when he’s feeling overwhelmed.

1

Look for signs that he’s stressed.

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He may not even realize that he’s as stressed as he is. If he starts acting snappy, angry, anxious, or restless, he may be overly stressed. Additionally, if he seems to be self-medicating with alcohol, food, or other unhealthy things, it could also be because he’s stressed out. Keep an eye out for signs that he could use your help. ^{[1]
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2

Listen to him talk about his stress.

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Give him your full attention so he feels heard. Try asking him about what’s bothering him or what’s got him so stressed out. When he talks to you about it, pay attention to him and really listen. Sometimes, just talking about his problems can help lower his stress levels. ^{[2]
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Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.} Besides, you can’t comfort him if you don’t know what’s wrong! ^{[3]
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- You could try asking something like, “Hey, you seem really stressed. Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better. I might even be able to help you out with it.”

3

Ask him what you can do.

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Try asking him flat out what you can do to help him. Sometimes, he may just need a listening ear. Other times, he may want your advice or input about what he should do about a problem he’s having. ^{[4]
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Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Interview. 8 December 2020.} He may even just need some relaxing time watching a funny movie or playing his favorite video game. Just by asking what he needs, you can show him that you want to comfort him and you can figure out what he actually wants from you. ^{[5]
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- Sometimes people aren’t sure what they need to help them de-stress. You could try offering up some options like, “Do you wanna grab a pizza?” or “We could watch that new episode we haven’t seen yet if you want.”

4

Tell him that he’s not alone.

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Let him know that you’re there to support him. If he’s really stressed out, he may feel isolated and overwhelmed. Just by telling him that you’re there for anything that he needs, you can help settle him down. Even if there’s nothing you can actually help with, you can still be there for him emotionally. ^{[6]
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- For instance, if he’s stressed about something at work, you could say something like, “Well, just know that I’m here for anything you need from me. Just say the word.”

5

Try comforting him physically.

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In addition to supporting him emotionally, you can also try to connect with him through physical touch. A simple hand on his shoulder or a sweet hug can help remind him that he has you to help him deal with his stress. ^{[7]
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6

Allow him to vent his frustrations.

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Encourage him to let it all out. Sometimes, he just may need to let it all out. Let him rant about whatever is bothering him. Tell him not to bottle it all up inside and release the stress he’s holding. He may feel a lot better afterward. ^{[8]
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- You could say something like, “It’s okay to feel angry or upset. Let it all out. I won’t judge you for it.”

7

Ask questions about his problems.

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Try to help him broaden his perspective. He may be focused on a single issue or missing the big picture. Questions can help him think outside of the box and may help reduce his stress and worry. He may even come up with a solution that he hadn’t considered before or have a change in mindset. ^{[9]
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- For example, you can try non-threatening questions like, “Why do you think that is?” or “How would you handle this in a different situation?”

8

Gently offer advice.

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You may be able to see something he's missing. If you do think you might see a solution to a problem that’s stressing him out, tell him! Be kind and supportive and avoid trying to tell him what to do. Instead, gently offer up a potential solution. He may be super grateful for it. ^{[10]
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- For instance, you could say, “Well, what if you tried this instead?” if you think you may have a good idea for him to try.

9

Give him a massage.

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A nice shoulder massage can help relax him and lower his stress levels. Ask him where he feels tension and use your hands to gently work the muscles to help loosen them up. Additionally, just knowing that he has your support and care can help make him feel better. ^{[11]
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10

Make him some tasty food.

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He may be so stressed out that he’s forgotten to eat a proper meal. Some tasty food can also be really comforting. Ask him what he would like to eat and then make it for him or order it so you can enjoy the meal together, which will both nourish him and help reduce his stress levels. ^{[12]
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11

Spend time together without electronics.

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With so many screens in our faces, it can be hard to get away from it all. Some downtime together without any electronic devices can give your brains a break and help you reconnect with each other. ^{[13]
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12

Get some exercise together.

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If you have some free time, maybe go for a run or a bike ride together. You could also check out a group fitness or yoga class. Exercise can help reduce his stress and you guys get to hang out together while you exercise. ^{[14]
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How can I be supportive to my stressed partner?

Donna Novak, Psy.D
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Donna Novak is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Simi Valley, California. With over ten years of experience, Dr. Novak specializes in treating anxiety and relationship and sex concerns. She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and a doctoral degree (Psy.D) in Clinical Psychology from Alliant International University-Los Angeles. Dr. Novak uses a differentiation model in treatment that focuses on personal growth by increasing self-awareness, personal motivation, and confidence.

Donna Novak, Psy.D

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Really listen to what they're saying—don't just automatically go into problem-solving mode. Then, ask them what you can do to support them.

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Sometimes there isn’t anything you can actually do to help, but you can always show him that you’re there if he needs you.

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12 Simple Ways to Comfort a Man when He Is Stressed

Steps

Look for signs that he’s stressed.

Listen to him talk about his stress.

Ask him what you can do.

Tell him that he’s not alone.

Try comforting him physically.

Allow him to vent his frustrations.

Ask questions about his problems.

Gently offer advice.

Give him a massage.

Make him some tasty food.

Spend time together without electronics.

Get some exercise together.

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