How to Date a Short Guy As a Tall Girl

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: November 2, 2024 References

Dating a shorter guy can make some women feel a little insecure. If you're one of those women, you may need to examine your priorities when dating a shorter guy. You may also need to focus on what you do like about him (his personality and good looks), rather than what you may not like about him (his height).

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Dating in the Early Stages

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Skip the filter. When trying to date online, don't filter out guys based on height. You might be filtering out someone who's actually perfect for you just because he's a few inches shorter than you'd like. In fact, try not to specifically mention a height you want in your profile, as it can turn some people off. ^{[1]
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- For instance, if you mention your height or you say, "Only tall guys!" many guys may figure you don't want to date them and move on, even great guys.
- The same is also true in real life. Don't dismiss a guy who's striking up a conversation with you just because he's an inch or two shorter.
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Check your insecurities. That is, many women feel like they need to be with a taller guy because they feel insecure about their own size. Having a taller guy makes them feel smaller, and subsequently, more feminine. However, how you feel about yourself shouldn't be based on how your body relates to your guy's body. You need to feel secure in your own body to feel secure in a relationship with a shorter guy. ^{[2]
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- Start by thinking about why you're finding it hard to be with a shorter guy. Does he make you feel too large? Are you embarrassed to be taller? Spend some time exploring your feelings.
- Try to change your thinking. Being shorter than a guy doesn't make you more feminine. It doesn't make you a giant to be taller than your boyfriend. Only you can decide if you feel feminine (if that's what you want) or unfeminine.
- Spend some time affirming yourself in the mirror. You could say, "I love the soft wave of my hair." Building your confidence this way can help you get over some of your insecurities.
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That is, maybe you shouldn't wear your tallest heels if you're going on a first date with a short guy. That doesn't mean you should slouch--own your height. However, there's no need to draw attention to the height difference by adding more inches. Also, try to skip any comments about the height difference unless he brings it up with a joke.
Just like you probably don't like people cracking jokes because you're tall, he probably doesn't like hearing jokes about how short he is. Try to skip the wisecracks, particularly when you're first starting out. ^{[3]
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Work on your bias. If you've mostly dated guys who are taller than you, it may take you some time to adjust, and that's okay. You can even date other guys while you're adjusting, as long as you all agree you're not exclusive. Give yourself the time you need to get to know him and adjust your feelings about his height. ^{[4]
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- Remind yourself that him being shorter than you doesn’t change anything, vise verse.
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Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach

Does height matter? When you're in a committed relationship, height doesn't matter because you've already passed each other's tests. If you're about to start dating someone shorter than you, height still doesn't matter because once you get to know him better, you might fall for his personality.

Part 2

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Focusing on the Positives

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That is, if you're concerned about the height difference, you're somewhat focused on the externals. Instead, think about what you like about him as a person, such as his charm, his wit, his intelligence, or his compassion. You can't build a relationship on height alone, but you can build a relationship on personality. ^{[5]
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If you have a guy who's significantly taller than you, you really have to strain to kiss him. With a shorter guy, you're more likely to be closer in height, making kissing easier. Pay attention when you're saying goodnight to him, and appreciate the fact that you can kiss him without pulling a muscle.
Height really does open some doors, so guys who are shorter have to work harder to get ahead. That turns out to be a bonus for you because studies have shown that shorter guys usually do more of the housework than taller guys.
While at first being taller than your boyfriend may make you feel tall and out of place, try to look at it another way. That is, most models are on the taller side, so standing next to him makes you look more like a model, not tall and gangly.
While a short guy with a tall girl isn't as common as the opposite (a short girl and tall guy), you'll find many happy couples in the world who are similar in heights to you and your guy. Once you've observed a few couples (whether ones you know, a couple in public, or even celebrities), you'll likely find that they don't care at all about the height difference. Rather, they just care about loving each other. ^{[6]
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EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Happiness doesn't depend on one's physical appearance. That's why it's so important to focus on your unique qualities (like charisma and personality) rather than stressing about your height. These qualities will be what gets you dates!

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Dealing With Height Difference

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Decide you won't let others get you down about your height. That is, when you're trying to meet guys or when you're going out with a shorter guy, you shouldn't feel you need to hide your height. Most people find confidence sexy, so don't try to slouch or hunch over, as that will just make you appear like you're ashamed of it. Instead, stand up straight, look people in the eye, and flash a big smile. ^{[7]
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- Of course, once you're dating someone, you may decide you want to even out your heights a bit, but that is totally up to you.
If you don't want to emphasize your height difference, you can stick to flats most of the time rather than wearing heels. As a bonus, you're feet likely won't hurt as much! ^{[8]
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Research source} If you want to wear heels, try a shorter pair, rather than the 4- to 5-inch variety.
One way to even out your height differences, particularly when you're wearing heels, is to lean a little bit to the side by sticking out a hip. Obviously, you need something to lean on, such as your boyfriend. You don't want to slouch. Rather, you just want to look casual, putting you at a more even height with your boyfriend. ^{[9]
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