How to Deal With a Boyfriend Who Is Obsessed With Your Butt

Download Article
Download Article

It feels great to have a partner who loves how you look. But when your boyfriend is obsessed with your butt, it can start to make you feel uncomfortable or even objectified. In this article, we’ll tell you how to talk with your boyfriend and set clear boundaries that he has to follow—otherwise, you may want to rethink your relationship.

1

Tell your boyfriend that he’s making you uncomfortable.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/4e\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/4e\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If he’s a good boyfriend, he’ll want you to feel loved and cared for, not objectified or awkward. Tell him that what he’s doing makes you feel bad and that you’d like him to stop. [1]
    • Try something like, “I really don’t like it when you do that. It makes me uncomfortable, and I want you to stop it.”
    2. Advertisement
2

Identify your personal boundaries.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/43\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/43\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Everyone’s boundaries are different, so don’t be afraid to come up with your own. That way, you’ll have a clear message to tell your boyfriend when you two talk so there’s no misunderstanding. [2]
    • For instance, maybe you’re okay with your boyfriend grabbing your butt in private, but not in public.
    • Or, maybe you’re okay with him touching your butt, but you’d like him to ask you first.
3

Remind yourself that your needs are valid.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7c\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7c\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Everyone is allowed to have their own boundaries in a relationship, and that includes you. Standing up for yourself and telling your boyfriend how you feel will only improve your relationship, and it will make you feel much better, too. [3]
    • If your boyfriend doesn’t respect your needs, he is not a good partner, and it’s probably time to end things with him.
    2. Advertisement
4

Wait for a quiet moment to talk to him.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/88\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/88\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Pick a quiet, private spot to talk so you don’t get overheard. Picking the right time and place will probably lead to a much smoother conversation, and it will ensure that it goes better. [4]
    • If you aren’t sure whether or not your boyfriend is in a good place to talk, try asking, “Hey, do you have a second to chat with me?”
5

Use “I” statements.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    When you use “I” statements, focus on how his behavior makes you feel instead of blaming him for it. That way, you can have a much more productive conversation, and he’ll be more likely to respect what you’re saying. [5]
    • Instead of saying, “You always grab my butt in public,” try, “When you grab me in public, I feel uncomfortable.”
    • Instead of saying, “You only ever talk about my butt,” try, “When you compliment my butt and not the rest of my body, I feel like you’re sexualizing me.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Tell your boyfriend what you are okay with.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e4\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e4\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Maybe you don’t mind your boyfriend talking about your butt with you, or you’re okay with him grabbing your butt in private. Be clear about what’s okay so he knows in the future. Try something like: [6]
    • “It’s totally fine if you grab my butt when we’re home alone. I don’t mind it in private.”
    • “You can take pictures of my butt if you keep them to yourself.”
7

Set clear consequences.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/68\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/68\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You might take a break, rethink the relationship, or simply spend some time apart. It’s important to follow through with these consequences, too—that way, he knows you’re serious. [7]
    • Say something like, “If you don’t respect my boundaries, I think it might be best if we took a break.”
    • Or, “If you can’t respect my wishes, I’ll have to break up with you.”
    2. Advertisement
8

Listen to your boyfriend's perspective.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-8-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-8-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-8-Version-2.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-8-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It’s important that he has a say in the conversation too, even though it’s about your boundaries. Let him tell you his perspective, but be firm in your position. Nod along as he talks and ask follow-up questions to show that you’re listening. [8]
    • You can say things like, “I understand where you’re coming from,” and, “Could you tell me more?”
9

Speak up if your boyfriend crosses the line.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/25\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/25\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’re in public, pull him aside and tell him quietly that what he did was wrong. If you’re in private, you can sit down and have a longer talk and remind him about your boundaries. [9]
    • It’s important to call things out in the moment so he understands what you’re not okay with.
    • You could say something like, “Hey, that wasn’t cool. You can’t sexualize me like that.”
    2. Advertisement
10

End the relationship if he doesn’t respect your boundaries.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You deserve to feel safe and respected in your relationship, and your boyfriend can’t continue his behavior. If you’ve talked to him multiple times but he still does things that you’re uncomfortable with, break up with him as soon as possible. [10]
    • Breaking up might sound extreme, but it’s important to hold your ground and let him know that his behavior is not okay.
11

Get support from your friends and family.

Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/aid729986-v4-728px-Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Is-Obsessed-With-Your-Butt-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Talk to a close friend or family member about what you’re going through to see if they can help you out. Since they know you well, they might be able to suggest how to talk to your boyfriend and get through to him about your boundaries. [11]
    • Ask your loved ones not to spread rumors or talk about your boyfriend behind his back. Otherwise, it could end up hurting your relationship in the long run.
    2. Advertisement

Expert Q&A

Search
Add New Question
  • Question
    Is my boyfriend obsessed or in love?
    Jessica Swenson
    Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist
    Dr. Jessica Swenson is a Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist and the Founder of Transformative Growth Counseling. With over 10 years of experience, she specializes in relationships—both romantic and familial. She earned her PhD in Community Psychology from National Louis University and her MS in Clinical Psychology from Roosevelt University. She’s also a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional.
    Jessica Swenson
    Community Psychologist & Licensed Clinical Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Well, I think it kind of depends on in what way he is overly obsessed. Sometimes in new relationships, it can feel like someone has a higher sex drive or sexually obsessed with you. It could be a good conversation to have about. Try saying something like "Is there more in this relationship than just sex for you? What else do you see in this relationship for us? I'm concerned that this is sex phase for you."
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
    Yes No
    Not Helpful 9 Helpful 7
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • If your boyfriend doesn’t take you seriously, it may be time to rethink the relationship.
        Thanks
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Deal With Having a Big Butt As a Teenager
      How to
      Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust
      11 Subtle Signs Your Girlfriend Slept with Someone Else
      How to
      Tell When a Guy is No Longer Interested in You
      Make a Narcissist Come Crawling Back
      How to Find Out If a Guy is Playing You: 21 Signs He’s a Player
      How to
      Forget Someone You Love
      What Causes Mommy Issues in Guys, and How Do You Overcome It?
      How to Tell If Your Ex Is Waiting for You & What to Do about It
      How to
      Know if She Doesn't Like You Anymore
      Why Your Boyfriend Isn’t Interested in Sex & What to Do About It
      How to
      Tell if Your Girlfriend Likes Someone Else
      How to
      React when a Cancer Man Pulls Away
      12 Things to Do When Your Boyfriend Is Mad at You
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-are-my-boundaries/
      2. ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/what-are-my-boundaries/
      3. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/are-your-relationships-out-of-wack-how-to-set-healthy-boundaries/
      4. ↑ https://www.understood.org/articles/en/9-tips-for-having-difficult-conversations-with-your-partner
      5. ↑ https://www.raq.org.au/blog/how-set-boundaries-relationships
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/packing-success/202105/how-set-healthy-boundaries-in-close-relationships
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/couples-thrive/202011/how-set-and-respect-boundaries-your-spouse
      8. ↑ https://www.understood.org/articles/en/9-tips-for-having-difficult-conversations-with-your-partner
      9. ↑ https://www.raq.org.au/blog/how-set-boundaries-relationships
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-sex/202002/set-clear-boundaries-and-stop-accepting-less-you-deserve
      2. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/are-your-relationships-out-of-wack-how-to-set-healthy-boundaries/

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 308,841 times.

      Reader Success Stories

      • Ricky Dillion

        Jun 6, 2016

        "Thanks, this helped me a lot."
      Share your story

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement