How to Deal with a Cheating Boyfriend While Pregnant

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Getting cheated on is one thing, but getting cheated on while pregnant is a whole other ballpark. Surprisingly, infidelity during pregnancy is more common than you think—with all the emotional and physical changes going on between a couple, someone stepping outside of the relationship isn’t unheard of (although that doesn’t make it okay). What it does mean is that you aren't alone, and plenty of pregnant women have been in the same position you are right now. If you recently found out your boyfriend was cheating on you, take a deep breath and read through our helpful tips to learn what to do next.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

1

Confront your boyfriend about his actions.

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  1. If you aren’t 100% sure that he’s cheated (maybe you saw some weird texts or messages that made you suspicious), ask him to sit down and chat with you about what’s going on. Hopefully, you two can have an open, honest conversation about what he’s been doing behind your back. [1]
    • You can start the conversation by saying something like, “I’ve seen a few things that I’m pretty worried about. Could we sit down and talk?”
    • Then, say something like, “What you’ve been doing isn’t okay, and it makes me feel like you don’t care about our relationship.”
    • The goal here is to get everything out in the open and tell him that you know he’s been unfaithful. If he won’t admit that to you and you know he’s cheating, then you probably can’t continue the relationship. However, if he owns up to it and apologizes, you might choose to work on your relationship and stay together.
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2

Don’t make any decisions just yet.

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  1. Although it can feel tempting to break up with him and leave your boyfriend behind, give yourself a moment to just think. You have a few things to consider, especially when you’re pregnant, and making a decision while your emotions are running high might lead to some regret down the road. If you feel like you can, just take some time for yourself right now instead of deciding what to do about your boyfriend. [2]
    • You might feel sad, hurt, angry, or even numb—all of which are okay. You have a right to feel all of your feelings, so don’t bottle them up.
3

Give yourself some space.

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  1. If you two live together, figuring out what to do next while you’re in the same house can be tough. Spend a few days (or weeks) apart as you think about the relationship, and really try to figure out what you want to do next. This will give you some space to think about what you want, and also give you some time to reflect on your relationship as a whole. Plus, it gives you a nice break from all the stress, so you have a chance to relax on your own. [3]
    • Since you’re pregnant, it’s probably easier for you to stay in your home and for him to leave. That way, you don’t have to take a bunch of stuff with you, and you can relax in the comfort of your own home.
    • If neither of you have anyone you can stay with, consider sending your boyfriend to a hotel for a few nights.
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4

Don’t blame yourself.

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  1. It’s easy to blame ourselves when we get betrayed, especially when it’s someone we love. However, keep in mind that your boyfriend had plenty of opportunities to come to you with issues instead of stepping outside the relationship. [4] If he had a problem with you, he should have talked to you instead of finding someone to cheat on you with.
    • Even if things were strained because of your pregnancy, that’s still not an excuse. Plenty of couples find healthy, loving ways to work through their issues, and it’s not your fault that your boyfriend picked the wrong way to go about things.
5

Prioritize your health.

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  1. Be sure to do whatever is best for you, and keep up with your prenatal care. Don’t skip any doctor’s appointments, and reach out to your healthcare team if you’re having any issues. And, if you can, try to practice self-care, too. [5]
    • If you need help getting to and from doctor’s appointments, call a friend or family member for support.
    • Consider telling your doctor about the stress you’ve been going through. They might be able to provide resources to help you out in your time of need.
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6

Pick a neutral space to talk logistics with your boyfriend.

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  1. Even if you don’t want to get back together with him, you might still need to talk about childbirth, visitation, and his parental rights. Try going somewhere neutral, like a friend’s house, to talk things out calmly with each other. [6]
    • When you two talk, say something like, “I just had a doctor’s appointment, and the baby is healthy. I’m still on track to give birth in about a month. I haven’t decided whether I want you in the room or not yet, so just give me some time.”
    • Or, “Once the baby is born, I think we should split custody 50/50. You can still come and visit, but I’d like someone else to come with you, like your mom or one of my parents.”
    • If you aren’t ready to talk about your relationship yet, that’s totally fine. Make it clear that you’re only here to chat with him about baby stuff, not about the relationship.
7

Break up with your boyfriend if you can’t forgive him.

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  1. If you realize that you’ll never be able to trust your boyfriend again, you’re well within your rights to break up with him. Keep in mind, though, that you’ll still have to keep in contact with him occasionally since you two have a baby together. [7]
    • If you do break up with him, contact a lawyer to start talking about a custody agreement for when your baby is born.
    • You might also want to think about whether or not you want your boyfriend in the delivery room with you. It’s up to you, and you don’t have to have him in there if you don’t want him to be.
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8

Go to couple’s counseling to continue the relationship.

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  1. If you do decide to continue the relationship, make an appointment with a couple’s counselor and bring your boyfriend with you. There, you’ll be able to talk about what happened and why it happened, as well as get some advice from an unbiased third-party. [8]
    • Experts note that working through infidelity is very tough without the help of a professional. If you both really want to give your relationship another shot, the best way to do it is by going to counseling.
9

Work on building trust with him again.

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  1. It certainly won’t happen instantly, but if your boyfriend is truly sorry and wants to make this work, he can prove that he’s loyal to you and get you to trust him again. [9]
    • The best way to rebuild trust is to practice open, honest communication with your partner. Talk about how you’re feeling, how he’s feeling, what you’re both doing to repair the relationship, and where you see it going.
    • Your partner will probably also need to give you a sincere apology before you can move on and start working on trusting him again.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 121 wikiHow readers who've been cheated on, and 55% of them agreed that the most crucial step in rebuilding trust is open and honest communication . [Take Poll]
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10

Keep up your daily routine.

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  1. Things like these might be the last thing on your mind, but it’s super important to keep up your routine during times of emotional stress. Plus, falling back into a routine can help put your brain on autopilot, and it might help distract you from what just happened with your boyfriend (at least for a little while). [10]
    • If you want to, try adding a few stress-reducing activities into your routine, like meditation or yoga.
11

Lean on your support system.

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  1. If you have anyone who lives close by, call them up and ask them to come over. You can either tell them about what’s been going on, or you can simply hang out with them for a distraction. If you need any help around the house, you could also ask them for a few small favors, like cooking you a few meals or doing a couple of chores while they’re around. [11]
    • If you don’t want to continue your relationship with your boyfriend (which is totally valid), your friends and family will be super helpful once the baby is born. Reach out to them now to see if any of them are willing to stay with you after the birth and help out around the house for a few days.
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12

Talk to a mental health professional.

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  1. Try making an appointment with a therapist or a counselor to chat about what you’ve been going through and how you’re feeling. You can also talk about your relationship with your boyfriend, your feelings about the baby, and what you’re thinking about doing next. [12]
    • A mental health professional can also help you figure out ways to boost your self-esteem and get some confidence back.

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      References

      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      2. ↑ https://hbr.org/2015/05/dont-let-emotions-screw-up-your-decisions
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      5. ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/pregnancy/health-wellbeing/mental-health/stress-pregnancy
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
      7. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/cheating-and-breakups
      8. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      9. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201802/your-partner-cheated-now-what
      2. ↑ https://www.marchofdimes.org/complications/stress-and-pregnancy.aspx
      3. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.

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