How to Get to Know the Person You're Dating

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

Dating is all about finding that right person—the perfect match for you—and getting to know your date is just the first step. But where do you start? What questions should you ask? Don’t worry because we’ve got lots of ideas and questions on how you can get to know the person you’re dating! Keep reading to see how you can have some fun and get to know your date on a deeper level. Who knows? Maybe you’ll learn you’ve found the perfect match.

Ask the wikiHow Dating Coach

wH
wH
Hi there! Are you looking for dating advice? I've read every wikiHow dating article, and I'm here to answer your questions. Ask away, and let's get your love life on track together!
How do I resolve conflict with my partner?
What are some fun date ideas?
1

Ask open-ended questions.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1b\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-1.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Stick to asking questions that have to be answered with something more than “yes” or “no.” The questions can be as silly or serious as you like! Try out some of these the next time you talk: [1]
    • "What are your plans for the weekend?" [2]
    • “What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?”
    • “Was there a job you always wanted when you were a kid?”
    • “What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?”
    • “If you could live anywhere in the universe, where would you live?”
    2. Advertisement
2

Ask them questions about their future.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e2\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e2\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-2.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    See if your opinions, values, and beliefs match up with theirs by asking about their life goals and ambitions. This is a great way to get to know more about them and see if you truly vibe together. Give these questions a try: [3]
    • “Do you want to have kids someday?”
    • “Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?”
    • “What do you think about the current political environment?”
3

Learn about their interests.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/74\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/74\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-3.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Chances are they have hidden talents and interests that are worth exploring! Ask them what they like to do in their free time and see if you can join in on the fun. You’ll learn something new about them and possibly find a new hobby in the process.
    • Do they enjoy reading? Join their book club or start reading a book together.
    • Do they like going to the gym? Get a little competitive and pump some iron with them.
    • Do they have an interest in art? Take them to a local museum and watch as their eyes light up.
    2. Advertisement
4

Be curious about their life.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/05\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/05\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-4.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    If you’re truly curious about their interests, hobbies, and even emotions, show it. Ask them further questions about something they’ve said that interests you. Making an effort to pay attention and show a curiosity in them will not only show them you care, but will also help you get to know them better. [4]
    • Ask them questions about their life like, “Did you have fun hanging out with your friends last night?” or, “How was the gym this morning?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 245 wikiHow readers who've struggled to get to know their date, and 63% of them agreed the best way to learn more about them is by discussing something positive. [Take Poll]
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Don't be afraid to keep it simple. If you're struggling to come up with a good question, make a simple observation instead, like noticing their outfit and sense of style. Comments like these show genuine interest, and make it easy for the conversation to move forward.


5

Actively listen to them.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/22\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/22\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-5.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    With so many life distractions, it can be easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle, letting what they say go in one ear and out the other. Actively listening to your date will not only improve your communication and relationship, but will help you get to know them that much better. The next time you talk, follow these steps to be a good listener: [5]
    • 1. Paraphrase: When they’ve finished talking, restate what they’ve said using phrases like, “What I hear you saying is,” “It sounds like,” and, “If I understand you correctly.”
    • 2. Ask questions: When there’s a break in the conversation, ask them clarifying questions like, “When you say this, do you mean…?”
    • 3. Express empathy: Validate their feelings rather than negate them with expressions like, “I can sense that you’re upset,” and, “I can understand why you’re upset.”
    2. Advertisement
6

Open up about your past.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-6.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    It can be hard to feel comfortable expressing yourself when first starting a relationship. Open the door for them to share by sharing something about yourself. Maybe you bring up past school experiences or an embarrassing story that’ll make them laugh. This will help you both get to know each other a bit more.
    • “I used to hate tomatoes when I was a kid. Would pick them off everything! Did you hate any food as a kid?”
    • “I was the captain of the basketball team, and we went to state my senior year. Were you part of any sports in school?”
    • “I totally hugged the wrong person in the store thinking it was my mom. I was so embarrassed! Please tell me you did something like that when you were little.”
7

Invite them to hang out with your closest friends.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b7\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b7\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-7.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Your friends know you better than anyone, and chances are they’re dying to hang out with your new date! See how your date acts with your friends. Do they become the leader? Do they start cracking jokes? When we’re in groups, we tend to act differently—our attitudes possibly intensifying. Putting your date in a group will help you learn how they interact around other people. [6]
    • Spend time with their closest friends, too. Just like your best friends, their friends most likely know a whole lot about them.
    • Ask their friends questions about them and see just how they interact with those they're most comfortable with.
    2. Advertisement
8

Spend a typical day together.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/84\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/84\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-8.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Take turns spending days together. Rather than planning anything special, just go about your normal day. Go grocery shopping with them, make the bed, do laundry, and walk the dog. You’ll learn little things about each other that wouldn’t normally come up in casual conversation.
    • Are they neat or messy?
    • What kinds of foods do they like?
    • Are they a morning person or a night owl?
9

Take turns planning dates.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/da\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/da\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-9.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Take each other on surprise dates where you bring each other to a favorite restaurant, hiking trail, or fitness center. Create an experience that’ll help you get to know something unique about each other all while being introduced to something new. [7]
    • Do you like painting? Plan a date around your weekly art class.
    • Are you a wine connoisseur? Schedule a romantic getaway to your favorite winery.
    • Have a love for Indian food? Take them to your favorite restaurant and create an immersive experience they’re sure to love.
    2. Advertisement
10

Go on a road trip together.

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-10.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    With just you, your date, and the open road, you’re bound to learn something new about them! Do they like using GPS or sticking to a traditional map? Are they one to ask for directions or follow their gut? Embrace the chaos and have fun because this is an experience that’ll help your relationship grow stronger.
    • If you both love food, plan a trip that has the best mom and pop restaurants along the way.
    • If you’re both history buffs, take a trip down along a historic road with plenty of museums and artifacts.
11

Play “Never Have I Ever.”

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a5\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-11.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    You can keep the questions tame or get rather frisky—the choice is up to you! Hold up all your fingers, and each time you’ve done something, put a finger down. See who puts down all their fingers first. Here are some examples to get you started:
    • “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”
    • “Never have I ever eaten a peanut butter banana sandwich.”
    • “Never have I ever skipped class.”
    2. Advertisement
12

Get silly with “Would You Rather?”

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/20\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-12.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Simply give them two options where they only get to pick one. The beauty of this game is that it can spark conversation on why they picked what they did. Get creative and have fun! Give these questions a try and see how they react:
    • “Would you rather have toes for fingers or fingers for toes?”
    • “Would you rather eat ice cream for the rest of your life or never eat it again?”
    • “Would you rather never kiss again or never hug again?”
13

Play “Two Truths and a Lie.”

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-13.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-13.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/44\/Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-13.jpg\/aid12950767-v4-728px-Get-to-Know-the-Person-You%27re-Dating-Step-13.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    The game works like this: think of two truths and one lie about yourself and tell them to your date. Their goal is to decide which is the lie. Take turns going back and forth, and you’ll be surprised by how many random things you’ll learn—plus, you'll figure out how well they can fib! [8]
    2. Advertisement

Learn Dating Fundamentals with this Expert Series

Are you new to dating or just looking to improve your game? These expert articles will set you up for success with the basics of dating.
1
Date
2
wikiHow’s Ultimate Guide to Dating
3
Decide if You Are Attracted to Someone
4
Tell if You Genuinely Like Someone
5
Am I Ready For A Relationship Quiz
6
Get to Know the Person You're Dating

Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Turn a Girl On
      How to
      Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You
      45 Sweet Paragraphs That’ll Make Your Girlfriend Cry
      28 Funny Jokes to Tell Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Prepare for Your First Time for Guys
      Romantic and Thoughtful Texts to Send to Your Boyfriend to Make Him Feel Special
      Signs a Woman is Sexually Attracted to You
      How to
      Find Out if a Guy Secretly Likes You
      24 Different Ways to Kiss Your Boyfriend (and Be a Better Kisser)
      How to
      Kiss Your Boyfriend to Make Him Crazy
      How to
      Tell if Your Boyfriend Is Gay
      How to
      Get Your Boyfriend's Attention Sexually
      50+ Conversation, Board, and Video Games to Play with Your Girlfriend
      How to
      Comfort Your Girlfriend when She Is Upset
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
      2. ↑ Maria Avgitidis. Matchmaker & Dating Expert. Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.
      3. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/deep-questions/
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      5. ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/active_listening
      6. ↑ https://www.waldenu.edu/online-masters-programs/ms-in-psychology/resource/why-do-people-act-differently-in-groups-than-they-do-alone
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/tips-for-finding-lasting-love.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201504/10-great-ways-get-know-new-people-without-awkwardness

      About This Article

      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 32,654 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement