How to Get to Know the Person You're Dating

Co-authored by Maria Avgitidis and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: June 14, 2024 Fact Checked

Dating is all about finding that right person—the perfect match for you—and getting to know your date is just the first step. But where do you start? What questions should you ask? Don’t worry because we’ve got lots of ideas and questions on how you can get to know the person you’re dating! Keep reading to see how you can have some fun and get to know your date on a deeper level. Who knows? Maybe you’ll learn you’ve found the perfect match.

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1

Ask open-ended questions.

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There’s no better way to get to know someone than by having a good talk! Stick to asking questions that have to be answered with something more than “yes” or “no.” The questions can be as silly or serious as you like! Try out some of these the next time you talk: ^{[1]
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- "What are your plans for the weekend?" ^{[2]
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  Maria Avgitidis
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  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- “What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?”
- “Was there a job you always wanted when you were a kid?”
- “What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?”
- “If you could live anywhere in the universe, where would you live?”

2

Ask them questions about their future.

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Their vision for their life can help you know if you’re compatible. See if your opinions, values, and beliefs match up with theirs by asking about their life goals and ambitions. This is a great way to get to know more about them and see if you truly vibe together. Give these questions a try: ^{[3]
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- “Do you want to have kids someday?”
- “Where do you see yourself in five or ten years?”
- “What do you think about the current political environment?”

3

Learn about their interests.

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Dive into your date’s hobbies to get to know what makes them tick. Chances are they have hidden talents and interests that are worth exploring! Ask them what they like to do in their free time and see if you can join in on the fun. You’ll learn something new about them and possibly find a new hobby in the process.
- Do they enjoy reading? Join their book club or start reading a book together.
- Do they like going to the gym? Get a little competitive and pump some iron with them.
- Do they have an interest in art? Take them to a local museum and watch as their eyes light up.

4

Be curious about their life.

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Building a genuine connection can help you learn more about them. If you’re truly curious about their interests, hobbies, and even emotions, show it. Ask them further questions about something they’ve said that interests you. Making an effort to pay attention and show a curiosity in them will not only show them you care, but will also help you get to know them better. ^{[4]
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- Ask them questions about their life like, “Did you have fun hanging out with your friends last night?” or, “How was the gym this morning?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 417 wikiHow readers who've struggled to get to know their date, and 62% of them agreed the best way to learn more about them is by discussing something positive. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

Don't be afraid to keep it simple. If you're struggling to come up with a good question, make a simple observation instead, like noticing their outfit and sense of style. Comments like these show genuine interest, and make it easy for the conversation to move forward.

5

Actively listen to them.

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Chances are they’re telling you a lot about them and you may not even know it. With so many life distractions, it can be easy to get lost in the hustle and bustle, letting what they say go in one ear and out the other. Actively listening to your date will not only improve your communication and relationship, but will help you get to know them that much better. The next time you talk, follow these steps to be a good listener: ^{[5]
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- 1. Paraphrase: When they’ve finished talking, restate what they’ve said using phrases like, “What I hear you saying is,” “It sounds like,” and, “If I understand you correctly.”
- 2. Ask questions: When there’s a break in the conversation, ask them clarifying questions like, “When you say this, do you mean…?”
- 3. Express empathy: Validate their feelings rather than negate them with expressions like, “I can sense that you’re upset,” and, “I can understand why you’re upset.”

6

Open up about your past.

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Sharing parts of your past can help them open up in return. It can be hard to feel comfortable expressing yourself when first starting a relationship. Open the door for them to share by sharing something about yourself. Maybe you bring up past school experiences or an embarrassing story that’ll make them laugh. This will help you both get to know each other a bit more.
- “I used to hate tomatoes when I was a kid. Would pick them off everything! Did you hate any food as a kid?”
- “I was the captain of the basketball team, and we went to state my senior year. Were you part of any sports in school?”
- “I totally hugged the wrong person in the store thinking it was my mom. I was so embarrassed! Please tell me you did something like that when you were little.”

7

Invite them to hang out with your closest friends.

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See if you’re compatible by bringing them into your inner circle. Your friends know you better than anyone, and chances are they’re dying to hang out with your new date! See how your date acts with your friends. Do they become the leader? Do they start cracking jokes? When we’re in groups, we tend to act differently—our attitudes possibly intensifying. Putting your date in a group will help you learn how they interact around other people. ^{[6]
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- Spend time with their closest friends, too. Just like your best friends, their friends most likely know a whole lot about them.
- Ask their friends questions about them and see just how they interact with those they're most comfortable with.

8

Spend a typical day together.

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Their daily routine can tell you a whole lot about them. Take turns spending days together. Rather than planning anything special, just go about your normal day. Go grocery shopping with them, make the bed, do laundry, and walk the dog. You’ll learn little things about each other that wouldn’t normally come up in casual conversation.
- Are they neat or messy?
- What kinds of foods do they like?
- Are they a morning person or a night owl?

9

Take turns planning dates.

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Learn something new about each other while doing something fun. Take each other on surprise dates where you bring each other to a favorite restaurant, hiking trail, or fitness center. Create an experience that’ll help you get to know something unique about each other all while being introduced to something new. ^{[7]
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- Do you like painting? Plan a date around your weekly art class.
- Are you a wine connoisseur? Schedule a romantic getaway to your favorite winery.
- Have a love for Indian food? Take them to your favorite restaurant and create an immersive experience they’re sure to love.

10

Go on a road trip together.

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Do something exciting together to help you grow closer. With just you, your date, and the open road, you’re bound to learn something new about them! Do they like using GPS or sticking to a traditional map? Are they one to ask for directions or follow their gut? Embrace the chaos and have fun because this is an experience that’ll help your relationship grow stronger.
- If you both love food, plan a trip that has the best mom and pop restaurants along the way.
- If you’re both history buffs, take a trip down along a historic road with plenty of museums and artifacts.

11

Play “Never Have I Ever.”

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Get to know them with a fun little game. You can keep the questions tame or get rather frisky—the choice is up to you! Hold up all your fingers, and each time you’ve done something, put a finger down. See who puts down all their fingers first. Here are some examples to get you started:
- “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”
- “Never have I ever eaten a peanut butter banana sandwich.”
- “Never have I ever skipped class.”

12

Get silly with “Would You Rather?”

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This game of chance will help you learn your date's preferences. Simply give them two options where they only get to pick one. The beauty of this game is that it can spark conversation on why they picked what they did. Get creative and have fun! Give these questions a try and see how they react:
- “Would you rather have toes for fingers or fingers for toes?”
- “Would you rather eat ice cream for the rest of your life or never eat it again?”
- “Would you rather never kiss again or never hug again?”

13

Play “Two Truths and a Lie.”

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The game works like this: think of two truths and one lie about yourself and tell them to your date. Their goal is to decide which is the lie. Take turns going back and forth, and you’ll be surprised by how many random things you’ll learn—plus, you'll figure out how well they can fib! ^{[8]
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Join the Discussion...

What do I actually ask someone about on the first date?

41

WikiBirdWatcher823

Hi, so I haven't really gone on a ton of dates but the ones that I have gone on have kind of stalled while we're talking. I want to be able to ma... Read More

WikiTigerDancer210

I've been on my fair share of first dates, and I've always appreciated when the person I'm with asks me questions that go beyond the "basics." He... Read More

WikiCassowaryCatcher684

I like asking the question "What do you like to cook?" This is an approachable question that can help you learn a lot about a person and open up... Read More

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