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If you just got home from a date, it can be a little nerve-wracking to figure out when to send a text to let the person know how it went. On the flip side, if you’re waiting for a guy to message you, you might feel a whole mix of emotions. While there aren’t any strict rules on when to send (or expect) a text, there are some guidelines about when to reach out, regardless of how the date went. We’ll cover when you should send a text, what to expect if you’re waiting for a message, and some sample messages to send your date's way!
Steps
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Text within an hour of the date if it went well. It’s so quick and convenient to send a text, so don’t leave the other person waiting. If you want to see them again, reach out sooner than later so they know you’re interested. Just take enough time to really think about how your date went and if you enjoy being with the person. [1] X Research source
- For example, you could say something like, “Hi again! I had a really great time seeing you tonight! I had SO much fun.”
- As another example, you could also say, “I just wanted to say it was so nice meeting you! It was a blast getting to know you. Let’s plan another date soon?”
- Trust your instincts after the date. If you feel like you had fun with the person, tell them.
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Give it a day or two if you’re unsure about how you feel yet. [2] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly how you feel about another person after meeting them for the first time. Take the rest of the day and the next day to really think about how your date went. Ask yourself if you liked spending time with them, if you’re attracted to them, and if you’ve had some compatible conversations. Reach out and let the person know whether you want to keep dating or if you want to call it off. [3] X Research source- For example, if you had a good time, you might say, “Hey, sorry for the delay. Just wanted to say I had a lot of fun last night! You’re so funny, and I’d love to get to know you more. Dinner soon?”
- As another example, if you don’t want to see the person, you could try, “Hey, it was great meeting you yesterday, but I’m not sure that we’re the right match.”
- Think about your date’s body language when you were together. If it seemed like they were nervously fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, or keeping their distance from you, they may be unsure about their feelings too.
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Forget about using the “3-day rule” to get them more interested in you. You may have heard about waiting until the third day after your date to contact the person again, but it may seem old-fashioned. It makes your date question if you’re really interested in them or if you’re only playing games with their head. It’s so quick to send a text, so just message them as soon as you know how you feel. [4] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.- You may worry about coming off too strong if you message sooner than 3 days, but it’s better to put your feelings out there so you don’t avoid them.
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Avoid waiting longer than 1 week if you want to maintain your relationship. While you should take some time to reflect on your feelings, a week is a long time to keep someone waiting. Even if you don’t want another date with the person, you should still respect and talk to them within a few days of the date. [5] X Research source
- Waiting makes the other person think that you’ve moved on, ghosted them, or are trying to play mind games.
Gregg Michaelsen, Dating CoachWhile rigid texting timelines feel safer, the healthiest dynamic is to text each other when you genuinely feel moved to connect next. If you had a great time, say so the next morning without overanalyzing it.
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Text him first if you don’t want to wait. Even though you may think it’s the guy’s job to reach out first, don’t be afraid to take the initiative! If you had a good time on the date or want to keep up the conversation, reach out and let him know. The guy may appreciate you taking the first step so he doesn’t feel as much pressure figuring out what to say. [6] X Research source
- For example, you could say something like, “Hi! I couldn’t wait to tell you, but mini-golf was a TON of fun! Thanks for taking me out there 😊”
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Give him the rest of the day if you think the date went well. If you both had a good time, it may take a couple of hours after your date wraps up for him to text you. Keep your eyes out for a message, but don’t feel too discouraged if you don’t get one right away. The guy might be taking his time to think of the perfect thing to say, or he was just busy afterward. [7] X Research source
- He may also wait until later in the evening to bring up the date and tell you goodnight so he’s the last thing on your mind.
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See if he responds 3 days after the date if he’s old-fashioned. Even though not a lot of people do it anymore, some guys follow a “3-day rule” where they wait a few days before they reach out. Guys think waiting makes them sound less desperate, so they may feel more comfortable texting you at that point. While it can be really tough waiting for a response, give him a couple of days to follow up or just send him a message first. [8] X Research source
- The guy truly could be busy with other things in his life, so cut him a little slack if he takes a few days to respond.
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Move on if you don’t hear anything from him for a week. It’s always tough when a guy disappears after a date. it may mean he’s trying to play games or that he’s really not interested. While it might sting a bit, you deserve to find someone who wants to keep talking rather than someone who makes you second-guess their feelings. Take as much time as you need for yourself before putting yourself back out there. [9] X Research source
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Start with something specific that made you smile during the date. If you had a good time out on your date, let the other person know that right away. Think of a fun and memorable moment from your date and bring it up in your message. Telling the person a specific detail lets them know you enjoy their company and are interested in seeing them again. [10] X Research source
- For example, you could say something like, “I had such a great time at dinner tonight. I couldn’t stop smiling from all the jokes you told!”
- As another example, you could say, “Tonight was such a blast. I can’t believe you beat me at bowling in the FINAL frame. I still had some fun cheering you on! 😉”
- For another example, you might say, “Thanks for taking me to that movie! It was SO good. OMG we have to talk about the ending! I still can’t believe you guessed that would happen!”
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Suggest a second date within 2 weeks if you want to see them again. Rather than only texting each other, plan your next date so you can bond in person. Try to set your next date within 2 weeks of the first one so you don’t lose any momentum in the relationship. Reach out early in the week if you’re planning a weekend date so nobody feels pressured or rushed. [11] X Research source
- For example, you could say something like, “I had such a good time last night. I was wondering if you wanted to get together again for drinks this Saturday night?”
- As another example, you could say, “It was so nice meeting you the other day, and I’d love to get to know you more. I know this cute coffee shop downtown if you’d like to grab a cup after school on Thursday?”
- Another example you might say could be, “It was really fun grabbing lunch with you yesterday. I’d love to catch up and have dinner later this week. How does Friday night sound?”
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Ask how they’re doing to keep up small talk between dates. If you want to learn more about the person, continue your conversations so you don’t lose touch. Keep it casual in between your dates by asking about the person’s day or their interests. Try to learn as much as you can about them so you can keep growing and building your relationship when you aren’t together. [12] X Research source
- For example, you could say, “Hey, how’s the rest of your day been?” or “Hey you, how are you doing?”
- Some good informative questions you can ask the other person include, “What’s your favorite book?” or “What’s your dream job?”
- If the person doesn’t respond to your text, wait for about 4 hours before reaching out to them again. That way, you can gently remind them of the conversation without sounding too needy or desperate. [13] X Research source
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Let them down nicely if you’re not interested in seeing them. Unfortunately, not every date will go as well as others. If you’re not feeling a connection, tell the person right away so you don’t lead them on. Be honest with your emotions, but use kind words so you don’t hurt the person’s feelings. [14] X Expert Source Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker Expert Interview. 19 October 2021. After that, give the person some space and avoid texting them again. [15] X Research source- For example, you might say, “It was nice getting to know you, but I don’t think we’re the best match. I appreciate you understanding.”
- As another example, you could say, “You’re a great person, but it feels like we’d be better as friends. Thanks for understanding.”
- Another thing you might say is, “Hey, Josh. I appreciate you taking me out to dinner last night, but I think it’s better if we see other people. Thanks for a nice time.”
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Tips
- Remember that some people don’t text as often as others. If you’re not getting a response right away, the person could be busy and may reply later. [16] X Research sourceThanks
- Keep getting to know your date in person rather than over text so you can build a stronger and more physical bond. [17] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to sourceThanks
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Warnings
- Avoid saying anything too clingy or sexual right away since it could be a turn-off. [18] X Research sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-digitally/201806/why-do-we-flirt-text
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-angry-therapist/201711/10-questions-ask-yourself-loving-someone
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-psychology-of-waiting-in-lines-8-reasons-that-the-wait-seems-long#1
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/dating/advancing-the-relationship-what-to-text-after-first-date/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/loving-bravely/202110/how-feel-confident-during-and-after-first-date
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/modern-sex/202104/the-ultimate-guide-first-dates
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-breakup
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-science-adversity/201704/you-and-your-partner-likely-remember-dates-in-similar-ways
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/hard-cold-research/202308/why-these-two-first-date-tactics-are-so-effective
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/conversation-starters-topics/
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/communication-in-relationships/
- ↑ Shana Tibi. Certified Professional Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201605/6-ways-turn-someone-down-politely
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-psychology-of-waiting-in-lines-8-reasons-that-the-wait-seems-long
- ↑ https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/clingy/
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