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When you’re in a relationship, you probably notice the texting patterns of your partner on a daily basis. If your partner has started texting much more often than usual or they’re texting one person in particular, it could make you feel a little suspicious (and rightfully so). We’ve answered your questions about texting in a relationship so you can decide when your partner is taking it too far.
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Question 5 of 6:
What is considered emotional cheating?
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It's forming an emotional bond outside of the relationship. It implies that you’re more than just friends with this person, even though you haven’t necessarily done anything sexual. If you’re having an emotional affair with someone, you might open up to them about your feelings or tell them things you haven’t told your partner. [7] X Research source
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Emotional cheating is more than just a friendship. It’s important (and healthy!) to have friends outside of your relationship. If you or your partner have close friends, that’s totally fine. The relationship only crosses into cheating territory when it becomes a deep, emotional bond, close to a romantic relationship. [8] X Research source
- For instance, you might text a friend once or twice a week and hang out with them in person a few times a month.
- In an emotional affair, you’d probably text this person every day, and you might try to hang out with them as much as possible, even if it means not seeing your partner as much.
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Question 6 of 6:
What are the signs that your partner is cheating?
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They’re secretive about their phone. Maybe they put a password on it recently, or they get nervous when you ask to borrow their phone. If your partner is suddenly super protective over their device, there might be something on there they don’t want you to see. It’s not a surefire sign of cheating, but it is a big red flag. [9] X Research source
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You can’t get ahold of them sometimes. They might say that their phone was dead or that they were in a meeting, even if you know that’s not true. If there are periods of time when you just can’t reach your partner, it could be a sign that they’re out doing something shady. This is especially true if it happens often, like a few times per week. [10] X Research source
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They’re less intimate with you. This could mean emotionally or physically. If you feel like you don’t talk as much or your sex life has really slowed down, it could mean that your partner is getting their needs met elsewhere. While this isn’t always 100% true (there could be other reasons for this change), it is a red flag. [11] X Research source
- Depression often makes people close up or not want to have sex as much. If this is the only sign you’re noticing, make sure you check in on your partner to see if they’re doing okay before you accuse them of cheating.
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Join the Discussion...
So I’ve been dating this guy for about a year now and everything is going great. I really mean it, we click, we’re loyal, we love each other. Things are awesome. But, he did do something the other day at the coffee shop that kind of bothered me. I think one of the baristas were trying to flirt with him a bit and he kind of reciprocated. She said she liked his sweater and smiled in a really flirty way. He turned red and said he liked her hair. It was kind of a moment. I know it was just a really little thing but standing there I kind of felt like he crossed the line. Is that crazy? I know on paper it’s valid for me to be upset, but is it cheating? Emotional cheating? I don’t know. What do you all think? And how do I bring it up to him so he doesn't think I'm overreacting?
To me, cheating is betrayal, however that's defined in the relationship. A betrayal is when both parties have a clear understanding of what needs to be done and one of the parties acts against that. So, if a person says one thing and promises one thing and then doesn't do that, that sounds like some level of betrayal.
The best thing to do is just talk to them and say, “Hey, I noticed this weird thing the other day at the coffee shop. I'm wondering if something is going on?” Trying to hold on to these feelings or deciding to spy on your boyfriend to see if he’s actually going out to cheat is just not going to be the solution. Talk to him by framing this about yourself and your experience, as opposed to talking about what he did wrong. Just don’t be judgmental and it’ll be easier for him to be open for that conversation. And once the conversation starts, it’s really just about finding what you two are comfortable with as a couple. There isn’t just one definition of “cheating” so you two need to navigate what that means for you.
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- If you think your partner is cheating, sit down and confront them about it. That way, it’s all out in the open, and you can decide what you want to do next.Thanks
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References
- ↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-tech-has-transformed-how-we-connect-and-reject-in-the-digital-age/
- ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/sexting-cheating
- ↑ https://ideas.ted.com/how-tech-has-transformed-how-we-connect-and-reject-in-the-digital-age/
- ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/sexting-cheating
- ↑ Tara Vossenkemper, PhD, LPC. Licensed Professional Counselor. Expert Interview. 27 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/emotionally-cheating/
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/emotionally-cheating/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201812/10-signs-your-spouse-is-cheating
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