How to Know if Your Girlfriend Is Too Clingy

Written by Erika Kaplan | Edited by Amber Crain

Last Updated: March 15, 2024 References

Being a little clingy isn't that unusual, especially when a relationship is new and you're still learning to trust and understand each other. If your girlfriend is acting so needy that you feel smothered, though, you may be wondering if this is normal. The truth is, everyone's emotional needs are different; what's normal for you may not be normal for her. The fact that you're uncomfortable is definitely a red flag, but don't write her off just yet! To help you get perspective, we'll start by covering clingy communication habits and how to handle them. Then, we'll touch on needy behaviors like jealousy and insecurity and give you some tips on how to respond.

This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach and matchmaker, Erika Kaplan. Check out the full interview here.

1

She blows up your phone nonstop.

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Texting each other often is fine as long as both of you are okay with it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of texts she sends every day, that’s not a good sign. The content of her texts is also a factor: does she demand to know where you are or continually accuse you of things? Does she give you a chance to respond before sending another text? All of these behaviors are unhealthy. ^{[1]
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- To resolve this, gently speak to her about your boundaries. Tell her what you need and what your communication preferences are. ^{[2]
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- It’s a good idea to ask her what’s driving this behavior, as well. Did something happen to her in the past to cause her insecurity? Is it something you can work through together? ^{[3]
 X
 Expert Source
 
 Erika Kaplan
 Dating Coach
 
 Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.}

2

She expects an immediate response.

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Does she assume you’re up to something if there’s any delay? If your girlfriend starts worrying that you’re cheating on her or doing something else to sabotage the relationship when you don't respond right away, she's being irrational and unfair. It's understandable if you're frustrated about this but before you write her off, consider why she might be acting this way. ^{[4]
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- This behavior isn't that unusual if you've broken her trust or cheated on her before. Try to see things from her perspective and be patient with her.
- Use “I” statements when you bring it up with her so she doesn’t feel attacked. For example, “When you get angry with me for not texting back immediately, I feel really stressed out.” ^{[5]
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- Reader Poll: We asked 303 wikiHow readers to tell us how they felt about checking their partner’s phone, and only 5% felt they didn’t need to check their phone since they trust them. [Take Poll] So, while that may not be a great strategy according to our readers, try to have a conversation about your concerns instead.

3

She monitors your social media.

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Does she stalk your profiles and question you about online friends? If so, she’s being excessively needy and it’s not healthy for either of you. The next time you’re alone, ask her where these insecurities are coming from. Hopefully, once you understand her motivation, you’ll be able to resolve the issue together. ^{[6]
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Research source} Here are a few red flags to watch out for:
- She uses your posts/stories to figure out where you are/who you’re with.
- She demands your passwords or asks to read your DMs.
- She frequently posts on your wall in a way that feels possessive.
- She goes overboard professing her love for you in posts and comments.
- She goes back and “likes” all of your old photos. ^{[7]
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4

She keeps you from seeing your friends.

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Is she monopolizing all of your free time? It’s normal to want to hang out with your partner a lot but if she’s the only person you ever see, that’s not healthy. If you feel pressured to spend all of your time with her and you’re neglecting your friends, you need to have a heart-to-heart with your GF. It’s important that both of you have friendships outside of your relationship. ^{[8]
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- If you still see your friends but she’s stopped hanging out with hers, gently ask her what's going on. Encourage her to hang out with them and have fun.
- If your GF tries to make you feel guilty for spending time with other people or won’t accept your boundaries, you may want to rethink this relationship. ^{[9]
 X
 Expert Source
 
 Erika Kaplan
 Dating Coach
 
 Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.}

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Codependent?

Do you often have anxiety about your relationships or struggle with setting boundaries/establishing acceptable behaviors because you are afraid to lose your partner? You’re not alone. Codependency is a type of dysfunctional relationship in which the codependent person feels like they need their partner to function, often accompanied by feelings of low self-esteem and guilt. We've created this quiz to help you identify and work through possible codependent patterns.

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