Double Texting: What It Is and When to Do It

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You’ve probably heard of “double texting” when you’re chatting with a crush or S.O., but how do you know if you’re doing it in your messages? Should you send a double text or try to avoid it? If you're wondering what double texting is and whether it's a good idea or not, we've got you covered! Keep reading to learn all about double texting and the "rules" you should follow.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Joshua Pompey. Check out the full interview here.

Double Texting Meaning

Double texting is when you send a second text before getting a response to your first one. In new relationships, double texting isn’t usually recommended as it can come off as clingy or pushy. Try to wait 1-2 days for the person to respond before texting them again.

Section 1 of 5:

What is double texting?

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    If you’re waiting for a date, FWB, or even a friend to respond and your nerves kick in, you may feel the urge to double text to see if they read your message.
    • Sending a short burst of texts in a row isn’t considered double texting. If you’re telling a long story, sending it in small chunks makes it easier to read than a long paragraph.
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Section 2 of 5:

Is it OK to double text?

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    It’s a bummer when you don’t get a text back, but a double text could sound pushy and be a turn-off. Even if you don’t intend to, sending multiple messages without hearing back from a person might come across as clingy or desperate.
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    If you need to confirm information or let your friend or date know about a change of plans, you can definitely double text to keep them updated. Maybe the restaurant you told them to meet you at is closed and you need to go somewhere else. Or maybe you asked for an address for their party and they haven’t responded when you’re about to leave. Either way, shoot them a message to check in.
    • First text: “SO excited to see you tonight. Where are we going?”
      Second text: “I’m just about to leave 😊 What’s the address again?”
    • First text: “OMG do you want to go to the Harry Styles concert with me?”
      Second text: “Tickets are going pretty fast! Let me know if I should snag some for us!”
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    It’s better to stick to casual conversations when you’re chatting over text so you don’t miscommunicate or get confused. If you want to have a serious talk about how you’re feeling or about a pressing issue, pick up the phone and call them instead.
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Section 3 of 5:

How to Avoid Double Texting

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    Checking your phone every few minutes will only make you feel antsier as you wait, so try to take a breath and relax. Put your phone on silent and set it in a drawer or under a pillow to take it off of your mind. Do an activity in a different room for a little while before coming back and checking on your messages. [1]
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    Rather than sitting and thinking about why the person hasn’t messaged back or what you could have said differently, do something you enjoy! Try working out, spending time with other friends, catching up on a TV show, or reading a book. Once you take your mind off of your phone and the conversation, you’ll be able to come back to it with fresh eyes.
    • Other things you could try include cooking a meal, taking a walk, or cleaning up around your home.
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    Scroll back through your messages with your crush to check their past response times. If they’ve always taken a little while to respond between messages, then they just prefer to communicate less over text and there’s nothing to worry about. [2]
    • Even if the person is normally quick to respond, they could be busy with something right now and can’t get to their phone.
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    Even if a friend or date hasn’t responded, that doesn’t mean they’re not interested in chatting. Remember that the quality of their messages is more important than how many they send you. Some signs that the person is still interested in the chatting and getting to know you are: [3]
    • Writing long, thoughtful replies to your messages
    • Asking you questions about how you’re feeling or what you’re doing
    • Showing interest in spending time with you
    • Giving you compliments
    • Teasing you in a playful way
    • Sending emojis, voice messages, and pictures
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    It can be easy to think that an S.O. or crush is upset or ignoring you, but it’s hard to tell how they’re really feeling over text. They could truly be busy and not able to get to their phone, so don’t jump to any conclusions about why they haven’t messaged you back yet. [4]
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    It might make you feel nervous when the person isn’t responding, but it doesn’t mean they’re not interested. They might think that the message didn’t need a response or they may not communicate their feelings very well over text. Pump yourself up with some positive affirmations that you’re worth talking to and that the person wants to keep the convo going. [5]
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Section 4 of 5:

When to Send a Double Text

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    Even if you’re really tempted to reach out again, give them some time to respond. It’s normal to have a few days in between texts with your crush or at the start of a relationship, so try not to worry. They could actually be busy or be away from their phone and they’ll respond when they get the chance.
    • Giving the person more time also gives them a chance to miss you. Once they realize they haven’t heard from you, they’ll check up and see the text they missed.
Section 5 of 5:

What to Say in a Double Text

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    One reason the person didn’t respond might be that they didn’t feel like there was much to add to the conversation. Rather than chatting about the same subject or just letting the convo die out, talk about something new and exciting to keep the person engaged.
    • Replying with a sarcastic response about why they didn’t reply could sound a little mean since your tone can be hard to read.
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    Posing a question encourages your crush or date to answer with more than a short sentence. If you’re still getting to know the person, try a classic “would you rather” icebreaker or a question about their interests. If you want to get to know your friend or S.O. on a deeper level, ask about the highlight of their day so you learn what excites them.
    • “Hey quick question! Would you rather vacation for a week at the beach or in a quiet cabin on a lake?”
    • “Hi hi 😄 How was that concert last night? I remember you were so excited to go”
    • “Hey you! Did you have anything exciting happen at work today?”
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    If you want to celebrate with your crush or a friend, tell them about what’s put you in such a good mood. If the person you’re chatting with sees that you’re really happy about something, they might message you back to share your excitement. Keep a few of the details to yourself to sound a little mysterious and encourage the person to ask you about it more.
    • “OMG I just had the most amazing work day 😊 You won’t believe who I ran into!”
    • “Our study sessions really paid off because I ACED that test! Thank you SO much for your help 🥰”
    • “Hi!! I got some amazing news! Let me know when you see this so I can tell you all about it!”
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    Even just quickly mentioning that they were on your mind is a good way to re-spark their interest. If the person genuinely missed your message, telling them how you’re feeling lets them know you’re still into them.
    • “Hey you 😊 hope you’ve been doing well! Wanna catch up this weekend?”
    • “Hi 😄 you’ve been on my mind today. How have you been?”
    • “Hey! I’m at the cafe where we met up last week and it reminded me of you. What’s up?”
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201808/why-attachment-styles-and-texting-dont-always-mix
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201909/the-do-s-and-don-ts-texting-in-new-relationship
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/202402/signs-that-show-whether-someone-is-interested-in-you
      4. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_reading_emotions_in_text_messages
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/me-we/201909/the-do-s-and-don-ts-texting-in-new-relationship

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