Does Age Matter in a Relationship?

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: July 5, 2024 References

Ever heard the phrase “age is just a number”? When it comes to relationships, people are divided on that fact—some people think that age plays a huge role in your relationship, while others don’t mind a large age gap. Whether you’re in an age-gap relationship or you’re considering getting into one, we’ve got you covered: in this article, we’ll answer all your questions about age in a relationship, and we’ll give you the best tips for making an age-gap relationship work.

Section 1 of 4:

How important is age in a relationship?

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7f\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7f\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-1.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}
Generally, age isn’t as important as other compatibility factors. Age is only one aspect of your relationship—other things like life goals, wanting or not wanting children, having the same values, and respecting each other are much more important than your age. Many people make age gap relationships work , and they do it by focusing less on the age of their partner and more on their personality. ^{[1]
X
Research source}
- Research has found that the most common age gap between heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years. ^{[2]
 X
 Research source}

Section 2 of 4:

How much of an age gap is too much?

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b0\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b0\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-2.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}
Many people follow the rule of 7 to determine their largest age gap. Take your age, divide it in half, then add 7: whatever that number is, that’s the minimum age that the rule of 7 says is socially acceptable to date. However, this isn’t a hard and fast rule, and many people break this rule when they find someone that they love. ^{[3]
X
Research source}
- For instance, if you are 45 years old, you would take 45/2 = 22.5 + 7 = 29.5. Therefore, you wouldn’t want to date anyone younger than 29 years old.

Section 3 of 4:

Potential Problems in an Age Gap Relationship

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/68\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/68\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-3.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

1
Social stigma Age gap relationships tend to be judged more harshly than non-age gap ones. You might find that even close friends and family judge or question your relationship, which can be frustrating. Keep in mind that you and your partner’s happiness is the only thing that matters, and outside opinions don’t have to affect your relationship. ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If your friends or family are really struggling to accept your partner, give them some time. Often, people need to get to know someone before they can understand or accept an age gap relationship.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b4\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b4\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-4.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

2
Mismatched libidos As we age, our libidos tend to get slightly lower. This isn’t true for everyone, but you may find that in an age gap relationship, a libido mismatch is more common. Keep the line of communication open, and talk to your partner if you’re unhappy with your sex life. ^{[5]
X
Research source}
- Keep in mind that some people experience the reverse: as they age, their libidos get higher.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/00\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/00\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-5.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

3
Differences in maturity In general, older people have more life experience, so they’re slightly more mature. If you’re in an age gap relationship, this difference in maturity can be frustrating—you might wonder why your partner is so serious all the time, or why they treat everything as a joke. ^{[6]
X
Research source}
- If you're the older person in the relationship and this is tough for you, try to be patient with your partner. Remember that they haven’t had all of the life experience that you have, and that their maturity will probably increase over time.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d5\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d5\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-6.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

4
End-of-life planning If one partner is significantly older than the other, you may start thinking about what happens when one person passes away. In age gap relationships, the potential for one partner to pass before the other is much higher, which can bring about a lot of negative feelings. ^{[7]
X
Research source}
- Be sure to talk with your partner about this concern, even if it feels uncomfortable. If you’re the older partner, make arrangements now so your partner is taken care of later on.

Section 4 of 4:

How to Make an Age Gap Relationship Work

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-7.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

1
Find common interests. In a relationship with a large age gap, it might not be immediately obvious what you and your partner have in common. Spend some time getting to know each other, and find at least one good hobby or activity that you two can do together. If you can hang onto that one connection, your bond will strengthen and grow over time. ^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Don’t have anything in common right now? Try signing up for a class together. You could try a cooking class or an art class to learn something new while finding a new hobby together.
- Try picking out aspects from your partner’s personality that you have in common. If you’re both creative, maybe you could create art together. If you’re both athletic, maybe you could pick up a sport together.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f5\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-8.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

2
Define your goals for the relationship. Since you two aren’t exactly the same age, have a talk with your partner about where you see this relationship going and what your priorities are. Typically (but not always), the older person in the relationship wants to settle down faster, while the younger person wants to stay casual for a while. Try to compromise and set goals for yourself and your relationship that you are both okay with. ^{[9]
X
Research source}
- For instance, maybe your partner wants to buy a house and have kids right now, but you’d like to travel a bit more. You could compromise by limiting your travels and putting off having kids and settling down until you feel comfortable doing that.
- Reader Poll: We asked 321 wikiHow readers who've been in age gap relationships, and 68% of them agreed that the best way to navigate differences in life stages and priorities is with open and honest communication about individual goals and expectations. [Take Poll]
EXPERT TIP

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan
Dating Coach

In an age-gap relationship, it's important that you're both on the same page. What are your desires for the future? What type of lifestyle do you see yourself having? It's essential to discuss these things early on in the relationship.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/8c\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/8c\/Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-9.jpg\/v4-728px-Does-Age-Matter-in-a-Relationship-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\">\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. \n<\/p> \n<\/p><\/div>"}

3
Set boundaries with your loved ones. Judgmental friends and family members may try to talk to you about your relationship. You can set boundaries with them to stop them from passing judgment on you and your partner by gently expressing yourself. ^{[10]
X
Research source}
- “I know you think the age gap is a little strange, but I really want you to get to know him before you judge him. We’re in a relationship because of our personalities, not because of our ages.”

Join the Discussion...

What's considered a big age gap in relationships?

39

WikiGopherCaster108

i'm a 23-year-old woman dating a 32-year-old man, and i've gotten some negative feedback from people who say this age gap is too big. so it has m... Read More

1

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker

Nine years is an acceptable age gap. When there is an age gap of 10 years or more, the dynamics of the relationship can be quite unique. A parent... Read More

1

WikiGladeRunner771

Unfortunately, people are judgmental and it's not unusual to get some negative comments about your relationship, even though age gaps are really... Read More

See all 10 Replies and

Read Discussion

Attract and Date an Older Man with this Expert Series

There's nothing wrong with an age gap in an adult relationship as long as both people are on the same page. Learn how to attract and date the man of your dreams with this expert series.

1

12 Things to Consider Before Dating an Older Man

2

Date an Older Guy

3

How to Handle an Age Gap in Your Relationship

4

13 Explanations for Why Older Guys Like Younger Women

5

Why Am I Attracted to Older Men?

6

Attract an Older Guy