How to Tell if You Like a Friend Romantically: 21 Signs & Questions

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Plus, relationship experts weigh in on how to express your feelings
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When is a friend not just a friend? How can you know for sure that you’re falling in love with your bestie, before you go and spill your feelings? We’re here to help with a comprehensive list of signs that you want something more and a guide to sorting out your feelings. Then, we talked to clinical psychologist Lena Dicken and matchmaker Christina Jay on what to do next.

Am I in Love with My Friend?

You might be falling for your friend if you’ve thought about kissing them or being intimate with them, and enjoyed the thought. You probably spend a lot of time together, more than other friends, and you care about them in ways you might not care about your other friends. Other people may think you’re already dating.

Section 1 of 4:

Signs You Like Your Friend Romantically

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  1. Plenty of people imagine dating their friends—it’s just a passing thought that tends to pop up when you’re spending time with someone. But if you have those thoughts and enjoy it, and find yourself wishing they were real, that’s one of the most obvious signs that you’re catching feelings for your friend .
    • These thoughts are nothing to be ashamed of, either, even if you enjoy them!
  2. It’s not just about being best friends—it’s about feeling like the relationship isn’t just a friendship. You have a special bond that you don’t have with your other friends, and it feels like your friendship is something more, something that you can’t describe with just the word “friendship.” [1]
    • Your friend gives you something, a feeling, that your other friends don’t. With your other friends, you find yourself wishing that one friend was also there—or that you could be with them alone.
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  3. Sometimes, your other friends have a special perspective that you don’t have because you’re the one in the driver’s seat. They might tell you that you have something special with that one friend. They might even ask you if the two of you are dating. [2] If someone on the outside can see it, there’s a good chance it’s not just in your head.
    • Or, they might not think you’re dating, exactly, but they tend to ask one of you when they want info about the other, like if you’re single, because they know you’re super close.
  4. Don’t get us wrong, best friends also usually feel like they’d do anything for each other. But this feels different, because they’re special. [3] You want to be the first person they call when something’s wrong, and you’d drop everything to help them out. When someone hurts them, it’s like they hurt you, too, because you think of yourselves as a unit. [4] Almost like a couple…
  5. Plenty of people hug or even kiss their friends on the cheek. But if you’re doing things like holding hands, kissing each other’s lips, sharing a bed, or just generally making physical contact that you don’t make with most of your other friends, it could be that the two of you are close in a way that hints at a romantic connection . [5]
    • You might also make a lot of eye contact, or feel totally comfortable undressing around each other.
  6. When you’re feeling a certain way about someone, it can be hard not to flirt a little. You give each other compliments that are a little more intimate than “I like your hair.” You tease each other, joke about dating, or even wipe stray bits of food off each other’s mouths without even asking. [6] There’s a part of you that wishes the flirting was real, though.
    • Sometimes, you might feel a little awkward afterward when you realize what you’re doing, and that’s an even bigger sign you’re falling for them.
  7. You might leave a hang-out wondering what exactly is going on between you. It was something they said, or a certain look they gave you, or the way they were talking about wanting to find someone “just like you” to date. If you have to ask yourself the “What are we?” question, then there's a good chance you’re something more than friends . [7]
    • Honestly, the fact that you’re reading this article tells us that you’re probably feeling at least a little romantic toward your friend.
  8. When there’s something missing, or something on your mind, it tends to come up often in conversation, usually because one of you is hoping to talk about it. Or, it can feel too dangerous to talk about, and so topics like romance, dating, or significant others never ever come up. If you’re tiptoeing around it, it’s usually because you want it, but you’re afraid of messing things up. [8]
  9. If your world suddenly becomes technicolor and you want to burst with joy when they walk in the room, you probably have romantic feelings. Having a tangled ball of feelings is a sign of romantic interest, too. Just thinking about them might make you feel excitement, anticipation, butterflies, longing, and nervousness all at the same time. [9]
    • If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try to clear your mind and reflect on your emotions. Imagine that your feelings are like a pie. As you slice into it, think of each slice as a distinct emotion and identify it.
    • When in doubt, trust your gut. If one person dramatically affects your mood and emotions more than your other close friends, there’s a good chance you have romantic feelings for them.
    • View the attraction in the context of your life. Are you going through a rough patch or separation with a current partner? This makes you more vulnerable to emotional swings and changing feelings than normal.
  10. Jealousy is a sure sign that you want to be more than just friends. [10] Do you feel possessive, sad, or angry when you see your friend acting flirty with someone else? If they have a significant other, do you resent them, if even on a subconscious level?
  11. Spending as much time together as possible is a pretty good indicator of romantic feelings. Preferring to be alone with them instead of in a group is an even stronger sign. When you're at a party or group gathering together, do you try to ditch the others so you can be alone with your friend? It could mean that you feel naturally attracted to them, and want to spend time with them romantically, like a couple.
    • When you’re at a party or group gathering together, do you try to ditch the others so you can be alone with your friend?
  12. If every little thing reminds you of them, you probably have it bad. Keep track of your thoughts, and take note when you wonder what they’re doing right now, think about their hair or other little detail, or get the urge to text or call them. [11]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1130 wikiHow readers, and 69% agreed the surest sign of developing deeper feelings for someone is constantly thinking about them and fantasizing about being together . [Take Poll]
    • So if you're constantly thinking about someone, it may just mean that some strong romantic urges are coming your way!
  13. Positive illusions, or having a heightened opinion of someone, is a natural part of romantic attraction. For instance, your mutual friends might tease your potential crush about being goofy or always running late, but you think it’s the most adorable thing in the world. [12]
  14. Maybe they’re getting a little flirty, or they seem to touch you more than they touch their other friends. They might even say things like, “We’d make a great couple,” or tease you about your relationships. This could all be flirting, meaning they’re crushing on you , and it probably makes you a little bashful, right? But if you’re into it, then maybe their flirting is working!
    • Keep in mind that a friendship looks different for everyone. They might just be doing what comes naturally to them as a friend, and not actually flirting.
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Section 2 of 4:

Questioning Your Feelings

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  1. Sometimes, when we really want a romance, we start seeing everyone as a potential option. [13] Those feelings can be tricky to sort out ! Be honest with yourself and reflect on whether you just want the attention and affection that comes with a relationship. It’s easy to get confused about true romantic feelings, and it’s completely normal to feel lonely or want validation.
    • Ask yourself if your feelings are really focused on this specific person. Can picture yourself together as a couple, and do you only see yourself being with them?
    • Try going on dates with other people, even strangers, to see if that satisfies your craving. If not, your feelings for your friend are more likely real.
  2. You choose to be friends with someone because you're attracted to them. However, being attracted to someone as a friend is different than romantic or physical attraction. [14] Ask yourself if you just enjoy their company or want a deeper emotional connection. If you want a deeper connection, is that feeling constant or does it come and go?
    • If you find them physically attractive, figure out if it’s subjective or objective. Do you think that they’re good looking? Do you actually want to be physically intimate with them? Or is it more general, like “I can see why someone would think they’re hot.”
  3. Ask your close friends about their experiences with having romantic feelings. Try to use their perspectives on love and romance to sort out your own situation. See if your feelings have anything in common with how they describe falling for someone. An outsider’s perspective can help you learn a lot about yourself and your emotions. [15]
    • You could also reach out to a parent or sibling for advice, or even talk to a therapist or a counselor.
  4. Think about how you would go about telling your friend that you have deeper feelings. Picture what you’d say, how nervous you’d feel, and what their reaction might be. [16] Would you feel awkward? Would it damage your relationship? Asking these questions can help you decide whether or not to take the leap.
    • If you get really nervous just thinking about it, you probably have deeper feelings.
    • If you do love your friend romantically, you’ll probably feel like you have to say something, like you just can’t contain it.
  5. Would your relationship be better or happier if it was romantic? Why? How would your dates be different than when you hang out as friends? Do you ever imagine or wish that you’re on a date instead of just hanging out as friends? If you do, you can be sure that you have deeper feelings for your friend.
    • Even if you have romantic feelings for them, you might want to move on if you think dating them wouldn’t be as fulfilling as your connection as friends.
    • On the other hand, if you visualize dating them and it blows your connection as friends out of the water, a deep, long-term romantic relationship might be worth the risk.
  6. If you haven’t already, think about kissing them, holding them, and other forms of physical intimacy. Are you sexually attracted to them? Do you feel emotionally connected to them, too? Does it feel right, or is it just too weird? [17]
    • It’s normal to feel physically attracted to someone without having romantic feelings for them. When imagining physical intimacy, try to decide whether you just think your friend is attractive or if a physical act would involve a deeper emotional connection.
  7. Nobody likes getting dumped, but think about how it would make you feel. Do you think you could go back to just being friends? If you do have deeper feelings for your friend, do you think they’d still be a part of your life after a potential breakup?
    • You can’t predict the future, but try to be honest with yourself and your emotions. If you don’t think you could handle being friends with someone after a breakup, ask yourself if it’s more important to act on your feelings or to preserve an important friendship.
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Section 3 of 4:

Expressing Your Feelings to Your Friend

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  1. 1
    Find some private time alone with your friend. “If you get them one-on-one alone, it may be moving it past the friend zone,” Jay tells us. If you spend time alone in a setting that’s like a date, but isn’t officially a date, your friend might catch on to those vibes. And if you want to be direct and honest with your feelings, it’s best to do this in private.
    • Or, wait for the next time you’re hanging out together alone, when you won’t have anyone else distracting you, to have a talk about your feelings.
    • You could also tell them via text or over the phone, but it’s more personal and honest to say it face-to-face.
  2. 2
    Explain your feelings honestly. Dicken recommends bringing your feelings to your friend’s attention. “I would recommend saying something,” she says, “because feelings that are not dealt with can sort of bubble up and cause problems in the relationship.” When it feels right, say something like:
    • “I wanted to let you know that lately I’ve been having feelings about our relationship, and wondering what it might be like to be more than friends.”
    • Or, “You don’t have to feel any kind of way, but I think I’ve started to see you as more than a friend.”
    • Or, “I want to tell you something, just to be honest and open with you. I think I want something more than friendship between us.”
  3. 3
    Let them know you care about them, no matter what. Dicken says it’s possible that things could get awkward, but that’s only temporary. Move past the awkwardness by telling your friend that the situation is low-stakes, and that you don’t expect anything, but that you need to get your feelings off your chest. That way, they don’t feel pressured to give any particular answer. For example:
    • “I’m happy being friends, if that’s what you want, but I just had to say something.”
    • “This doesn’t change anything between us, if you don’t want it to. I just wanted to be open and honest with you.”
    • “Don’t feel pressured to say anything, I just had to say something, otherwise I worry it would get between us.”
  4. 4
    Give them space to think about things. Dicken recommends giving the situation a little time to play out. “It might be awkward for a little while,” she tells us, “but then, if the feelings were unrequited, most likely it would go back to some version of normal after an amount of time.” Let your friend think things over, and let them answer in their own time.
    • Wait about 1–2 weeks to reach out to them afterward, if you’re nervous. That gives you both time to sort out your feelings.
    • If they don’t bring it up, they’re probably trying to move past it, and that’s okay! You’ve still got a friend for life.
  5. 5
    Honor their feelings. Dicken reassures us that some bad, awkward, or hurt feelings aren’t the end of the world. If your friendship is true, you’ll both move on, bounce back, and find your groove again. Thank your friend for hearing you out, and respect their decision, no matter what it is.
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Section 4 of 4:

Reader Videos

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Join the Discussion...

Help, I have a crush on my best friend!
WikiBirdWatcher823
WikiBirdWatcher823
How do I handle having a crush on my best friend? I think she’s amazing, and we do everything together. But I don’t know if she feels the same way, and I’m really scared of ruining things.
John Keegan
Dating Coach
This is a tough situation to be in. The best thing to do when you have a crush on your best friend is find out if they feel the same way. Sometimes great friends really do become great lovers.

Eventually, you want to be able to directly say, "You know what, I think I'm starting to feel something for you." But it’s better to be more subtle at first to get a sense of where they're at. For example, when you're hanging out, lean in close to their ear and whisper something funny or tell them that they look great. Just feel their vibes, and see if you can start to create some heat. At some point, you'll have to ask yourself, "Is it worth ruining the friendship we have for me to take this risk?" And if the answer is yes, then you have to do it.

You can try gradually moving towards more physical interactions by subtly doing things like saying "Let's hug," or leaning in and kissing their cheeks like you're in France. See if it feels like something's happening, if that person wants to meet you where you're at. It's very subtle, and you don't have to deal go over the top.

If it seems like they're being receptive, that can be the time to say, "I'm really starting to feel like there's something more between us" or "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel like there's something more between us, and maybe we should explore it."

But first, I would just initiate light physical escalation and read the signs you receive.
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
If you talk to your friend and she doesn't feel the same as you, a little bit of distance can work wonders to help you heal. Keep in contact with your friend, but have less contact than before.

Don't make a big deal of it. You don't want to go around telling everyone or feel angry about the rejection. It is important to remember how the friendship was before you developed this crush.

If you have to, stop looking at their social media accounts for the time being. Talk it out with them so no one is left feeling awkward, and then commit to letting it go. Allow yourself to grieve and get over it. That could happen by creating a bit of space.

It could mean taking a few weeks or a month off of seeing them, but this could be best for both of you in the long run. Focus on other activities and on yourself, get back to doing things you love, and learn how to just be a friend again to this person.
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      Warnings

      • Think carefully about whether it is worth jeopardizing your friendship to follow up on an attraction, especially if either of you are committed to another relationship.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theverge.com/2015/12/12/9898362/how-to-be-human-am-i-in-love-with-my-friend
      2. ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/13/everyone-else-knew-weeks-before-we-did-readers-who-fell-in-love-with-their-best-friend
      3. ↑ https://www.theverge.com/2015/12/12/9898362/how-to-be-human-am-i-in-love-with-my-friend
      4. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/falling-in-love-signs
      5. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/how-much-affection-between-friends-is-normal
      6. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/how-much-affection-between-friends-is-normal
      7. ↑ https://thefulcrum.ca/arts/real-talk-are-we-just-friends/
      8. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/falling-in-love-signs
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
      2. ↑ https://www.self.com/story/26-signs-youre-really-into-someone
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/how-can-you-tell-when-you-should-just-be-friends
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spellbound/202101/desperately-seeking-love
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/attraction-just-between-friends
      6. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/should-i-come-out-bi-and-tell-my-friend-im-interested-them
      7. ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/should-i-come-out-bi-and-tell-my-friend-im-interested-them
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201202/attraction-just-between-friends

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To know if you like your friend romantically, think about how your mood changes when you’re around them, since feeling excited, nervous, and happy might indicate that you like them as more than a friend. If you find them attractive, ask yourself if this makes you want to be closer to them, which is a common sign of romance. Another big sign that you like someone more than a friend is if you feel jealous or sad when other people spend time with them or flirt with them. A good exercise you can try is to imagine kissing your friend. If this feels weird, you might just like them as a friend, but if it feels nice, you probably have more romantic feelings for them. For more tips from our co-author, including how to tell someone about your romantic feelings, read on!

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