How to Tell if a Friend Doesn't Like You Anymore

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Plus, how to address the problem (and move on if you have to)
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Whether from new life experiences, the passage of time, or any variety of other factors, sometimes people just don't want to be friends anymore. Friends come and go, and while it’s tough, you don’t have to give up. We talked to counselors, therapists, and life coaches to show you the top signs that someone might not like you anymore, how to work through it, and how to move on from a friendship that just isn’t working.

Clearest Ways to Tell if a Friend Doesn’t Like You

A friend that doesn’t like you anymore will tend to avoid you. They’ll cancel plans or make excuses not to hang out. You’ll always be the one hitting them up, and conversations might feel cold or one-sided. If they’re plain rude or mean to you, that’s a very clear sign they may not value your friendship.

Section 1 of 4:

Signs Your Friend Might Not Like You

  1. If your friend is regularly insulting or belittling you, starting arguments over all kinds of things, or making you feel bad about yourself for who you are, they are not being a good friend . If your friend does this even after you’ve told them to stop, it’s probably time to get some distance from them. [1]
    • Types of insults can include teasing, sarcasm, and cynicism, comments that may sound like jokes, but are meant to hurt you.
    • Some insults are more subtle, like backhanded compliments (complimenting you for negative things) or guilt-tripping (where your friend blames you for their distresses and problems). [2] In many cases, your friend may try to pass these insults off as humor, and ridicule you for taking them personally.
    • It is possible that your friend doesn't know they are insulting you. If you are concerned, tell them they’re hurting you. Say, “It might be a joke, but that doesn’t make me feel good.” If your friend didn't know, they may apologize right away.
  2. A healthy friendship is a two-way street of communication. If your friend doesn't like you, they probably aren't making much of an effort to stay in touch. [3] This means not just talking, but emails, texting, or any other form of communication. If you and your friend aren't talking very much, it is hard to say that you are still really friends. [4] You may not talk as often as you used to. Or, if you do talk, your conversations are now very short, and you find that you don't have much to talk about.
    • If you are the only one reaching out and trying to stay in touch, then your friend is probably not interested.
    • Counselor Alicia Oglesby reminds us that “people drift apart a little bit naturally,” and it’s not always a sign they don’t like you, just that you’re both changing. The best thing to do is talk to them about it.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1042 wikiHow readers, and 57% of them agreed that the most likely reason your friend might distance themself after a fight is because they need time to cool off . [Take Poll]
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  3. “Both parties should feel they are reaching out and contributing to the friendship,” licensed therapist Jin S. Kim says. But if you hang out with your friend and they seem distant, like their mind is elsewhere, or they’d rather be somewhere else, that’s not contributing. It feels more like they don’t want to open up to you.
    • They might not share what's on their mind, or they might only give you short or one-word answers. Whatever the case, it feels like they’re trying to put space between you.
  4. Along with not talking much, chances are your friend won't have been keeping you up to date with changes in their life. They may be avoiding you, or they might just think it’s not important to update you. [5] Friendship takes effort, and you shouldn't learn new things about your friend only through other people or social media.
    • That doesn’t mean they have to be sharing everything with you all the time, but someone who’s a good friend is usually excited to tell you new things about their life.
  5. If you try to make plans, and your friend says they are too busy, and they’re always too busy, that’s not a good sign. Maybe they’ve even ghosted you. [6] If they’re constantly declining plans and don’t make an effort to hang out at all, they’re probably avoiding you.
    • Think about their schedule and responsibilities. Maybe they really are too busy, or are going through something difficult. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
  6. Don’t get us wrong, it’s okay for your friend to have friends of their own, and it doesn’t automatically mean they hate you. [7] That said, if they’re so busy with other friends that they can’t make time for you, or they prioritize their other friends over you, they’re making a choice about who they’d rather be around.
    • People change, have new interests, and new friends. If your friend appears to be doing other things with new people, then those new people probably fit in better with their new interests.
    • If your friend is not spending more time with others, but becoming withdrawn towards everyone, that could be a sign of more serious issues, like depression . [8] If this might be the case, gather others, and as a group encourage your friend to seek help.
  7. A good friend is interested in who you are as a person. They’ll ask you how you’re doing, how you feel, or what’s wrong. [9] A bad friend, or someone who’s not trying to be a friend, isn’t very interested, and isn’t willing to put in the effort to make that connection.
    • Maybe they only ever talk about themselves, or they change the subject when you try to tell them about your own life.
  8. A “fair-weather friend” is someone who’s only friends with you when it’s easy for them, or when they want something. [10] But as soon as you need something from them, they’re nowhere to be found. That’s a typical example of a one-sided friendship, and it’s not healthy for either of you.
    • If this is your situation, tell your friend that you can’t help them this time, but that you’re down to hang out. If they don’t even want to hang out, you probably have your answer.
  9. Licensed therapist Ebony Eubanks says if you find yourself thinking, “I feel like I can't be me, that we have disagreements and arguments, because of who I am. And that's not what I want” when you’re around them, then it might be time to move on. If your friendship is turning sour, your meetings will be tense, and you may feel anxious or uncomfortable in each other's presence. There may be a larger concern that you are not dealing with, or maybe you two have grown apart.
    • Ask yourself: Do you feel good after seeing them? Do you feel like you want to see them again, or are you dreading the next time you hang out?
    EXPERT TIP

    Jin S. Kim, MA

    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
    Jin Kim is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based out of Los Angeles, California. Jin specializes in working with LGBTQ individuals, people of color, and those that may have challenges related to reconciling multiple and intersectional identities. Jin received his Masters in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles, with a specialization in LGBT-Affirming Psychology, in 2015.
    Jin S. Kim, MA
    Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

    If you feel that your friend regularly disregards your boundaries , or makes you engage in activities or situations that you don’t feel comfortable in, it may be time to evaluate that friendship.

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Section 2 of 4:

Why don’t I believe my friends like me?

  1. Drifting apart over time is totally natural! People grow apart all the time as they pick up different interests or have different life experiences. [11] You may not be as close as you were, but it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or you aren’t friends, just that you’re different people than who you are when you met each other, and that’s normal.
    • Ask your friend if they want to hang out and do something you’re both interested in, like play a sport or take a class, to help you grow closer together again.
  2. Sometimes, when you’re in a friend group, it can feel like you’re fading into the background, or like your friends like each other more than they like you. It’s not because something’s wrong with you—it might just be that you’re not participating enough to get the attention you want. [12]
    • Take more initiative and invite your friends to hang at your place, or suggest more things to do together. When you have a little control over how you hang out, you’ll feel more included.
  3. In some situations, your brain tells you that people don’t like you, even when it’s not true. It usually has to do with your own self-esteem and self-worth. When these are low, it’s tempting to feel like you’re not worthy, even when you are, and even when your friends really do love and care for you. [13]
    • Improve your self-esteem by writing down things you like about yourself. Are you smart? Creative? Hard-working? When you remind yourself of your good qualities, you start to feel better about yourself.
    • It can also help to talk to a counselor or therapist, who can tell you more about why you feel that way, and how to stop it.
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Section 3 of 4:

Working Through the Problem with Your Friend

  1. Licensed therapist Jessica George says that the best course of action is just to talk. “Go to the source, be kind, ask them if something is wrong or if they feel like they have something to discuss,” she says. Ask them about the things you have been noticing that suggest they don't like you. Be open and honest about your concerns. It may not solve all of them right away, but it can clear the air.
    • For example, say, “Hey, things feel weird between us. Can we talk about it?” or, “I feel like we’ve drifted apart, and I wanted to check in.”
  2. George tells us that “We might suspect or think we understand, but we don’t know until we ask them if things are off in the relationship.” It’s hard to admit, but it could be that you did something to hurt your friend, and now they’re avoiding you. The best course of action is an honest conversation.
    • Be prepared to be apologetic, especially if you think your friend is angry at something you may have done. Showing you are open to compromise and reconciliation encourages your friend to do the same. [14]
    • If you think you were in the wrong, but are not sure why it might be good to give an open-ended question . You want to allow them to talk, not give a simple answer to a direct question. Ask what is wrong, or what you did wrong.
    • Be sure to give your friend some space after apologizing or asking for a response. This can be a lot to process, and you shouldn't expect an answer right away.
  3. Life leads people in different directions, and those directions may not include you or your old friends. Your friend may have new interests, and new friends that share those interests more than you do. [15] It’s natural, even if it hurts.
    • If this is the case, you can still have a great friendship, but you might not be as close as before. That’s okay! You’ll have plenty to talk about when you do see each other.
  4. George says to “Avoid being defensive at all costs.” When you approach the discussion as “me vs. them,” it’s harder to actually learn and grow from the situation. Figure out what you are feeling (anger, fear, humiliation) to figure out what you can do next. [16]
    • When discussing your concerns, use "I" Statements. Don't start your complaints with "You," (as in "You are...") which makes your opinion seem like a fact. Instead, lead with how you feel when your friend does something negative towards you ("I feel..."). After that, name your friend's behavior and why it makes you feel that way. This makes your statement less accusatory.
    • People don't always know the impact of their words and actions. Bringing it to their attention can get an apology. Or, perhaps they did mean it as a personal insult, in which case you will want to think about how much you want to keep this friendship.
  5. Life coach Tracey Rogers says to evaluate your friendship and what you want from it, then ask yourself if it’s still possible to make it that kind of relationship. If it is still possible, don’t give up! But if the friendship is making you more hurt than happy, it may be time to let go.
    • For example, maybe you and your friend have just drifted apart, and all it’d take is a good hangout to bring you together again.
    • On the other hand, maybe you’ve had a huge argument, and it doesn’t seem like they’ll ever apologize, even after you said sorry yourself. That’s their call, and there’s not much you can do but move on.
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Section 4 of 4:

Moving On From a Friendship

  1. When you’re hurting after any sort of breakup, the most important thing you can do is spend time with people you love, and who love you, to show yourself that you’re not alone. [17] Ask another, good friend to hang out, or do something with your family. A support system is a great asset.
  2. It does you no good to force someone to stay friends with you. That will likely only make things worse. It does not mean you failed, just that things have changed. “There are going to be mistakes, that's part of the learning,” says Oglesby, and that’s okay! You learned a whole lot in the process, about yourself and how to be a good friend, so try not to feel too bad. [18]
    • Think of all the good parts of the friendship. Those things still happened, and you can’t take them away.
    • Think of what didn’t work, and what you’d want to improve next time.
  3. The great thing about friends is that you can always make more . The trick is knowing where to look, and how to open up. It’s easy! No matter where you are, look for people who seem familiar, like classmates, sports teammates, or even just someone you share a bus stop with. [19] Then, strike up a conversation.
    • For example, say, “Are you ready for this test? I’m pretty nervous, honestly,” or, “This bus is always late. I wonder what’s holding it up.”
    • Then, be curious and ask questions, like, “How do you feel about the test?” or, “I’m going to class, where are you headed?”
    • Finally, make a plan to hang out, even if it’s just mentioning when you’ll see them again, like, “Want to study for the test together?” or, “Well, see you at the bus stop tomorrow!”
  4. When you’re happy and doing things you love, you become a friendlier, more interesting person that people want to be around. What’s more, doing those things open doors to meet new friends. [20] Chase your passions and treat them like good friends, too, and real friends will follow.
    • For example, if you love art, sign up for an art class to meet like minded people.
    • If you want to be more engaged with your community, volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter, for example, which are both great ways to meet other passionate people.
  5. It’s not always easy moving on from a friend, especially when you were close, but it does get easier with time. [21] Let yourself feel your feelings, and don’t hold them inside. If you need to, talk to someone you trust about it, like a family member or even a therapist. You’re growing and learning, so be good to yourself.
    • Take up journaling to sort your feelings out on a page, or practice meditation or yoga to help you navigate your own mind.
    • Remember: It’s okay to cry! What matters is that you pick yourself back up.
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  • Question
    My friend and I used to be super close and talk and hang out all the time. Recently we haven't talked as much as we used to. I don't know what to do or say. Help?
    Community Answer
    It depends on what you want to accomplish. Sometimes people just drift apart, so if you're okay with the friendship ending, you don't have to do anything. But if you miss her, tell her! Say something like, "I miss the way we used to hang out all the time. We should try harder to stay in touch." If she doesn't seem to be interested in being friends anymore, that's tough, but you'll have to accept it and move on.
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  • Question
    My friend recently didn't sit with me in class. She ignores me when she's around her other two friends from another class. She feels jealous when I hang out with other friends instead. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to her; it may just be a misunderstanding. Maybe she feels restricted with one friend, so she's expanding her friend circle. The best option is to talk to her.
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  • Question
    I did something to my best friend and now she will not talk to me. Does this mean that our friendship is over?
    Community Answer
    Try talking to her. Apologize and tell her that it won't happen again. Tell her that you really value your friendship with her and you hope she can forgive you. If she won't talk to you right now, you may have to wait a few days for her to calm down first.
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      Tips

      • If your friend seems to avoid talking with you, perhaps it might be because of the location. Areas with too many people might cause them to "turtle up". Try to find a place where they would be comfortable when talking about things.
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      • It is possible sometimes that your friend loves you as much as you love him or her, so try to never hurt your friend's feelings for meaningless reasons.
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      • Maybe have another friend that you know they trust ask them. Then you will get an honest answer.
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      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • I am 10 years old and I have 2 best friends we had a fight and we sorted it out. I told my teacher how I felt for the first time after school, and she recorded what happened and tried to fix it. After a while nothing changed, so I told my teacher again and she confronted the girls. Today I emailed my teacher one of my friends is not changing and it makes me upset with what she says towards me. I would definitely tell the person what happened even though it may be hard and you may not get the truth. If that doesn't work tell a trusted adult.
      • Sometimes if you speak to them or tell a joke they might look at you in an "are you mad way." This is normally when they frown and look away, almost roll their eyes and look around, give a sarcastic smile with their eyebrows raised then quickly look away or they say "okay..." in a confused way. All these things can show they may be losing interest in you and may think you are even weird.
      • Sometimes you may have just hurt your friend, and so they may just be defensive and feel you haven't been a friend to them, so why should they feel that they need to be yours? Talking through it may help better and find the real cause of them acting that way.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      2. ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychoanalysis-now/2015/09/5-hidden-insults-and-how-to-foil-them/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202302/3-signs-that-it-might-be-time-to-cut-off-a-friend
      4. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mindful-dating/202303/9-signs-its-time-to-end-a-friendship
      6. ↑ https://time.com/4779713/friendship-ghosting/
      7. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/reconnecting-with-ex-friends
      8. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
      9. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/mindful-dating/202303/9-signs-its-time-to-end-a-friendship
      2. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/reconnecting-with-ex-friends
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/why-feeling-left-stings-and-healthy-ways-to-cope
      4. ↑ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/200910/5-tips-mending-tattered-friendship
      6. ↑ https://www.vogue.com/article/reconnecting-with-ex-friends
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-to-do-when-someone-doesnt-like-you
      8. ↑ https://letstalkaboutmentalhealth.com.au/2024/02/25/friendship-breakups/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/200910/5-tips-mending-tattered-friendship
      10. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      11. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/making-good-friends
      12. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2018/10/breaking-up-with-a-friend-how-to-end-a-friendship-thats-no-longer-healthy-or-fulfilling

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Losing a friendship is tough, but it’s not uncommon for friends to drift apart over time. If you suspect your friend no longer likes you, pay attention to how they behave toward you. For instance, do you notice them starting a lot of arguments with you, blaming you for things, or putting you down? Those might be signs that the friendship is starting to sour. You might also notice them spending less time with you, not talking to you as often, or prioritizing other friendships. Before you jump to any conclusions, try talking to your friend about what’s going on. It’s possible that they’re just going through a rough time. Let them know how you’re feeling in an honest, non-judgmental way, and ask them what’s up. For tips on having a good discussion about your friendship, keep reading!

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