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Break-ups can be really tough, especially if you didn't want to break-up in the first place. But if you're absolutely sure that he's the only guy for you, don't despair. Use these helpful ideas to make him want you back.
Making Your Ex Want You Back
Give your ex some space immediately after the break-up and cut communication for a while. Once you’ve both had time to heal and focus on yourselves, wait for him to contact you before beginning to date again. Take things slowly and go on dates as if you were a brand new couple.
Steps
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Accept the break-up. Handle the break-up maturely and with grace. If he broke up with you, respect his decision and give him some time to see things more clearly. He will appreciate your understanding and respect you all the more for handling yourself with dignity.- The last thing you want to do is make a scene. Crying or getting angry with him won't get you anywhere, in fact, he'll be more likely to run in the other direction.
- By accepting the break-up calmly, you are leveling the playing field. He was probably expecting a different reaction from you, but now he .will be curious as to why you're not more upset. This may plant the first seed of doubt in his mind.
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Cut all communication. After a break-up, emotions run high and people don't always make rational decisions. For this reason, it is advisable to cut all communication with your ex for a while. [1] X Research source- Don't harass your ex with phone calls, texts or Facebook messages. This will have the opposite of the desired effect. Wait until he contacts you first.
- It will be tough, but try not to contact your ex for at least 2-3 weeks. Give him time to miss you.
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Give each other time to heal. Break-ups can be rough. Harsh words are exchanged and feelings get hurt. You need to give both yourself and your ex time to cool down, reflect and heal. Only then should you consider resuming the relationship. [2] X Research source- Getting back together while the wounds are still fresh will cause the same old issues to resurface and your efforts to revive the relationship are sure to fail.
- Wait until enough time has passed that you can think about the break-up objectively and can speak to your ex without getting upset or angry.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1346 wikiHow readers how they’d handle a partner who's pulled away, and 52% agreed that they’d give them space to come to a decision on their own . [Take Poll]
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Honestly assess your relationship. Take this time apart to honestly assess your relationship, think about what went wrong and what went right. Try to pinpoint the exact problems that led to the end of the relationship and figure out whether they can be fixed.- If you believe that the problems in your relationship are fixable, and both you and he are willing to put in the effort to make that happen, then your relationship stands a chance.
- If, on the other hand, the circumstances which led to the end of the relationship are not likely to change, or if you or your ex are unwilling to modify your behavior for the sake of the relationship, then getting back together may not be the best idea.
- Use your head for this decision, not just your heart.
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Apologize , if necessary. Towards the end of the relationship or during the break-up, you might have said some things you didn't mean or that you now regret. It's never too late to be the bigger person and apologize. [3] X Research source- If the break-up came about as a result of your actions, then you should definitely make the first move to apologize. Your ex will appreciate the gesture and may feel warmer and more sympathetic to you as a result.
- You will never be able to move on from the past if you don't own up to your mistakes.
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Stay calm . If you've just been through a break-up that you didn't initiate, it can feel like your world is spinning out of control. Don't panic. Stay calm and remind yourself that you are strong and you handle whatever life throws at you.- Don't make any rash decisions. You are in a vulnerable state of mind right now, try not to do anything you might regret.
- If you have your mind set on getting your ex back , that's fine. But allow yourself some personal time to work through your own issues first.
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Talk to someone. [4] X Expert Source Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 10 September 2021. After a break-up, it's probably safe to say that you have some demons you need to work out. The best thing you can do is talk to somebody you trust - a friend, a family member, a therapist. With them, you can unleash all the rage, hurt and pent-up tears you have inside. You'll feel much better after.- By talking about the break-up with someone on the outside of the situation, you are free to express every feeling and thought without the risk of doing irrevocable damage to your relationship with your ex.
- Talking about the break-up will help you to work through your feelings and give you some perspective on the situation. You might start to see matters from a different point of view and understand where your ex was coming from. This understanding and empathy can help you to get back on the right track later.
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Be independent . Use this break-up (even if it's only temporary) as a chance to liberate yourself. In a relationship, people tend to over-rely on their partner and forget how to function on their own. Now is your chance to recover your long-forgotten, independent self. You won't regret it.- Go places on your own, meet new people, try new things. Doing things by yourself will allow you to gain confidence and help you to feel whole again.
- Reconnect with your friends. Many people are guilty of neglecting their friends while in a relationship. Now that you're free to do as you please, take the initiative and organize a girls' night in or out. You'll soon be laughing so hard you'll wonder why you didn't do it more often.
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Take care of yourself . [5] X Expert Source Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 10 September 2021. You've been through a rough time recently, so take a moment to focus on you and your needs. Do things that make you happy and make you feel good. [6] X Research source- Take long baths, get plenty of rest , eat healthily and do some exercise . You'll look and feel better for it.
- You need to feel good about yourself before you think about re-entering a relationship.
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Work on improving yourself . Have you been complaining about your job for the last year? Quit and find something better! Been talking about taking up a new hobby or starting a new exercise regime for forever? Now is the time! Embrace this opportunity to improve yourself and become the best you that you can be.- Many people claim that a hot new body is the best way to recapture your ex's attention. But don't just do it for him, do it for yourself. Exercise and healthy eating will release the good mood hormones and will give you more energy and motivation to get through your day.
- Getting a new job or taking up a long talked-about hobby will give you a new outlet to focus your attentions on and leave you less time to mope about the break-up. Hopefully your ex will also be impressed by your new go-get-em attitude.
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Put yourself out there. Just because you have your heart set on getting back with your ex doesn't mean you can't have a little fun in the meantime. Get yourself all dolled up and go out and flirt to your heart's content. If nothing else, you will be reminded that you are an attractive and interesting person and that you have plenty of other options if your relationship doesn't work out as planned.- Letting your ex see you with another guy can arouse feelings of jealousy and desire in your ex. This might make him realize that he wants you back and help you in your quest.
- Be careful with this tactic, however - if your ex feels that you're perfectly happy with someone else, he might move on too.
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Let him contact you. Let him make the first move. It might be hard to wait, but stay strong. A least then when he contacts you, you will know that he was thinking about you and that he's ready to take a step forward in your relationship, whatever that might be. If you push him too soon, he might pull in the other direction.- Once he contacts you, don't play hard to get. Respond in a timely fashion and be perfectly sweet and polite .
- After he has made contact, you can suggest meeting up to talk in person. Go for somewhere neutral where you can have a private conversational, but can leave easily if things take a turn for the worse. A cafe or public park would be perfect.
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Remind him why he was attracted to you in the first place. [7] X Expert Source Kate Dreyfus
Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer Expert Interview. 10 September 2021. Sometimes the bad things that happen at the end of a relationship can overshadow all the good that came before. Remind this guy why he fell in love with you in the first place.- Spark his memory by wearing the same perfume you wore on your first date, or a piece of clothing he thought you looked good in.
- Reminisce about some of the great times you had together. Make him remember how he felt about you when times were good.
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Take things slowly. Don't rush headfirst back into the relationship. Take time to talk things through and make sure the two of you are on the same page. Ensure that you both know what you need to work on and are willing to give things a chance.- Try dating again . Go out for dinner, go bowling or go see a movie together. Spend short, concentrated periods of time together. Get to know one another all over again.
- If you try to pick up exactly where you left off, then history is doomed to repeat itself.
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Leave the past in the past. If the two of you have worked through your issues and you're both willing to make a fresh start, be thankful for it. Look on this as a brand new relationship, with no baggage attached. Forget about what happened in the past and focus on your future together.
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Win Your Ex Back with This Expert Series
Sometimes a breakup really just means one or both people need some space. If you want to get back together with your ex, this expert series will help get them (and make them want you) back.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionShould I tell him I really like him?Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.Definitely! Being direct is one of the best approaches that you can use with a guy. A lot of guys actually get frustrated with mixed signals, and much prefer when women are straightforward with them.
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QuestionHow do you rekindle the spark with your ex?Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.Try going to some old places you used to visit together. Sometimes, revisiting memory lane can help stir up strong emotions and chemistry about all the reasons you were together in the first place.
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QuestionHow do I reconnect with my ex?Kate Dreyfus is a dedicated Holistic Love Coach, Holistic Empowerment Coach, Heart-Centered Expert, Intuitive Healer, Workshop Facilitator, and Owner of Evolve & Empower. She has more than ten years of experience supporting her clients successfully entering exclusive, romantic relationships within the USA, the United Kingdom, Canada, and Europe. Kate is devoted to helping others through personal growth and transformation, success in dating and romance, and healing and rebuilding after a breakup. She is also a member of The Biofield Institute, the Healing Touch Professional Association, and the Energy Medicine Professional Association. Kate holds a BA in Psychology from San Francisco State University.Be curious and learn more! What changes have happened in their life since you've been apart? As you grow and live longer, your perspective about the past, present, and future can change. Sometimes, it's worth digging deeper on past topics about who they are now and what they want out of life moving forward.
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Tips
- Have Confidence. Remember men LOVE a secure woman and showing him you are in control of your world will catch his attention. [8] X Research sourceThanks
- Have good intentions. It's tempting sometimes to try to get revenge, but if you're not earnest about wanting your man back, it's better to move on and find someone else.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Sometimes the best thing to do is to just go about your life. Time heals all wounds and you might find your back to each other someday (if it's meant to be!).
- Flirt with him just enough so that he suspects you still might be interested, but don't lay it on so thick that he gets weirded out by you.
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Warnings
- Make sure you want this person back for the right reason, not because you are lonely or you are afraid to be alone.Thanks
- If he's into another girl right away, you're probably not on his mind but just stay strong and happy and he will soon realize what he had.Thanks
- He may just be over you, moving on isn't the end of the world, it may be the best thing.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201201/breaking-is-hard-do-so-heres-6-step-how
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-good-life/201105/dealing-the-pain-romantic-breakups-some-research-informed-suggestions?collection=65090
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/better-divorce/201904/what-s-wrong-apologies-and-how-make-them-right
- ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
- ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/click-here-happiness/201812/self-care-12-ways-take-better-care-yourself
- ↑ Kate Dreyfus. Holistic Love Coach & Intuitive Healer. Expert Interview. 10 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/nurturing-self-compassion/201902/maintaining-confidence-throughout-the-dating-process
- Make Him Miss You
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To make him want you back, first give him space to heal and realize how much he misses you. For example, you should stop texting and calling if you can, and wait for him to contact you first, which could take a couple weeks. While you spend time apart, focus on yourself and working through your feelings. It may be helpful to talk to a close friend to give yourself some perspective on the situation. Besides working through feelings, take some time to do things on your own that you never got the chance to do in a relationship, like traveling and meeting new people. Once some time has passed, try meeting up with your ex to talk in person. Make sure you apologize if you did anything wrong, and remind him of all the good times you shared together. To learn how to start dating again, read on.
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