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Look for signs that someone is pulling away (and how to handle it)
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Have you ever been talking to someone or tried to enter a conversation and wondered if the other person didn’t want to speak with you? Or have you felt disconnected from a friend who never picks up the phone when you call? A person may not want to talk to you for many reasons—they may be tired, busy, or you may have accidentally interrupted a private chat. In some cases, it might be difficult to tell if someone doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. But by reading body language, listening to speech patterns, and taking note of their behavior, you can figure out if someone doesn’t want to talk to you.
How to Tell if Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You
In a conversation, look for nonverbal cues like breaking eye contact or having their arms crossed. If you think a friend doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, observe how often they communicate with you. If they constantly cancel plans or take forever to respond to your texts, they may be pulling away.
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Section 1 of 4:
Signs Someone Doesn’t Want to Talk to You
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Their body language is closed off or tense. Body language is a great cue about how a person is feeling about you or your conversation. Look at how the person is standing to see if they’re interested in talking to you. Some examples of body language that could indicate the person doesn’t want to talk to you are: [1] X Research source
- A stiff or immobile body.
- Tense and raised shoulders.
- Facing their body away from you.
- Pointing their feet away from you.
- Standing an unnatural distance from you.
- Crossing arms over the chest.
- Touching their neck or collar.
- Fidgeting or doodling.
- Yawning. [2] X Research source
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They don’t make eye contact with you. Watching a person’s eyes during a conversation can let you know if they want to talk to you. The following signs might indicate your conversation partner is finished: [3] X Research sourceAdvertisement
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They give one-word or unenthusiastic responses. Observe someone’s responses, whether during in-person or online communication. If most of their messages are a single word like “yeah,” “sure,” or something similar, they’re showing a lack of enthusiasm when communicating with you. The following types of responses can indicate the person is bored with the conversation or doesn’t want to talk to you: [6] X Research source
- Lazy responses like “Oh really,” “You’re so right,” or “Totally.”
- Mirroring your language, such as responding to “It’s really cold today” with “Yes, it is cold.” [7] X Research source
- Ignoring questions or statements.
- Giving one-word or closed statement answers, including a simple “no” or “yes.” Using gestures such as a head nod can also indicate that a person doesn’t want to talk.
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They’re letting you do most of the talking. If you suspect a person doesn’t want to talk to you, figure out who is leading the conversation. If they're not contributing to the conversation, your conversation partner may have checked out and is waiting for you to wrap up your chat. [8] X Research source
- Notice if you hear your own voice considerably more than that of your chatting partner, which can be a sign that they are no longer interested in the conversation.
- Hold back a bit to see if the person begins talking more. This can indicate that they want to talk, but you’re overwhelming them.
- Check to see if you are integrated into the conversation if there are more than two people in the group. If not, try saying something and see how the other participants respond.
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They speak with an irritated or disinterested tone. The tone of voice someone uses when speaking to you can tell you a lot about how they are feeling. Noticing the tenor of the conversation can help you figure out if the person isn’t engaged and cue you to exit elegantly. Ask yourself the following questions about their tone:
- Do they sound irritated when I say something?
- Do they seem tired, slow, or bored when responding?
- Do they sound pleasant or excited about our interaction?
- Does it seem like they’re questioning everything I say?
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They take a long time to respond to your messages. If you’re texting or using social media sites, you cannot see their body language or hear their tone unless you are having a video call. But by reading responses and seeing how long it takes for the person to respond, you can gauge if the person doesn’t want to talk to you. [9] X Research source
- Look for a “read” indication on sites like Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp. If there is a long lapse between your text and the response, or if the person doesn’t respond at all, she likely doesn’t want to talk to you. You can never be completely sure what is going on, though. It might be that she is busy or forgot to answer your message.
- Notice if the person goes offline when you send them a message. It could be that she doesn't want to talk to you, but once again, you can't really know what is going on. She might be busy.
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They don’t ask you follow-up questions about yourself. If you’re sharing a story with someone and they only reply with one-word answers, they may be wanting to exit the conversation. Someone who’s interested in talking to you will ask you for more information, rather than giving curt and limited responses. [10] X Research source
- They may also talk over you or abruptly change the subject to something completely unrelated in order to end the exchange
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They make excuses to end a conversation early. If someone abruptly ends the conversation, it may indicate that they don’t want to continue the conversation. They might make up an excuse like they have to run, have plans, or have something else to do.
- However, these may sometimes be valid—they could actually be busy or not feeling well.
- But if this situation happens multiple times, that’s a stronger indicator that they might not want to talk to you anymore.
- This idea also applies to social engagements or hangouts with a friend or loved one.
- If this person is frequently making up excuses to cut short your time together, they may not be that interested in talking to you or spending time with you.
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They avoid meeting up and cancel plans often. If you’re constantly trying to make plans with a friend and they always fall through, they may not feel like talking to you. They may be difficult to get a hold of and act like they’re always too busy to hang out or respond to your messages. [11] X Research source
- When you manage to make plans with them, they might cancel those plans more often than not.
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They never reach out to you first. If you only talk to someone in your life when you reach out first, they may not actually want to talk to you. If you feel like you’re always the person reaching out, try to avoid messaging or calling them for a few weeks. [12] X Research source
- See if this person ends up reaching out to you and trying to initiate a conversation. If they don’t, they may not want to talk to you anymore.
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Tips
- It’s important to recognize the signs that someone doesn’t want to talk to you, whether it’s just in this moment or in your general relationship with each other. Seeing the signs now can avoid hurt feelings and awkward conversations in the future, and you’ll feel more comfortable knowing that the people you’re talking to really do want to talk to you.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If the other person made it clear that they want to talk to you, it might be best to move on. If you keep talking to them, then they might get annoyed and avoid talking to you even more.
- Some people might display these signs if they have social anxiety, so try not to assume that they don't like you.
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References
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/body-language/22-body-language-examples-and-what-they-show/
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/body-language/22-body-language-examples-and-what-they-show/
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm
- ↑ https://www.pattiwood.net/article.asp?PageID=11111
- ↑ https://thevessel.io/subtle-signs-that-someone-doesnt-like-you-according-to-psychology/
- ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/bored_body.htm
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/11/self-improvement/people-dont-like-you
- ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/11/self-improvement/people-dont-like-you
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-know-when-someone-does-not-care-about-you#signs
- ↑ https://thevessel.io/subtle-signs-that-someone-doesnt-like-you-according-to-psychology/
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/what-is-a-one-sided-friendship-and-how-to-avoid-it/
- ↑ https://www.leahmether.com.au/what-to-do-when-someone-doesnt-want-to-talk/
- ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978
- ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2010/03/exiting-a-conversation-gracefu-2
- ↑ https://careercenter.bauer.uh.edu/blog/2018/03/28/3-polite-ways-to-end-that-networking-conversation-that-dont-involve-obvious-excuses/
- ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/238978
- ↑ https://www.calm.com/blog/how-to-end-a-conversation
- ↑ https://career.ucsf.edu/news/how-do-i-gracefully-exit-conversation-networking-event
- ↑ https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-give-someone-space
- ↑ http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-gracefully-exit-a-conversation-2014-7
- ↑ https://www.regain.us/advice/friendship/what-is-a-one-sided-friendship-and-how-to-avoid-it/
- ↑ https://www.leahmether.com.au/what-to-do-when-someone-doesnt-want-to-talk/
About This Article
Article Summary
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To tell when someone doesn't want to talk to you anymore, pay attention to their tone for signs of irritation, boredom, or tiredness. For example, if someone questions everything you say, they may be getting annoyed with the conversation. Additionally, listen for lazy responses, like "Oh, really?" which could be a signal that they're losing interest. They may also want to end the conversation if they only respond with curt replies, like "yeah" or "sure." To tell if someone doesn't want to talk based on their body language, look for signs of disinterest, like if their gaze wanders or they turn their body away from you. The person may also yawn, fidget, or cross their arms if they don't want to talk. For more advice from our co-author, like how to follow up on a conversation, keep reading!
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