Why Your Boyfriend Is Ignoring You & How to Get Him to Stop

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Learn when to reach out and when to give him space
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There are few things more frustrating than when your boyfriend ignores you. Whether it’s through unanswered texts or an in-person cold shoulder, his lack of communication can lead to hurt feelings and relationship issues. Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to figure out why your boyfriend is ignoring you and how you can fix things. In this article, we dive into those ways with the help of various dating coaches.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Ignoring You

Avoid blowing up his phone, as you may overwhelm him and push him away. Let him know how you feel when he ignores you. Reach out to him and ask him if there’s anything wrong. If so, have a conversation with him to see what his issues are. Let him know that he can come to you when he’s upset and listen if he does.

Section 1 of 4:

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Talking to You

  1. If your boyfriend won’t text you back or answer your calls, it can be tempting to send him a ton of texts or leave a few voicemails. However, this can actually push him away more, and it can make him feel overwhelmed. If your boyfriend isn’t responding to you, try giving him a bit of space until he replies. [1]
    • He might be ignoring you because of other problems in his life, and seeing all your messages can overwhelm him even further.
  2. Dating coach Mark Rosenfeld says there’s a chance that your boyfriend might not know that he’s ignoring you (or how much it bothers you). [2] Sit him down and tell him that when he takes a long time to text back or doesn’t talk to you in person, it makes you feel sad and anxious. [3]
    • Say something like, “When I don’t hear from you, I start to get worried that you’re mad at me or something. It’s tough to deal with, and it puts a damper on my entire day.”
    • If he regularly ignores you for no good reason, let you know how his behavior is making you feel and set boundaries . If he doesn’t respect them, he may not be the guy for you.
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  3. Balancing a relationship with school, work, and responsibilities can be tough. If your boyfriend is ignoring you to deal with other things in his life, ask him to make a little more time for you throughout the week. You could schedule a weekly date night , a nightly phone call, or a day where you hang out , just the two of you. [4]
    • Remember that he might need some time for his hobbies, too. Playing video games or hanging out with his friends might seem silly to you, but they’re still important!
    • If you’ve noticed that he’s busier lately (with a new school year or a different job), this could be the reason he’s ignoring you.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    While it may be difficult, remember to also respect your partner's time. Be honest with what you need while also being flexible with your calendar. Being understanding while still making sure you both prioritize the relationship will help you maintain a strong connection.

  4. Maybe you and your boyfriend just need to reconnect! Make dinner reservations, buy him flowers, and take a walk on the beach at sunset. Spend some time away from other people and plan an exciting date so you two can catch up and rekindle the flame . [5]
    • If you don’t feel like going out, make him breakfast in bed or watch your favorite movie together. Romance doesn’t have to cost a fortune!
    • Try turning off your phones until the date is over so you can really focus on each other.
    • Dating coach Erika Kaplan says that “if you feel that you need more affection, then make sure you're being kind of carefully affectionate with them” If that doesn’t work, communicate your needs. [6]
  5. Sometimes, people in relationships go quiet instead of bringing up issues. If your boyfriend has trouble talking about his feelings, try asking him if there’s anything he’d like to talk about (within your relationship or just in general). Listen respectfully and be open to talking about his feelings. [7]
    • Say something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been a little distant lately. Is there anything you need to bring up?”
    • Keep in mind that some people will start to pull away when they want to end the relationship. It’s not certain, but it is a possibility.
  6. Don’t play games, just pour more into yourself. Take yourself out for lunch, go to the gym, and make plans with your friends, like going to the movies, heading to the park, going to concerts or raves, whatever you guys like. By making plans with your friends and not involving him, you’ll show him that you don’t need him, which may cause him to reach out.
    • If you’re usually available whenever he calls, try letting him know that you’re busy. Remind him that you have your own life, especially if he’s taking you for granted.
  7. Some of the issues in your relationship can be solved or alleviated with the help of a therapist. A trained therapist can remain impartial, help identify the issues in your relationship, and work with you to chart a course to security and improved communication.
  8. It’s not fun to be in a relationship with someone who’s ignoring you all the time. If you’ve talked openly and honestly with your boyfriend and he’s still giving you the cold shoulder, it might be time to end things. [8]
    • Dating coach Laura Bilotta says “To give your relationship its best chance, work on communication, learn to compromise, go out of your way to do small things for your significant other, and always make time for them.” [9]
    • Ending a relationship is tough, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. However, dealing with someone who ignores you all the time is probably not your ideal partner.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Stop Him From Ignoring You After a Fight

  1. If you’ve just gotten in a fight or gone through an emotional turmoil, your boyfriend might be ignoring you to get his feelings under control. Give him some space and let him know that you’re here when he’s ready to talk. [10]
    • Some people need time to process their emotions on their own, which could be what your boyfriend is doing.
  2. Rosenfeld says to start the conversation, ask him what’s wrong and listen while he talks. [11] Really try to understand why he was ignoring you and what the problem was that made him stop communicating.
    • Try saying something like, “I could tell you were upset when you stopped replying to my texts. Are you okay?”
    • Be sure to listen closely without interrupting so you can get the whole picture.
    • Giving your boyfriend the silent treatment in return will only make things worse. It’s important to open up a line of communication so you two can talk it out.
  3. Rosenfeld says that you can go into details about your side of the fight, or you can let him know that you were hurt by his actions when he ignored you. [12] Ask him to listen to you, too, just like you listened to him earlier. [13]
    • Try something like, “I know you were upset, but when I didn’t hear from you, I got worried. It made me feel sad and anxious when you wouldn’t answer the phone or reply to my messages.”
  4. A lot of times, people will give you the silent treatment when they feel angry or disrespected. If you feel like you have something to say sorry for, give your boyfriend a heartfelt apology (but only if you mean it). [14]
    • Say something like, “I’m sorry that I made fun of you in class today, I won’t do it again.”
  5. Getting the cold shoulder is never fun, and it can lead to a breakdown in communication. Try suggesting ways that you two can talk about your problems without using the silent treatment so you have a plan for next time. You could try:
    • Giving each other 10 minutes to cool off in a separate room.
    • Writing things down on paper, then reading them to each other.
    • Checking in with each other once a week to go over any problems in the relationship.
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Section 3 of 4:

Why is your boyfriend ignoring you?

  1. If he’s often responsive but starts ignoring you seemingly out of nowhere, he may be dealing with something that’s stressing him out , like conflict at work or between loved ones. Reach out to him and ask if everything is okay, then let him know you’re here for him. [15]
    • Try not to assume you know what’s going on. Be open-minded, let him tell his side of the story, and listen when he does.
  2. If you guys have been on the rocks and he starts to ignore you, he may have an issue with something in the relationship and not know how to address it. Alternatively, he could be taking his time to figure out how to address the issue. Some people take time to process their emotions. [16]
    • A challenge in your relationship isn’t the end of the world.
  3. People with avoidant attachment styles tend to avoid being open with their emotions, making emotional connections , and vulnerability, which can cause them to ignore you. This can create a push-pull dynamic that causes them to pull away when you’re affectionate, but chase you when you pull away. [17]
    • People with avoidant attachment styles tend to get with people who have anxious attachment styles. This is because anxious partners’ pursuit and need for closeness reinforces the independence and self-reliance of avoidant partners. [18]
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Section 4 of 4:

Is it okay to ignore your partner in a relationship?

  1. If you’ve vocalized your issues with your boyfriend’s behavior and asked him to change and he doesn’t, it can be very frustrating. If you need some time to cool off, you may have to ignore him. Communicate and let him know that you need some space. When you’re ready, have a conversation with him about his behavior and work together to figure out how to move forward. [19] So, show him that you need him to change instead of telling him.
    • Avoid stonewalling , or giving your boyfriend the silent treatment when he upsets you. Stonewalling can be considered emotionally abusive. [20]

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I express my hurt feelings to my partner?
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Mark Rosenfeld is a Dating and Relationship Coach based in Norman Park, Australia. He founded his coaching business, Make Him Yours, in 2015. Mark specializes in helping women find, attract, and keep extraordinary relationships. He has been featured in Style Magazine, Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, News.com.au, and The Good Men Project. Mark’s dating videos have received over 60 million views, and his book “Make Him Yours – Beating the Odds of Modern Dating” was a best-seller on Amazon upon its release.
    Mark Rosenfeld
    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Ask to have a conversation when your boyfriend isn't busy. Then, explain how their actions have made you feel. Use "I feel" statements, like "I feel like you're ignoring me" or "I feel like you don't prioritize me."
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    Not Helpful 17 Helpful 62
  • Question
    What should I do if he’s ignoring me because of he’s stressed because of his problems?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    Give him some time to figure out his problems on his own. You can also show your support by telling him that you're there if he needs you. Once he's not stressed anymore, he'll probably be open to hanging out with you again.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
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  • Question
    What to do if he is online but not contacting you?
    Hannah Madden
    Community Answer
    You could try sending him a message to see if he responds. However, just because he's online doesn't mean he's not busy, so he might not be ignoring you on purpose.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-life/201405/when-youre-ignored
      2. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      3. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/therapy-soup/2014/11/the-silent-treatment-and-what-you-can-do-to-stop-it-cold#1
      4. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/the-secret-to-finding-time-for-your-relationship-0826155
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/10-ways-to-make-your-relationship-magically-romantic
      6. ↑ Erika Kaplan. Relationship Advisor. Expert Interview. 1 October 2020.
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201802/the-best-way-to-respond-to-the-silent-treatment
      8. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/im-desperate-to-know-why-is-my-boyfriend-ignoring-me/
      9. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-deal-with-the-silent-treatment/
      2. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      3. ↑ Mark Rosenfeld. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 11 June 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-deal-with-the-silent-treatment/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201802/the-best-way-to-respond-to-the-silent-treatment
      6. ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/08/how-to-help-your-spouse-cope-with-work-stress
      7. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/how-to-deal-with-the-silent-treatment/
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/attachment-and-adult-relationships
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/202306/why-anxious-and-avoidant-attachment-attract-each-other
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202306/when-your-partner-says-i-need-space
      11. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship#1

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to get your boyfriend to stop ignoring you, talk to him about what’s bothering him. Try saying something like, “You seem like you have something on your mind. Can we talk about it?” Really listen to his answer, and try not to get defensive if he's upset with you. Also consider that he may be busy, sick, or stressed out, and it might not have anything to do with you. If he keeps ignoring you, try to reconnect with him by talking about his passions and hobbies or taking him on a date. If none of this is helping, read on for more advice!

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