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. Seth T. Hall (ICF ACC, CLC, and MNLP) is a Certified Life Coach and Founder of Transformational Solutions, a Los Angeles-based life-coaching company that helps people achieve their toughest goals, find their own voice, and think outside the box. He has been a life coach for over 10 years, specializing in personal development, relationships, career and finance, and wellness. He has helped his clients break the negative cycles in their lives and replace them with a positive, proactive mindset. Seth believes that everyone has the potential to live a fulfilling and rewarding life, and works passionately to help them reach their full potential. With a deep understanding of how our minds work and the power of positive thinking, he encourages his clients to find their unique paths in life and find success on their own terms. He is a certified master practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, a featured co-author for WikiHow, and co-author of "The Mountain Method”, “The Happy Tiger”, and “The V.I.S.I.O.N.S. Program”.
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If you’ve clicked on this article, chances are you’re tired of saying “sorry.” Maybe you messed up at work or forgot to call a friend when you said you would. Either way, the words “I’m sorry” are on the tip of your tongue, but what if you’re over-using them? Does the situation warrant an apology, and is there a way to say sorry without actually saying it? Take a look at these professionally approved ways you can apologize in any situation.
Things You Should Know
- Accept responsibility for your actions so your boss or friend knows you’re accountable.
- Instead of saying “sorry,” try saying “thank you” to stay positive and accept criticism.
- Let your actions speak louder than your words by not repeating the same mistake twice.
Steps
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One of the best things you can do is take accountability. Whether you’ve done something wrong at work or with a friend, a great way to say you’re sorry is to take responsibility for your actions. For instance, you could say:
- “I understand that I’m responsible for missing the deadline.”
- “You’ve been there to help me, and I should’ve been there to support you.”
- “It’s my fault I wasn’t paying attention to the road.”
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A simple “thank you” can go beyond an apology. In the workplace, rather than resorting to the term “sorry,” try saying “thank you” instead, especially when it comes to constructive criticism. This is a great way to stay positive, accept feedback, and stop over apologizing. [1] X Research source If your boss informs you that you’ve done something wrong or need to improve, show gratitude without admitting guilt with:
- “Thank you for the feedback.”
- “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. How can I improve moving forward?”
- “Thank you for being honest with me.”
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Stop over apologizing by showing gratitude and support. A main reason why you may be over apologetic at work is because you’re over compensating for fears or insecurities. Take each mistake and critique as a learning lesson—how can you grow stronger? Replace apologetic language with appreciative words to be capable and supportive. [2] X Trustworthy Source Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development Nonprofit organization providing innovative, effective educational resources for educators designed to support student achievement Go to source For example:
- Say you interrupt someone at work. Rather than saying, “I’m sorry for taking up you time,” try, “I truly appreciate you taking the time to talk with me today.”
- If a colleague points out a mistake in your recent review, try saying, “Thank you for pointing that out. I really appreciate the input.”
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Having the drive to change is the best apology you can make. Your desires are stronger than a simple apology. Let your boss or friend know how you plan on fixing your mistake or altering your behavior—what steps are you taking to ensure it won’t happen again? [3] X Research source Try saying something along the lines of:
- “In the future, I’ll be sure to contact every team member personally.”
- “Next time, I’ll make calling you my first priority.”
- “I’ll turn my phone off during class moving forward.”
wikiHow Quiz: What Is My Apology Language?
Whoops! You just broke your sibling’s phone. What’s your response?
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Actions truly speak louder than words. Rather than saying “I’m sorry,” correct your mistake by not doing it again. [4] X Research source For instance, say you came into work late. Express to your colleagues that your tardiness won’t become a recurring theme, and then make sure it doesn’t by leaving home early every morning.
- You may be over apologizing because you doubt yourself, so turn that around! Be confident and authoritative in your choices in and outside of work. If you have the confidence to back up your actions, you won’t need to make unnecessary apologies.
- Reader Poll: We asked 158 wikiHow readers what would most rebuild their trust in someone, and only 5% of them said they apologize immediately when they hurt your feelings. [Take Poll] Apologizing is a great first step to rebuilding trust, but actions speak louder than words. It’s important to show that you’re willing to change your behavior.
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Show remorse by reflecting on what others may feel. Sometimes, a simple “I’m sorry” can come across as insincere because it’s rooted in sympathy rather than empathy. If a friend or colleague confides in you about a difficult situation, rather than saying “I’m sorry” because you don’t know what else to say, be empathetic : [5] X Trustworthy Source American Academy of Family Physicians Organization devoted to improving the health of patients, families, and communities Go to source
- “That sounds like it’s been really difficult.”
- “I can only imagine what you’ve been going through. Is there anything I can do to help?”
- “I’m here for you whenever you need anything.”
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Open the conversation for more critics. If you’re tired of apologizing at work, take the next critique as a sign to explore what you can do to improve. Not only is this a great way to apologize, but it also shows your boss that you’re willing to handle and accept criticism . [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- “Is there anything else I can do moving forward to improve my work performance?”
- “On the topic of yesterday’s meeting, in the future, would you like me to ask questions directly or wait to message you after the meeting?”
- “How would you like me to turn in assignments moving forward?”
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An excellent way to apologize is not to be a repeat offender. Make a commitment to yourself, boss, and/or friend to correct what you’ve done wrong. This way, they’ll know you’ve learned from their critique without you having to admit any guilt. [7] X Research source
- For example, if a friend has asked you not to show up at their house unannounced, send them a quick text and wait for a response before leaving your house from here on out.
- If your boss asks to have files on their desk at the end of each week, work diligently to have all the paperwork completed and turned in on time.
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Saying “sorry” for every situation can get tiring. If you’re prone to apologizing for everything, try replacing the term “I’m sorry” with something more authoritative. For instance, say you have something you’d like to add or counter during a company meeting. Use language like this to politely interject and express your opinion without saying “sorry”:
- “I’d like to weigh in if that’s okay.”
- “Is now a good time for a question?” [8] X Research source
- “Here’s a different perspective…”
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References
- ↑ https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/when-saying-i-m-sorry-and-thank-you-makes-big-difference
- ↑ https://www.ascd.org/el/articles/learning-the-languages-of-appreciation
- ↑ https://www.npr.org/2023/01/25/1150972343/how-to-say-sorry-give-good-apology
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201908/when-and-how-apologize-attachment-theory-perspective
- ↑ https://www.aafp.org/pubs/fpm/issues/2007/0700/p44.html
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2014/12/how-to-ask-for-feedback-that-will-actually-help-you
- ↑ https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-apologize-for-a-mistake-professionally
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/what-to-say-instead-of-sorry-work