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This article was co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure
. Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.
There are 12 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 434,149 times.
If someone you care about has blocked your number, unfriended you on social media, or ghosted you on Whatsapp, it’s reasonable to be disconcerted and even traumatized. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re angry or sad —it’s a totally normal reaction to someone you were into just shutting you out. That’s why we’re here to show you what you can do to try and win them back. In the event that they don’t change their mind, we’ll also walk you through what you might do to move on . This says more about them than it does about you, so try not to be too hard on yourself here.
Steps
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They may have just lost their phone or taken a break from social media. For social media, try messaging them online. If it says your message can’t be delivered, they’ve blocked you. On some sites, you’ll get a message saying you've been blocked when you go to their profile, too. On the phone, try calling and texting them. If you get a message that your text can’t be delivered and the phone call mentions the number is “unavailable,” they blocked you. [1] X Research source
- Depending on the carrier, your phone number may be blocked if you call and it rings once, there’s a persistent beeping, or you get a busy line.
- On some social media sites, there’s no way to know if they’ve blocked you or simply deleted their profile. Try searching for them online when you’re logged out of your account. If they don’t show up, they deleted the profile.
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As tempting as it may be to reach out, waiting is usually a good idea. It’s totally natural if you’re wondering what went wrong. However, you’re probably not going to get answers now—especially if you and the other person are both upset. That’s why it’s especially important to give yourself some time to cool your jets. Wait at least 24 hours before doing anything. [2] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- It’s reasonable to want answers, but confronting someone or demanding that they talk to you is unlikely to get you what you want.
- Examine your recent online or in person behavior with the person who blocked you. Did you write or comment about something that went against the person’s beliefs, viewpoint, or philosophy? Objectively look into your own online behavior to examine whether or not you offended that person.
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Moving on is typically ideal, especially if they’re an ex. Being blocked may hurt, but the odds are very good that your most reasonable solution is to just continue living your life and forget about them (for now at least). This is especially the case if you just broke up. People often go no-contact with their ex in the wake of a breakup to give themselves space to heal. [3] X Research source
- If they’re a lifelong friend or partner, you’re justified to want to know more. In a situation like this, it’s okay to investigate and figure out what happened here.
- On the rare off-chance that they’re playing games with you and the block is only temporary, you’re still better off not engaging.
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Don’t read too much into it if you met this person online. Don’t assume you did anything wrong here. Unfortunately, a lot of people these days do this when they don’t feel they click with someone. Instead of sending a polite note about how they don’t think you two make a good fit, they just block you. That’s on them, not you, so don’t sweat it. [4] X Research source
- Don’t get down in the dumps over this kind of thing. Some people just don’t have the respect to be straight up.
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If they blocked you over a fight, give them time to calm down. If this block comes on the heels of an intense argument, give it a few days (or weeks, depending on the severity). It’s possible that the person who blocked you simply needs some room to cool off and that they’ll unblock you once they’re ready to talk. Just give them space. [5] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source
- This is extremely likely to be the case if they’ve blocked and unblocked you before.
- If the two of you weren’t fighting, it’s possible they were offended by something you said or did. It’s still best to wait a while for them to cool off.
- Find a way to accept this if you cannot change it. When we cannot change the course of events this can plague us. By practicing acceptance and embracing that it cannot be changed, you might be able to let it go and move forward.
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It’s understandable if you’re angry, but no good comes from lashing out. Don’t show up to their job to embarrass them, or knock on their door in the middle of the night to give them a piece of your mind. Not only will this not make you feel better, it will entirely shut down the possibility that you two reconnect. Remember, their decision to do this says more about them than you. Don’t give them a reason to think otherwise. [6] X Research source
- There’s an adage that if your ex blocks you, you won. This means that if you want to “get back” at them, you’ve already done the best you can do. You either win because you get to move on, or you win because you’re such a powerful source in their life that they can’t bear to even see you online.
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If you want to get a message through to them, enlist help. If you want to know why they blocked you, you’re likely going to get more accurate information by enlisting a neutral third party. The person who blocked you might have negative feelings toward you right now, but they should open up honestly to someone else.
- Ask them to keep your request on the down low for best results. You might ask, “Hey, Melissa blocked me and I can’t figure out what I did wrong. Could you ask her the next time you see her? Just play it off like you’re curious.”
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If you have a lot of feelings to share, write them down. A letter is much more personal and reasonable than trying to call them from a non-blocked number or adding them on a fake social media account. Plus, it’ll be easier for the other person to process, since they can do it at their own pace. Take your time, jot down your feelings, and either mail the letter or ask a friend to give it to them. [7] X Research source
- This is an especially reasonable idea if you were in a long-term relationship with the person and things ended kind of abruptly.
- You could write a letter to apologize , ask where you went wrong, beg them to take you back, or reflect on your time together. There are no right or wrong answers; it depends on what you want to tell them.
- Ask yourself if you could have done or said anything differently and determine if an apology is necessary. Is there a way you could have conveyed your viewpoint differently? Play with ways you could have said it better.
- Do not send dozens of letters. It’s going to send the wrong vibe, and at a certain point it’s unfair to their wishes.
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It will be a lot easier to move on if you can cleanse your space. If you’ve got any gifts they gave you, or photos hanging up in your room, put it all in a shoe box and stuff it deep under your bed. You can always revisit this stuff later but for now, getting rid of the reminders will help you put them out of your mind so that you can move on. [8] X Research source
- If you really find yourself stressing and constantly reminiscing over photos and trinkets, give them to a friend and tell them to hold onto them for you. At least for a little while.
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If you find yourself constantly checking on them, go on a digital detox . It’s a lot harder to get away from the negative feelings you’re experiencing if you find yourself compulsively checking to see if they’ve unblocked you. Go on a social media cleanse. Temporarily delete your accounts and give it a few days. You’ll be feeling better in no time. [9] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- If possible, give yourself a month-long break. 30 days is usually enough to really process your feelings and get back to your old self.
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Surrounding yourself with people who care will lift your spirits. It’s easy to get bummed out about being blocked by someone you really liked if you aren’t spending time with people who are genuinely happy to have you in their life. Say yes to every invitation from friends to go out, and reach out to people you haven’t seen in a while. You’ll forget about the fact that you were blocked in no time! [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
- Go outside, as much as you possibly can. You’re going to be more likely to want to reach out to them or check in on their social media accounts if you’re at home alone. Also, you’ll just feel better if you’re active.
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Take a step back and ask yourself why this is bothering you so much. If you just can’t move on, it might be a sign that it’s time to reevaluate. Maybe it’s a signal that you’d benefit by taking a break from dating and pouring your energy into your schoolwork, or career. Perhaps you can use your newly-found free time to get back to what you’re passionate about. [11] X Research source
- Whatever it is in life that makes you feel fulfilled and focused, do that.
- Recognize that it’s perfectly normal to feel hurt for a while, especially if you dated this person for a while.
- Treat this as a learning opportunity—take what you can from the relationship or interaction, then move on.
- If you did something wrong, you can find ways to atone by volunteering for a charity, sending out loving kindness and forgiveness, and choosing to make healthy and positive choices moving forward.
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If they’re still unreceptive, you may just need time for them to let it go. If you’ve solicited a friend to reach out, wrote them a letter, given it a few weeks and they still aren’t engaging, it may take a while. Give it a few months. If you still want to reach out, try calling, texting, or messaging them once. If they still don’t respond, you can try again in a year or so. [12] X Research source
- This can seem like a really tall order, but if you two are meant to be (or meant to be friends), waiting a few months to a year may be worth it.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionI'm hurt because they never told me anything before blocking me. We were having a nice conversation, and next thing you know, they've blocked me hours later. Are there any other ways I can find out why?Community AnswerJust be chill. Unless you know them in person, you will not be able to find out why. The same happened to me also, but you can't force anyone to talk to you. I can understand that you are hurt, but wait and be chill, it is going to be all right.Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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References
- ↑ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXn0goVZiZY
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/strategies-controlling
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201508/5-ways-move-ex-you-still-love
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
- ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/observer/why-wait-the-science-behind-procrastination
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201710/7-ways-respond-when-someone-shames-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201906/how-stop-being-angry-your-ex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/close-encounters/201806/how-deal-reminders-your-ex
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_reasons_to_take_a_break_from_screens
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure
. Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles. This article has been viewed 434,149 times.
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