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Subtle & direct ways to ask a guy for sex
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Hooking up with a guy through text messaging can feel awkward and intimidating, but we’re here to help! This article covers how to successfully hook up with a guy via text, including what to say and how to prepare yourself for the date. Plus, we spoke with Dating Coach Imad Jbara for tips on how to flirt!
Telling a Guy You Want to Hook Up
The best way to ask a guy to hook up with you is just to say it! Text him something like, "Hey, I was thinking of you. Want to come over and have some fun?" or even just, "Wanna hook up?" It's best not to be too subtle to avoid confusion.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Asking for a Hook Up over Text
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Send him a text suggesting you meet up somewhere…including at your place. If you want to hook up with a guy without being too forward, ask him indirectly. For example, suggest a time to meet for casual drinks or ask him to drop by your place. [1] X Research source Don’t be afraid to be a little flirty – maybe use a few flirty emojis to keep things light. Make sure to leave plans open-ended, which suggests you’re willing to see where the night takes you. If he says yes right away, he’s probably interested.
- For example, text, “I’m feeling kind of bored tonight... maybe you can help me fix that. 😏🔥”
- Another example is, “Don’t know about you, but I predict I’ll be parched after work Thursday. Drinks? 🍹😉”
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Text him something that leaves him wanting more. Leave a conversation at a point where you’re both deeply engaged. This will leave the guy with something to look forward to in your next talk. It won’t be any fun if you keep texting until you can’t think of anything more to say or when he stops responding. Jbara recommends saying something flirty that builds sexual tension. [2] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 12 February 2020.- For instance, say, “Past my bedtime…enjoyed talking with you 😌💤 Talk to you tomorrow?”
- For something more playful, say, “Got to go to girls’ night out. Drunk-text you later? 😜🍷”
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Ask him if he wants to get physical…but keep it subtle. Jbara says, “A lot of people don't set specific intentions immediately. Basically, they'll have conversations, but they will always keep it on a friendly basis.” [3] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 12 February 2020. Step out of the friendship zone, but you don’t have to say, “Come over to my place for sex.” If you want to entice a man into your home for intercourse without being so blunt, suggest something lightly physical or sexy.- For instance, say something like, “We’ll watch Netflix on the couch, eat ice cream, and cuddle. 📺🍦🤗” This may not describe intercourse, but it implies that cuddling on the couch will lead somewhere more intimate.
- Or try something along the lines of, “It’s so cold tonight. Why don’t you come over and help me stay warm? 🥶🔥”
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Ask him if he’s awake. Send the booty call text, “Are you up?” If he is awake, get down to business about what it is you want from him. [4] X Research source
- When he responds that he’s awake, ask, “Want to come over and hook up? 😏👉🏽👈🏽”
- Or recall back to a previous hookup and say, “Remember when we did X? Let’s do it again tonight. 😉💫”
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Ask him out indirectly. Frame your questions in a way that refers to going out somewhere but also gives him a chance to invite himself along. Use the interests you have in common as a framework for the question. [5] X Research source
- For example, if you both like Mexican food, say, “That new Mexican place has great guacamole. I think you’ll like it as much as I do. 🌮🥑”
- If you share a love of doughnuts, text him, “Tried that new doughnut shop tonight. You need to check it out! 🍩😋”
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Take a direct approach when asking him to have sex. If you’re not the type to beat around the bush and be coy, it’s fine to be direct in asking him to come over and have sex. If the guy doesn’t grasp indirect language very well, there are options that don’t involve cutesy texts and emojis. [6] X Research source
- Just go for it and say, “Wanna hook up? 😘🔥” Or try, “I want to kiss you right now. Come over. 💋”
- Just saying, “Let’s have sex,” is pretty direct and can’t be confused as you implying anything else.
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Offer to pay for a ride to your place. When you know the man is interested in hooking up, ask something like, “Can I send you an Uber to bring you here? 🚗💨😉” This will get you a booty call, and the guy will get a free ride. It’s also a nice way to show you’re interested in hooking up and make sure they get there okay. [7] X Research source
Section 2 of 3:
Preparing Yourself for the Hookup
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Stock condoms before the date. It’s important to remember to be safe and use protection . Running out to get condoms in the middle of the night is awkward, and it may kill the mood quickly. Don’t assume your partner will always have condoms, and even if he did, you might need a replacement. [8] X Research source
- Drug stores always have condoms, so buy them during the day before your date.
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Make your bedroom presentable for a guest. While you may not need the bedroom to have sex, you probably will end up there with the guy at some point. Cleaning your room and making it presentable will make it more comfortable for intercourse. Take out the trash, light candles, and put away all your clothes. [9] X Research source
- Don’t forget to clean your bathroom .
- Remember to hide any remnants of previous sexual encounters so you avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.
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Clean up and get dressed for the date. Do what makes you feel comfortable and presentable to the man you’re seducing. If you regularly shave certain areas of your body to get ready for a date , then do that. Shower, do your hair, or apply makeup if you wear it. [10] X Research source
- Check your skin for dryness, and apply moisturizer.
- Wear clothes that you feel comfortable and presentable in.
- Apply any fragrance you like so you smell good.
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Keep your kinky toys and clothing ready to use. You may or may not know any of the guy’s sexual kinks. If you and he like roleplay, then have some costumes or toys ready to use, just in case. When you want to spice things in the bedroom , always talk about toys and role-playing before introducing them. It might feel a little awkward, but keep the conversation light and accept their answer if they aren’t interested. [11] X Research source
- Text something direct like, “Hey, are you cool with adding some roleplaying or toys?”
- You may also want to wait to have this conversation in person. Just remember, it’s no big deal. You’re being respectful of his boundaries.
- For example, keep smaller kinky toys in your nightstand and roleplaying clothes in a box under your bed.
Section 3 of 3:
Breaking the Ice with Flirty Texts
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Keep things light and be yourself when you text him. Be as authentic as possible when you flirt in a text , and – above all – don’t lie. If you lie, it can make things awkward when you meet the guy face-to-face. Instead, keep things light. Don’t give the impression that you’d be down for something that you’re not comfortable with when you meet in person. [12] X Research source For example, don’t text that you’re comfortable doing a certain sexual act that you really aren’t comfortable with. Text about something you like or have experience with, and then go from there.
- If you’re a movie buff, say something like, “I love movies, but you + me + a movie = trouble for sure 😈🎥 (the good kind, of course!)”
- “I’m going on a hike this weekend, and it’d be way more fun if you came along. I mean, good views and great company, what could be better? 😋🥾”
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Talk about shared experiences or common interests. Maybe you’ve already shared a couple of experiences, so it’s natural to start a conversation about something you’ve done together. This shows that you care about the time you spent together previously. If you’re interested in a relationship, talk about any common interests you have. [13] X Research source
- For instance, say, “That band you told me about is playing this weekend. You going? 🎶🤔” Or you say, “Hi cutie! How do you think you did on the English test? 🥰✏️”
- “Every time we talk about skateboarding, I can't help but smile. I think you’re secretly trying to make me fall for you. 😏”
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Use his name in your first text of the day. Using a person’s name is incredibly powerful. Drop his name here and there throughout the day while you’re texting. This will keep him engaged in conversation and make him feel closer to you. [14] X Research source
- Use or create a nickname for him to make him feel closer to you.
- For example, call him Prince Charming if he’s like your dream date. [15] X Research source
- A cute name like Pumpkin is perfect for a guy who is sweet and bright like a pumpkin.
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Ask an open-ended question to start a conversation. Jbara recommends asking a question or asking for their opinion on something. [16] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. The guy will be flattered to have a conversation with you. He’ll know his opinions are appreciated and that you have a genuine interest in knowing more about him.- Keep the questions simple and not too philosophical. For example, ask him, “How was your mini vacation this week? As fun as you expected? 🏖️😎”
- Another example is, “How was your friend’s birthday yesterday? 🎉😉”
- If you’re in the same school, ask something like, “Noticed you still weren’t back at school today. How are you feeling? 🤔🥺❤️”
EXPERT TIPDating CoachImad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.Ask them, "What's the highlight of your day?" I think the best conversation you can have with somebody, and the most subtle way of getting as much information on them as possible, is asking them to share the highlight of their day. They can say, "Oh, I just landed an account at work," or "My grandma just called me for the first time in 12 months," or "I just played sports for the first time." The highlight will be something that makes them really excited and that they're really passionate about. From there, you lean into that and start getting more in-depth. It's a very subtle way of asking what they're passionate about. And it's interesting.
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Compliment him on his looks, achievements, or abilities. Men enjoy praise as much as women, so say adoring and admiring things to him. Don’t overdo it, though, because you’ll seem insincere. Jbara recommends giving compliments on something they have control over instead of only their physical attributes. [17] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. Being complimented on your looks is nice, but if someone only gives you appearance-based compliments, it might feel like that’s all they see. So, change things up with compliments on their personality, talents, or character.- For example, say, “You have such a great sense of humor—every time we talk, you make me laugh. It’s pretty hot.😂🔥”
- Praise him for dinner and entertainment the previous night, “Had fun last night. Thanks again for feeding and entertaining me. 😉🍽️💖”
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Say something funny to make him laugh. This will break the ice a bit more, and there’s a chance that it may make him more interested in seeing you. Make a humorous statement about something you both saw or talked about recently. Or type something flirtatious that makes him laugh out loud at the text. Jbara says, “A funny approach where you’re just teasing is really good because humor is one of the best ways to approach someone.” [18] X Expert Source Imad Jbara
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.- For example, say something funny and flirty at the same time, such as, “Stop making me think about you. I’m busy. 🙄💭❤️”
- Or text, “Stop thinking about me. I said stop! 😜💓”
Improve Your Texting Game with this Expert Series
Not sure how to text a guy to get his attention and keep him interested? We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you text easily and confidently.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can you tell if a guy wants to hook up?Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.You should be able to tell pretty quickly in most cases. Either they'll openly flirt with you, or they'll let you know some other way. Don't be afraid to come right out and say, "What do you want? What are you looking for?" People that are looking to hook up won't be afraid to say it.
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QuestionI wanna hook up with this guy but he doesn't seem to care about anything and I've said. I've dropped some subtle hints, but he doesn't seem to get it. How should I ask him?Hannah MaddenCommunity AnswerMaybe he just isn't good at picking up on subtle hints. If you're not sure, try asking him directly if he'd like to hook up. That takes all the guessing out of it, and if he says no, you can move on instead of wondering.
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Tips
- Use correct grammar while texting. Using a lot of abbreviations and misspelled words without punctuation is a turnoff. [19] X Research sourceThanks
- It’s okay to say no if your hookup date is pressuring you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don’t feel pressured to consume alcohol. It’s fine to encourage him to drink with you, but don’t try to get the guy drunk and take advantage of him.Thanks
References
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/gallery/the-dos-and-donts-of-text-message-flirting#5
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 February 2020.
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 February 2020.
- ↑ https://www.hercampus.com/school/cal-poly/7-booty-call-texts-work-every-time/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-to-indirectly-ask-for-a-date
- ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-ask-for-sex
- ↑ https://www.insidehook.com/sex-and-dating/should-you-call-your-date-an-uber
- ↑ https://badgirlsbible.com/how-to-hook-up-with-a-guy
- ↑ https://www.meetmindful.com/preparing-your-home/
- ↑ https://www.mscareergirl.com/get-ready-date-night/
- ↑ https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-start-using-sex-toys
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/article/sexting-how-to-ultimate-guide.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/202010/the-importance-of-shared-interests-in-relationships
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-power-of-using-someones-name-ldvs/
- ↑ https://www.enkirelations.com/cute-names-to-call-your-boyfriend.html
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.
- ↑ https://www.today.com/health/can-your-awesome-grammar-really-get-you-date-according-new-t77376
About This Article
Article Summary
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To ask a guy to hook up over text, start flirting with him by using cute names like “Honey” or “Cutie” and complimenting his looks and talents. Once you’ve been flirting for a while, suggest meeting up to see how he reacts. For example, write something like, “I don’t know about you but I think I’ll need a drink after Thursday. Fancy going for a beer or 3?” Alternatively, invite him to your place to hang out by texting something like, “I just want to chill on Sunday. Fancy coming over to watch Netflix, eat ice cream, and cuddle?” For more tips, including how to get ready for your hook up, read on!
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