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Figuring out how to become good friends with a girl when you’re a guy can be a little confusing. How do you go about asking her to hang out, and what kinds of things should you do and talk about together? Fortunately, befriending a girl doesn’t have to be complicated. Just treat your friendship the same way you treat your guy friendships, and make sure you keep things platonic if you’re not trying to become more than friends.
Things You Should Know
- Build your bond by finding common interests and having vulnerable conversations with her. Give her thoughtful, non-sexual compliments.
- Strengthen the friendship by staying in contact, hanging out with her, and offering emotional support without being sexual or romantic.
- Meet new girls by going to social gatherings, introducing yourself to girls you’d like to be friends with, and texting them to hang out.
Steps
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Find common interests and do them together. Sharing activities with the girl will improve your relationship with her. [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source When you have a good time with a girl, she is more likely to remember the experience. Friendships are typically started because two people share a common interest, so it's important that you both share one before becoming better friends.
- One way to avoid sending mixed signals is to tell the girl how much the activity costs. By doing this you are setting the tempo for a friendly hang-out and not a date.
- You can go to a restaurant to eat, travel to an amusement park, attend another friend's birthday party, go surfing, join an art class, or do anything else that you both like.
- Hanging out inside and watching movies is always an option if there isn't anything to do.
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Have genuine and vulnerable conversations. As humans, we bond over a conversation , especially if the topic of conversation is something that we hold emotionally dear. [2] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source The more you have conversations about each other's lives, the more connected you will feel. Being vulnerable means listening to her fears and emotions and being open to talking about yours.
- Don't be critical of her if she comes to you with a problem. The last thing a girl wants to hear is how she did wrong when she already knows she messed up.
- Always listen for the girl's perspective and see where she is coming from before giving your advice.
- Asking a girl for advice will open up trust , and she will become more likely to seek you out for her advice.
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Compliment her in a non-sexual way. Getting compliments makes us feel good and motivates us to do things. [3] X Research source You should always compliment a girl when you admire something she has accomplished or achieved. However, you shouldn't compliment a girl when it comes to her looks, because it can put her in an uncomfortable place if you're just friends. Instead, take cues from the compliments that she gives to you. If she never mentions your physical appearance, it's best to not mention her looks.
- Refrain from saying things like “you're so beautiful,” or other things that are just on the surface level. [4]
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Expert Source
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. - Instead, try saying: [5]
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Expert Source
Laura Bilotta
Dating Coach & Matchmaker Expert Interview. 7 July 2020. - "You're so fun to be around!"
- "You're good at what you do."
- "You make me laugh."
- Refrain from saying things like “you're so beautiful,” or other things that are just on the surface level. [4]
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Expert Source
Laura Bilotta
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Keep in contact with her. As time goes on it can be harder to maintain strong relationships with a girl, so you might have to put in a more concerted effort to text or call her. If you still live close to one another, make sure you keep her in mind for social events and gatherings. Remembering a friend's birthday is also another great reason to reach out to her or give her a visit.
- If your friend moves to another state, try staying active with her on social media.
- If your friend is busy, go to her. Make it convenient for her if you have the extra time. She will appreciate it down the road.
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Go out with her if she invites you to something. The more you accept social invitations, the more likely girls will invite you to future events. This is especially important if the girl is attending an event she doesn't want to go to and needs a friend to support her.
- If you are busy or have something else to do and can't attend, make sure to tell your friend far enough in advance so she can find someone else to go with.
- If you don't want to go to something, don't go. Your negative energy will probably make interactions between you and her worse than she would normally be. Tell your friend why you don't want to. Communication is key, and telling her avoids misunderstandings.
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Be the emotional support she needs. Many people go through different ups and downs, and most people need friends to act as emotional support during the rough times. [6] X Research source
- Being a good friend also means knowing when to back off and allow someone to grieve. Make sure not to be overbearing.
- Emotional support is also necessary for stressful but happy times, like before a performance or sporting event.
Esther Perel, PsychotherapistFriends are one of life's great constants. "Friends provide community and continuity in an ever changing world. They’re often the witnesses of our lives that accompany us when lovers come and go, but the friends are there to stay."
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Refrain from being sexual or romantic unless that's what she wants. One of the easiest ways to destroy a friendship with the opposite sex is to be overtly sexual or romantic when it is not wanted. Not only does it make the girl feel uncomfortable, but it might also make her sad because she cares about you as a friend, but not in a romantic way. A friendship can eventually blossom into a romantic relationship, but it only occurs when both people want it.
- If you develop romantic feelings for your friend, you should tell her. Be wary however, it may hurt your friendship in the long run.
- If your friend wants to be romantic with you, and you are okay with that, go for it. The best relationships are built off friendships.
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Attend social gatherings that girls are going to. Try to attend social gatherings where there are girls that you'd want to be friends with. Be on the lookout for popular events going on in your city or town, and be ready to go to her. If you can, try taking a course that interests you like a community art class, or join an intramural sports club. Meeting new people is easy, you just need to put yourself in a situation that allows you to be around them.
- If there is a limited opportunity to be social, try to get creative. You can meet girls at the grocery store, your place of worship, the gym, or at a shopping mall.
- If you are in school you have the perfect opportunity to meet new girls from your class. Go up to her before or after the class starts.
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Introduce yourself to girls whom you'd want to be friends with. Tell the girl your name, and ask her what her name is. Start small-talk by talking about what you are both doing, or where you both are at the time.
- If you are anxious about approaching new people, the only way to feel less nervous is to just do it. The worst thing that can happen is that she might not want to talk to you.
- Good questions include, “this place is really fun, do you like it?” or “that lecture was boring, what do you think of the class?”
- Try coming off as confident but not pushy. Just talk to the girl as if you were talking to a good male friend, but more polite.
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Determine what you share in common and talk about it. There's a good chance that the girl you want to be friends with shares something in common with you because you are both at the same social gathering. For instance, if you are meeting girls at a sports club, you'll most likely share an interest in sports or if you're at an art class interested in art, etc. Try to find a common bond, and something you are knowledgeable about and that you like to talk about.
- Try to be funny and lighthearted when you are talking to a girl. If you can make her laugh, it'll be more likely she will want to be your friend. [7] X Research source
- Be a good listener and let her talk. The more you ask questions, the more she will open up and feel comfortable. You should be responding and stating your opinion, but you should also be concentrated on being a good listener.
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Get her contact information. Once you feel like you and the girl you've met have had a good conversation, make sure to get her cell phone number. Don't be afraid of asking her for it, especially if the conversation went well. Tell her that you had fun talking, and ask her if she wants to talk again. If she does, then get her information.
- If the conversation went poorly, there's a good chance she won't want to give you her number.
- If you're unsure of when you are leaving, you can even ask before the conversation ends.
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Text her to hang out. Determine something that you can both do, and ask her if she wants to meet up with you. This could be lunch, rock climbing, or going to see a band. If you're having problems thinking of something to do, try to remember what you've talked about previously, and choose something that interests you both. Don't make the hang-out romantic and don't flirt in your texts or you might send off the wrong signals. You can even go as far as to tell her that you're not looking to date right now.
- Don't text her too many times if she isn't responding. She may be busy or may just not want to talk. You don't want to look desperate for friends, and you also don't want to make her angry or annoyed.
- Funny or interesting images are also good things you can share via text.
- Try to be as nice as possible in your texts. Since she can't hear your voice intonation, you don't want to be sarcastic because she may take it literally. [8] X Research source
- If the girl is texting you a lot, then you should text back. Try to figure out how much she likes texting, and then try to match that energy.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionI am really close with a girl, we have been good friends for a year and I'm starting to have feelings for her. What should I do?Community AnswerIf you are best friends and you are not getting romantic signals, you do risk ruining your friendship by making a move. You can always try dropping a hint or paying her a compliment about her appearance and see how she reacts.
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QuestionWhat if she is older then me?Community AnswerAge doesn't matter when having a friendship. Just treat each other equally and be nice.
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QuestionI've been friends with this girl who was nice the first year we met, and now she keeps lying and breaking her promises. I left her alone for like a month, but now she's doing the same thing. What do I do?Community AnswerFind a new friend. She's let you down twice by being dishonest unreliable. There are probably plenty of nice people who would be happy to be your friend. Just keep your distance from her. If she gives you any trouble, talk to an adult about it.
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Tips
- Good friendships take time to develop, so be patient.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If she has romantic feelings for you but you would rather stay just friends, let her down gently. Tell her how important her friendship is to you and how much you enjoy spending time with her. She might be a little embarrassed at first, but she'll come around eventually.
- If she tells you about something difficult or sad in her life, ask her, "Is there anything I can do?" or "How can I help you get through this?" She will appreciate that you want to support her.
- If she has a good sense of humor, send her funny TikToks you think she'll like. Nothing too heavy, and nothing offensive!
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References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr06/bonding
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201112/10-ways-get-and-give-emotional-support
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200011/the-science-laughter?collection=113871
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/rediscovering-love/201102/can-text-messages-damage-intimate-communication
About This Article
Article Summary
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Being good friends with a girl when you’re a guy can feel tricky, but it doesn’t have to be! Focus on getting to know her like you would with one of your guy friends. Spend time together and look for common interests and activities you both enjoy. Open up to her and don’t be afraid to be genuine, honest, and vulnerable. It’s okay to give her compliments, but avoid ones that focus on her looks, since that can give mixed signals. Be a supportive friend by celebrating her successes and being there for her when things are tough. If you do start to develop romantic feelings for her, be honest about it. But respect her feelings and be prepared to give her space if she doesn’t feel the same way. For tips on how to meet new girls, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "The article was helpful in pointing out ot being sexual or romantic with the friend. It's OK if you come to feel that you need a romantic relationship with the friend. In fact, it could be one of the best relationships." ..." more
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"The article was helpful in pointing out ot being sexual or romantic with the friend. It's OK if you come to feel that you need a romantic relationship with the friend. In fact, it could be one of the best relationships."
..."
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"It made me realize I don't want to be friends with men and I just want to be "buddies" with them, even though they might think it is gay."
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"I kept bumping into the same girl over and over! I thought we should be friends, and I'm happy to say this article really helped!"
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""Don't be clingy, or get jealous when she speaks to other guys. Remember, you want to be friends." This tip has really helped me."
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"I also have a friend, and all you said, he does it. He is my best friend actually and it really helped him."
