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Everyone enjoys having friends. If you have a good friend in your life, you probably want to maintain a solid relationship with that person. You may be wondering what you need to do to be a nice friend. In order to be a high quality companion, support your friend in good and bad times. Spend time with your friend regularly, and keep up contact even at a distance. Lastly, work on good communication skills to avoid fights and misunderstandings.
Steps
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Be happy for your friend's accomplishments. If you want to be a supportive friend, one of the most important things you can do is to be happy for your friend's accomplishments. Work on being your friend's biggest fan. Applaud their achievements and try not to feel jealous. [1] X Research source
- Jealousy can often make it difficult to celebrate another person's success, even someone you consider a friend. However, it's very important that you are able to cheer you friend on. People want to be around positive people who make them feel good about themselves. Even if you're feeling a twang of envy, try to push past that feeling and offer a sincere, "Congratulations." You'll feel better if you do. You'll find it's much less exhausting to be happy for another person than harboring jealousy.
- Do not just congratulate your friend on big achievements or milestones. You should also compliment your friend on small things they do that you appreciate. Remind your friend of their good qualities. For example, say something like, "I love how you're always smiling" or "I appreciate how you always remember everyone's birthday."
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Listen when your friend's in need. Listening is the foundation of a quality friendship. If you know your friend is having a bad day, offer to let your friend vent to you. You do not have to offer solutions or even advice. Simply allow your friend to express their feelings without judgment. [2] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.- If you're unsure what to say when listening, try active listening. This will allow your friend to feel more open expressing themself to you. You can reiterate what your friend says after they finish talking, encouraging your friend to elaborate if necessary. For example, say something like, "You feel really stressed about the way your brother behaved when he came to visit?"
- Keep in mind that, while listening is important, you do not want to end up in a one-sided friendship. If you feel like your friend is always asking you to listen, but is never there for you in return, you may want to reevaluate the friendship. Being a nice friend is important, but you do not want to end up in a situation where someone is taking advantage of your good nature. If you listen to your friend, expect them to listen to you when you're in need.
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Remember important events. The little things help build the foundation of a strong friendship. Make the effort to remember the important events in your friend's life, like birthdays, anniversaries, and more. [3] X Research source
- Always remember your friend's birthday. It can help to write a reminder in your smart phone. You don't necessarily have to go overboard with a big present each year. However, your friend may appreciate a nice phone call or card.
- Does your friend have any other big life events that are important? Even sad events are worth of remembrance. For example, if your friend has lost a loved one, the death anniversary can be difficult. Try to keep this in mind, and shoot your friend a text letting them know you're there if they need to talk.
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Have loyalty. Loyalty is a very important aspect of a strong friendship. Jealousy, envy, bitterness, and distrust are all negative emotions than can affect your ability to be loyal. Try to rise beyond these sentiments and strive for basic loyalty. [4] X Research source
- Avoid talking about your friend behind their back. Even if you're angry or upset about something your friend did, avoid venting your frustrations to others. Instead, try writing it out and later, when you're more calm, talking to your friend directly about any problems.
- It can be hard to cope with negative emotions that can adversely affect loyalty. However, try to keep in mind the benefits of working past these emotions. What's more important in the long term? Momentarily satiating feelings of jealousy by trash talking your friend, or building a strong lifelong bond?
- One caveat is that loyalty, like listening, has its limitations. While you should be loyal to your friend and support their decisions, you do not have to be blindly loyal to someone who is behaving poorly. If, for example, your friend hurt a mutual friend's feelings, do not immediately jump to your friend's defense. It's important that you tell you friend up front if their behavior has crossed a line for you or another person.
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Practice the golden rule. The Golden Rule states you should treat others as you wish to be treated. When interacting with your friends, pause and think about your actions. If you feel as if you're not treating your friend well, consider how you would feel if you were being treated in this fashion. If you would not appreciate the kind of treatment you're dishing out, you should cease to treat your friend in that way. [5] X Research source
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Engage in shared interests. Often, friendships are built around common interests. If there's something that drew you and your friend together to begin with, going back to this shared interest can help strengthen your bond. [6] X Research source
- For example, if you and your friend met at a book club, try agreeing to read the same book. You can meet up once a week to discuss the book. Your friend will love having you there to share this experience.
- You can also pursue shared interests further together. For example, if you and your friend met in college in a Spanish class, consider attending a Spanish club together. You can help build on your language skills as a pair.
- Reader Poll: We asked 681 wikiHow readers about the best topics to bring up when you’re getting to know someone better, and 77% agreed that it’s best to discuss the other person’s hobbies and interests . [Take Poll]
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Make friendship a priority. As time goes by, friendship can sometimes fall to the wayside. School, work, romantic relationships, and other commitments can put a strain on a friendship. [7] X Expert Source Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020. However, if you want to be a nice friend, work on prioritizing the friendships in your life. [8] X Research source- Realistically, as life gets busier and busier, you will not be able to see your friends every day or even every week. However, make an effort to get together regularly. It can help to have a regular meet up time. For example, you can agree to have dinner together the first Tuesday of every month.
- One thing to keep in mind is that you should not prioritize someone who does not prioritize you. You do not want to end up in a one-sided friendship. If you are always the one reaching out and making plans with a particular person, you may be better off tapering off contact. You can work on being a good friend to someone who appreciates your presence.
- Even if time is an issue, you can still find ways to reach out. Many people find they can stay in touch via social media when life gets hectic. You can also make a point of calling a friend to chat once in awhile if you're too busy to go out regularly.
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Laugh together. People tend to bond when they laugh together. Your friend will enjoy your company more if the two of you are always laughing. Try to make laughter a priority when you hangout.
- Watch funny movies together or go to comedy clubs.
- Make each other laugh. Do not be afraid to be a little silly or ridiculous. A true friend won't judge you for bringing out your immature side.
- While laughter is important, try not to laugh at the expense of others. You do not want to build a friendship on mutual scorn or animosity. A person willing to laugh and judge others with you will probably not be a nice friend to you in return.
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Keep in contact long distance. Unfortunately, distance can sometimes keep good friends apart. In this case, you should make an effort to keep up contact. If your friend moves away for school or work, call or Skype regularly. You can make a plan of calling every other Thursday, for example. You can also strive to stay in touch with your friend through various social media outlets, like Facebook and Twitter.
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Avoid giving advice. You may feel that being nice means always telling your friend how to fix their problems. However, this can make the friendship feel unbalanced. You're always the one with the answers, while your friend is always the one with the problems. Not only this, when your friend opens up to you, they may not always be seeking advice. Sometimes, people just want to vent and do not want guidance. [9] X Research source
- Simply let your friend talk. Show you're listening by giving non-verbal cues, like smiling and nodding, to convey your paying attention. Reiterate what they're saying on occasion to make sure you understood fully.
- You should also help your friend bounce ideas off of you. Ask questions like, "What do you think you're going to do?" or "Do you have any idea how to proceed?"
- In the event you're genuinely worried about a decision your friend is making, it's okay to voice your concern. If your friend is considering doing something dangerous or illegal, for example, it's not a bad idea to express concern.
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Do not keep score. A nice friend does not make people feel a debt. You should not hold onto things like who gave the best birthday present or who did the last favor. You should do nice things for your friend because you appreciate this person, not as a way to get favors in return. [10] X Research source
- People often create petty barriers to friendship. For example, you may feel like you shouldn't invite your friend out on a Saturday night because you did so last week. In your mind, it's your friend's turn. However, some people just aren't great at making plans and prefer to simply go along with what others are doing. Your friend does not owe you an invitation because you extended one to them.
- Try to keep in mind you and your friend have different strengths. You may feel like you're always the one hosting events, for example, but maybe your friend is always the one willing to bring over cookies and help with the clean-up.
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Tell your friend when they are wrong. Being a good friend means you sometimes have to dish out harsh truths. You're not being nice by allowing a friend to repeat the same mistakes. When you see your friend is in the wrong or about to make a mistake, say so. While you may feel bad about this in the moment, in the long run your friend will appreciate your honesty. [11] X Research source
- You do not have to be mean when you're telling your friend they are in the wrong. In fact, you should come into the situation from a place of love. Say something like, "I'm worried about the way you talk about other people. I know you're a better person than this, and I wish you would be less negative about those who aren't around."
- Reiterate that you care about a friend after telling that person they are in the wrong. Say something like, "I'm only saying something because I care about you and this behavior concerns me."
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Deal with conflict in a mature fashion. Conflict is inevitable in a friendship. If the two of you are close, you're going to get on one another's nerves. In the event of conflict, try to work things out maturely. [12] X Research source
- If you hurt a friend's feelings, apologize. Even if you did not mean something the way your friend took it, if your friend was genuinely hurt, they deserve an "I'm sorry." [13]
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Expert Source
Lena Dicken, Psy.D
Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 December 2020. - If you're upset by something your friend said, tell them directly. Do not talk about your friend behind their back. This will not resolve the issue and could create further tension.
- If you hurt a friend's feelings, apologize. Even if you did not mean something the way your friend took it, if your friend was genuinely hurt, they deserve an "I'm sorry." [13]
X
Expert Source
Lena Dicken, Psy.D
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References
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ http://www.tipsonlifeandlove.com/self-help/the-7-qualities-of-a-good-friend
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ http://www.tipsonlifeandlove.com/self-help/the-7-qualities-of-a-good-friend
- ↑ Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
- ↑ http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/inspiration-motivation/be-good-friend/stop-giving-advice
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/04/qualities-of-real-friends_n_5709821.html
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ Lena Dicken, Psy.D. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 15 December 2020.
About This Article
Article Summary
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To be a nice friend, it’s important to support your friends in good and bad times. Congratulate them for their accomplishments and celebrate with them, and avoid one-upping them or acting jealous. If they’re going through something difficult, be there for them and ask what you can do to help, even if it’s just listening while they vent. Make time to hang out with your friend and do things together that you both enjoy. Try to remember important dates and events in their life, like birthdays and graduations. Being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to agree with them all the time, but be kind if you feel the need to offer constructive criticism. And remember to have fun with your friend! Joke around, have adventures, and just enjoy quiet time together.
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