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Who do you turn to when things go wrong? Your friends can offer a great sense of comfort and support, especially when you’re feeling down. Knowing exactly how to comfort your friend and what to say isn’t always easy, and you might be feeling a little tongue-tied. Fortunately, it's possible to comfort a friend and help them feel better without things being awkward or uncomfortable. Keep reading to learn all kinds of different ways you can comfort a friend when they're feeling down.

How to Comfort Someone

  1. Find out the problem and ask your friend how they’re feeling.
  2. Listen to them and validate their feelings.
  3. Show them you care about them and offer them support.
  4. Tell them about times you’ve gone through similar situations.
  5. Ask them how you can help.
  6. Regularly check in on them.
5

Express your concern for them.

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  1. Let your friend know that you’re sorry about their situation. Hearing someone’s concern might make your friend feel better, and it will show that you want the best for them. Even a simple, “I’m sorry that you’re going through this,” can really bring them a sense of peace. [5]
    • You could also try, “This sounds really hard—I’m sorry.”
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6

Give an example of your own tough time.

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  1. Try bringing up a tough time that you went through recently, and share just how hard it was for you. You don’t want to spend a ton of time on your own story (since that can make it seem like you aren’t listening to your friend), but bringing it up briefly can be comforting. [6]
    • You might say, “I understand how you’re feeling. When I broke up with my girlfriend, I was so sad that I barely got out of bed for a week.”
7

Ask your friend what you can do.

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  1. Maybe they want you to take care of a few chores around the house for them, or maybe they just need you to sit in silence with them. Check in with your friend before you do anything to make sure that you’re doing the right thing. [7]
    • You can ask by simply saying, “Is there anything I can do?” or, “What would make you feel better right now?”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1278 wikiHow readers, and 61% of them agreed that the best way to comfort your friend when they confide in you about personal issues is to show empathy and offer support . [Take Poll]
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10

Offer practical help.

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  1. If your friend is super sad, they might not have the energy to go do things that they normally would, like shopping or cleaning the house. If you have time, ask your friend if they need any assistance, then run an errand or do some chores for them. [10]
    • Bring it up by saying something like, “Hey, I’m heading to the store later. Is there anything I could grab for you while I’m there?”
    • Or, “You’re probably feeling pretty drained. Why don’t you rest while I clean up a little?”
15

Encourage your friend to seek help.

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  1. If you’ve comforted them as much as you can but they’re still going through a tough time, tell them to talk to a counselor or therapist. A professional can help them utilize coping skills and come up with specific advice for their situation. [15]
    • You can gently suggest this by saying something like, “Hey, I noticed you still seem pretty down. Have you ever considered counseling? I’ve done it before, and it really helped me when I was going through a tough time.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I convince my friend to go to therapy?
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    I don't think this is a realistic goal in a lot of cases. If you've been to therapy before and it has helped you out, sharing that experience may get them to see the potential benefit. But just pushing someone to go get help if they aren't ready for help isn't going to be a productive exercise.
  • Question
    How can I tell if my friendship is toxic? They only ever lean on me for comfort.
    Tracy Carver, PhD
    Licensed Psychologist
    Dr. Tracy Carver is an award-winning Licensed Psychologist based in Austin, Texas. Dr. Carver specializes in counseling for issues related to self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and psychedelic integration. She holds a BS in Psychology from Virginia Commonwealth University, an MA in Educational Psychology, and a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Texas at Austin. Dr. Carver also completed an internship in Clinical Psychology through Harvard University Medical School. She was voted one of the Best Mental Health Professionals in Austin for four years in a row by Austin Fit Magazine. Dr. Carver has been featured in Austin Monthly, Austin Woman Magazine, Life in Travis Heights, and KVUE (the Austin affiliate for ABC News).
    Licensed Psychologist
    Expert Answer
    How do you feel when you're around them? Do you get a sense that they love and appreciate you, or do you get the vibe that they're kind of just using you to feel better? In a lot of cases, the way they make you feel is all you really need to know.
  • Question
    My friend is a guy and I like him. What should I do if I want to tell him that it's OK, but I'm nervous and don't really know what to say?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    First, review the article, "Comfort Your Friend." There are a lot of good ideas in it for how to be there for someone in pain or upset. The rules aren't different for a guy friend! Just be there; encourage him to talk; accept what he has to say; and reflect back some of what you are hearing. Now, if you like him at the same time, keep in mind that when he is upset or hurt is not the time to share your feelings for him. Save that for a later time when he is feeling better. Give him the space now that he needs. Best of luck!
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      • If someone is really really upset, it can be a good idea to let them calm down a little before trying to comfort them.

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      • When you’re trying to encourage someone who’s going through a tough time, it’s sometimes better to say something like “You’ll get through this” than “It’s okay.”
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      Article Summary X

      To comfort your friend, listen intently to what they have to say and let them vent. Keep your advice to yourself unless your friend asks for it so they don't feel like you're brushing their feelings aside. Instead, just let your friend know that you're there for them and that their feelings are justified. Offer to help in whatever way you can so that your friend knows you're there if they need you. To learn what things you should avoid saying when you're comforting your friend, scroll down.

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