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Learn what to do and how to move forward when a friend shuts you out
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Are you feeling ignored by your friend? Maybe they suddenly cut you off or won’t talk to you. Their actions can be incredibly hurtful, and we know how devastated it can make you feel. So, how do you cope with this? What should you do when they stop talking to you? We put together this article to help you determine what to do next: confront your friend, make amends, or let go. Keep reading to learn what to do when someone stops talking to you, how to cope, and when to know a friendship is over.
How to Cope When a Friend Ignores You
If a friend is ignoring or giving you the silent treatment, reach out to see what’s going on. Having a conversation can help you find clarity. If that isn’t possible, look at the situation knowing everything happens for a reason. Redirect your energy into something positive to uplift your mood and distract yourself.
Steps
Section 1 of 4:
What to Do When Someone Stops Talking to You
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Ask your friend to talk with you about what happened. Sometimes, a conversation can make everything clearer. Reach out to your friend and ask if they’d be willing to talk. Who knows? Their silence may be completely accidental. And if it’s not, this is a great opportunity to talk about what’s been on both of your minds. [1] X Research source
- Try reaching out the way you’d normally communicate, whether that’s via text, social media, or phone call.
- Reach out when the timing feels right. Avoid trying to talk to them during stressful or busy times, and give them a little space first if you’ve had a falling out.
- Avoid bombarding them with messages. Reach out once, and then see what happens.
- If they continue to ignore you even after you reach out, know that it may be better to walk away rather than continue to confront them.
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Determine what went wrong. There may be a reason why your friend stopped talking to you. Consider whether you might have said something unkind or hurtful to your friend. Remember, nobody is perfect—everybody makes mistakes. What matters most is taking responsibility for your actions and ensuring you don’t make the same mistakes again. [2] X Research source
- A friend might stop talking to you if you failed to support them, were selfish, accused them of something, or had a heated argument.
- If you truly don’t know why a friend stopped talking to you, ask mutual friends for advice or if they know something you don’t.
- Keep in mind that it’s not usually just one thing that causes a friendship to drift apart but a series of behaviors and instances.
- Taking responsibility can look like apologizing and righting your behavior.
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Know that nothing may have gone wrong. It’s very possible that you’ve done nothing wrong to your friend or the friendship. Sometimes, people grow in different directions or put their own wrongdoings on you. If that’s the case, do what’s best for you—maybe that’s apologizing just because or standing firm and walking away from the friendship. [3] X Research source
- It can be difficult to realize, but sometimes, ignoring someone is a way of silently breaking off a friendship.
- Try to acknowledge the reasoning behind your friend’s behavior. Maybe they’re in a new relationship or are under a lot of stress. While these aren’t excuses to be silent, they can help you better understand why they’re treating you this way. [4] X Research source
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Apologize to your friend. If you’ve hurt your friend or done something to upset them, take responsibility and apologize for your actions. Be honest and avoid making excuses to offer amends. Explain that you understand how hurt they are by what you did and that it won’t happen again. [5] X Research source
- If you want to continue the friendship, explain that you're happy to resume being friends whenever it feels right for them. No pressure, no judgment.
- Make sure to keep any promises you make. Actions speak louder than words, so do your best to avoid making the same mistakes that hurt your friend.
- Give your friend time to consider your apology. Things may not heal immediately, so give your friend time and space to think about your apology. [6] X Research source
- Reader Poll: We asked 479 wikiHow readers who’ve argued with a loved one, and 60% of them agreed that the best way to show your commitment to rebuilding the relationship is by apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions . [Take Poll]
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Know that it’s okay to let go of the friendship . Sometimes, taking a step back is healthier than trying to mend a friendship. Maybe you’ve reached out or tried to make amends multiple times and continue to be ignored or gaslit. A friend who continues to ignore or make you feel bad isn’t worth your time or energy, even if you did something wrong. If they’re not willing to hear your apology, know that there will be other people who will. [7] X Research source
- Losing a friend can be hard, but remember to take care of yourself . Know that you’re not alone, and even though the world seems dark now, things can and will get better.
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Examples to Reach Out to a Friend
Community Q&A
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QuestionMy BFF and I had a small disagreement. I sent her an email proposing a solution, and she hasn't replied since she said, "Maybe we just need a break." I am really upset. What do I do?Community AnswerAs hard as it is, the best thing to do in cases like this is to give that friend the break she suggested. It's scary to do that because you fear that time not talking or hanging out will lead to an irreversible disconnect, but that's not necessarily the case. Wait a few days, then reach out and ask again if you can talk and try to work things out.
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QuestionMy best friend is ignoring me. He never texts me first and doesn't seem interested in talking to me. How can I make him appreciate me?Community AnswerTry going up to him in person and and telling him how you feel. Maybe something's happened, or maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Tell him how you're feeling and see if you can figure out how to move forward. He may just not be interested in remaining friends anymore, so be prepared for this possibility.
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QuestionFor some reason my friend is completely not talking to me. Another friend told me that their mum doesn't want them to see me anymore. What should I do?Community AnswerIf you can't get in touch with your friend directly, you should try contacting their mom, or if you'd be too nervous to do that, ask one of your parents to get in touch with their mom to ask what's going on.
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Tips
- Do your best to always be kind. While being ignored hurts, it doesn’t mean you should be mean or passive back.Thanks
- Find out whether your friend has stopped talking to other mutual friends. In that case, they may be undergoing a major change.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Concentrate on the bigger picture: your career, aspirations, family and more. Don't let the toxic-ness consume you and stay strong. It can also help to take a break from social media; try locking your phone in a cabinet for a few days. Trust me, it will help you.
- If you think your friend isn't talking to you, it may not always be because something is wrong. If they look way more distant, tired, sad, or unfocused in classes, consider telling a teacher or a trusted adult.
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/talk-about-your-problems-please
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
- ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201906/how-apologize-8-tips-keep-in-mind
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-let-go-of-a-friendship/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-what-you-cant-control
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_venting_your_feelings_actually_help
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202307/the-heartbreak-of-a-broken-friendship
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
- ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/is-silent-treatment-ever-ok-abuse/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
About This Article
Article Summary
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It can be really tough when a friend stops talking to you. If you think it’s because you did something to hurt your friend’s feelings, apologize to them and take responsibility for your part in what happened. Let them know that you won’t repeat your mistake and that the friendship is important to you. Give your friend time to consider your apology before they respond, and be respectful of their decision. It’s possible that they’ll forgive you, but there’s also a chance they won’t be ready to move on. If you don’t think you’ve done anything to cause a problem between you, reach out to your friend and ask them what happened. With a little honest communication, you might discover that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding, or that their silence has nothing to do with you. If your friend continues to ignore you or won’t tell you what the problem is, you might need to take a break from the friendship or even move on. If this happens, take time to care for yourself and spend time with other supportive people in your life.
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