What to Do If a Friend Won’t Talk to You

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Learn what to do and how to move forward when a friend shuts you out
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Are you feeling ignored by your friend? Maybe they suddenly cut you off or won’t talk to you. Their actions can be incredibly hurtful, and we know how devastated it can make you feel. So, how do you cope with this? What should you do when they stop talking to you? We put together this article to help you determine what to do next: confront your friend, make amends, or let go. Keep reading to learn what to do when someone stops talking to you, how to cope, and when to know a friendship is over.

How to Cope When a Friend Ignores You

If a friend is ignoring or giving you the silent treatment, reach out to see what’s going on. Having a conversation can help you find clarity. If that isn’t possible, look at the situation knowing everything happens for a reason. Redirect your energy into something positive to uplift your mood and distract yourself.

Section 1 of 4:

What to Do When Someone Stops Talking to You

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  1. Sometimes, a conversation can make everything clearer. Reach out to your friend and ask if they’d be willing to talk. Who knows? Their silence may be completely accidental. And if it’s not, this is a great opportunity to talk about what’s been on both of your minds. [1]
    • Try reaching out the way you’d normally communicate, whether that’s via text, social media, or phone call.
    • Reach out when the timing feels right. Avoid trying to talk to them during stressful or busy times, and give them a little space first if you’ve had a falling out.
    • Avoid bombarding them with messages. Reach out once, and then see what happens.
    • If they continue to ignore you even after you reach out, know that it may be better to walk away rather than continue to confront them.
  2. There may be a reason why your friend stopped talking to you. Consider whether you might have said something unkind or hurtful to your friend. Remember, nobody is perfect—everybody makes mistakes. What matters most is taking responsibility for your actions and ensuring you don’t make the same mistakes again. [2]
    • A friend might stop talking to you if you failed to support them, were selfish, accused them of something, or had a heated argument.
    • If you truly don’t know why a friend stopped talking to you, ask mutual friends for advice or if they know something you don’t.
    • Keep in mind that it’s not usually just one thing that causes a friendship to drift apart but a series of behaviors and instances.
    • Taking responsibility can look like apologizing and righting your behavior.
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  3. It’s very possible that you’ve done nothing wrong to your friend or the friendship. Sometimes, people grow in different directions or put their own wrongdoings on you. If that’s the case, do what’s best for you—maybe that’s apologizing just because or standing firm and walking away from the friendship. [3]
    • It can be difficult to realize, but sometimes, ignoring someone is a way of silently breaking off a friendship.
    • Try to acknowledge the reasoning behind your friend’s behavior. Maybe they’re in a new relationship or are under a lot of stress. While these aren’t excuses to be silent, they can help you better understand why they’re treating you this way. [4]
  4. If you’ve hurt your friend or done something to upset them, take responsibility and apologize for your actions. Be honest and avoid making excuses to offer amends. Explain that you understand how hurt they are by what you did and that it won’t happen again. [5]
    • If you want to continue the friendship, explain that you're happy to resume being friends whenever it feels right for them. No pressure, no judgment.
    • Make sure to keep any promises you make. Actions speak louder than words, so do your best to avoid making the same mistakes that hurt your friend.
    • Give your friend time to consider your apology. Things may not heal immediately, so give your friend time and space to think about your apology. [6]
    • Reader Poll: We asked 508 wikiHow readers who’ve argued with a loved one, and 60% of them agreed that the best way to show your commitment to rebuilding the relationship is by apologizing and taking responsibility for your actions . [Take Poll]
  5. Know that it’s okay to let go of the friendship . Sometimes, taking a step back is healthier than trying to mend a friendship. Maybe you’ve reached out or tried to make amends multiple times and continue to be ignored or gaslit. A friend who continues to ignore or make you feel bad isn’t worth your time or energy, even if you did something wrong. If they’re not willing to hear your apology, know that there will be other people who will. [7]
    • Losing a friend can be hard, but remember to take care of yourself . Know that you’re not alone, and even though the world seems dark now, things can and will get better.
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Section 2 of 4:

How to Cope with Losing a Friend

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  1. With time, you grow and evolve, and so do your friends. Friends can move away, drift apart, or take different paths. And that’s all okay—it’s a natural part of life. Keep this reality in mind and know that losing one friend doesn’t mean you’ll never connect with someone again. [8]
  2. Stay positive and be judgment free . Judging your friend, yourself, or the situation can make it harder to cope and heal. When you hold negative emotions, you amplify your suffering and feelings of disconnection. So, do you best to avoid judgment and look at the situation optimistically . [9]
    • For example, rather than looking at what you lost from the friendship, look at what you gained. Maybe you learned something about yourself or how to handle similar conflicts in the future.
  3. At the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself. You can’t control if your friend ignores you, accepts your apology, or wants to make amends. All you can do is control how you respond, react, and behave moving forward. So, stay true to yourself, learn from your mistakes , and do what you can to improve your life . [10]
  4. The silent treatment can be hard, especially coming from a close friend. If you’re feeling lonely, confused, or frustrated, try reaching out to a trusted loved one for guidance or a listening ear. Sometimes, talking it out or hanging out with other friends can bring you clarity. [11]
    • Know that you’re not alone, no matter where you are in the coping process.
    • If you’re struggling mentally, consider talking to a therapist. They can give you personalized advice and guidance.
  5. It can be easy to wallow in what happened—losing a friend can be incredibly hard—but know that your life doesn’t have to be sorrowful. Try redirecting your energy into something positive and uplifting to brighten your mood and distract yourself. [12] Do something that’ll bring you happiness and peace.
    • Journal your thoughts to help process what happened. [13]
    • Go for a walk every day to help clear your head and unplug.
    • Dive into a new hobby to find joy in something new.
  6. Even though it sounds cliché and may not be exactly what you want to hear right now, it’s true. No matter what trial or tribulation you’re being challenged with, it and the feelings it comes with will soon pass. Life continues—the world keeps spinning. It may take time, but you can and will heal. Just take it day by day. [14]
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Section 3 of 4:

Why does silence from a friend hurt?

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  1. If a friend purposely avoids or ignores you, it can make you feel small and shut out. This can be painful because you may not know why you’re being given the silent treatment, and if you do, you’re not given a chance to apologize and make up for it. Many psychologists say that the silent treatment is the worst type of emotional abuse because of this. [15]
    • The silent treatment from a friend can be especially painful because you share experiences, fond memories, and happiness together. Having a close friend can greatly impact your life, and their silence can leave a hole in your heart. [16]
    • Keep in mind that not every bit of silence is deliberate. Sometimes, a friend can go MIA because they’re overwhelmed with work, relationships, family matters, etc.
Section 4 of 4:

How do you know when a friendship is over?

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  1. A friendship is likely over if you feel uneasy about it. Friendships are meant to make you feel good and uplifted. Your closest pals should help you feel comfortable, supported, and loved! If this friend makes you question yourself, doesn’t support you, or abuses your kind or apologetic nature, it may be time to end things. [17]
    • A good friend won’t make you compromise your values or always agree with them.
    • Know that not all friendships have to end badly or permanently. Sometimes, people just go down different paths. You can still be cordial with them, but maybe you simply take a step back and aren’t as close as you once were, and that’s okay.
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Examples to Reach Out to a Friend

Community Q&A

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  • Question
    My BFF and I had a small disagreement. I sent her an email proposing a solution, and she hasn't replied since she said, "Maybe we just need a break." I am really upset. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    As hard as it is, the best thing to do in cases like this is to give that friend the break she suggested. It's scary to do that because you fear that time not talking or hanging out will lead to an irreversible disconnect, but that's not necessarily the case. Wait a few days, then reach out and ask again if you can talk and try to work things out.
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    Not Helpful 16 Helpful 87
  • Question
    My best friend is ignoring me. He never texts me first and doesn't seem interested in talking to me. How can I make him appreciate me?
    Community Answer
    Try going up to him in person and and telling him how you feel. Maybe something's happened, or maybe he doesn't even realize he's doing it. Tell him how you're feeling and see if you can figure out how to move forward. He may just not be interested in remaining friends anymore, so be prepared for this possibility.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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    Not Helpful 34 Helpful 74
  • Question
    For some reason my friend is completely not talking to me. Another friend told me that their mum doesn't want them to see me anymore. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If you can't get in touch with your friend directly, you should try contacting their mom, or if you'd be too nervous to do that, ask one of your parents to get in touch with their mom to ask what's going on.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Do your best to always be kind. While being ignored hurts, it doesn’t mean you should be mean or passive back.
        Thanks
        Helpful 4 Not Helpful 0
      • Find out whether your friend has stopped talking to other mutual friends. In that case, they may be undergoing a major change.
        Thanks
        Helpful 1 Not Helpful 2

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Concentrate on the bigger picture: your career, aspirations, family and more. Don't let the toxic-ness consume you and stay strong. It can also help to take a break from social media; try locking your phone in a cabinet for a few days. Trust me, it will help you.
      • If you think your friend isn't talking to you, it may not always be because something is wrong. If they look way more distant, tired, sad, or unfocused in classes, consider telling a teacher or a trusted adult.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201103/talk-about-your-problems-please
      2. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
      3. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
      4. ↑ https://www.thecut.com/2015/04/ask-polly-how-do-i-deal-with-losing-friends.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201906/how-apologize-8-tips-keep-in-mind
      6. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-the-past-and-hurt
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-let-go-of-a-friendship/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/coping-with-what-you-cant-control
      2. ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/does_venting_your_feelings_actually_help
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202307/the-heartbreak-of-a-broken-friendship
      4. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/dealing-with-a-breakup-or-divorce.htm
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/frazzlebrain/202111/coping-the-loss-friendship-0
      6. ↑ https://www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/blog/is-silent-treatment-ever-ok-abuse/
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/making-good-friends.htm

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      It can be really tough when a friend stops talking to you. If you think it’s because you did something to hurt your friend’s feelings, apologize to them and take responsibility for your part in what happened. Let them know that you won’t repeat your mistake and that the friendship is important to you. Give your friend time to consider your apology before they respond, and be respectful of their decision. It’s possible that they’ll forgive you, but there’s also a chance they won’t be ready to move on. If you don’t think you’ve done anything to cause a problem between you, reach out to your friend and ask them what happened. With a little honest communication, you might discover that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding, or that their silence has nothing to do with you. If your friend continues to ignore you or won’t tell you what the problem is, you might need to take a break from the friendship or even move on. If this happens, take time to care for yourself and spend time with other supportive people in your life.

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