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Friendships can be powerful things, but sometimes people's opinions about one another change. Whether from new life experiences, the passage of time, or any variety of other factors, sometimes people just don't want to be friends anymore. Sometimes that isn't very clear, and there are a variety of signs you can look for that should tell you that someone does not want to be friends anymore. If there is something wrong, you may try to fix it , or it might be best to end the friendship .
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 2:
Looking for Signs
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See if your friend is acting negatively towards you. If your friend is regularly insulting or belittling you, or starting arguments over all kinds of things, they are not being a good friend . If your friend is doing this, confront them , and ask them to stop. If your friend doesn't, that is not a good sign. [1] X Research source
- Types of insults can include teasing, sarcasm, and cynicism, comments that may sound like jokes, but are meant to hurt you. [2] X Research source Some insults are more subtle, like backhanded compliments (complimenting you for negative things) or guilt-tripping (where your friend blames you for their distresses and problems). [3] X Research source In many cases, your friend may try to pass these insults off as humor, and ridicule you for taking them personally.
- It is possible that your friend doesn't know they are insulting you. If you are concerned, confront them. If your friend didn't know, they may apologize right away.
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Look out for how often you are communicating. If your friend doesn't like you, they probably aren't making much of an effort to stay in touch. This means not just talking, but emails, texting, or any other form of communication. If you and your friend aren't talking very much, it is hard to say that you are still really friends. [4] X Research source
- This reduced communication can refer to frequency or length. You may not talk as often as you used to. Or, if you do talk, your conversations are now very short, and you find that you don't have much to talk about.
- You can also see this if you are the one making an effort at communication. Friendship takes effort. If you are the only one trying to stay in touch, then your friend is probably not interested.
- Ask yourself if it’s possible that your friend feels hurt by a fight or argument you had. They might distance themself from you because of this.
- Reader Poll: We asked 837 wikiHow readers, and 58% of them agreed that the most likely reason your friend might distance themself after a fight is because they need time to cool off . [Take Poll]
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Ask yourself how you learn about new things in your friend's life. Along with not talking much, chances are your friend won't have been keeping you up to date with changes in their life. Friendship takes effort, and you shouldn't learn new things about your friend only through other people or social media. [5] X Research source
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See if your friend ignores you for time with others. If you try to make plans, and your friend says they are too busy but is later out with other friends during that time, that would be a sign of rejection.
- People change, have new interests, and new friends. If your friend appears to be doing other things with new people, then those new people probably fit in better with their new interests.
- If your friend is not spending more time with others, but becoming withdrawn towards everyone, that could be a sign of more serious issues, like depression . [6] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source If this might be the case, gather others, and as a group encourage your friend to seek help.
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Think about how it feels being around your friend. If your friendship is turning sour, your meetings will be tense, and you may feel anxious or uncomfortable in each other's presence. There may be a larger concern that you are not dealing with, or maybe you two have grown apart.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 2:
Finding Reasons for the Change
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Talk to your friend. Ask them about the things you have been noticing that suggest they don't like you. Be open and honest about your concerns. It may not solve all of them right away but may help you if your friend doesn't like you, or is angry about something in particular.
- Be prepared to be conciliatory, especially if you think your friend is angry at something you may have done. Showing you are open to compromise and reconciliation encourages your friend to do the same. [7] X Research source
- When discussing your concerns, it is better to use "I" Statements. Don't start your complaints with "You," (as in "You are...") which makes your opinion seem like a fact. Instead, lead with how you feel when your friend does something negative towards you ("I feel..."). After that, name your friend's behavior and why it makes you feel that way. This makes your statement less accusatory.
- If you think you were in the wrong, but are not sure why it might be good to give an open-ended question . You want to allow them to talk, not give a simple answer to a direct question. Ask what is wrong, or what you did wrong.
- Be sure to give your friend some space after apologizing or asking for a response. This can be a lot to process, and you shouldn't expect an answer right away.
- In some cases, it can help to take a self-inventory. Don't be afraid to ask your friend for their radical honesty in how you can be a better friend.
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Ask yourself if things have changed in your lives. Life leads people in different directions, and those directions may not include you or your old friends. Your friend may have new interests, and new friends that share those interests more than you do.
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Don't get defensive . Learning a friend doesn't like you can create some negative emotions. While you don't want to suppress them too much, it is best to use them as an opportunity to think more about yourself. Try to figure out what you are feeling (anger, fear, humiliation), to figure out what you can do next. [8] X Research source
- Ask yourself what you think your friend meant. People don't always know the impact of their words and actions. Bringing it to their attention can get an apology. Or, perhaps they did mean it as a personal insult, in which case you will want to think about how much you want to keep this friendship.
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Evaluate your friendship. You may have been (or became) a toxic friendship . These can be bad for your physical and mental wellbeing, and you should not be afraid to end it . [9] X Research source Is this person a true friend? If you have been growing apart, especially for some time, then your friendship has probably been ready to end.
- Signs of a toxic friendship include: asking for advice, then belittling or ignoring it; dumping their issues on you without offering support for your problems; regularly picking fights or competing with you, and never being happy with your success.
- In a true friendship, you and your friend will be supportive of one another, stay in regular contact, and be able to discuss disagreements respectfully and with some amicable resolution. True friendships take effort, and both of you need to be willing to put in the effort. [10] X Research source
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Accept it. It does you no good to force someone to stay friends with you. That will likely only make things worse. It does not mean you failed, just that things have changed. [11] X Research source
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Sample Signs and Conversation Help
Community Q&A
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QuestionMy friend and I used to be super close and talk and hang out all the time. Recently we haven't talked as much as we used to. I don't know what to do or say. Help?Community AnswerIt depends on what you want to accomplish. Sometimes people just drift apart, so if you're okay with the friendship ending, you don't have to do anything. But if you miss her, tell her! Say something like, "I miss the way we used to hang out all the time. We should try harder to stay in touch." If she doesn't seem to be interested in being friends anymore, that's tough, but you'll have to accept it and move on.
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QuestionMy friend recently didn't sit with me in class. She ignores me when she's around her other two friends from another class. She feels jealous when I hang out with other friends instead. What should I do?Community AnswerTalk to her; it may just be a misunderstanding. Maybe she feels restricted with one friend, so she's expanding her friend circle. The best option is to talk to her.
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QuestionI did something to my best friend and now she will not talk to me. Does this mean that our friendship is over?Community AnswerTry talking to her. Apologize and tell her that it won't happen again. Tell her that you really value your friendship with her and you hope she can forgive you. If she won't talk to you right now, you may have to wait a few days for her to calm down first.
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Tips
- If the friendship is over, you may feel like crying. It's okay to let it out, not necessarily in front of your ex-friend though.Thanks
- Avoid hard feelings between you and your friend. People change, sometimes friendships just don't work as well as they used to. Unless your friend did something particularly hurtful towards you, there is no reason to hold a grudge.Thanks
- Keep an eye out for signs of depression or other troubles. If your friend is withdrawing from all others, they may be dealing with more serious issues.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you
- ↑ http://www.bettyphillipspsychology.com/id74.html
- ↑ http://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychoanalysis-now/2015/09/5-hidden-insults-and-how-to-foil-them/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-care-and-maintenance-of-friendship/
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/200910/5-tips-mending-tattered-friendship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201209/what-do-when-someone-doesn-t-you
- ↑ http://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-to-spot-and-end-a-toxic-friendship/
About This Article
Article Summary
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Losing a friendship is tough, but it’s not uncommon for friends to drift apart over time. If you suspect your friend no longer likes you, pay attention to how they behave toward you. For instance, do you notice them starting a lot of arguments with you, blaming you for things, or putting you down? Those might be signs that the friendship is starting to sour. You might also notice them spending less time with you, not talking to you as often, or prioritizing other friendships. Before you jump to any conclusions, try talking to your friend about what’s going on. It’s possible that they’re just going through a rough time. Let them know how you’re feeling in an honest, non-judgmental way, and ask them what’s up. For tips on having a good discussion about your friendship, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "This made me realise that my friend doesn't like me. I used to sit with her at lunch but now we barely sit with each other. When I bring exciting things for my friend to see she barely looks at it. Nearly all day I am about to cry because of her, but I won't tell her this is how I think of her always. I expect drama to happen. My second friend gone. It's the best for me to end this bad friendship. I am autistic and very sensitive at getting shouted at. I said something and she shouts at my ear." ..." more
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"This made me realise that my friend doesn't like me. I used to sit with her at lunch but now we barely sit with each other. When I bring exciting things for my friend to see she barely looks at it. Nearly all day I am about to cry because of her, but I won't tell her this is how I think of her always. I expect drama to happen. My second friend gone. It's the best for me to end this bad friendship. I am autistic and very sensitive at getting shouted at. I said something and she shouts at my ear."
..."
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"My best friend had been going through some health issues. She's been showing signs of isolation and distance. I've been making great efforts in showing love in support. We use to talk every day, now we barely communicate. We just recently got into a disagreement. I told her to get well and that I basically didn't have energy to entertain foolishness. My bff also in turn told me to send my kids and husband love from her but to take care because she's solely focusing on getting well."
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"It made me realize that this person has changed, not for the good but for bad. This person has been ignoring me for weeks. If I try to message him he takes way too long to send a message and I know he isn't busy; he texts other people but ignores me. Then, whenever there is a problem with him, I help, but whenever I have a problem, he just doesn't seem interested in me. At this point, I don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore."
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"Had a friend that I got on with for a year, but things have changed now. Don't much see the friend that often and when I do... yeah! Possibly guessing after being nice they have forgotten about me and put me in the trash! Your article has helped me loads. I'm just gutted that this friend will never speak to me again."
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"What helped me the most was the Q & A. I could actually relate to a lot of the people that posted, and I will try and talk to my friends about their behavior and how it makes me feel."
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