How to Create Your Ideal Relationship

Co-authored by Zach Pontrello

Last Updated: May 30, 2024 Approved

Meaningful relationships make life more enjoyable. But these kinds of relationships, especially romantic ones, take a lot of time and energy to nurture and maintain. In order to attract an ideal mate, you’ll need to spend some time preparing yourself to make sure you’re ready to be in a relationship with a new person. You should also practice being more patient and understanding with others in your life so that these skills can translate into your new relationship. Creating an ideal relationship can be a lifelong journey, but by committing to your future and treating your partner with love and respect, you can be well on your way to creating a relationship that is ideal for you.

Things You Should Know

Reflect on your ideal relationship needs and tell your partner clearly what you want. Healthy relationships include mutual trust and affection, honesty, patience, and appreciation. Communicate clearly and often, keep your promises, handle disputes calmly, and surprise each other with spontaneity.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Readying Yourself for Future Relationships

Download Article

{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Be-Calm-Step-21.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Calm-Step-21.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/Be-Calm-Step-21.jpg\/aid1952626-v4-728px-Be-Calm-Step-21.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}

1
Define what an ideal relationship means to you . Be really honest with yourself regarding what you want. Consider what you want out of a relationship and try to come up with some specific characteristics of your ideal partner. No relationship is perfect, but taking some time to think about what you want out of your relationship can help you move forward in creating an ideal one. An ideal relationship is one that can keep itself strong even after having ups and downs. People in ideal relationships work hard to communicate and avoid misunderstandings. ^{[1]
X
Research source}
- As you set out to create your ideal relationship, make sure you consider what you want from it. If you are looking for stability and security, search for a partner with those traits. If you want attention and affection, look for someone who gives you that. Be clear with yourself about what you want from the beginning.
- Take time to get to know yourself to learn more about what you want from a relationship. Ask yourself questions such as, "Do I like me? Are there things I don't like about myself that I would like to change? Are there qualities in others that will enlighten the qualities within myself? Do I like myself enough to even be fully invested in providing the quality of attention that my significant other may need?"
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c7\/Be-Adventurous-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-Adventurous-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c7\/Be-Adventurous-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid1952626-v4-728px-Be-Adventurous-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}

2
Let go of the past . Often, one of the biggest things that can get in the way of your future happiness is your past and any hurt you might hold onto from past experiences. In order to move forward in your life, you need to work on forgiving those who wronged you and let go of anything you may be struggling with from your past. Creating an ideal relationship requires commitment to the possibilities of the future, not bitterness about the past.
- This doesn’t mean that you should forget everything that ever happened to you. Rather, work on learning from your past experiences and moving forward. Recovering from a breakup is a process with ups and downs. Learn and move forward, but be patient with yourself.
- For example, think about your past relationships and why they didn’t work out. If there is something about your former partners’ characters that influenced the failure of the relationship, keep these qualities in mind as things to avoid when searching for a new partner.
- As you reflect on past relationships to identify "failures" and why you are no longer with the individual, think about what you have learned from that experience. Ask yourself questions like, “What did I learn and take away from my past experiences? What has changed that may make a new relationship better?”
Advertisement
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Be-a-Man-Step-14-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Be-a-Man-Step-14-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Be-a-Man-Step-14-Version-3.jpg\/aid1952626-v4-728px-Be-a-Man-Step-14-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}

3
Be positive. No one wants to be around someone who is grumpy or pessimistic all the time. Optimism attracts more optimism. If you want to find an ideal relationship, try to picture the future as full of opportunities
- Be aware when you and/or your partner may be having a bad day. Be willing to forgive and allow for a pessimistic day if needed. Just avoid letting this happen every day.
- Don’t feel like you need a relationship to be happy . Try to love yourself and recognize your good qualities. Nobody is perfect, but being positive about yourself and your life will be attractive to potential partners.
- For example, if it is in your nature to be impatient with people, try to practice being more patient. Maybe you could babysit for a friend. Kids are notorious for trying the patience of adults, but it’s hard to stay upset at children. So this is a good way to practice being more patient. Try meditating for 10 to 15 minutes each day to focus your attention inward. This may help to keep you from focusing too much on what your partner is doing.
{"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/95\/Increase-Bone-Density-Step-12.jpg\/v4-460px-Increase-Bone-Density-Step-12.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/95\/Increase-Bone-Density-Step-12.jpg\/aid1952626-v4-728px-Increase-Bone-Density-Step-12.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow noreferrer noopener\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}

4
Work towards positive change in your life. Everyone has faults – there are no exceptions. Often, these character quirks are what make people lovable and memorable. Your family and friends should love you in spite of your flaws, but there may be some things you need to work on in order to attract your ideal partner.
- Of course you shouldn’t change yourself for someone else, unless it is a positive change that you want to make for yourself.
- This includes things like kicking bad habits (smoking, gambling, drinking, etc.), getting into better physical shape (not just improving your physical appearance, but your overall health and wellbeing), or becoming more focused and dedicated to your professional work.
- Remember that nobody is perfect, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Feel free to accept yourself for who you are, but consider trying to improve some of your negative qualities. ^{[2]
  X
  Research source}