Knowing exactly what you want out of a relationship is very difficult, especially if you're young or inexperienced. Even if you've dated many other people, every relationship is unique, and your priorities might be different now from how they were in the past. Finding out what you want in a relationship can be a laborious process, but it's worth it to find the right partner for you. We’ve compiled a list of the best ways to go about figuring out your expectations from a relationship, with advice from relationship coach Luis Congdon.
How do I know what I’m looking for in a relationship?
- Write out a list of non-negotiables to narrow it down.
- Reflect on your values, and look for someone with similar values.
- Observe the relationships around you to decide what you do and don’t want.
- What traits do you like in your friends? You’ll probably want them in a partner.
- Try to love yourself first: a partner should complement you, not complete you.
Steps
How Do You Find Out What You Want In a Relationship?
Community Q&A
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QuestionMy girlfriend asked me what I want in our relationship and where I see us in five months time. I couldn't answer her because we have issues. What do I do?Community AnswerAsk her the same question and tell her you value her opinion. Add that you hope your relationship is stronger by then, and that you'd like to work on your issues together with open and honest communication. Tell her anything else you deem important related to the specifics of your situation.
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QuestionWhat do I say to my significant other if I can't come up with a reason why we're in a relationship?Suzettemarie SuzanneCommunity AnswerYou should be able to come up with a reason, or you wouldn't be together. Are you afraid of getting hurt or hurting them? If you really can't think of an answer, you could say "there are so many reasons I can't name them all". If you want to stay in the relationship, I'm sure if you think about it and you'll come up with one. Ask yourself what you like about the person and the reasons you enjoy spending time with them.
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QuestionWhy am I so picky with people?Vicki The AwesomeCommunity AnswerThat’s normal. It’s normal to know what you want. However, you should give people a chance. You never know who will make a perfect partner.
Video
Tips
References
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201510/the-top-9-relationship-deal-breakers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/close-encounters/201510/the-top-10-relationship-deal-breakers
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/assembly-required/202110/3-things-we-should-learn-our-past-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/assembly-required/202207/relationship-role-models-dont-have-to-be-perfect
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/201802/you-have-love-yourself-you-can-love-someone-else
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201107/6-tips-dating-success-what-you-both-want-matters
- ↑ https://uhs.berkeley.edu/news/what-exactly-casual-relationship
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-would-aristotle-do/201303/how-compatible-are-you-your-significant-other
- ↑ Luis Congdon. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 3 September 2021.
About This Article
To figure out what you want in a relationship, spend some time thinking about your needs and values. Make a list of things that you might consider deal-breakers, such as abusive behavior or infidelity. Consider your personal goals and how a relationship would affect them, too. For instance, do you want to have kids? Are you interested in settling down, or are you a free spirit who loves to travel? Look for a partner whose goals, values, and interests are compatible with yours. It can also be helpful to look at your own past relationships or the relationships of people you know. Make a list of things that worked or didn’t work in those relationships. Once you have an idea of what you want, put yourself out there and try dating casually. Being in a relationship, even if it’s a casual one, might help you get a better idea of what you really want. For more tips from our co-author, including how to tell your partner what you want in a relationship, read on!
Reader Success Stories
- "This is a discussion that needs to be heard. Core values are seldom articulated, and this will be something I look for from now on. Thanks for the article." ..." more