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Is age just a number when it comes to love?
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This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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Older men dating younger women is a pretty conventional stereotype—but younger men are in pretty high demand as well. Have you considered dating a guy 10, 15, or even 20 years your junior? What would your friends think? What would you talk about? If you're ready to take the age-gap plunge, read on to learn everything you need to know, complete with tips from expert dating coach John Keegan. You'll also find out about some things you should consider before you open up the age range on your dating app account.
Dating a Younger Man
- Younger men have a lot more sexual energy and are interested in pleasing their partners, which can be a real benefit. They're also likely to have less baggage.
- However, if you're a lot older than your partner, you might have an imbalance of power that could cause problems. You also might have trouble understanding each other.
- If you decide to date a younger man, don't feel pressured to act younger or pretend to be something you're not. Embrace your age!
Steps
Section 1 of 7:
Is it ok to date a younger man?
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Absolutely, it's totally ok to date a younger man. Many older women have fulfilling relationships with younger men. Keegan agrees that "100% that relationship can work," noting that having that polarity between you can actually create more chemistry and make things really hot.
- As long as you're attracted to each other, Keegan continues, "then the main thing is just like any relationship, that there's an open line of communication and that everyone's needs are being met."
- Keegan notes that younger men are frequently drawn to older women because an older woman knows what she wants sexually and is more emotionally stable, "so she has more of a soulful connection to offer."
- Women who date younger men typically do so because younger men have more energy and stamina and are more adventurous and interested in trying new things.
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Section 2 of 7:
Tips for Dating Younger Men
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1Act your age rather than trying to play younger. Younger men are unlikely to be intimidated by your knowledge and experience—in fact, it's probably part of the reason they're attracted to you! If that hot younger guy wanted to be dating a woman in her 20s, he would be. Trying to pretend you're younger than you are isn't doing anyone any favors. [1] X Research source
- If you're someone who's young at heart and still enjoys cutting-edge stuff, that's great! But don't think you have to pretend to be interested in what young people are just to impress a younger guy.
- Younger guys are far more likely to be turned on by someone who's confident about who she is and the journey she's traveled in life.
- Keep in mind that even when you have similar interests, you still came of age in different social contexts and have different cultural references that underpin those differences—and that's great because it gives both of you the opportunity to learn and grow.
- Keegan recommends focusing on the things you have in common because "when that is where [you're] connecting...[you're] connecting on a lifestyle together like everyone else."
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2Make it clear what you're looking for. Because the two of you are likely to be in different life stages, you want to make sure you're both on the same page as far as what you want in a relationship. It's also okay if you aren't really sure or if you're open to a lot of different possibilities—just make sure you communicate your limits from the outset. [2] X Research source
- For example, if you're not able to or interested in having more children, that's something a younger guy might need to know. If he still wants to start a family, it would probably be better for both of you if you didn't get involved in a long-term relationship.
- Keegan advises bringing this up really early on: "She needs to ask like, do you want to have a family... so that it doesn't become a devastation, so that they know what their relationship parameters will be. And then eventually, he may have to go look for someone else, because he wants to have a family."
- If you're just looking for something casual, draw firm boundaries and enforce them consistently. For example, you might not want him to come over to your house while your kids are there.
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3Take your different life stages into account. Think back to what you were doing when you were his age to better understand where a younger guy is coming from. If you're going to date a guy in his 20s, be prepared to date a guy in his 20s—not a guy in his 20s who you expect to act like a guy in his 40s. [3] X Research source
- Some things that you've come to take in stride might be new experiences for him. While it's fine to teach him some things, it's often better to allow him to make mistakes so he can learn on his own.
- For Keegan, this is something you bring up pretty early on. He notes that "the woman could say to the younger guy, what is your experience dating an older woman... and then she can see in the guy's response... if she thinks he's mature enough to be in that kind of relationship."
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4Be prepared for negative comments from others. It's unfortunate, but there are a lot of people out there who have rather close-minded ideas about age-gap couples. Sometimes people will say things to be malicious, but usually they just don't know any better. Try to handle any comments that come your way with grace and poise. [4] X Research source
- If the comment comes from a stranger, it's usually in your best interest to ignore it. If it's a friend, you might gently point out that their comments are hurtful and not welcome.
- For example, if a friend from your book club makes some comment about how you're "robbing the cradle" with your new "boy toy," you might say, "I feel upset when I hear things like that. Are you uncomfortable with the age gap between me and my new boyfriend?"
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Section 3 of 7:
Benefits of Dating a Younger Man
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1Sexual compatibility Older men start to slow down sexually while younger men are still going strong. Older women happen to be hitting their sexual prime in their 30s and 40s, which means a younger man is often a better match. Older women also tend to have enough sexual experience to know what they like and don't like and be confident in their sexual desires and interests. [5] X Research source
- Younger men are often keen to learn about female sexuality and pleasure in particular, something women their age might not have enough confidence or experience to shed light on. [6] X Research source
- Keegan agrees that younger men are likely attracted to older women because they know what they like sexually and can show them how to be a better lover.
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2Adventure A younger man typically still has a lot of energy and is excited to go out and experience the world—that means dates with him are likely to be more active and fun than a date you'd go on with an older man. And even if you're all "been there, done that," you can still get enjoyment out of watching someone else experience something for the first time. [7] X Research source
- Younger guys also tend to be a little more carefree than older men, which means they'll be willing to take more risks in the name of having a good time.
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3Less baggage Younger men tend to not have as much experience, which also means they're not carrying around a lot of emotional baggage from relationships that didn't work out. This means they're more likely to evaluate you on your own merits rather than assume that you're going to do the same thing their exes have done. [8] X Research source
- You can expect most younger men to have less physical baggage as well. Depending on his age, he's likely just starting out his adult life and won't be too tied down.
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4Increased self-confidence There's no doubt that dating a younger man can be quite the ego boost—especially if you manage to land a guy you wouldn't have had the confidence to date when you were in your 20s. He looks up to you and maybe even worships the ground you walk on, which can help you feel really great about yourself. [9] X Research source
- You might also find that you start putting a little more effort into your appearance when you go out with a younger man. He makes you feel young again, so it's only natural that you'd want to start looking the part.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Being self-confident makes you magnetic to younger guys. Younger men often admire self-assured, emotionally intelligent women who can bring a wealth of life experience. Focus on finding someone who values your wisdom and enjoys your perspective.
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5Fresh perspective Both of you have different life experiences, which carry with them different ways of looking at things. A younger man can show you an angle you might not have thought about before. And because he grew up in a different era, he can help you better appreciate the point of view of someone with a different background. [10] X Research source
- Be willing to set aside things that you thought you knew—he might be able to show you a few new things that you hadn't considered yet. Don't assume that just because you're older, you know better than he does.
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6Progressive values When younger men were coming of age, feminism was already well entrenched in society. They're more likely to view women as equals, support equal rights, and resist discrimination against people just because they happen to be a different race, ethnic background, gender identity, or sexuality. These views can be quite liberating, particularly if men your age are more conservative. [11] X Research source
- If you've been dating men your age and older who tend to value a more traditional role for women, the progressive values of younger men will often feel like a breath of fresh air.
- Younger men who date older people tend to be more open-minded and interested in experiencing all that life has to offer.
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Section 4 of 7:
Disadvantages to Dating a Younger Man
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1Power imbalance If you're significantly older than the guy you're dating, he may view you more as a mentor to learn from than as an equal. If he defers to you too much, you might find that you have too much power and control in the relationship. [12] X Research source
- Some younger men may prefer it this way and want you to boss them around a little bit—and there's nothing wrong with that as long as you've discussed that dynamic and agreed to it.
- If you notice an imbalance and it troubles you, start focusing on things that he's good at so that he can take the lead. For example, if he's an avid golfer and you've never played, you might get him to teach you.
- Keegan emphasizes that "the polarity in the bedroom and the polarity just in the relationship" can be an issue. For these relationships to work, a couple has to "find the common ground where they're just human beings beyond age."
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2Less understanding There's no getting around the fact that a younger guy is going to have different cultural references and probably be interested in different music and fashion trends than you are. This can make it easy for you to misunderstand each other if you drop a reference that he doesn't get (or vice versa). [13] X Research source
- If you don't understand a reference he makes or a slang term he uses, just ask! It helps if you encourage him to do the same.
- You might also get in the habit of asking if he recognizes a term or reference before you use it. If you know to explain it or use a different wording you can avoid misunderstandings or embarrassment.
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3Criticism from friends and family If you're used to your friends and family always having your back, you might be in for a rude awakening when you start dating a younger guy—especially if he's significantly younger. This might mean nothing more than a few jokes about how you're "robbing the cradle," but they could also take it a lot more seriously. [14] X Research source
- Your friends and family can actually have a huge impact on the success of your relationship. If they don't support you, they can make it harder for you to feel invested or take the relationship seriously, which can lead to trouble.
- One thing you can do to minimize this issue is talk to them about the age issue before they meet your guy, rather than just springing it on them. If they understand what you see in him and why you like him, they'll be more likely to support you.
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4Insecurity You're a confident, independent woman. But dating a younger man can still wreak havoc on your self-esteem—especially if he's friends with a lot of younger ladies. If you feel like you can't keep up with him and his friends or don't have anything in common with them, you could end up feeling really insecure about the relationship. [15] X Research source
- Make an effort to hang out with him and his friends in a neutral environment—for example, you might go out to dinner or go to a concert that's popular with all ages.
- Avoid trying to dress or act like you're younger than you are, though. That can only increase your insecurity because you won't feel like you're being authentic .
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5Different views on commitment If you're looking for something long-term, that could wind up causing issues with a younger man who's just looking for something casual—but the opposite is also true. This really comes down to the two of you being at different life stages. What he wants for the future might not work out for you. [16] X Research source
- For example, if he wants to have kids and you're past that point in your life, it's unlikely that the two of you are going to make it long-term. Eventually, he's going to want to settle down with someone closer to his age so he can start a family.
- Similarly, if you're looking to settle down with someone you can spend time with when you retire, that might not fit into his plans if he's just getting started in his career.
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Section 5 of 7:
Things to Consider Before Dating a Younger Man
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1Do you have your finances in order? If you're just looking for a short-term, casual relationship, this might not be such a big deal. But if you're ultimately hoping for a long-term relationship, a younger man might not be able to contribute as much to the household as someone your age would. He might've just graduated college and just be starting a career at the entry level. [17] X Research source
- If you're just looking for a casual fling, make sure you're open about that from the outset of the relationship. You do want to make sure you're both on the same page.
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2Are you prepared for criticism from friends and family? Sometimes this is just good-natured teasing, but it's also possible that your family and friends will have some serious qualms about you getting together with a younger man—especially if there's a huge difference in your ages. Make sure you talk to them about your interest in this guy and let them know about the age difference so you can have a serious conversation about it before they meet him. Let them know that you'd appreciate their support. [18] X Research source
- If you have friends who say they're fine with your relationship but insist on continuing to tease you, let them know if it bothers you. You could just say something like, "I know you said you were okay with our age difference, but I get really upset when you tease me about it. I'm sure you only mean it in good fun, but it's not fun for me."
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3Are you secure in who you are? While dating a younger man can definitely be an ego boost, it can also cause you to be less secure about your looks and what you have to offer. If you're confident and secure in who you are and what you've achieved, this will likely be less of a problem for you. [19] X Research source
- Many women who date younger men start to feel that the younger man is just using them for sex and isn't interested in relating to them as a whole person. If that's all you're looking for, great! But if you want a more well-rounded relationship where you connect as whole people, make sure you and the guy you're dating are on the same page about what you want.
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4Do you have a lot of energy? Younger men tend to be more active and stay out a lot later than you might be used to. If that's going to be a problem for you, it's going to be hard to get a relationship with a younger man off the ground. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and what kinds of activities you like to do. Then look for a guy who's into those sorts of things. [20] X Research source
- If you start to exercise more and lead a more active lifestyle , that'll make it easier to keep up with a younger man.
- Try going out during the day if you prefer to go to bed early. That way, you'll be able to spend time together without being exhausted.
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5Are you looking for a long-term relationship? A significant age gap is often a much bigger deal if you want to stay with this guy for years (or even for life). If you're just looking for a short-term, casual fling, on the other hand, the benefits are far more likely to outweigh the disadvantages. [21] X Research source
- A long-term relationship is likely a bigger deal for him as well, particularly if he's looking forward to starting a family.
- If you are looking for a long-term relationship, make sure the two of you discuss this early and often—it's important to be on the same page.
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Section 6 of 7:
How much of an age gap is okay?
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Ten years or less is usually a socially acceptable age gap. Studies continually show that most people don't consider an age difference of 10 years or less to be that big of a deal. Get much beyond that, though, and you could face some serious criticism—not just from friends and family but even from complete strangers who see you together. [22] X Research source
- How old each of you are is also a factor. For example, if you're 53 and he's 40, you're both in similar life stages, and that 13-year age difference probably won't be that big of a deal. But if you're 38 and he's 25, people might find the same 13-year age difference a little more problematic.
- The success of your relationship really depends on the extent to which you share similar beliefs, values, and goals about the relationship—and those have little to do with age! If it works for you, go for it! There are many benefits to dating a younger man.
Section 7 of 7:
How to Meet Younger Guys
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1Get comfortable with dating apps. If you're older, you might think of dating apps as an awkward or embarrassing way to meet people. But for younger people, they're the default. Choose one and learn your way around it so you can start making connections. [23] X Research source
- Dating apps are actually a lot less intimidating than hitting on someone in person because there's no risk in swiping right on a profile—if he doesn't swipe right on you as well, you'll never know. [24] X Research source
- To keep your dating app surfing safe, make sure you understand how to block and report people.
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2Create an honest and open dating profile. You might be tempted to lie about your age, but this would mean starting any potential relationship with a lie. You'll get more potential matches by being honest about who you are and what you want in a date or a relationship. [25] X Research source
- There are plenty of younger men out there who are interested in older women, so fudging your age isn't actually going to help you that much. [26] X Research source
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3Hang out in places where younger people tend to congregate. Think about going to watch local bands play or visiting a hip coffee shop. These sorts of activities often give you plenty of exposure to a younger demographic. It also helps you seem a little more "with it" because you have some familiarity with the local scene. [27] X Research source
- Spending more time with younger people will also help you feel more comfortable being around people that age in general, which can potentially make age less of an issue in your romantic life.
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4Get active to meet younger people and boost your energy. Joining a community rec sports league or hanging out at a local park are a great way to connect with other people and these spaces are often filled with younger folks. Sports and activities also give you ready-made conversation starters along with something you and a potential date would have in common. [28] X Research source
- Staying active also means that a huge difference in energy levels is unlikely to be an issue with you and any younger man you dated.
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References
- ↑ https://simhcottumwa.org/older-women-younger-men/
- ↑ https://susanwinter.net/the-challenges-of-dating-a-much-younger-man-crunchy-tales-feature/
- ↑ https://susanwinter.net/the-challenges-of-dating-a-much-younger-man-crunchy-tales-feature/
- ↑ https://susanwinter.net/the-challenges-of-dating-a-much-younger-man-crunchy-tales-feature/
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/362478160_Neither_Crone_nor_Cougar_-Sexuality_and_Ageism_on_Dating_Apps
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201908/why-some-younger-men-prefer-to-be-with-older-women
- ↑ https://simhcottumwa.org/older-women-younger-men/
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/331287877_Sleeping_With_Younger_Men_Women's_Accounts_of_Sexual_Interplay_in_Age-Hypogamous_Intimate_Relationships
- ↑ https://www.gottman.com/blog/dating-a-man-16-years-younger-forced-me-to-grow-up/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202104/how-much-does-age-matter-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sexuality-and-romance/202005/5-reasons-some-women-prefer-younger-men
- ↑ https://simhcottumwa.org/older-women-younger-men/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202104/how-much-does-age-matter-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.deakin.edu.au/seed/our-impact/mind-the-gap-does-age-difference-in-relationships-matter
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-sexuality-and-romance/202005/5-reasons-some-women-prefer-younger-men
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/202104/how-much-does-age-matter-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.deakin.edu.au/seed/our-impact/mind-the-gap-does-age-difference-in-relationships-matter
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://annegrey.com/older-women-younger-men/
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/aug/14/dating-lying-about-age-mistake
- ↑ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/344417085_7_Reasons_Dating_A_Younger_Man_Is_A_Smart_Choice
- ↑ https://simhcottumwa.org/older-women-younger-men/
- ↑ https://simhcottumwa.org/older-women-younger-men/
About This Article
This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Jennifer Mueller, JD
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 13,653 times.
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Co-authors: 3
Updated: August 19, 2024
Views: 13,653
Categories: Dating
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 13,653 times.
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