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This article was co-authored by Guy Reichard
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000.
There are 15 references
cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
This article has been viewed 80,927 times.
Whether you’re asking your parents for a little extra cash or discussing a raise with your boss, saying “please” isn’t always enough to get what you want from others. Mind control definitely isn’t an option, so what can you do to influence people without burning bridges along the way? We’ve got you covered. Keep reading for plenty of advice and conversational tips that can give you a great shot at getting exactly what you want.
Things You Should Know
- Compliment the other person and be friendly toward them when you make your request.
- Ask for more than what you actually want so that you have some room to negotiate, such as asking to borrow $20 when you only need $10.
- Appeal to the other person’s sense of empathy to get them to agree with you, such as by telling an emotional story to explain the reason for your request.
Steps
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If you tell yourself it’s not going to work out, it probably won’t. Don’t sabotage yourself before you even get started. Be confident as you go into making your request. Before you talk to the other person, tell yourself that things will work out. When you talk to them, use confident body language , such as maintaining eye contact, standing up straight, and using hand gestures. If you appear confident, the other person is likely to listen to what you’re saying and be more trusting of your request. [1] X Research source
- If you’re meeting with your boss to ask for something, greet them with a nice, firm handshake to let them know you’re ready to talk business.
- Avoid using lots of filler words , such as “umm,” “uh,” and “like” when you speak. Saying what you want in a direct and clear manner makes you appear much more confident.
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When you make the other person feel good, they’re more likely to agree. People love to be complimented, even if they try to brush off your attempts at flattery. Pick out things that you genuinely like or admire about the other person to butter them up for when you make your request. [2] X Research source
- If you’re trying to get a coworker to help you on a project, tell them exactly why you think they’re qualified and point out all of their strengths. For example, “You’re one of the most organized people in the company, and this project could really use your skills.”
- Instead of saying something like, “I love your dress! Could I get tomorrow off?” use subtle phrasing to blend the compliment in with your request.
- Instead, say something like, “Would it be possible for me to take tomorrow off? I know you’re usually pretty flexible about these things, but I just wanted to check first.”
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People are often more willing to help those they feel connected to. When you make your request, find some common ground between you and the other person that will help you persuade them to help. For example, if you’re trying to convince your coworker to help with making a new filing system, say something like, “I know that we both really hate when things are disorganized, so working on this together will be fun!” [3] X Research source
- Use your and your friend’s shared love of rock music to convince them to go to a big music festival with you.
- Bring up shared memories you have with your family about past vacations to persuade them to take a trip this summer.
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People tend to like you more when you copy their body language. Also known as the “chameleon effect,” body language mirroring is a clever way to make a positive impression without saying a word. Just pay attention to what the other person is doing. Do they use a specific type of body language or stand with a specific posture? Whatever the case, subtly imitate them to the best of your ability when you make your request. [4] X Research source
- If they’re twirling a piece of their hair, twirl a section of your own hair.
- If they’re standing with their shoulders back and chest out, stand the same way.
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Doing someone a favor gives you the opportunity to cash in that favor later. Give the person a reason to help you out by doing something for them first. By building rapport, the other person might be more willing to agree to your future requests. [5] X Research source You might:
- Treat a co-worker to coffee
- Do extra chores around the house
- Help a classmate with a last-minute assignment
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People will more likely agree if you have evidence to back up your idea. Sometimes it can be hard for someone to say yes to your request just because you asked them nicely. To up your persuasion, give them concrete evidence that other people also agree with your idea or have benefited from it. For example: [6] X Research source
- If you’re trying to convince your boss to give you a bonus, tell them about how high the employee satisfaction ratings are at companies that give out bonuses.
- If you’re trying to convince your parents to let you stay out longer, tell them that your friend Johny’s parents are totally okay with letting Johny stay out late.
- If you want to convince your friends to see a movie you’ve been dying to watch, tell them all about how it got great reviews from major film critics.
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Getting them to empathize with you will make them more willing to help. While facts and data are definitely great tools to persuade someone, don’t forget the power of emotions and storytelling. Don’t be afraid to add a bit of flair to your story and project more emotion as you talk. For example: [7] X Research source
- Tell your boss all about how excited your child would be if you were able to get some time off to take them to Disney World.
- If you’re trying to convince your parents to let you go to a concert, tell them about how much you look up to the singer you want to see and how much their music has influenced your life.
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People are more likely to go along with an idea they think is all theirs. Present your idea like a descriptive story instead of framing it like a question. Set the scene in clear, vivid detail, so your request can get a life of its own in the other person’s mind. Look for ways to really connect and relate the request to the other person. With any luck, they might “suggest” your idea at the end of the conversation. [8] X Research source Here are a few examples of how that conversation could go down:
- A new video game system: “I really wish we could spend more time together as a family. I know we do the occasional movie night, but I feel like our TV isn’t living up to its potential. We all have some free time on Friday night—I feel like that could be a great chance to have a regular family video game night.”
- An upgrade at work: “There’s so much clutter in the break room that it’s hard to know what belongs to who. Imagine if we had labeled cubby shelves installed—it would be so much easier to find what we’re looking for.”
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Allowing room for negotiation makes it easier to get what you want. During salary negotiations, a common strategy is asking your superior for a higher salary than you’re actually expecting to get. This way, you’re still happy with the final amount you both settle on. [9] X Research source Apply this strategy to your everyday life by asking for more than you actually need from people. You might:
- Ask a friend for $20 when you only need $10
- Ask to extend your curfew to 1 AM when you only need it extended to midnight
- Request a co-worker to cover your full shift when you only need half of it covered
- Ask for 2 weeks of PTO when you only need 1
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The extra pressure might help you seal the deal. Play to the other person’s sense of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), and make your request sound like a rare opportunity. Making your request time-sensitive might be enough to get the other person on board. [10] X Research source For example:
- Ask your parents to buy you something that’s on sale
- Ask your boss for the chance to go to an annual conference
- Ask a friend to see a popular band that’ll only be in your city for 1 day
- Ask a coworker to assist you with a “special” project
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A person might feel guilty for saying no so many times and eventually give in. Start by asking for things that you know the other person will say no to. Then, ask them for what you really want. They might feel guilty about saying no to you before and agree to whatever you’re asking now. Allowing them to say no also lets them feel like they have some control over the situation. [11] X Research source
- For example, you might ask your parents if you can visit the city or go to a concert with your friends. If they refuse that, downgrade your request to something more low-key, like spending the night at a friend’s place.
- If you’re looking to get compensation for your performance at work, ask for boss for something like a salary raise or a bonus. If they say no, go for something like extra vacation days or PTO.
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You can strengthen your argument when you hear someone else’s opinion. When you make a request or ask for a favor, leave some room to let the other person voice their opinion. Actively listening also shows the other person that you respect their thoughts and aren’t just talking to them to try to get something. [12] X Research source
- Even if the other person pushes back on your request, hear them out until the end and avoid interrupting them.
- Come prepared with counterarguments if you think the other person will be against your idea. It might help you persuade the other person if you can show them that you’ve come prepared and thought through your idea.
- For example, if your boss is initially against the idea of giving your team a bonus, provide them with specific evidence about how other companies have higher employee satisfaction rates due to their workers receiving bonuses.
- Or, if your parents are reluctant to let you go on a trip with your friends, give them all of the details of your trip and explain to them what you and your friends plan to do to stay safe.
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A person will likely agree if they’re also getting something out of it. There are plenty of ways to compromise to make sure everyone ends up satisfied. Maybe you and the other person do each other a favor, or maybe you both find a way to meet halfway. Look for a resolution that works for both of you in the long run so that no one is left disappointed. You might say: [13] X Research source
- If you really want to take charge of a project that your coworker is also interested in, ask, “Would it be okay if I took the lead on this assignment and you took the lead on the next one?”
- If you’re trying to convince your friend to go to a certain restaurant, say something like, “I’ll let you choose the restaurant next time if you let me choose it this time?”
- If you want your sibling to do some of your chores, offer them something like, “If you do my chores, I’ll buy you food for a whole week.”
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Easing off the pressure might make someone more willing to help. Let the other person know that you appreciate their consideration and that you understand if they don’t have the time or interest in helping you at the moment. The other person might appreciate the kind gesture and help you anyway. [14] X Research source Here are a few ways to tone down your request:
- “I completely understand if you’re busy, but I appreciate your consideration regardless.”
- “I know that this is last-minute, and I understand if you don’t have the time.”
- “You won’t hurt my feelings if you say no.”
- “There’s no pressure. I just wanted to see if you’d be interested in doing this.”
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People are often more easily persuaded by people they like. If you’re trying to convince someone you aren’t that close with to help you, try to get on their good side and get them to like you. Smile and wave at them whenever you see them, ask them how they’re doing, and show genuine interest in their life and what they have going on. It’s definitely harder to say no to someone who’s a close friend rather than just another acquaintance. [15] X Research source
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It’s more respectful to make a request when talking face-to-face. A study from the Harvard Business Review found that requests made in person were more effective than when they were made via email. [16] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source When you take the time to chat with someone and meet with them in person, you’re showing them that you respect them. You can also read their facial expressions and gauge their emotions better when meeting face to face.
- A person can easily skim over an email and type out a quick “No thanks,” but talking to them in person forces them to hear you out until the end of your pitch.
- Be sure to make your request early. For example, if you want permission to go to a friend’s party, ask your parents maybe 2 weeks in advance so that they don’t feel like they’re being rushed.
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Remind yourself that it’s okay if things don’t work out right away. Just because someone said no the first time doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Handle each conversation with grace and good manners, even if you aren’t exactly happy with the result. Just be patient and look for an opportunity to make another request in the future. [17] X Research source
- Being polite and maintaining good manners might work in your favor in the long run, and the other person might be more willing to heed a different request from you later on.
- Even if they say no, thank them for their time and consideration. Say something like, “I completely understand. Thank you for listening to me.”
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QuestionHow can I earn respect?Community AnswerBy being respectful, you can earn respect from other people.Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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QuestionI want to ask someone to help me pay my bills. How do I do it?Community AnswerGo ahead and ask. You don't have to be scared or worried because the worse that will happen is that they say, "No."Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow -
QuestionHow do I ask someone for something I want without having to hear the word no?Community AnswerYou can never completely control what a person may say, but explaining exactly why they shouldn't say no without being too direct can get similar results.Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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References
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/6-ways-to-persuade-anyone-of-anything-2016-7#-1
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/6-ways-to-persuade-anyone-of-anything-2016-7#-5
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/power-and-influence/202101/how-use-power-influence-and-persuasion-good
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1999-05479-002
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/tricks-for-getting-people-to-do-what-you-want-2016-11
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-blame-game/202111/the-subtle-art-persuasion
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/tricks-for-getting-people-to-do-what-you-want-2016-11
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/heres-how-you-trick-people-into-thinking-your-idea-is-their-own-2013-1
- ↑ https://www.cnbc.com/2019/10/17/i-got-10000-more-when-i-negotiated-my-salary-offer-heres-the-exact-script-i-used.html
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/tricks-for-getting-people-to-do-what-you-want-2016-11
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/averyblank/2017/07/25/4-ways-you-can-get-others-to-say-yes-to-advance-your-career/?sh=8fb3f0b31676
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/turning-point/201506/3-ways-build-rapport-and-influence-others
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201510/compromise-made-simple-7-handy-tips-couples
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/christina-desmarais/how-to-get-people-to-say-yes-to-what-you-want-according-to-science.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201906/the-art-persuasion
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2021/12/need-a-favor-research-suggests-its-best-to-ask-in-person
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201212/9-ways-ask-and-get-what-you-want
About This Article
This article was co-authored by Guy Reichard
and by wikiHow staff writer, Ali Garbacz, B.A.
. Guy Reichard is an Executive Life Coach and the Founder of HeartRich Coaching & Training, a professional life coaching and inner leadership training provider based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. He works with people to create more meaning, purpose, well-being, and fulfillment in their lives. Guy has over 10 years of personal growth coaching and resilience training experience, helping clients enhance and transform their inner worlds, so they can be a more positive and powerful influence on those they love and lead. He is an Adler Certified Professional Coach (ACPC), and is accredited by the International Coach Federation. He earned a BA in Psychology from York University in 1997 and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) from York University in 2000. This article has been viewed 80,927 times.
15 votes - 58%
Co-authors: 21
Updated: July 17, 2023
Views: 80,927
Categories: Persuasion
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 80,927 times.
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