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One of the most significant skills everyone should learn is the key to persuasiveness, because it is useful in countless situations. At work, home, and in your social life, the ability to be persuasive and influence others can be instrumental for achieving goals and being happy.
Learning about the tricks of persuasion can also give you insight into when they're being used on you
. The biggest benefit of this is that money will stay in your pocket as you realize just how sales people and advertisers sell you products that you don't necessarily need. Here are several techniques that work on a subconscious level.
Steps
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Use framing to influence thought. “The glass is half empty.” That’s how a pessimist would "frame" the objective fact of a half a glass of water. Framing is simply a way to alter how we will sort, categorize, associate and ultimately give meaning to events, objects or behaviors.
- The headline “FBI agents Surround Cult Leader’s Compound” creates a mental picture vastly different than “FBI agents Raid Small Christian Gathering of Women and Children.” Both headlines might be accurate but the words used alter the associated internal images and feelings and thereby change or alter the meaning that a person will give to the objective events.
- Framing is frequently used by skillful politicians. For instance, politicians on both sides of the abortion debate cite their positions as "pro-life or pro-choice" because "pro" has better connotations than "anti." Framing subtly uses emotionally charged words to shift people towards your point of view.
- To frame a persuasive argument, select words that conjure images (positive, negative or neutral) in the minds of your audience. Even with other words nearby, a single framing word can still be effective.
- Another example is illustrated by the difference between saying "Having a cell phone will keep me out of trouble" and "Having a cell phone will keep me safe". Ponder which word is more effective for your message: "trouble" or "safe".
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Use the mirroring technique. Mirroring is the practice of mimicking the movements and body language of the person you are trying to persuade. By acting as the person listening does, you create a sense of empathy.
- You can mirror hand gestures, leaning forward or away, or various head and arm movements. We all do this subconsciously, and if you pay attention you'll probably notice yourself doing it.
- Be subtle about it and delay 2-4 seconds between the other person's movement and your mirroring. Mirroring is also known as "the chameleon effect".
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Promote the scarcity of something. Scarcity is frequently used by advertisers to make opportunities seem more appealing because they have limited availability. The assumption is that if a product is scarce, there must be a ton of demand for it! (Buy one now because they're selling out fast).
- Be aware that this is a technique of persuasion to which you are frequently exposed and take it into account when you make your purchase decision.
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Use reciprocation to create an obligation. When someone does something for us, we feel compelled to return the favor. So, if you want someone to do something nice for you, why not do something nice for them first?
- In a business setting, maybe you pass them a lead.
- At home, you might offer to lend your lawnmower to a neighbor.
- It doesn't matter where or when you do it, the key is to complement the relationship.
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Use timing to your advantage. People are more likely to be agreeable and submissive when they're mentally fatigued. Before you ask someone for something they might not readily agree to, consider waiting until they've just done something mentally taxing. This could be at the end of the work day when you catch a co-worker on their way out the door. Whatever you ask, a likely response is, "I'll take care of it tomorrow."
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Use congruence to obtain a wanted outcome. We all try, subconsciously, to be consistent with previous actions. A technique used by salespeople is to shake your hand as he is negotiating with you. In most people's minds, a handshake equates to a closed deal, and by doing this before the deal actually closed, the salesperson is more likely to actually close it.
- A good way to use this yourself is to get people acting before they make up their minds. For example, if you were out and about with a friend and you wanted to go see a movie but the friend was undecided, you could start walking in the direction of the theatre while they are considering it. Your friend is more likely to agree to go once he or she is walking in the direction you set.
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Use fluid speech. When we talk, we often use little interjections and hesitant phrases such as "ummm" or "I mean" and of course there is the ubiquitous "like". These little conversation fillers have the unintended effect of making us seem less confident and sure of ourselves, and thus less persuasive. If you're confident in your speech, others will be more easily persuaded by what you have to say.
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Use herd behavior to influence a decision. We constantly observe to those around us to determine our actions; we have the need for acceptance. We are far more likely to follow or be persuaded by someone we like or by someone who we see as an authority.
- An effective way to use this to your advantage is to be seen as a leader -- even if you don't have the official title.
- Be charming and confident and people will place greater weight on your opinion.
- If you're dealing with someone who isn't likely to see you as an authority (such as a superior in the workplace, or your significant other's parent) you can still take advantage of herd behavior.
- Casually praise a leader who that person admires.
- By triggering positive thoughts in that person's mind about a person they look up to, they'll be more likely to associate those qualities with you.
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Get or borrow a Man's best friend. To give people the impression that you're loyal, and to inspire them to be loyal to you, put up a picture of you with a dog (it doesn't even have to be your own dog). This can make you seem like a team player, but don't go overboard; putting up too many pictures can make you seem unprofessional.
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Offer a drink. Give the person who you're persuading a warm drink (tea, coffee, hot cocoa) to hold while you're talking to them. The warm sensation of the drink in their hands (and their body) can subconsciously make them feel like you're an emotionally warm, likable and welcoming person. Giving them a cold drink can have the opposite effect! In general, people tend to feel cold and crave warm food or drinks when they're feeling socially isolated, so fill that need in order to make them more receptive.
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Ask "Yes" Questions. Begin the conversation with questions that generate a "Yes" response. "Nice day today, isn't?" "You're looking for a great deal on a car, aren't you?"
- Once you get someone saying yes, it's easy to get them to continue, up to and including "Yes, I'll buy it."
- The best counter to this is to make non-committal answers, but make sure your wife knows WHY you don't think she looks all that nice today.
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Break the touch barrier. Whether you're closing a deal or asking someone on a date, touching them (in a subtle and appropriate way) can improve your chances by subconsciously activating the human desire to bond.
- In a professional it is usually best to 'touch" someone verbally by offering reassurance or praise as a physical touch can be interpreted as sexual harassment.
- In romantic situations, any soft touch from a woman will usually be taken well; men will require further reading in order to avoid making a woman feel uncomfortable.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I effectively build rapport with anyone?Christophe Fox is a Magician and Mentalist based in Virginia. He travels around the country as a full-time performer, providing various entertainment programs, from headline shows as a keynote speaker to close-up magic. He specializes in pressure management, teaching clients and audiences how to live more productively and creatively. His speaking clients have included PBS, Bloomberg, Deloitte, J.P. Morgan, the U.S. Army, and many more. Christophe’s programs deliver jaw-dropping entertainment with a signature blend of magic, mind-reading, and audience interaction.You can use humor and address them by their name. Learn their name and use it naturally throughout your conversation. This personal touch makes the interaction feel more genuine and attentive. Also, use humor to break the ice. Share a light-hearted joke or a funny anecdote relevant to the situation. This approach helps create a relaxed atmosphere and shows that you have a friendly and approachable demeanor. Then, continue to mention their name as you speak. This reinforces the personal connection and makes your conversation more engaging. However, be mindful of their responses and adjust your humor accordingly, making sure you are always respectful and using appropriate jokes.
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QuestionHow do I persuade my sister to let me have the bottom bunk?Community AnswerTell her that if you get the top one, she'll be sleeping in your farts that are going down.
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QuestionHow do I persuade my mother to buy me something?Community AnswerBe reasonable and mature, and don't pressure her. Make sure she sees the positives first--show her how the object you want benefits you. Remember, also, that she may have reasons for not buying you what you want that have nothing to do with you personally (she may not be able to afford it, for example).
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Tips
- Don't pressure them! Try to ask them again after a week or two.Thanks
- When talking to the person, try to be as agreeable as possible. If the other person sees you as someone similar to them, they are more likely to listen to the things that you say.Thanks
- There are several things you can do to make yourself seem more dominant, like wearing an all-black outfit--as some judges, police and clergy do--or maintaining a neutral face, but there are times when being dominant (or neutral) isn't necessarily more persuasive. If you're a salesperson, you might prefer to relate to the client, rather than intimidate --but if you're a supervisor, giving people a more dominant impression might mean getting your way more often.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't speak too fast. You should seem confident but if you hurry up with your techniques then you may end up with negative effects.Thanks
- As soon as someone realizes they are being manipulated, they will feel extremely uncomfortable around you. Think how much you hate "hard-sell" from sales staff, or a passive-aggressive family member.Thanks
- Don't be rash or use inappropriate content in your messages.Thanks
- Be careful using persuasive techniques in friendships. Sometimes a decision needs to be made, and it is OK to convince others to 'buy in'. However, if you do this too often, people may interpret this as you being controlling, or manipulative, both of which can lead to undesirable outcomes.Thanks
- If you ask too much, the deal might be off. Sure there never was a deal, but you had a tiny chance of them saying yes. Also, try to be nice to them for a long time and ask them when they are happy. If you ask when they are sad, they might get mad or something.Thanks
- Don't persuade anyone to do something that isn't conducive to their well-being.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about illusions and magic, check out our in-depth interview with Christophe Fox .
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