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First dates can be nerve wracking, especially if you think you might get a kiss. Kissing is fun, especially if you and your date have great chemistry. By setting up the kiss, establishing intimacy, and putting your best foot forward, you can create a perfect kissing opportunity. So don’t be shy, get kissing!
Steps
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Linger at the end of the date. At the end of your outing, linger with your date before parting. Even if you’re nervous, try not to fill every moment with words. Draw out natural pauses, which allows a moment of anticipation to build. [1] X Research source
- Remember, you don't have to talk all the time in order to create a special moment. Sometimes, the most memorable moments are those without words.
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Get physically close. Minimize the physical distance between you and your date. You can sweep their hair out of their eyes or touch their arm. Touch indicates that you’re ready for a more intimate moment. Remember to look for signs that your touch is welcome.
- If your date strokes your face or touches you back, that is a positive sign.
- If your date leans or turns away from you, that is a negative sign. Give them some space.
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Pay your date a compliment. Say something sincere to make your date feel close to you. Even though you don’t know each other well, try to pay them a genuine compliment about the nice time you’ve had. You’ll be physically close, and your words will create emotional intimacy. [2] X Research source
- For example, making eye contact, you could say, “I had a really wonderful time tonight.”
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Shoot a glance at your date’s lips. Draw out the moment after your compliment and glance at your date’s lips. Hold your gaze there only for a second or two, then make eye contact again. Keep your mouth gently parted, ready to kiss. [3] X Research source
- If your date looks at your lips too, that is a great sign. They may even make the first move.
- If your date looks away from your lips, fidgets, looks around, or appears otherwise uncomfortable, that is not a great sign.
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Ask your date if you can kiss them. If you’re not sure about kissing your date, just ask them. This step might prevent you from getting rejected, if you’re worried about that. [4] X Research source
- You might say, “I’d really like to kiss you right now. Is that okay?”
- They may say "sure!" or they may even reply with a kiss. They may also say "no," in which case, you should respect that and not pressure them for a kiss.
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Lean in for the kiss, gently pressing your lips against theirs. Your date may take the lead with the kiss, or they may turn away. If they kiss you back, kiss slowly, reading your date’s level of enthusiasm before doing anything more intense. [5] X Research source
- If you’re unsure if they want to kiss, lean in slowly. This gives them time to stop the kiss if they don’t want to.
- Pay attention to their body language. If they start to pull away, stop; don't continue going for the kiss.
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Break the touch barrier. Whenever it feels appropriate during the outing, gently touch your date. You can put your hand on theirs at the dinner table or guide them through a doorway with your hand on their back. Find opportunities to get comfortable touching one another, which will remove the pressure of touching intimately for the first time when kissing.
- Try to touch more than once before the kiss. Establishing comfort through touch will make a kiss more likely.
- If your date pulls away from your touch, that may mean they’re not ready for physical contact.
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Build intimacy with your date by smiling as you hang out together. A kind smile or laugh lets your date know that you’re interested in what they have to say and find them engaging. It also lets them know you’re having a good time and enjoying their company. [6] X Research source
- Keep your smile genuine, however. You don't have to keep a big, fake smile plastered over your face like a Barbie doll.
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Look at your date to let them know you’re paying attention to them. Eye contact can also build trust and foster affection. It shows your date that you’re not afraid to be vulnerable. [7] X Research source
- You don't have to maintain eye contact for the entire date; it's perfectly to look away. You should definitely keep eye contact while both of you are speaking, however.
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Pay attention while they are talking. Give your date your full attention while they are talking by putting away your phone and looking at them. You can also ask follow up questions to what they’re talking about to express your interest.
- If your date is talking about her rescue dog, you might say, “I love pets, too. What made you decide to adopt?”
- You can also show you’re listening through your body language. Lean forward and put your hand under your chin, for example, to show that they really have your focus.
- Ask your date follow-up questions about their life and interests to show them that you’re genuinely interested in learning more about them.
- Reader Poll: We asked 195 wikiHow readers and 54% of them said that their favorite first date questions are about hobbies and interests . [Take Poll]
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Be on time. Start the date out on the right foot by showing up 5 minutes early. Showing up on time shows your date that you respect their time and that being with them is important to you. [8] X Research source
- If your rendezvous is in an unfamiliar part of town, leave yourself a little extra time in case there is traffic, difficult parking, or another unforeseen problem.
- If you are running late, let them know. Give them a call or a text explaining the situation and giving a rough estimate of when they should expect you to arrive.
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Dress nicely. Put on clean, unwrinkled clothes for your date. Even if the date is casual, nix athletic wear, such as gym shorts, and dress in a polished way. Putting effort into your appearance lets your date know that you respect them and that this date is important to you. [9] X Research source
- For a feminine look, wear a nice dress and some pumps for a fancier date, or a nice blouse and a dark pair of jeans for something a little more casual.
- For a masculine look, try chinos and a collared shirt. Leather accessories, such as a nice belt, can dress up untorn jeans, too.
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Practice good oral and personal hygiene. If you want to make yourself as kissable as possible for your date, be sure your breath is fresh and that you don’t have any body odor. It’s also helpful to apply an unflavored lip balm for soft lips.
- Brush your teeth and tongue twice a day to keep your mouth ready for kissing.
- Always wear deodorant. This is especially important if you sweat when you’re nervous on first date.
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Respect your date’s boundaries. If your date says that they do not want to kiss or pulls away from you, don’t force them to kiss. It may be that they like you but are not ready for physical intimacy yet.
- If someone turns you down for a kiss, you might say, “No problem. I respect that.”
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Pay attention to your date's reactions. As your conversation flows, gauge their comfort with physical touch to build a connection gradually. For instance, if they lean closer to you, this may indicate that they're ready for you to make a move. If they take a step back, respect their need for some space.
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QuestionShould you kiss on the first date if you met online?Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.Some people are less likely to kiss on the first date if it's someone they met online, rather than someone they already know.
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QuestionWhat if we are in public? Is that an awkward place for a first kiss?Community AnswerPeople often kiss in public, but your date may be more comfortable with somewhere more private. Until you know someone's comfort level with public displays of affection, you may want to kiss somewhere privately first.
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QuestionHow do you react if your partner backs out on the kiss?Community AnswerIf your date stops the kiss, the best thing to do is give them the space they're asking for in the moment. Don't get caught up with what it means about you. Even if you feel hurt, just take a deep breath and say, "No problem. I understand." At a less sensitive moment, you can discuss if the relationship is going to move forward or not.
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References
- ↑ http://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/how-to-get-a-guy-to-kiss-you/
- ↑ http://www.vixendaily.com/love/kiss/
- ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/7-signs-youre-a-good-kisser
- ↑ http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-27831626
- ↑ http://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/advice/a7617/best-kissing-tips/
- ↑ https://www.livescience.com/20578-social-connection-smile-strangers.html
- ↑ https://www.theguardian.com/intimacy-secrets-for-all/2017/jun/01/can-eye-contact-make-you-fall-in-love
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/brentbeshore/2015/08/02/5-minutes-early-is-on-time-on-time-is-late-late-is-unacceptable/#21a617021b2a
- ↑ https://www.mensjournal.com/style/first-date-clothes-dummies
About This Article
Article Summary
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A kiss can take a great first date to the next level. You’ll be more likely to get a first kiss if you do your part to make the date as awesome as possible. Prepare ahead by dressing up nicely and taking care of your hygiene so you look and smell your best. Make sure you arrive on time, and give your date your full attention so that they feel respected and know that you’re genuinely interested in them. If you’re really feeling the spark, set the mood by lingering a little as the date comes to an end instead of saying goodbye right away. Get physically close to your date and look for romantic ways to break the touch barrier, like gently touching their arm or brushing their hair out of their face. You can also flirt by paying them a sincere compliment. For instance, tell them how beautiful they look, or how happy it made you to spend time together. If they lean in close, touch you back, or return the compliment, those are all good signs. On the other hand, if they lean away or try to put a little more distance between you, they're probably not feeling ready for a kiss yet. Once you feel like the time is right to go in for a kiss, lock eyes with them. You can also let your gaze linger on their lips for a moment, which can give them a hint that you’re interested in kissing. If you’re not sure how they feel about it, say something like, “I’d really like to kiss you right now. Is that okay?” If you get the all-clear, lean in slowly and tilt your head to one side, close your eyes, and gently touch your lips to theirs. Whether or not your date is interested in a first kiss, respect their wishes, and don’t try to pressure them into anything they aren’t comfortable with. For more tips from our Relationship co-author, including how to build chemistry during your date, read on!
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Reader Success Stories
- "When ever I asked he said "after this you will become mine forever and I mean it." Then he kissed me, then when we got back and he said " I hope we can do this again bye or can I come in too? " I said yes so yeah, I think this wikiHow thing works." ..." more
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"When ever I asked he said "after this you will become mine forever and I mean it." Then he kissed me, then when we got back and he said " I hope we can do this again bye or can I come in too? " I said yes so yeah, I think this wikiHow thing works."
..."
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"I really enjoyed my time with my date and this article really just helped me relax."
"The article helped me a lot, now l am a pro at kissing!"
"Kisses and holding hands helped!"
"We had an amazing first kiss!"
