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A guide to planning a great date and minimizing anxiety
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So you thought the scary part was over after she said yes when you asked her out, but now you're realizing that was just the beginning. Now you actually have to follow through with a successful date. This can be a nerve-wracking experience for the both of you, but hopefully this guide will put you at ease.
Steps
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Figure out where you want to take your date. The place of the date definitely sets the tone for the date. If you are trying to be more romantic and lavish, reserve a table at a fancy restaurant. If you want to be more casual, consider taking her out for ice cream or to a casual bar.
- If you do decide to go for the casual date, be sure the place won't be too crowded. You don't want to have to deal with the frustration of waiting in line for the entire time. It can also make it difficult to talk if the place is too crowded.
- If you decide to go for the fancy date, be sure the items are within your price range. It is silly to spend hundreds of dollars on a first date if you don't have the money for it. [1] X Research source
- Reader Poll: We asked 490 wikiHow readers, and 52% of them agreed that a coffee shop is the best place to have a first date. [Take Poll]
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Decide whether or not to meet her at the place or pick her up from her house. Generally, it is a good idea to pick her up from her house because it shows that you really care about the date.
- This will also give you a chance to talk on the way. It is an especially good place to ask her about her music tastes since you will be able to easily play music in your car.
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Consider buying her flowers. If you would like to be romantic, buy her flowers and give them to her when you pick her up. It is a nice gesture and shows that you have been thinking about the date for a while.
- Roses are always a good choice if you are unsure of which type of flower to buy.
- If you feel this is too forward or old-school, skip it.
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Look good . It is key to make sure you dress appropriately for the occasion. If you're going to a fancy restaurant, wear nicer clothes than if you were taking her to a movie and ice cream. Take a shower , fix your hair, put on deodorant and cologne, brush your teeth, carry gum, wear a nice clean shirt, pants, and shoes, and don't forget to shave your face . Your time and effort in your looks will let her know that you care. [2] X Research source If you are unsure of what to wear for where you are going consider these different dress codes:
- Casual: This is what you would likely wear if you were getting ice cream, going to the park or to a bar. Check out our article on how to dress casual. A good outfit could be a polo, nice jeans or khakis, and reasonably nice shoes.
- Semi-formal: This is a good option for dinner and a movie at a nice restaurant and theater. Check out our article on how to dress semi-formally .
- Try to wear clothes that you reserve for nicer occasions, instead of everyday street wear.
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Consider messaging her before the date to confirm. Getting stood up is no fun for anyone, so try to make sure it doesn't happen. This will also show her that you have been thinking about the date and that you want to make sure it happens.
- Sending a quick "Looking forward to seeing you at 7" should be sufficient.
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Put your phone on silent. Checking your phone for texts or emails during the date will show her that you do not truly care about the date. It sends the message that she is not as important as your phone. [3] X Research source
- If you are expecting an important call, tell her beforehand.
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If you are picking her up, go to her door rather than texting her that you are at her house. This will show that you are confident and that you care enough about her to get out of your car. You should also give her flowers at this step if you have bought anyEXPERT TIPDating CoachCher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
Before you meet your date, take a deep breath in. By doing that, you'll lift up your shoulders, stand up straight, and feel energized. Then you'll walk into the room already feeling confident. I'd also recommend listening to music that you like to calm down before the date. This will help you feel present and in the moment when you meet up with your date.
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Open up the passenger side of the car door for her and close it once she is seated. This is a gentlemanly gesture which some think is antiquated. Your date may or may not like it, so consider what sort of tone you want to set for the date.
- If you open the door for her and she reacts negatively, take note of it and possibly let her close the door on her own.
- Walk around the front of the car to get back to the driver's side so you aren't awkwardly making a long walk.
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Open up the door for her at the restaurant, theater, or wherever else you are taking her. This is expected of men and is thought of as polite. Unless she is really against you doing so, continue this practice throughout the date. [4] X Research source
- Some women do not like it when men open doors for them because they feel it diminishes their abilities as a person. Your date will likely tell you if she thinks this way.
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If you are going to a fancy restaurant, pull back her chair for her. This will make it easier for her to get in. Again, some people think this is an antiquated practice but others find it very gentlemanly and polite.
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During conversation, pay attention . The most important thing you can do on a first date is to be genuinely engaged and interested in what she is saying. When she is talking, listen to what she says. Smile and ask questions to show you are listening to her. If you don't understand what she's sharing, ask her to clarify. Share experiences of yours that relate to what she shares with you. People like to be heard and understood. [5] X Research source
- Be sure to look her in her eyes while she is talking. If you feel uncomfortable maintaining eye contact for a long time, as many people do, try looking right in between her eyes.
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Ask questions which will prompt her to talk about herself. Try to avoid controversial topics like religion or politics. These topics are almost guaranteed to make the date go poorly. Instead focus on FORD:
- Family. Ask her about siblings, parents, cousins, and uncles.
- Occupation. Ask her about her job and what she thinks of it.
- Recreation. Ask about what she does in her free time. Does she play in a sports rec. league? What are her hobbies? What shows does she watch?
- Dreams. What does she want for her future? This is a good way to prompt her to talk more deeply about herself.
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Try to be interesting and polite . If you've found a common interest between you and your date (i.e. you both like gardening) focus on that interest. Talk about funny experiences, tips and tricks you've discovered, and your favorite parts of that common interest. Try turning the conversation back to your date by asking questions, listening, and asking follow-up questions (How did you get interested in that? Why is that your favorite? etc.).
- Share funny and relatable stories from your past. Talk about the same topics that you asked her about, such as your family, occupation, recreation, and dreams. If you have a plan for achieving your dreams, share that with her. It will come across as confident and passionate.
- Avoid dwelling on negative things and experiences. You will have time for sharing negative experiences later on in the relationship, but try to keep things positive initially.
- Be polite when she is speaking. Don't interrupt her when she is talking and try not to argue with her.
- Speak passionately, and be honest about, your interests. It is best to be honest about what you like because she may find the same things interesting. If you are honest with your interests, you will also be able to speak with greater passion.
- In general, just try your hardest to be kind and polite. Pay attention to table manners such as keeping your elbows off the table and not chewing or talking with your mouth open.
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Ask to pay for her. Offer her the option of letting you pay for her meal, ticket, etc. Some women don't like men pay for her while others do. The safest way to not offend her is to just ask. [6] X Research source
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Do not try to force yourself on her. Take things slow at first. Most girls don't even want to be kissed on their first date. If she makes it clear that she wants to move quickly, or if she wants to hold hands, you'll definitely know. [7] X Research source
- It is also more respectful to take things slow because it sends the message that you care about more than just her body.
- Try not to act too needy. If you have been obsessed with her since the moment you saw her, try not to explicitly say that on the first date. Instead, imply it by saying things like, "I'm so glad you decided to come out with me tonight!"
- Think about what you want to say when your date ends so it's not awkward and you make it clear you want to see her again.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Pay attention to her reactions towards you. As your conversation flows, gauge her comfort with physical touch. This can help build a connection gradually.
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Last, but not least, be sure to correspond with her after the date to give closure. It doesn't matter what medium you choose: texting, email, or phone call, but just make sure you tell her that you had a good time. Also, if it is true, make sure you mention that you would love to go on another date with her.
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Tips
- Be casual. You don't have to dress for the night in the opera. That doesn't mean you mustn't look like a million bucks, but in order to impress a girl, you shouldn't put too much effort on your exterior. The interior is all what matters. Remember, if she'll like you, that wouldn't be because of your clothes. It will be because of everything else.Thanks
- Put your ego away, listen to a girl and talk to her like a human being. Don't just stare at her goodies like a zombie; nobody likes that, at least not just right away. When a girl wants something from you, indulge her. For example, watching a film with her would be a good idea.Thanks
- Be yourself. Yes, everyone likes to show off, when going out for the first time. Playing a nice guy often does the trick, or maybe even a bad boy, if you think that she's into that. However, playing a game isn't something for the long-term relationship. Sooner or later, the girl you're dating will figure it out and meet the real you. Don't play any games with her, starting from the first date on.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-impress-on-the-first-date.html
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/first-date-etiquette-tips-to-always-remember-for-guys-and-ladie_n_61087600e4b0999d2084f2f8
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/first-date-etiquette-tips-to-always-remember-for-guys-and-ladie_n_61087600e4b0999d2084f2f8
- ↑ https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/impress-woman-first-date/
- ↑ https://www.theattractiveman.com/how-to-impress-a-girl/
- ↑ https://www.theattractiveman.com/how-to-impress-a-girl/
- ↑ https://www.thegentlemansjournal.com/impress-woman-first-date/
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Reader Success Stories
- "Thank you for this information. I'm a bit nervous. Pretty soon I'm going to ask a girl out, and I'm trying to gather all of the information so that I can make it go as smooth as possible." ..." more
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"Thank you for this information. I'm a bit nervous. Pretty soon I'm going to ask a girl out, and I'm trying to gather all of the information so that I can make it go as smooth as possible."
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"This article helped me by showing and telling how to respect my girlfriend. Thank you very much!"
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