How to Give Emotional Support: 13 Proven Techniques

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Learn how to be there for someone when they need you the most
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If you have a friend, family member, or romantic partner who's going through a difficult or traumatic time, provide them with emotional support so they feel more connected and less alone. The type of emotional support you give them will likely depend on your relationship and the particular situation they're going through. But the important part is that you show them that you're there for them and they can count on you. This support alone can help ease their stress during a troubling time. [1] Read on to find out exactly what you should do to give someone the emotional support they need.

1

Move to a private area.

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    If possible, let them choose the location so you can be in a spot where they feel comfortable. Seek out an area where the two of you can be alone and aren't likely to be interrupted or overheard. That will help the person feel like they can be more open. [2]
    • For someone who's feeling antsy and can't sit calmly and talk, suggest going for a walk together. It might help them channel their nervous energy so they can clear their mind.
    • If the person needs emotional support during a crisis situation, make sure you're in a place that's safe and relatively calm.
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2

Give the person your undivided attention.

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    Silence your phone and put it out of sight so you won't be distracted by notifications. If there's a TV or other electronic device in the room you're in, turn it off. In a room, you might close the door or close the curtains on the window so you're not distracted by anything going on outside. [3]
    • If there are other people around, you might let them know that the two of you need privacy for a little while so no one barges in or interrupts.
3

Listen actively.

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    When you practice active listening , you're not only listening to the words the person is saying. You're also watching their body language and the way they're speaking, including their tone and how fast they're talking. [4] All of these things give you additional clues as to how they're feeling so you can provide them the emotional support they need. [5]
    • Use what you learn about their feelings and their situation to adapt your response so it's appropriate and you don't go overboard.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 311 wikiHow readers who've made others feel at ease, and 46% of them agreed that the best way to do so is by practicing active listening. [Take Poll]
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4

Ask the person open-ended questions.

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    When you ask open-ended questions , it shows the person that you're curious about their situation and want to hear more about it. They'll feel more comfortable and supported if they believe that you're interested in what they have to say. Give them plenty of time to answer—they might need a minute to gather their thoughts before they respond. Here are some questions you might ask: [6]
    • "What happened next?"
    • "How did that make you feel?"
    • "What did you say to that?"
    • "How are you going to respond?"
5

Use open body language.

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    Turn toward the person and open yourself to them so they can tell that you're supportive. If you're close to the person and they're open to physical touch, resting your hand on their arm or leg can show them that you care. [7]
    • Making eye contact also lets the person know that you're focused on them. Just be sure to glance away occasionally—if you're staring, they'll likely feel uncomfortable.
    • Nod occasionally and smile when appropriate to show that you're listening and supportive.
    • Avoid crossing your arms, which can look defensive and closed off.
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6

Summarize or reflect on what they say.

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    When you repeat back what the person has said to you it shows them that you were listening. If you've misunderstood, they can correct you and they'll feel more supported than they would if you made assumptions. [8]
    • Paraphrase what they said rather than repeating it back word for word. This helps them see that you actually understand the feelings behind their words.
    • For example, you might start with a phrase such as "It sounds like you're saying" or "What I'm hearing is." Then continue with your paraphrase of what you understand.
    • Be careful not to interrupt or talk over the person. Give them all the time and space they need to talk, then reflect back when there's a natural pause in the conversation and it feels appropriate for you to say something.
7

Empathize with the person's feelings.

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    Being empathetic is one of the most important parts of providing emotional support. [9] Naming those feelings can help the person feel less alone and more connected. Here are some things you might say: [10]
    • "It sounds like you're pretty disappointed."
    • "You seem really upset."
    • "That must be so hard to deal with."
    • "I can see why you'd feel hurt by that."
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8

Validate the person's feelings.

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    Validation goes a step further than empathy to let the person know that their feelings are legitimate. You can even say that you would feel the same way if you were in their shoes. It helps the person feel as though they're not overreacting or handling things in a weird or unusual way. Here are some things you could say: [11]
    • "It's normal to feel a mixture of emotions right now."
    • "It makes sense that you would be upset about that."
    • "Anybody would've gotten angry at them for saying that."
    • "Hey, if I were you I'd feel hurt too."
9

Offer reassurance and support.

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    After they've unburdened themselves about the situation, they're likely feeling really vulnerable. When you reassure them , they'll feel safer and see that they can rely on you to listen without judging them. [12] To that end, avoid making minimizing or critical comments, such as "I told you so," or "It's not that big of a deal," or "You're blowing it out of proportion." Focus on showing support, even if you don't entirely understand the situation. You might say: [13]
    • "I'm sorry this is happening to you but I'm glad you told me about it."
    • "Thank you for trusting me with this."
    • "I hope you know I support you in whatever you decide."
    • "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this."
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10

Help the person find solutions.

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    Use "what if" statements to help the person find the best solution to the problem on their own. By framing an imaginary scenario, you give the person space to evaluate all the options on their own and figure out the best way to deal with the situation. [14]
    • For example, if the person is going through financial difficulties, you might say, "What if you talked to your supervisor about a pay raise?"
    • Avoid giving the person advice or telling them how to fix the problem—even if you think you know how to do that! Instead, let them find the best solution on their own. [15]
    • If you want to provide some sort of concrete assistance, you can frame this as a "what if" statement as well so that it doesn't sound like you're trying to fix things. For example, you might say, "What if I bought you groceries this week?"
11

Show the person love and affection.

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    If you're close to the person and they're open to physical affection, give them a hug to help them feel a little better. You might also put your arm around their shoulders, hold their hand, or rub their back. [16]
    • If you're not super close to the person and haven't been physically affectionate with them before, ask before you do something like this. You don't want to inadvertently overwhelm them or trigger them.
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12

Perform a kind gesture for the person.

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    This could mean running an errand for them, doing chores, cooking them dinner, or anything else that will help lighten their load while they're dealing with their issues. Things like this help the person feel supported and show that you understand it takes time to heal from an emotional situation. [17]
    • If the person is dealing with an ongoing situation, you might plan a distracting activity with them that can help them take their mind off of things for a little while.


13

Check back in with the person.

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    When you check back in with someone after you've given them emotional support, it shows them that you really care about their situation. [18] You didn't just drop the issue—you're interested in what happened after they talked to you. [19]
    • Keep in mind that the person might not want to talk about the situation anymore—especially if things didn't turn out the way they hoped. Just let them know that you're there if they do need someone to talk to again.
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do I ask for emotional support?
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    Just be open and honest about what you're feeling and what kind of support you need. If you choose to open up to someone who is understanding and loving, they'll be empathetic.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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    Not Helpful 3 Helpful 6
  • Question
    How do I validate someone when I disagree?
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Expert Answer
    You don't have to agree with what someone is saying to be empathetic toward them. Just listen to what they have to say and tell them you're there to support them. Acknowledge how they feel and keep your opinions to yourself for the time being.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Warnings

      • Avoid minimizing the person's experience even if it doesn't seem like such a big deal to you, such as by saying something like "it could always be worse."
        Thanks
        Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0
      • If you're providing emotional support during a crisis situation, move to a safe place and make medical assistance a priority if necessary.
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        Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about emotional support, check out our in-depth interview with Michelle Joy, MA, MFT .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2022/march-2022-survival-mode
      2. ↑ https://www.redcross.org.uk/stories/disasters-and-emergencies/uk/emotional-support-in-an-emergency
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      4. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 February 2022.
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stressing-communication/201906/formula-providing-emotional-support
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      7. ↑ Michelle Joy, MA, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stressing-communication/201906/formula-providing-emotional-support
      9. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 February 2022.
      1. ↑ https://www.mentoring.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/BBM-Chapter-1.pdf
      2. ↑ Michelle Joy, MA, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      4. ↑ Lauren Urban, LCSW. Licensed Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 3 September 2018.
      5. ↑ Michelle Joy, MA, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 26 June 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stressing-communication/201906/formula-providing-emotional-support
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stressing-communication/201906/formula-providing-emotional-support
      8. ↑ Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAP. Pediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
      9. ↑ Allison Broennimann, PhD. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 24 February 2022.
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/click-here-for-happiness/202304/how-to-emotionally-support-someone
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201210/reading-bodies-touching-minds-the-mystery-empathy
      12. ↑ Ran D. Anbar, MD, FAAP. Pediatric Pulmonologist & Medical Counselor. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you’re worried about saying the wrong thing to someone who needs emotional support, remember that you can help them through a tough time by actively listening and validating their emotions. As the person is speaking to you, give them your undivided attention and make eye contact so they know you’re listening. You can also ask them questions, like "How did that make you feel?" to reassure them you’re listening while keeping the conversation going. No matter what the person's going through, let them know that their feelings are normal. Instead of being critical, say something like “That’s a lot to deal with” or “That would make me angry too.” For more help from our co-author, like how to show your support through tangible actions, read on!

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