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Reading body language, or non-verbal cues, is a way to infer things about people you see around you or have interactions with. When you know how to do it, reading body language can tell you a lot about someone's feelings, mental state, or what they really mean when they’re speaking (especially if they’re lying). Understanding non-verbal communication can even help you connect better with people and build better relationships, so take some notes!
Steps
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Get to know a person's "baseline" behavior. Everyone has their own unique quirks and habits. Knowing how they usually act can help you recognize when they're behaving unusually so you can investigate if something's wrong.
- For example, if your daughter is usually excited and chatty after school, but she comes home listless and quiet one day, then something is probably bothering her.
- Or if a guy you know usually keeps his hands to himself, but keeps finding reasons to touch you, it might mean you are special to him.
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Know that body language isn't quite universal. People are diverse. Cultural norms and developmental disabilities can impact someone's body language. For example, if you assume that people who avoid eye contact are always untrustworthy, you're going to misjudge a lot of innocent people.
- "Trusting your instincts" may not work perfectly if you're a neurotypical interacting with a neurodivergent person (e.g. an autistic person). Many of them struggle with being misjudged when they're doing their best. It's better to give them some leeway and get to know them for who they are.
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Pay attention to multiple cues before you jump to conclusions. It's easy to misread small things, so look for more than one cue.
- It's especially important to be cautious before accusing someone of lying. If you're wrong, you may hurt your relationship, so don't rush into it.
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Don't be afraid to ask people what's up. Asking questions can help you understand them and could even bring you closer. Invite people to tell you what's going on with them. Here are some examples of things you could say:
- "You keep glancing at the clock. Do you need to be somewhere? We can catch up later."
- "You keep fidgeting and wincing at noises. Is it too loud in here? We could go sit outside instead."
- "Hey, I'm getting the impression you might be avoiding Pat. Am I mixed up, or is he bugging you? I could make an excuse for us to go home."
- "Hey, I'm having a hard time reading you right now. Is something wrong? I'm here to listen about anything you'd like to tell me about."
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Eye direction: Neurotypical people tend to look at what captures their attention. If someone looks at you most of the time, then they're probably paying attention to you. If they keep looking at a clock, they might be worried about the time. In group settings, someone who keeps looking at someone else might think this person is especially important to them.
- Looking down can be a sign that someone feels shy or insecure.
- Staring into space can be a sign that someone isn't paying attention. However, this can be normal for neurodivergent people who don't want to get overwhelmed. [1] X Research source Use other cues to help give you the full picture.
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Eye contact: Eye contact varies by person and culture, but sometimes you can make inferences. How much eye contact a person makes can offer clues into how interested and comfortable they are right now. It's also handy to know their baseline, because some people naturally make more eye contact than others do.
- Intense eye contact: Some liars make lots of eye contact because they think it makes them seem honest. Socially awkward people also may overdo eye contact because they think they're supposed to.
- "Normal" eye contact: The person is likely paying attention to you. While it can be politeness, it may also be a sign that they're enjoying the conversation. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source They might even be into you romantically !
- Rare/no eye contact: The person might be shy, intimidated by you, overwhelmed, or just avoidant of eye contact in general. Sometimes, it's a sign that they could use some help to get more comfortable (whether it's a reassuring word or moving to somewhere quieter).
Keep in mind: Eye contact norms are different across cultures. In some cultures, it's considered rude. [3] X Research source It can also feel too intense for people with disabilities or mental health issues, e.g. autism or social anxiety. So in some cases, avoidance of eye contact just means that the person is trying to stay comfortable or be polite.
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Raised eyebrows: Raised eyebrows are another common facial cue that someone is feeling uncomfortable. Worry, surprise, and fear are all types of discomfort, so when someone raises their eyebrows, they might be feeling any of these emotions. [4] X Research source
- Raised eyebrows can also be a sign of insincerity. For example, if someone compliments your outfit with their eyebrows raised, they might not really mean it.
- Other times, people may raise their eyebrows when they feel curious.
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Crow’s feet: When a smile is genuine, the corners of their eyes crinkle. When someone is forcing a fake smile, these crow’s feet don’t appear. Eyes don’t lie! [5] X Research source
- Look at a posed photo where everyone’s smiling on command to get an idea of what it looks like when smiles are forced.
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Clenched jaw and furrowed brow: Together, these are often an indication that someone is feeling stressed or worried. People often tighten their neck along with their jaw and their brow, so they might rub their neck involuntarily when they’re stressed, too. [6] X Research source
- For example, if you’re a manager and you ask a subordinate to work over the weekend, a clenched jaw and furrowed brow might show you that the proposal stresses them out. You might want to reconsider asking them to do you the favor!
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Grimacing: Grimacing is when someone’s muscles around the mouth start pulling back. This kind of grimacing reaction can show you that someone is panicking or feeling uncomfortable inside. Many facial cues such as this, known as microexpressions, are involuntary, so you can tell the truth about how someone is really feeling by observing them. [7] X Research source
- People may also show microexpressions of discomfort or fear when they’re lying. So, be wary if someone starts grimacing when they’re telling you something!
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Crossed arms and legs: In a conversation or a meeting, these non-verbal cues can often indicate resistance to your ideas. Many people do this involuntarily, which is a symbol of being mentally, physically, and emotionally blocked off from someone. [8] X Research source It could also mean that a person feels insecure or guarded.
- For example, if you’re in a business negotiation and the other party has their arms crossed, they might not be liking what you’re proposing.
- However, this can also just be a sign that they think the room is a little chilly. See if their other cues match.
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Pointing: When people make hand gestures, they usually point in the direction of someone they like or share an understanding with. Watching where someone points when they gesture can be a great way to figure out with who they share a close connection within a group setting! [9] X Research source
- For example, if you’re in a business meeting and the person talking tends to gesture towards someone sitting off to their left, you might want to pay attention to what that person has to say later on.
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Fidgeting: Fidgeting with hands or legs is often a sign of anxiety or boredom. On the other hand, if someone is sitting with their hands quietly in their lap and their legs still, they’re probably relaxed and content. [10] X Research source
- While some people take fidgeting as a sign of lying, there are many honest reasons for fidgeting too. Avoid jumping to conclusions.
- People with disabilities like autism and ADHD may fidget more often. This could be a sign of restlessness, but it could also just be their way of improving their focus or staying calm. Intense fidgeting may be a sign they're struggling to stay calm and may need a break or a quieter environment.
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Self-touching: Touching yourself, from crossing your arms to curling your hand at your chest, can feel comforting. Frequent self-touching may signal that someone is trying to be brave despite feeling a little nervous or insecure. It could also mean they're trying to stay awake while sleepy, or even that they're flirting.
- Make sure to rely on other cues, too. Someone who crosses their arms may be stressed, but they could also just be feeling cold and trying to keep warm.
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Timing of hand gestures: Liars often use hand gestures after they speak to try and add to the story and make it more believable. When someone’s speaking truthfully, they often use hand gestures at the same time they speak. [11] X Research source
- This is because, when someone’s telling a lie, their mind is too busy making up the story to use hand gestures at the same time.
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Tall posture: When people stand up straight with their shoulders back, it’s a power posture that shows they’re confident or in charge. On the other hand, a slouching posture projects less power and could be a sign of resignation or lack of confidence. [12] X Research source
- For example, if someone walks into a room and you immediately feel like they’re in charge, take a look at their posture. They’re probably standing up very erectly!
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Mirrored body language: If someone is mirroring your body language, it can be an unconscious sign that they’re feeling a connection with you. Mirrored body language is a good sign that a conversation or interaction is going well. [13] X Research source
- For example, if someone leans their head the same way as you when you’re talking or shifts their legs in the same direction as you, that’s mirrored body language.
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Open posture: An open posture, like throwing both hands up in the air, can be a sign of leadership. Or, sitting with the legs and arms spread out to either side can be a display of confidence. [14] X Research source
- For example, when an athlete wins a sports competition, they often throw both hands in the air because they feel confident and dominant.
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Leaning and turning: People tend to get close to things that interest them and lean or turn away from things they aren't interested in. If someone leans towards you, then they're probably interested in what you're saying (or just interested in you in general). If they're leaning or turning away, then they might like an opportunity to end the conversation.
- Leaning or turning away doesn't always mean they dislike you. They could feel overwhelmed in general, be in the wrong mood for talking (e.g. if they think they might be running late), or think you don't smell good and need a shower. See if they act this way during multiple conversations or if this is just a bad time.
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Proximity: Proximity is how close a person is to you. If someone stands or sits close to you, chances are they view you favorably! But, if someone moves away or backs up when you get close to them, they might not have such a high opinion of you. [15] X Research source
- You can also observe how close 2 other people are to each other to try and infer what their relationship is.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can I tell if someone is uncomfortable around me?Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Board of Psychology with over 10 years of experience. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships.The person might be leaning away or trying to walk away if they think you're being creepy.
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QuestionHow do you flirt with someone using body language?Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.Smiling is very important since it shows you're engaged and puts the other person at ease. Eye contact is also super important, but make sure you're looking away every once in a while so it's not too intense. A little bit of hair touching every once in a while is a sign of flirting. Same with leaning in a little bit when you're seated. If you're leaning back, it's a sign that you're less interested. Make sure your arms are not closed off, and don't be afraid to touch the other person if they seem comfortable.
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Tips
- If you want to learn more about body language, including advanced reading techniques, there are many expert-written books about the subject.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If they touch your leg, whether it be with their own leg or their hand, they're interested in you. Some people do this on purpose, but it also may be subconscious.
- If someone hides their thumbs by tucking them into their hands or pockets, they usually feel nervous.
- If someone crosses their legs while standing, they probably like the person they are with.
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Warnings
- Do not judge a person solely by their body language. Remember that body language is not the sole indicator of someone's status, emotional state, or their relationship with you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://misslunarose.home.blog/2020/04/07/eye-direction/
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
- ↑ https://www.brighthubeducation.com/social-studies-help/9626-learning-about-eye-contact-in-other-cultures/
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2017-5#raised-eyebrows-are-often-a-sign-of-discomfort-4
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2014-5#look-for-a-lack-of-crinkles-around-the-eyes-to-detect-a-fake-smile-1
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2017-5#a-clenched-jaw-tightened-neck-or-furrowed-brow-shows-stress-12
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://www.inc.com/travis-bradberry/8-great-tricks-for-reading-peoples-body-language.html
- ↑ https://fremont.edu/how-to-read-body-language-revealing-the-secrets-behind-common-nonverbal-cues/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://time.com/5443204/signs-lying-body-language-experts/
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/299722
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/299722
- ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-read-body-language-2017-5#expansive-authoritative-postures-show-leadership-15
- ↑ https://fremont.edu/how-to-read-body-language-revealing-the-secrets-behind-common-nonverbal-cues/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you want to get better at reading body language, look for emotional cues that will tell you how someone is feeling, like v-shaped brows, wide eyes, and crossed arms, which may indicate that a person is angry. If a person is feeling anxious, their mouth may stretch into a thin line and they may fidget with their hands or tap their feet. If a person’s posture is relaxed, they may be feeling open to the conversation, but if their limbs are tightly crossed, they are probably feeling closed off, and they may prefer to change the subject. To learn more from our Professional Counselor co-author, such as how to read eye contact, keep reading the article!
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