How to Have a Great Marriage

1. 1
   Make time to sit down together once a day and share time together. Even if it's only 10 minutes before bed, talk, cuddle , and share each others company.
2. 2
   Keep dating. At least once a month, have a special evening out with another married couple so you can laugh and learn from each others relationship. Have at least one romantic night out per month and bring the romance home with you!
3. 3
   Take a class together. There are some restaurants that will teach you how to make a meal from start to finish or you can both learn to play a musical instrument. It's a great way to spend time together and see how each other learns.
4. 4
   Exercise together. Being healthy and taking care of yourself shows your partner that you want to be around for a long time and will be able to care for them if they get ill. ^[8]
5. 5
   Go dancing with your spouse on weekends, it's great exercise and fun. If you can't dance then take a lesson together and learn a dance to enjoy with each other.
6. 6
   Go on a walk together. The exercise is not only good for your physical health, it gets the blood pumping through your brains and helps you think more clearly. The views and smells of nature will help relax both of you. The clear minds and the soothing affects will create a great environment to be open and honest and talk about everything.
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Daily living

1. 1
   Shut up and listen! You do much more learning with your mouth closed and your mind open. You have one mouth and two ears so you can listen twice as much as you talk. ^[9]
2. 2
   Give each other the benefit of any doubts. You have built a relationship based on trust. ^[10] Don't assume that your spouse is doing things for the purpose of irritating you - maybe s/he just doesn't realize something s/he does is bothering you. Let your spouse know about things that bother you without assuming the worst of him or her, and once it's out in the open give your mate time to make adjustments and corrections.

   • Don't assume a thing! Talk, talk, talk. Plan your diary together and synchronize the following day ahead of time.
3. 3
   Try to let the little annoyances go. Ask yourself if something irritating you is really worth fighting over. Is something wrong , or is it just different from the way you would do it? Allow differences to go by without comment. If something is really bothering you, talk about it in a non-accusatory way, and see if you can work it out without arguing. ^[11]

   • Laugh at the little mistakes in life, hold the drama for major crisis! Don't make an issue of the "toothpaste tube", laugh at the small nuisances and you will be a happier person for it!
4. 4
   Find ways to share responsibility. If you're both working 80 hours a week, why should the wife still have to do all the cooking and cleaning? Try to find a mix of jobs you both do better, e.g. dishes and lawn mowing, and share responsibility. Find ways of creating a routine that involves everyone, i.e.: “If you take the bins out, I’ll bring them in", “You wash, I’ll dry", etc. This will avoid the nagging housewife syndrome. Remember, you will be living together forever( til death do you part) - save some for tomorrow. The world won't come to an end if you don't finish all the laundry today.
5. 5
   Keep no secrets, and avoid even the appearance of any hanky panky. Being transparent with your partner is important, because it shows you each trust one another with every detail of your lives. If you're harboring secrets, they will eventually be found out and that will spell trouble for your marriage. Keeping things clear and open prevents suspicion and jealousy. Don't do things to get a rise out of your spouse, and if someone at the office is hitting on you and won't stop, tell your boss about it and ask that one of you be transferred. If you maintain a clean appearance and an honest, open communication with your partner, you will be trusted when it's truly imperative. ^[12]
6. 6
   Don’t expect perfection. Remember, your spouse is human, and so are you. Make allowances for the human condition: tired, overworked, over-stressed, family illnesses, personal illnesses, and simple frailty.
7. 7
   Beware of the influence and attitudes of in laws. Don't allow in laws to become outlaws! Keep your distance. Don't live as if you are extended branches of an untouchable hierarchy. Power struggles caused by in-laws are undermining of marriage and must be avoided.
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When arguing

1. 1
   Argue softly. How you say things can have a larger impact that what you say. Remain calm and speak in a normal tone of voice.

   • Draw up "rules of engagement" (fair fighting rules). For example: "Stick to the topic", or "Never generalize, such as saying "You always...".
   • Don't argue standing up. Choose a place where you can sit and discuss a situation like mature adults. Standing allows the liberty of waving your hands around and stomping like a child. Avoid it!
2. 2
   Be cautious and think before you choose the words you use. Before you speak ask yourself this: If you or your spouse died that moment, would you want what you are about to say to be the last words you shared?

   • When you disagree, never insult the other person's character, but stick to the point at hand. For example: The glass vase is broken by accident. Don't say: "You are so clumsy". This is hurtful and degrading. Stick to the factual point.
3. 3
   Don't be afraid to go to bed angry. A lot of well-meaning people say that you shouldn't let the sun set on a fight. But it's far better to simply come to a point in the argument where you can stop fighting actively and sleep on it. Instead of continuing an argument that is escalating out of control and going in circles, stopping, resting, and waking refreshed can give you new perspective, and help you come to a better and more satisfying resolution than just fighting it out until you're both battered, bloody, and after you've said things you can never take back. Sleeping on it will also help you allow residual negative feelings to dissipate - you don't always just say, "Okay, that's it, argument over," and return to those warm, loving feelings - sometimes resentment lingers awhile. Let it go - get some rest. You'll both feel better in the morning. ^[13]
4. 4
   Forgive, forgive, forgive . The three most important words for a good marriage. ^[14]
5. 5
   Learn from your mistakes. When you say "I'm sorry", mean it! That means you won't repeat the action. Apologizing and then repeating the behavior shows your mate that you weren't that sorry after all, and it erodes trust over time. ^[15]
6. 6
   Accept responsibility for your actions and choices. Be honest in all aspects of your relationship. If you have not been, start now!
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1. 1
   Plan for down times. You will have much less stress to deal with if you work together to plan a budget, accumulate at least a small savings account ($500 emergency fund can work wonders), and prepare for the times when things go wrong, life will be much smoother.

   • Budget sensibly from the outset. It is preferable to mutually consider future expenses and agree!
2. 2
   Act like everything's okay. If you're having a rough patch, feeling like you just can't remember what attracted you to him in the first place, wondering what possessed you to marry her... just smile and behave yourself in a kind, gentle way. Act like everything is normal. In fact, go out of your way to be kind, thoughtful, and caring toward your mate. It may sound weird, but if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and act like nothing's wrong, eventually, everything really will be normal, okay, and even better.
3. 3
   Do something nice for your partner during a rough patch. Cold shouldering or constant arguing about a contentious issue will likely just drive you apart. A thoughtful gesture can go a long way in helping you feel closer to each other, making it that much more likely that you will work through your problems. This works especially well if you feel like your partner does not compliment or do nice things for you often any more. Start complimenting them and make it a point to be nice -- they'll want to do something nice for you! ^[16]
4. 4
   Try to find something nice about your partner every day, and say it to them! Whether it's a compliment on his/her outfit or a thank you for just taking out the trash, it always feels good to get a little boost from the person you love. And you'll feel good doing the boosting. ^[17]
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1. 1
   Be yourself from the start of any relationship. If you begin the relationship by putting on the front of a perfect hybrid version of you and some sort of Stepford wife, what happens when the cracks begin to show? Be yourself from day one, and your spouse will have proven that you are accepted and loved for who you really are, not who you are pretending to be. ^[18]
2. 2
   Exercise your sense of humor. A good, stout sense of humor is indispensable for a great marriage. Try to see the humor in difficult situations, it'll help you both roll with tough times much better.
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