How Long Should You Wait to Reply to a Text? Texting Etiquette for Crushes and More

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It's always exciting when a new text pops up on your phone. While you might not have a reply prepared right away, the person’s probably waiting for you to respond. Everyone has slightly different texting habits, but you can still be respectful and follow some general texting etiquette. We've put together a list of options and advice to help you figure out the best time to send your message!

1

Try to answer time-sensitive messages ASAP.

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    It can be easy to forget about a message until later on if it gets lost in your notifications. If someone asks you a question that needs an immediate answer, show your respect and reply to them right away. That way, you won’t keep them guessing and they can keep doing what they need to. [1]
    • For example, you should try to reply right away when someone asks you if they need to buy a ticket for an event later that night.
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2

Respond to your crush right away if you're into them.

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    If you’re just relaxing and you get a text from someone, just take the time to read it and respond right away. The person you’re talking to will really appreciate the speedy reply and know that you’re eager to continue your conversation. [2]
    • Some people can see when you open a message even if you didn’t respond, which could make them feel anxious. Wait to open your texts until you can respond to them. You can still usually read your messages in your notifications without opening the app.
3

Reply within 30–60 minutes to play it a little cool.

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    Even though you might be really excited to message them, you might seem a little needy or clingy with an immediate response. If you want to play it cool, wait for up to an hour so it doesn’t seem like you’re always on your phone checking for their reply. [3]
    • While it’s okay to reply later if you’re actually busy, purposefully waiting to text somebody might feel disrespectful if you’re available. If you had to make the person wait for more than an hour, offer them an apology and explain what kept you from messaging them. [4]
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4

Say you’re busy so you don’t leave your crush on read.

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    It’s completely normal if you can’t send a full response to someone right when you receive it. If you’re caught up doing something else and can't really chat right now, try to chime in to let the person know you’re not ignoring them. Then, you can give them a time that works better for you.
    • For example, you could say something like, “Hey, I’m caught up right now, but I can chat tonight!
5

Try matching the other person’s texting speed.

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    If the person responds to you within a few minutes, they’re probably pretty eager to keep up the conversation so say something back to them quickly. If the person took about a day, then you’re fine leaving the text until tomorrow before you have to reply back. [5]
    • On top of taking the same amount of time, try to make your messages a similar length as the other person. That way, the conversation still feels balanced. [6]
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6

Catch up at the end of the day if you're slammed.

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    There may be days where you’re absolutely slammed and can’t find a chance to check your phone, and that’s okay! Even if it’s later in the same day, let the person know that you’re sorry for being so busy and offer a kind and thoughtful response to their message. [7]
    • For example, you could say something like, “I am SO sorry work was such a mess today, but other than that I’ve been pretty good! I hope your day wasn’t as stressful as mine 😊”
7

Wait until the next day instead of texting super late.

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    Make sure the person is awake and available when you reply to them so they see your message as soon as possible. If you think the person is asleep, you can wait until morning to message them back. That way, you’re less likely to wait around for their message back. [8]
    • If you know the person keeps their phone on silent or vibrate, then it might be okay to reply late at night so they see your message right when they wake up.
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8

Apologize within a week if you forgot to respond.

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    Even if you’re taking things slow as you get to know the person, too long in between texts can give someone the wrong impression. Say sorry about taking so long to get back to them. [9]
    • For example, you might say, “OMG I’m so sorry I missed this! I’ve just been really slammed the past few days.”
9

Ask for some time to respond to tough questions.

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    If someone asks you a tough question and you aren’t sure how to respond, see if they can give you any extra thinking time. That way, the person will expect a response eventually, but it’s not something that you need to worry about immediately.
    • You can always respond to an insightful question asking for time. For example, you could say something like, “I’m really going to have to think on that one! Can I get back to you in a few days?”
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10

Wait 4 hours before texting again if they don’t respond.

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    Studies have shown that after 4 hours, you’re more likely to get a response if you text again. That gives you enough time to restart the conversation and makes you sound less clingy. [10]
    • While more people aren’t bothered by a double text, constant messages or a wall of text could get intimidating to reply to. If the other person sends a lot of messages, set some texting boundaries .
11

Ghost them if you aren't interested.

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    This works best if you’re texting someone on a dating app that you just connected with. If you’ve only been texting but haven’t gotten together with someone in person, then you haven’t really had the time to form a good bond with them, so it’s okay to leave their messages on read. [11]
    • It’s also okay to ghost someone if you feel unsafe when you’re talking to them.
    • If you’ve met the person you’re talking to but you still aren’t interested in the conversation, be honest and tell the person directly. Waiting to reply or ghosting the person will only hurt their feelings more. [12]
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      Expert Interview

      Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about texting etiquette, check out our in-depth interview with Christina Jay, NLP .

      References

      1. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2018/01/ignoring-each-other-in-the-age-of-instant-communication/550325/
      2. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2017/11/the-art-of-good-communication-texting-etiquette#1
      3. ↑ https://lovedevani.com/if-he-takes-hours-to-text-back-should-i-do-the-same-think-wisely
      4. ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/277610
      5. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/pro/exhausted-woman/2017/11/the-art-of-good-communication-texting-etiquette#1
      6. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.
      7. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.
      8. ↑ https://law.fiu.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2017/08/Etiquette_TextingAnise-McKee.pdf
      9. ↑ https://dailyhive.com/vancouver/momentum-theory-moving-slow-will-kill-dating-life
      1. ↑ https://qz.com/995174/how-long-should-you-wait-before-sending-a-second-text/
      2. ↑ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2015/10/30/ghosting-when-to-do-it-and-when-to-text-back/
      3. ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 3 March 2021.
      4. ↑ https://www.businessinsider.com/what-to-do-when-you-dont-get-a-text-back-2018-1
      5. ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
      6. ↑ Christina Jay, NLP. Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach. Expert Interview. 3 March 2021.

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