This article was reviewed by John Keegan
and by wikiHow staff writer, Mason Martinez, BA
. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
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Have you ever gone on a dinner date with a girl and she was rude to the server? Or made you wait forever so she could get ready? These are just a few habits or behaviors that people find undesirable, or in other words, icky. In this article, we’ll cover what turns people off about girls so you can find out if your habits are actually a major turn-off.
Steps
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Nobody wants to be with someone who disregards other people's feelings. Not saying "thank you" or letting the door close when someone is behind you is rude.
- The key to good manners is simple: treat others how you want to be treated. [1] X Research source
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Service and retail workers are the backbone of our society. Generally, they aim to be helpful and kind to the people they serve. Treating them with rude language or bad manners is a major turn-off.
- Like catching the cold, negative behaviors can be contagious. [2] X Research source If someone is being negative, Deal with their rude behavior by being polite. Maintain a respectful voice and smile.
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While learning as much as possible is great, no one can truly know it all, so don't pretend like you do. Or, if you truly know a lot about a subject, be humble. Don't take it as an opportunity to mansplain or talk down to people.
- In many cases of "know-it-alls," they feel they have to convince others of their importance or intelligence. In doing so, they use their knowledge to humiliate others. [3] X Research source
- Take pride in not knowing the answer to something. After all, it's a chance to learn!
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Maintaining your appearance and cleanliness says a lot about you. It shows how much you're willing to take care of yourself. Things like bad odor, greasy hair, or filthy or torn clothes can lead people to go, "Ick!"
- For some, keeping up with their appearance can be difficult due to external pressures. In that case, tackle the basics:
- Brush your teeth, comb your hair, take regular showers, apply deodorant, and wear clean clothes.
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While there's nothing wrong with rocking a nice set of acrylics, more often than not, guys aren't huge fans of the look. So, if you're going to express yourself with fancy nails, practice good nail hygiene.
- Don't chew your nails, pick at your cuticles, or sport broken acrylics or long claws. Keep your nails neat and clean.
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The same way nails are a form of self-expression, so is makeup. However, many guys find it icky when girls put on so much makeup that it changes their natural beauty. [4] X Research source
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The need for independence is crucial for any successful relationship. When you express signs of clinginess, that can be a major red flag to others. It tells them they'll constantly need to tailor their life around you—and that's not a way to live a happy and healthy life.
- Signs of clinginess include demanding reassurance, expecting constant communication, and an inability to give the other person space. [5] X Research source
- Clinginess is often the result of survival needs, safety, love, and self-esteem.
- To change needy or clingy behavior, take a moment to self-reflect. Learn new hobbies, like volunteering, physical activity, or art, that will keep you busy.
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For some people, the sounds of eating, chewing, and even loud breathing is a major ick. But before you try to defend your loud eating, don't get mad at them. They can't help it! Misophonia is a brain abnormality triggered by noises like chewing. [6] X Research source
- If noisy eating is a problem for you, a simple fix is to chew with your mouth closed. An open mouth lets air in, leading to smacking or slurping sounds.
- You can also try eating slowly, avoiding non-crunchy food, or masking the sound of chewing with the help of background noise. [7] X Research source
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A messy living area is a big red flag for many people. It says you don't take the time to care for yourself. Similarly, living in a clutter of knick-knacks or stuffed animals may give off the impression that you're a hoarder, which can give your potential partner the ick.
- An easy way to clean your house is to group similar chores, like vacuuming the living room and bedroom, together so it can be accomplished in one go.
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There’s nothing wrong with turning lingerie wear into party outfits or rocking a short micro-skirt to the mall. But showing up to your partner's family dinner in a bra-top or daisy duke shorts may not be the move—especially if it's your first time meeting their family. Wear clothes that are appropriate for the occasion while remaining true to you.
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Arguments that appear for "no reason" are often a sign of boredom, self-sabotage, or discomfort with closeness. [8] X Research source Instead of stirring up the pot, stop and identify how you're feeling.
- If it's a sign of boredom, try learning something new with your partner, like cooking a new recipe or picking up a hobby.
- If it results from underlying issues, like a lack of control, be open and honest with your partner about where you lack control to find healthy solutions.
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A pick me girl is someone who goes out of their way to impress others by ensuring she's "not like other girls." [9] X Research source It often comes at the expense of diminishing other women and is rooted in misogyny. For onlookers, being unsupportive of others is a massive ick!
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Let's be honest: soft-launching a new relationship online is cute. You post a picture of your partner's hand or a kissy silhouette to share on your social feeds. [10] X Research source But when innocent pictures turn into sharing your entire relationship online, your partner may begin to feel like there's no sense of privacy.
- Establish what your partner is comfortable sharing online before you post pictures or videos of them.
- Similarly, always being on your phone or posting pictures is a turn-off for many, as it shows you're more engaged with the idea of them than actually spending quality time together.
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Everyone complains. Still, it can create an air of negativity that doesn't jive with other people when it becomes relentless. Negativity isn't just about minor inconveniences, though. It can discourage others from chasing their dreams or trying something new. [11] X Research source No one wants to be around someone who brings them down.
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People who are self-absorbed are a major red flag as they tend to act in their self-interest without considering others. [12] X Research source Healthy, platonic, or romantic relationships are about helping one another grow and expressing care. But, if it's only a one-way street, that's not a real relationship.
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Building a relationship on a foundation of lies isn't suitable for anyone—especially for those in romantic partnerships. Healthy relationships are built on trust, encouragement, safety, and security. [13] X Trustworthy Source New York State Government Official website for the State of New York Go to source
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While "loyalty challenges" are all the rave on social media platforms like TikTok and YouTube Shorts, in reality, it's a massive red flag. Loyalty tests signal you don't trust your partner. It also says you're willing to put them on blast in front of everyone to prove they're a good partner.
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Oversharing isn't limited to online; it also includes friends or family members. We all need an outlet to share our frustrations or complaints occasionally. But, when sharing intimate details about your relationship, some things are better left between you, your partner, or a licensed therapist.
- Before you open up, think about whether you would feel comfortable having the same level of details shared about you with others before you act. [14] X Research source
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Often, people laugh at a bad joke because they don't want the other person to feel bad. Instead, this contributes to a false image and, even worse, the continuation of a bad joke. If something isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. The other person will get the hint.
- Many guys want to be around someone who keeps it real, including telling them when a joke isn't funny.
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People want to be around folks who inspire and motivate them—even if their goals aren't the same. Establishing goals is a way to show others what you're passionate about, and being with someone who lacks passion is the biggest ick of all.
- You don’t have to set ambitious goals to be passionate. It can be as simple as getting into strength training, learning a new hobby, or striving for a higher-paying job.
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References
- ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/the_power_of_good_manners
- ↑ https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-28930-001
- ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/how-to/how-to-deal-with-people-who-think-they-know-everything/
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/male-attitudes-on-makeup-gender-norms
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/needy-person-in-relationships#what-causes-neediness
- ↑ https://time.com/4659308/misophonia-noisy-eating-science/
- ↑ https://soundproofliving.com/how-to-chew-quietly/
- ↑ https://abbymedcalf.com/the-five-reasons-people-pick-fights-and-three-things-to-do-about-it/
- ↑ https://www.modernintimacy.com/the-psychology-of-the-pick-me-girl/
- ↑ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/soft-launch-relationship-instagram-trend
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sapient-nature/201303/dealing-negative-people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/reacting-to-selfish-people
- ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
- ↑ https://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/are-you-oversharing-about-your-partner/
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