This article was co-authored by Candice Mostisser
and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden
. Candice Mostisser is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingman/wingwoman services, 1-on-1 coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. She specializes in coaching others on best practices and strategies to succeed on first dates and in the online dating world.
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After someone gets married, it might seem like they’re totally immune to having a crush. But even when you’ve said your vows and committed to someone, it is still possible to develop feelings for someone else. If there’s a married man in your life who’s giving off some “I like you vibes,” it can be confusing to figure out if he actually has a crush on you or is just being super friendly. Fortunately, we’ve got the telltale signs that a married man likes you so you don’t have to wonder anymore.
Things You Should Know
- He might like you if he’s vulnerable around you and makes a point to hang out with you one-on-one.
- You might notice that he’s jealous of the people you date or of your significant other.
- He might buy you little gifts or remember everything you say about yourself.
- He’ll probably act differently toward you around his spouse and won’t want to talk about his marriage with you.
Steps
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When a man is vulnerable around you, it means he trusts you. In our modern society, men are often taught that being vulnerable is a bad thing. If the married man in question opens up to you or—gasp—even cries in front of you, it’s likely that he views you as a little bit more than a friend. [1] X Research source
- He might tell you about his hopes, dreams, and even fears.
- He might also ask you for advice, even about his own relationship (awkward).
- If he does open up to you about his feelings for you, have an open, honest conversation with him. Let him know that even if you were (or are) interested, he has a spouse and a family to think about.
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He might make an extra effort to see you, even when it’s not convenient. When someone likes you in a romantic way, they’ll rearrange their schedule just to hang out with you. You might notice that a married man blows off his responsibilities or even his family just on the off-chance he gets to see you.
- For instance, he might cancel a date night with his spouse to go hang out with you and your friends. A married guy who wasn’t harboring secret feelings for you probably wouldn’t go to that length just to hang out with you.
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He probably keeps tabs on you because he likes you. Sure, friends will ask you how your weekend was or what you’ve been up to lately. But when a guy is into you, it will seem like he’s making a special effort to remember what you told him and then follow up about it. This is likely because he has some romantic feelings toward you, and he spends a lot of time thinking about you. [2] X Research source
- He might even remember things that you told him in a totally off-hand way. If you ever find yourself thinking, “How did he remember that?!” then there’s a good chance he likes you.
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He might be jealous because he wants you all to himself. It’s not totally weird for a married guy to ask about your love life, but it can get a little odd if he seems overly invested or even angry when you talk about someone you’re seeing. Think about it: if he’s happy in his relationship, why would he care if you dated someone else? (Hint: it’s because he likes you!) [3] X Research source
- You’ll probably notice that he makes disparaging remarks about the people that you’re dating, too. This is because, although he won’t admit it, he wishes he could date you.
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One-on-one time means he gets you all to himself. It’s not super out of the ordinary for a guy to hang out with a friend alone, but a married man? He should probably be a bit more careful about who he spends his time with. If he constantly pushes you to hang out with him by yourself, there’s a good chance he has feelings for you.
- Not only does hanging out alone give you two a chance to bond, but it lets him display his feelings more than he could if there were other people around.
- Try gently reminding him that he should probably be spending time with his spouse, not with you. This sends the message that you aren’t interested in breaking up a marriage.
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Blushing is a clear physical sign that someone is feeling flustered. Pay attention to his face when he talks to you—if his cheeks get rosy and red, it’s likely that he has a crush on you. You’ll probably notice this if you make him laugh or say a suggestive comment. [4] X Research source
- Keep in mind that some people just blush more easily than others, especially if they’re fair-skinned.
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Eye contact shows that he’s interested in what you have to say. One of the key indicators that someone likes you is when they make an extra effort to look you in the eye. Not only will he hold your gaze when he’s talking to you, but he’ll probably make eye contact with you across the room or when talking to a group.
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He’s copying your movements because he’s interested in you. Mirroring someone’s body language is a subconscious thing we do when we like someone. When you lean forward, he’ll lean forward. When you take a sip of your drink, he’ll take a sip of his drink. It’s subtle, but if you can pick up on it, then you’ll know that he likes you.
- He might also angle his body toward you when you two talk. Read his body language whenever you two are together to see if he’s actually interested in you.
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Flirting means that he’s interested and trying to show it. It sounds a little obvious, but a married man definitely shouldn’t be flirting with anyone. If he compliments you or banters with you in a flirtatious way, he probably likes you. You can tell if he’s flirting if he acts differently with you than he does with other people.
- Since he’s married, he might only flirt with you when no one else is around. However, if he doesn’t care about getting caught, he could do it in front of others, too.
- Even if you do like him, try not to flirt back. He’ll likely use your flirting as an open invitation to pursue you, which can be a disaster if he’s still married.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1043 wikiHow readers and 52% of them agreed that the best way to handle a married man being interested in you is to distance yourself from him . [Take Poll]
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Breaking the touch barrier shows that he’s comfortable with you. When you two are together, he might pat you on the arm or touch your shoulder. These subtle touches indicate that he already feels close to you, but he’d like to get even closer.
- If he’s bold, he might even brush your hand with his.
- To send the signal that his touches aren't welcome, gently lean away or move your body away from his whenever he gets close.
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He may not want to talk about his marriage to avoid scaring you off. Even if you already know he’s married, he might not bring up his spouse a lot. This is because when he’s around you, he wants to act like he’s single—even though he’s definitely not. [5] X Research source
- If you try asking about his spouse, he might try to downplay things or move onto a different subject.
- To really hammer home the point that you aren’t interested, ask about his spouse often. Keeping his partner at the forefront of his mind might incentivise him to back off.
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He may change his behavior to avoid giving away his feelings. If you ever run into him when he’s with his spouse and/or children, you’ll probably notice that he acts differently. Instead of being warm and inviting, he might be closed off and rude. This is because he wants to hide his feelings from his spouse, so he’s making a huge turn in the opposite direction. [6] X Research source
- This type of behavior is rarely subtle, and it’s likely that his spouse will pick up on it.
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Bringing you presents is a sign that he thinks about you often. If you complain about being out of coffee, he might grab you a cup on his way to work. If you talk about your favorite author’s new book, he might pick you up a copy. This is his way of expressing how much he likes you. [7] X Research source
- He’ll probably also buy you a gift for your birthday, even when you don’t remind him about it. Remember, a guy who likes you will always remember important things about you.
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Telling his friends about you shows how much he thinks about you. If you ever have a chance to meet some of his buddies, they’ll probably know all about you. The only reason someone talks to their friends about you is if they have feelings for you. [8] X Research source
- His friends might also be catching onto the fact that he likes you, which could create tension within the group. If the vibes feel a little off, that could be why.
Expert Q&A
Video
Tips
- Whether he has feelings for you or not, it’s never a good idea to get involved with a married man. Go after someone who’s single, not someone who’s taken.Thanks
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Expert Interview
Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationship cues, check out our in-depth interview with Candice Mostisser .
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-the-questions/201401/how-crack-the-code-men-s-feelings
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/the-little-things-can-mean-everything-in-a-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/insight-is-2020/201409/3-prime-reasons-why-people-get-jealous
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/articles/200407/secrets-married-men
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/articles/200407/secrets-married-men
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201411/what-message-do-your-gifts-send
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/male-body-language/
About This Article
Do you suspect a married man you know might be hiding feelings for you? If he looks for excuses to spend one-on-one time with you, makes flirty comments, or opens up and gets vulnerable when you’re together, he may consider you more than a friend. He may ask you about your love life or even act jealous when you bring up other people you’re dating or interested in. You might also notice him making a lot of eye contact, blushing, or breaking the touch barrier often when you’re together. Pay attention to the way he acts when the topic of his marriage comes up, too. He might avoid talking to you about his spouse and family, or even act more distant and closed off with you when they’re around. Read on for more tips on identifying whether a married man likes you.