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Are you worried that you and your BFF are crushing on the same person? We're here to help you find out for sure and figure out what to do if that's the case. Read on for a list of signs that your best friend likes your crush, advice on how to talk to your friend about the situation, and guidance on what to do if you both have feelings for the same person.
Steps
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Notice if your friend tries to get your crush's attention. When you’re in a group, your friend may wait for your crush to respond after they tell a story, ask a question, or make a comment. If this is the case, there’s a good chance your friend likes your crush too. [1] X Research source
- For example, your friend BFF may ask your crush a question about their weekend.
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Watch to see if your friend tilts their body toward your crush. When you like someone, you may naturally direct your body toward them. When you’re around both your friend and your crush, notice if your friend points their knees, feet, shoulders, or head in the direction of your crush. [2] X Research source
- If your friend angles their chair toward your crush’s seat, this is another indication that they might like the person.
- See if she tries to get physically close to your crush.
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Make a note if your friend tries to touch your crush. If your friend lightly touches your crush’s arm, gently rubs your crush's hand, or puts their hand on your crush's back, they may be flirting. If this is the case, your friend may like your crush too. [3] X Research source
- For instance, your friend may touch your crush’s shoulder as they say goodbye.
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Pay attention if your friend is nervous or awkward around your crush. When you like someone, you often get anxious since you want to make a good impression. If your friend starts to trip over their words or act quiet and reserved in the presence of your crush, they may have feelings for them. [4] X Research source
- For instance, your friend may stutter slightly or look back and forth toward your crush repetitively.
- If your friend is shy in general, this may not indicate that they have romantic feelings.
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Observe any flirty behavior to tell if your friend likes your crush. If your friend does things like make eye contact with your crush, flip their hair, smile when your crush is around, or laugh and giggle often, they are likely flirting with your crush. While some laughing and joking can be completely harmless, if they do these things all the time, your friend is likely crushing too. [5] X Research source
- Also pay attention to see if your crush does any of these things toward your friend. If so, they may like your friend too.
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Talk about your crush to your friend and see how they respond. To get a sense of how your best friend feels, mention your crush to them in conversation. Do this casually so they don’t think you’re prying for information. For example, mention that you want to invite your crush to prom.
- You can also say something like, “So I was hanging out with Brian in between classes. He’s really funny,” to see what they say. If your friend is not interested, they may not make a comment. If they are crushing on them too, they may express interest once you bring them up.
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Tell your friend who you’re crushing on when you develop feelings. Do this when you know you like someone to prevent competition down the line. If you keep your feelings to yourself, your friend may never know how you feel. [6] X Research source
- If you don’t inform your friend how you feel, it’s unfair to be upset if they start to like your crush too.
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Ask your friend who they're crushing on. To eliminate complications and get to the point, simply ask your friend directly who they like. You can do this after you’ve noticed your friend’s flirty or suggestive behavior. Or, do this as you mention your crush to see how they respond. This way, you are both honest and open about your feelings. [7] X Research source
- For example, you can say something like, “I think I’m going to ask Heidi out to prom. Do you know who you’re asking yet?”
- For example, your friend may mention that they’ve thought about your crush romantically but haven’t pursued it, that they have no feelings or your crush, or that your crush has expressed interested in them.
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Bring up your concerns with your friend. If your friend tells you that they like your crush, explain to them that you like them too. This situation may be a bit awkward and uncomfortable, but the best thing to do is to be truthful and direct about your feelings. [8] X Research source
- For instance, tell your friend how long you’ve liked your crush and how strong your feelings are. They may back off if they are interested in other people.
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Decide whether your crush is worth losing a friendship over. Once you disclose your feelings, your friend may let you go after your crush, or they may get upset and defensive. At this point, choose if it’s worth it to lose your best friend. If you value your friendship more than the potential with your crush, explain that to your friend and go from there. [9] X Research source
- If you’d rather go after your crush, know that you and your best friend may not be friends any longer.
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Accept the situation for what it is and move on. If you chat about the situation with your friend and they explain that your crush likes them, sadly there may not be much you can do about it. Try not to take the situation personally, and understand that you cannot control how people feel. At this point, it’s best to look for other fish in the sea. [10] X Research source
- You may also find out your crush likes your friend after you ask them out.
- Rather than asking yourself what you did wrong or why your crush doesn’t like you, try to let the situation go. This may be easier said than done, but try your best and you’ll feel better over time.
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Be honest with your crush and your friend. Since this situation is a bit emotional and awkward, try to communicate with both your best friend and your crush. Explain to them how you feel, and whether you’re sad, depressed, jealous, hurt, or angry. The situation is easier to deal with immediately than if you try to push it away. [11] X Research source
- While explaining how you feel may not change the situation, you’ll feel better after expressing your emotions.
- For instance, say to your friend, “I feel very hurt that you took them from behind my back.”
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Focus on boosting your self-esteem and making yourself happy. You may feel upset or hurt for a bit, and that’s perfectly okay. Do what you can to boost your mood and take care of yourself. Read a book to get them off your mind, treat yourself to a spa day at home, or start a new hobby, for example. [12] X Research source
- If you have to distance yourself from your crush and your friend, do what makes you feel better. You don’t have to hang out with them if you don’t want to.
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Hang out with your other friends for a positive distraction. To keep your mind off your best friend and your crush, spend time with people that make you feel good. This can be other close friends, new acquaintances, or a new love interest. [13] X Research source
- Shutting yourself out when you are upset may only make you feel worse, so invest your time in social activities instead.
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Conversation Help
Community Q&A
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QuestionWhat should you do if you liked someone first and your friend knows this but still goes after your crush?Karley SnyderCommunity AnswerIf your friend is going after your crush even though you told them how you feel already, explain to your friend that this upsets you. Say something like, "It hurts me that you are still flirting with them even though I told you I wanted to ask them out." This way, you have an open and honest conversation. If your friend is still mean and hurtful, you may have to cut ties.
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QuestionHow do I ask her if she likes him?Community AnswerDon't be fake about it. Ask her directly and admit that you like your crush if she doesn't know already. You can ease into it by building a conversation to lead to the topic. For example, if your crush likes football, you can start talking about football and then bring him up.
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QuestionWhat if your friend doesn't want to talk to you anymore after you ask her if she likes him?Community AnswerAnyone who would do that sort of thing is not acting like a good friend. Letting a crush divide friendships is a bad idea, but if she can't see that, there's not much you can do.
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Tips
- Avoid changing yourself for your crush. Stay true to yourself rather than letting the preferences of others make you less confident.Thanks
- Aim to be kind and compassionate when talking about these awkward topics, even if they make you or your best friend upset.Thanks
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Warnings
- If you know your best friend has a crush on someone, avoid going after them. This creates unnecessary competition and can hurt both of your feelings in the long run.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/p/5-red-flags-your-crush-likes-your-best-friend-instead-according-to-experts-8612047
- ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/p/5-red-flags-your-crush-likes-your-best-friend-instead-according-to-experts-8612047
- ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/p/5-red-flags-your-crush-likes-your-best-friend-instead-according-to-experts-8612047
- ↑ https://www.elitedaily.com/p/5-red-flags-your-crush-likes-your-best-friend-instead-according-to-experts-8612047
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201706/11-major-flirting-techniques-women
- ↑ https://youtu.be/MF2Khj_AdNA?t=55s
- ↑ https://youtu.be/MF2Khj_AdNA?t=2m3s
- ↑ https://youtu.be/MF2Khj_AdNA?t=2m23s
- ↑ https://youtu.be/TndQSPRA6Zk?t=2m21s
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a14966452/crush-likes-your-best-friend/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a14966452/crush-likes-your-best-friend/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a14966452/crush-likes-your-best-friend/
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a14966452/crush-likes-your-best-friend/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you notice your best friend trying to get your crush’s attention, leaning close to them and making a lot of eye contact, or acting flirty, nervous, or awkward around them, it’s possible they like your crush. You might also notice your friend touching your crush on the arm or shoulder when they talk, playfully teasing them, or giving them compliments. If you’re not sure what’s up, try talking to your friend about it. Be truthful and direct, but try not to point fingers or get mad. Be prepared to work through some complicated feelings between you and your friend if it turns out you do share a crush. For more tips, including how to tell your best friend you like the same person, read on.
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"What helped me was to talk to your friend."
